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They’re breaking without Leo.
Mikey saw the cracks immediately. They were united for a short time as they scoured the city, memories of wearing a red mask searching for a different brother reemerging. It’s different this time, though. Leo was their leader, the one keeping them going. Keeping them together. Focused.
Mikey wonders why they don’t wear blue masks to honor Leo. He doesn’t dare bring it up.
Old Hob claims he knows where Leo is. Mikey doesn’t trust him, not for one second.
He’s willing to give people second chances, but he wasn’t born yesterday. Old Hob tried to kill them; there’s no way he’s helping them find Leo out of the goodness of his heart. He wants something. Unfortunately, Mikey’s family wants something too. And they’re, admittedly, desperate to find their missing piece.
So desperate that they turn their backs on Old Hob and walk right into a trap.
“Your son is no more,” the Shredder says, and Mikey’s heart drops into his stomach, world turns upside down. He’s vaguely aware of the tears in his eyes, but his vision tunnels in on the head of the Foot Clan.
No more.
No more.
No more.
No more beating Leo at video games.
No more teasing Leo when he gets too serious.
No more reassuring pats on the shell after a bad day.
Mikey is milliseconds from losing it, although it’s still a toss-up between pulling a Raph and charging Shredder, or collapsing and sobbing hysterically.
His father lunges forward. Mikey tenses, hands tight on his nunchucks, ready to follow. But then-
But then-
Coherent thought stops. Mikey sees the events that follow, and somewhere in his mind he comprehends what it is he’s witnessing. But shock is at the forefront of his mind. Mikey still can’t move, this time for completely different reasons. His grip on his weapons slackens.
Leo…
What did you do to my brother?!
He’s pulled into action when Raph, with Donnie close behind, rushes to defend Splinter. Mikey’s throat is dry but he still croaks out, “Don’t hurt him, Raph!”
Leo’s already been hurt enough.
Mikey can feel it.
There’s no way Leo would betray them. Never, ever. Not in a million years. Not even for the best pizza, or the best weapons, or the best ninja training in the world! He wouldn’t!
Suddenly feeling very much like the youngest turtle that he is, Mikey turns wide, frightened eyes to the nearest big brother. Donnie’s smart, he always has all the answers, he must know: “What’s going on?!”
“Mikey, watch out!” Donnie shouts. Mikey doesn’t even think, falls back on his training and trust in his brothers, and jumps out of the way of the katana trying to slice him in half.
Don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about-
Leo quickly gains the upper hand against Donnie. Mikey really, really doesn’t want to fight Leo. But he has to be subdued before someone gets killed. Mikey- sloppily, way too loosely, such a beginner’s move- aims a hit at Leo. Leo successfully defends himself; the nunchuck chain catches around his katana. Mikey is too slow to tighten the chain, or unwrap the nunchuck, or even adjust his stance. Leo tosses him- hard- into Donnie. They both tumble to the ground.
The two of them regroup with Splinter, leave Raph to battle Leo. Mikey is shaking, confusion and fear and sheer desperation clouding his judgment. He blinks, and suddenly Raph is on the ground, and Leo is standing over them with his katana raised. Mikey wants to shut his eyes, bow his head, cry in defeat and sorrow and terror (it feels familiar, curdles in his chest. He doesn’t have time to unpack all of that). Instead, he gazes up, pleads with his eldest brother.
Your son is no more.
No! Lies! Leo is still in there, he has to be!
Shredder stops Leo from killing Splinter, but Mikey has no chance to breathe. Dozens of Foot ninja surround them. Mikey and his remaining family get to their feet. Mikey lunges to grab his other nunchuck, then turns his attention to the Foot ninja.
He grits his teeth. Now these are some people he doesn’t mind fighting.
Rage overtakes fear. If Mikey hits a few Foot ninja too hard, well, they deserve it anyway.
They’re hopelessly outnumbered. Mikey resolves himself to a long, grueling fight. Instead, the wall bashes in. Slash has made his entrance.
Which means it’s time for Mikey and most of his family to make their exit.
Mikey calls for Slash to leave with them, eyes firmly on the larger mutant. He’s afraid that if he looks at Leo he’ll lose his resolve. His eyes sting, but he’s a ninja, and ninjas don’t cry when they retreat. Even though, in doing so, they leave their brother behind.
He’s aware of the conversations that follow among his family and Old Hob, but can’t bring himself to participate. He distracts himself by talking to Slash and about Slash, refuses to acknowledge the elephant in the room. He holds it in until they get back to the lair.
That night, Mikey paces around his room, his body electric with fear and rage. The Foot might have stolen Leo from them- both body and mind- but they won’t keep him. Not for long. Definitely not forever. Mikey punches his pillow before flopping face-down onto his bed, screams muffled. He clutches at the already-tear-stained pillow.
No. They won’t keep his brother. He won’t let them.
The next day, Mikey wakes up with too many thoughts once again. His stomach hurts, a reminder that he didn’t eat after…just, after. He really should get up and fix that. There’s probably leftovers he can heat up. But getting up takes effort, and he can’t make that effort right now. He wants to, he’s hungry, he wants to eat, but he can’t, all the thoughts jumping in their layers, connecting and weaving and preventing him from moving.
He stares at the ceiling, wills himself to get up, get up, get up, he’s hungry, he needs to eat so he can get energy so he can find Leo.
He flops his head over to stare at the wall instead.
Part of his mind replays the previous day’s events. Another part replays the fight to get Casey, and how he should have seen that Leo was the real target. A third and fourth and fifth part try to come up with ideas to find Leo, to fix whatever happened to him, to bring him home.
The sixth part keeps reminding him he’s hungry. The seventh keeps demanding he get up.
Mikey hears movement in the main living area. Okay, he really needs to get up now, so body you have to move. How can he help Leo like this? He can’t. So. Move.
He slowly sits up, but now he’s stuck there, as well. He congratulates himself, trying some positive reinforcement to get to the next step, but between standing up, walking to the kitchen, getting food- too many steps. He wishes Leo was here. Leo's good at breaking Mikey’s mind out of…whatever the heck this is.
Mikey takes a few deep breaths, psyches himself up…And doesn’t get up. Okay, this time he will, he just needs to stand up, and that’s another step down! On three, one, two, three-
He doesn’t know how long it takes him to actually stand up. A part of his mind is now berating him. He can’t help Leo like this. He has to move, has to break out of this, has to get food to get energy and- right, he already said that, didn’t he?
Just. Walk to the kitchen.
It takes a while longer, but he does.
But now he doesn’t know what to eat. There’s leftovers, but they have to be heated up. To do that, he has to open the container, put it in the microwave, input time, wait for it to heat-
Mikey shuts the fridge door.
Okay, what about Leo's cereal? No heating up required. But he needs a bowl and a spoon and he has to open and pour the milk, open and pour the cereal.
Mikey stares at the cereal box, feet glued to the floor. He already knows he won’t grab it.
Another green-fingered hand, however, does grab the cereal. Mikey blinks, jarred from his thoughts.
“We shouldn’t have retreated yesterday,” Raph hisses as he pours the cereal haphazardly into a bowl. Mikey watches a few pieces fall to the floor. He’s pretty sure Raph is talking to him but not, like, really talking to him. Mikey flexes his fingers. Listening and responding to Raph’s vents was typically Leo’s job. “He was right there! We could have grabbed him!”
Mikey’s focus is still on the floor cereal when Raph crushes it into powder. He hears the sloshing of milk in a bowl. The bowl must have been too small because a few more cereal pieces and some drops of milk splatter next to Mikey’s feet.
Should he say something? Not about the mess- about the one-sided conversation Raph is having. Leo tries to be all logical and sensible, although yeah, that sometimes devolves into an argument. Mikey’s not sure he can be that person, though. He’s more of a ‘distract my bros from their problems’ guy. Sometimes the ‘you can talk to me about your emotions even though I know you’ll never take me up on the offer’ guy. But usually the ‘you can tease me to feel better if you want I really don’t mind I promise’ guy.
So yeah. Not really the ‘logical and sensible’ brother here.
Oh. Raph’s still talking, eating his cereal angrily. Mikey didn’t even know that was possible. Oh, right, ears need to work. Focus, dude! Your brother needs Leo you!
“-n’t need Slash to bust in like he’s one of us!” Raph grumbles.
Mikey twiddles his…thumbs? Are they thumbs? Do humanoid turtles have thumbs? “I mean, I think we kinda did, though…”
Raph bangs a fist on the table. Mikey winces. Okay, wrong answer. Oops. “He attacked us! Tore apart our home!”
“Yeah, and that sucks real bad, but he-” was just scared, doesn’t cross Mikey’s beak. A lightbulb goes off in his head.
Oh. Raph is scared.
“Leo will be okay,” Mikey says, trying to speak as calmly as he’s heard Leo talk. “He’s a bit lost right now, but he has us to help him! We’re family-”
“Family didn’t seem to matter to him last night when he tried to kill us!”
Oh. He made it worse.
Typical.
“What’s Raph yelling about now?” Donnie, the hypocrite, asks as he enters the room.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Oh boy. Mikey flexes his fingers as he looks between his older brothers. The last thing this family needs is the two hotheads to start going at it. So much for sticking together.
Mikey throws an arm around Donnie’s shoulders, angling his body between the older boys. “Guys!” he whines. “Can’t we do this later? You’re cramping my style!”
Raph huffs into his cereal. Donnie steps out of Mikey’s embrace- and away from Raph. Mikey holds back his sigh of relief. No spoon-stabbing today! Or would death-by-spoon be like that one video he saw forever ago-
Focus, Mikey!
Huh. That inner voice sounds suspiciously like Leo.
Wait. Right. Seriously, dude. Focus. Focussss-
Nope. He can’t focus. Dang, his brain’s even worse than usual today! Must be the totally-not-trauma of nearly getting sliced in half by your brother.
He’s fiiine.
Wait, when did he sit at the table? Oh, and Splinter’s here now, too. Aaand there’s talking. Mikey can hear the words but nothing is really processing. He must be saying the right things to show he’s listening though, because no one’s called him out for not paying attention. Score!
Oh, wait, no, Splinter is definitely eying him. Can’t get anything past Splinter. Mikey smiles. Raph and Donnie give him the side-eye. Are they worried? They shouldn’t be. Mikey’s having more trouble thinking than usual but this happens sometimes, he’s totally fine!
Okay, but this is probably important. Mikey grips his knees. Focusing sucks. On that note, why does he focus more when he’s playing video games or something? He can beat the boss level and have a full-on conversation no problem, but right now? Trying to pay attention to one conversation at the table? Impossible!
Stupid brain.
Aaand he still hasn’t been listening.
Okay, this time he’ll process the words! This time for sure!
“-can hack into traffic cams, although I’m sure it won’t be that easy,” Donnie was saying. Mikey blinks. He searches through the conversation he totally missed, only retroactively processing that his family is talking about Leo.
In that case, yeah, no, Leo is Ninja of the Year (besides Splinter, of course). There’s no way he’ll make such a beginner’s mistake as to walk into the view of any cameras. Especially if he doesn’t want to be found. Still, maybe he’ll do something stupid and forget about his shadow. Or just the slightest glint of light on katana. Just…anything, really, to help them track him down.
“For now, then, let’s search the areas the Foot have been known to linger,” Splinter advises. “I suspect they will want Leonardo close to them.”
Mikey’s heart drops into his stomach. They really have nothing else to go on, do they?
Mikey hopes it’s that easy.
But he’s having vivid flashes of deja vu, of searching and searching and searching for Raph. Of three turtles wearing red bandanas as they search for their wayward brother.
He kind of wants to trade in his orange mask for blue.
He shakes the urge away. Leo won’t be gone long enough for them to change mask colors.
“I’ll head down to-” Raph begins, but Splinter cuts him off. Raph’s eye twitches but doesn’t dare speak up against his father.
“No. You three stick together.” Splinter pushes himself to his feet. “I worry that they may not be satisfied with only Leonardo.”
“You think they’ll try to kidnap us too?” Donnie asks skeptically.
“I’d like to see them try,” Raph snarls.
Mikey doesn’t understand Splinter’s logic. “But didn’t Shredder- and, uh, and Leo, too- try to kill us?”
Donnie nods. “I don’t think they’re interested in the rest of us.” Mikey’s not sure if that’s a blessing or a curse.
“Who cares what the Foot want or don’t want?” Raph pushes back from the table and dumps his cereal bowl in the sink. Mikey winces at the loud clattering. “We need to find Leo. Period. All we’re doing is wasting time!”
Mikey nods in agreement. Thinking and planning are not his forte. Action is more his thing. And he wants to be looking for his brother.
Splinter sighs. “In any case, until I get confirmation, you boys are to search together. Look out for each other.”
Donnie tilts his head. “What will you be doing?”
Splinter pauses before replying, “Following my own leads.”
“What leads do you have that we don’t?” Raph calls after Splinter as the rat walks away. Raph scoffs, then mutters, “He just doesn’t want to see three instead of four.”
Mikey scrambles to grab his mask from his room before Raph and Donnie can leave without him. He catches up to them, fabric in hand, just as they reach the surface.
It’s only as Mikey ties his bandana on that he realizes he still hasn’t eaten.
Oh, well.
Leo’s more important right now, anyway.
The first few days blur together. Three brothers, searching at first sporadically, and then later more systematically, throughout New York City for their fourth. Encouragement and desires for revenge slip off tongues, anger and determination pump through their veins.
No clue is found. No hint of where Leo has gone, where the Shredder has hidden him away. Their brief, half-hearted attempts at keeping light conversation dies; silence becomes their preference, broken only with a few growls and huffs and taunting of low-level criminals they take down on their way to the next destination. Even Mikey’s quips have quieted.
Tension has risen among the three of them. They continue their search; what else can they do?
Still.
The tickle of doubt plants itself in all of them, spreading quickly with every minute that ticks away. They exchange looks, but none of them voice what they’re all thinking.
This isn’t working.
They found Raph by chance, all those months ago. And even then it took, what, a year? More? To find him.
Leo doesn’t have that kind of time.
Honestly, Mikey isn’t sure if their family has that kind of time before they break irreversibly.
He pushes that thought deep, deep, deep down, and tries to smile when Donnie meets his eye. Donnie grimaces and looks away.
Yeah. Neither of them is fooling anyone.
More days pass. Still no sign of their missing brother.
The Shredder can hide Leo wherever the hell he wants. Mikey knows his family will find him eventually. They never gave up looking for Raph. So they won’t give up looking for Leo. They’ll bring him back no matter the cost.
That’s a promise, Shredhead.
On one of their nights out, Mikey finds a blue ribbon hanging from a dumpster. He can’t tear his gaze away from it, even as the rest of his family call for him. This isn’t a bandana, but…
Mikey ties the ribbon around his wrist.
If his family notices it- which, duh, they’re ninjas, so of course they do- they don’t say anything about it.
Splinter is the first one to split off, claiming that he has to attend an ‘urgent matter’ with Old Hob and Slash. Mikey worries for his father, but can’t afford to be distracted. He and Raph and Donnie continue to search around for Leo.
Until one day, they split up too.
It starts with Donnie refusing to continue the search on foot with Raph and Mikey.
Mikey’s heart sinks. “You’re not…You’re not going to the surface anymore?” Has Donnie given up on Leo already?
Donnie rubs the back of his head, shifting uncomfortably. “Look, Mikey, trying to find Leo in New York City is harder than finding a needle in a haystack. We don’t know if he’s staying in one spot, or if Shredder is moving him around. The likelihood of us just…stumbling upon him is slim.”
Mikey clenches his hands. “We should still look, though! We just need to be smarter about it. And being smart is your thing, bro!”
“I’m still looking, I promise,” Donnie soothes. He gestures towards his computer. “It’s, honestly, highly unlikely- but I’m still keeping an eye on traffic cams and any suspicious Foot activity that could lead us to him.” Neither of them point out the obvious: ninjas won’t get caught by cameras. Not well-trained ones like Leo and the Foot.
Donnie continues, “In the meantime, if we’re going up against the Foot like that again, we’ll need more than our current weapons on our side. I’m all about a fair and honorable fight, but the Foot is anything but.”
Mikey perks up. Okay, Leo isn’t a lost cause in Donnie’s mind just yet. He’s just thinking ahead. That’s why he’s the genius! Mikey taps his fingers on his nunchucks a few times, mind swirling with all the possibilities. “What kinda weapons? We should have lasers, dude! A quick way to take down the Shredder and get Leo back!”
His brother gives Mikey the ‘How-To-Let-Down-My-Excitable-Brother-Easily Look’. Mikey keeps his smile up even as his mood plummets. He’s not the smartest, but he’s not stupid, either. Surely he can help somehow- organizing, collecting, testing… “I appreciate the thought, but right now I’m trying to think of something more manageable for our fighting styles,” Donnie placates.
Mikey sees Raph exit his room. Maybe his other brother would want company? “That’s okay, Donnie! If you get stuck, though, hit me up!” Mikey can usually give an outside, non-genius perspective of problems that Donnie comes across. Sometimes they help, sometimes Donnie just needs Mikey as a ‘rubber duck,’ whatever that means.
Since Donnie is working on weaponry, that means Raph must still be searching the streets. Mikey can help with that! He isn’t as aggressive as his brother, but knocking some criminal heads in to find Leo? Yeah, he can do that!
Mikey follows Raph as the latter heads for the exit. “What about you? How can I help?”
Raph halts in his tracks, raises a hand. “Oh, no. You’re not coming with me.”
“What? Why? I can help with…whatever you’re doing. Need a distraction? I’m your turtle! Need someone who knows some sick nunchuck moves? Right here, dude!” Okay, he may be laying it on a bit thick. Too late now.
“I said no, Mikey.”
Irritation begins to fester. He isn’t a little kid! He knows how to defend himself! Although…so does Leo…
Mikey deflates. Arguing with Raph will get them nowhere. “Okay. Fine. But if you find something-”
“Yeah, yeah.” Raph lightly punches Mikey’s arm. “You'll be the first to know.”
Mikey doubts that, but he nods anyway.
He watches Raph round the corner. Now, he stands alone in an empty lair- not home, not really. Donnie doing his smart thing, Raph doing his intimidation tactics…Where does that leave him?
Well. Mikey can be stealthy when he wants to be. And bad guys are more likely to talk when they’re not facing down a weapon. Hmm… The concept of an idea swirls in his mind, leaping from one form to the next until settling at the forefront of his mind. Everything he needs to do rattles in layers beneath the main concept, blends together, confuses him and distracts him but never for long- his brother is at stake.
Mikey glances around the abandoned lair, takes a breath, and then heads off in the opposite direction Raph went.
Leo is his brother, too. Like hell is Mikey going to sit back and let the rest of his family do all the work.
Donnie focuses on weaponry, on how to even get close to Leo. Raph gives into his rage and frustration, hunts down any criminal connections to the Foot, tries to find their location that way. Mikey isn’t smart enough for weapons and strategy, doesn’t want to step on Raph’s toes by going the same route in finding their brother. So he tries a different approach.
Leo would stick to the shadows, gain information that way, try not to bring attention to their family any more than he had to. Mikey mimics this the best he can the first few days on his own, hoping that maybe one of the guys Raph has roughed up would lead him to where Leo was. He finds himself distracted, unable to focus, thoughts dizzying and never-ending in three, four, five layers of distinct patterns that pull his attention away from what was right in front of him. Some of those thoughts lead him into ever-more-catastrophizing what-ifs of where Leo is, what’s happened to him, and what will happen to the rest of the family if Leo can’t be brought back home.
Needless to say, Mikey switches tactics within the week.
Talking to people is what Mikey’s good at, probably better than his brothers when he really tries. He’s no leader, he can’t articulate well, and his voice is as threatening as a kitten- but he’s friendly and smiles and can suck people in with his youngest-sibling charm. Sometimes.
The point is, Mikey can get people to talk to him.
Unfortunately, the turtles’ friend list- or, rather, ‘people-who-know-us-who-won’t-kill-us’ list- is quite short. He’s not even sure if it would really qualify as a list.
Still.
Mikey checks in on the people on the sort-of list, tells them just enough information to hook them into caring and talking and dropping more information than they mean to (because even people with good intentions will hide the truth from someone they perceive as a kid. Or a freak. Depends who’s asked). He receives nothing of value. Dead end after dead end after dead end.
Mikey’s going to find Leo. He’s going. To. Find. Him.
He refuses to give up. Leo wouldn’t give up.
So if Mikey starts to annoy and pester the same people every few days in the hopes they’ve heard something new, well, that’s no one’s business but his own (...and the people on the sort-of list).
“You’ve given up! That doesn’t mean I have!”
“Just because I’m not out at all hours of the day beating up random criminals in the hopes one of them will magically know where Leo is, doesn’t mean I’m not looking!”
And yet they’re both here yelling about it, Mikey thinks bitterly.
Mikey presses his head far into his pillow. He should go out there and stop them. But he knows there’s no point. The argument continues, growing louder and louder. Tears prick at the corners of his eyes. This sucks.
“You’re not trying hard enough!”
“Well, you’re never home! Mikey and I miss Leo, too, and we’re looking- We are! But do you even care about us? Or is it only Leo who garners this much stupidity and rashness from you?”
Yikes.
Mikey hums to himself, a self-soothing behavior he thought he’d outgrown. Guess not.
I wish you were here, Leo.
“You’re always at home twiddling your thumbs while Leo’s still out there! Answers aren’t going to just fall out of the sky! We have to go after them!”
“By punching them out of people who may or may not know something? They’ll lie even if they do!”
He needs to get out of here. He can physically feel himself about to snap, the string in his chest pulled taut and about to split. He can’t do that, can’t become one of the arguing brothers.
He can’t.
“None of this would have happened if you-!”
His skin is on fire, his nerves jittery. Mikey practically throws himself off his bed and grabs his mask. He ninjas past Raph and Donnie- easy enough; their yelling match still thoroughly distracts them- and heads for the surface.
If he’s not getting any more sleep, and his brothers are busy placing blame on the other, then he might as well do something productive.
The fact that they know who Leo is with makes the situation both better and worse. Better because they don’t have to wonder if he’s wasting away on the streets. They worry about his treatment at the hands of the Shredder, yes, but clearly he wants to keep Leo alive. So they know he has to be resting, he has to be eating, he has to be alive.
Worse because they know from the start that they’re horribly outnumbered. They don’t know exactly where Shredder spends his time; Leo could be anywhere. They don’t know how, exactly, Leo's been broken, how Shredder hurt his mind to the point where he fought them, held a blade to his father’s throat…
Mikey blinks blearily at the ceiling. He can’t remember if he actually fell asleep at some point or if he imagined it. He supposes it doesn’t matter. He can usually hear Raph return to the lair, huffing and puffing, grabbing food with no care for the noise, or kicking any object that he crosses paths with. None of these are what woke Mikey up (kept him up?). Raph hasn’t come back yet.
If he strains his ears, Mikey can hear Donnie tapping- either on a keyboard or a touchscreen, he doesn’t care to decipher. That’s one brother accounted for, at least. He lifts up his arm and holds it in front of his face, lets the ribbon tickle his beak. Two more brothers to go.
He’s given up on waiting for Splinter.
Mikey rests his hands on his plastron, rubs the ribbon with a finger. His mind flashes back and forth between bad things happening to Leo and bad things happening to Raph. He suddenly notices he has a song playing in a deeper layer of thought and, trying to banish the scary images of hurt brothers, focuses on the song to try to bring it forward. It works well enough. He focuses on the song and on the feel of the ribbon, desperately pushes away the darker thoughts.
It doesn’t work for long.
Leo’s been kidnapped and hurt. Mikey’s not sure if they’ll ever find him.
Splinter’s AWOL. Mikey fears what his father’s gotten himself into.
Raph’s gone most of the time. Mikey worries about where he goes.
Donnie’s still around, at least. Mikey wonders when he’ll leave, too.
“Have you seen Raph?” Donnie asks. Mikey hopes Donnie isn’t looking to restart another argument with their red-banded brother.
Mikey pushes down the creeping trepidation. Having three brothers who argue a lot can really get to a guy. He knows that for Donnie and Raph, they’re just scared and taking it out on each other.
He hopes.
“Mikey?” Oh. Right. Donnie asked him a question.
Mikey doesn’t look up from his game. “Today or lately?” His game character dies. Mikey’s finger hovers over the continue button. His eye is drawn to the ribbon on his wrist. His stomach curdles with guilt. How can he play video games right now? He’s a terrible brother.
Lazy, his inner voice hisses in Leo’s voice. You should be looking for me!
Yeah. Leo never stopped looking for Raph. Mikey should have followed his lead and kept searching for Leo.
You need a break, whispers a kinder Leo. You’re doing what you can, but even the best warriors need rest.
Mikey clenches his hands around his game. He knows it’s his own mind, but hearing Leo’s voice makes him want to cry.
Or receive a hug.
Specifically from Leo.
…He wants his brother.
“Today,” the wrong brother states, answering Mikey’s forgotten question. “We both know how he’s been lately.” Mikey bites back the retort that both his older brothers have been acting rashly, not just Raph. “I’m…a bit surprised at how badly he’s reacting.”
“I’m not,” Mikey mumbles.
Donnie continues, undeterred, “I know he’s rarely home anymore, but I haven’t seen him in a couple of days. Nor have I received any messages or calls.” A pause. Mikey places the game down and tilts his head to look at the brother standing behind him. Donnie’s brow ridge is furrowed, his body unsure and loose. “It’s a bit silly, I suppose, but with Leo missing and Master Splinter out chasing his own leads, I’m a bit worried.”
“Yeah, at least Master Splinter checks in,” Mikey agrees, hiding the bitterness in his voice. Splinter still won’t tell them anything useful. Mikey fiddles with the blue ribbon. Donnie’s eyes track the movement but he doesn’t call out the fidgeting. Mikey sits up and turns to actually face his brother. “You think Raph’s in trouble?”
Donnie shrugs helplessly. “If he isn’t now, he’s going to get himself into trouble eventually.”
Raph not returning to the lair for a day is one thing, not returning for multiple days and not keeping in contact is another. Even if Donnie and Raph have been fighting more recently, Raph would still send a text or something. Everyone’s been on edge, and Raph knows it. Yeah, Donnie’s right. Raph is as impulsive as Mikey is, and Mikey knows that’s what gets them both into trouble. Mikey gets sudden visions of Raph bleeding out on the ground, of Raph standing beside Leo in Foot gear, of Raph on a table about to be vivisected.
Mikey grips the ribbon harder. “Well, what are we waiting for, bro? Let’s go find him!”
He doesn’t know what he’ll do if they can’t find him.
Okay, so first Donnie has a video call with Casey and April to check in. Mikey half-listens as he eats leftover pizza, eager to get going. Finally, though, they head out. They check some of the places Raph frequents: nada. They check some sketchier places that Raph might have checked out: nope.
Finding Raph is just as frustrating as finding Leo.
They split up after a couple of hours in the hopes of getting wind of their red-banded brother. Mikey, after another hour of nothingness, stops for a break.
He groans. This is pointless. How is searching for Raph any different from searching for Leo? They’ve been through this now- multiple times! Mikey bangs his head against the brick alley wall, winces when he hits it a bit too hard. He removes his nunchucks from his holders and taps them together a few times before loosely spinning them.
He hopes Donnie has better luck finding Raph.
He hopes Splinter has some sort of lead. Even if it is with Old Hob. Better him than Alopex, Mikey acknowledges, tensing his jaw briefly.
Mikey groans again. He catches the ends of his nunchucks, halting their lazy spinning and gentle wacks on his hands. He taps them together a couple more times.
How does Leo do it? Focus and stay calm and keep the family together? Raph and Donnie and Mikey are only in the same room for short- very short- periods of time, and they’ve barely seen their father. And Mikey knows that a team- a family- needs to communicate. He glances at the ribbon on his wrist. Especially when they’re one down.
Mikey lets out an exasperated hiss. How many times are they going to have to look for missing brothers? This is the third time! And Raph is just as much a ninja as Leo is now; it’ll be just as impossible to find him as their oldest brother.
But as it turns out, finding Raph this time around is as easy as following the trail of beat-up criminals and blood. According to Donnie, at least, when he calls Mikey.
Mikey runs to intercept Donnie’s path, and then follow the Raph-made destruction. It’s shortly after joining up again that they catch Raph in the act. Donnie reacts first, pulls Raph deep into the alley. Mikey guards the entrance.
“You should totally run, dude,” he says, voice low and lacking the usual playfulness in the threat. He slinks back into the alley, keeping an ear out that they actually run off rather than try to attack when his shell is turned. Luckily, they still have some braincells left and flee. Mikey wishes he could do the same.
He’s tired but he can’t sleep these days. He’s losing a bit of hope that Leo can be saved, much less found, but he can’t admit that to anyone. He’s angry that Leo was kidnapped to begin with. He’s angry that they can’t find him. He’s angry that he himself can’t find Leo. He’s angry that Raph and Donnie and Splinter haven’t been talking properly for weeks.
He’s angry.
And so are his brothers, apparently.
“Donnie! What the hell?” Raph yells. Mikey slows his walking speed. Don’t get involved, don’t fight, don’t make their fracturing family worse. Mikey breathes deeply, wills the tension to slide off his skin like water. “I was just about to find out where Leo is!”
Each step is heavier than the last. Mikey grits his teeth. Keeps his head hanging as though to shield himself from another fight. Another pointless argument. Another distraction from the real enemy.
The ribbon on his wrist feels tight. He’s glad he didn’t tie around his neck, for it would surely be a noose by now.
“No- you were about to poke a cop’s eye out! You’re out of control, Raph!” Donnie yells. Just as loud, just as furious.
Their argument grates on his nerves. They can’t fight, there’s more important things to do. Like finding Leo. Like not breaking the family any further. His eyes sting with angry tears that he forces back. If he can keep it together, then so should they! Right? It’s- It’s not fair! His family is breaking without Leo. He can’t keep them together. And now Raph and Donnie are arguing like children, like they’re the youngest fighting over a broken toy.
The thread in his chest frays further. Shakes wrack his body.
Keep it together.
Don’t make it worse-
“I’ll show you out of con-”
Snap!
Mikey pushes Raph away, keeps his other arm outstretched to discourage Donnie from lunging forward. He’s moved without realizing it, red-hot blood in his veins urging him forward before his brain can catch up.
His fear and despair and fury rush forward in a tsunami he can’t control, words tumbling out of his mouth before he can stop them-
“Knock it off, Raph!” he yells with such ferocity it stuns both of his brothers. In the back of his mind, Mikey is also surprised at himself, but he has no desire to stop the words this time.
His brothers are going to listen!
“I’m so tired of you guys fighting all the time! Like a bunch of big babies- and you’re the biggest one of all, Raph!” Oh, yeah, that’s going to come back to bite him later. But Mikey keeps ranting, refuses to allow either brother to interrupt. “Me and Donnie spent the whole day chasing your messes all over town. You say you wanna help Leo, but all I seen was you tearing up stuff and stomping people…And that’s not helping anyone!”
He’s mad at Donnie, too, but Raph is the one Mikey’s facing, Raph is the one who starts a good chunk of the fights with Donnie, Raph is the one more likely to throw a punch… “And now you wanna fight your own brothers? Damn, dude, what’s your problem?” Probably the same one he has right now. Being so scared that he can’t bottle it up, that he yells because being angry is so much easier than being afraid. It’s not just Raph he’s mad at. Mikey is ready to heel-turn towards Donnie and give him a piece of his mind, too.
Before that happens, though, Raph opens his mouth to speak. Mikey shifts, ready to either dodge a punch or stand his ground in a verbal argument. But to his surprise, neither happens.
“Gah, I know it’s stupid. It’s just…” Raph turns away. Mikey, stunned by the lack of argument from Raph, feels his rage evaporate as suddenly as it consumed him. Maybe…maybe Raph is actually listening for once. Mikey will hear him out. “If I didn’t let Casey get taken by the Foot, if I didn’t lose it when Shredder hurt him… Leo wouldn’t be gone like this.”
Oh.
Oh, Raph.
“I don’t know what’s making Leo do this crazy stuff. I just know it’s all on me, and I gotta do something to fix it.” Mikey resists the urge to bring Raph into a hug. He doesn’t think Raph would appreciate it. “We all finally found each other and now, ‘cause of my stupid temper, we’re broken again.”
Mikey flinches. Broken. Sure, he’s been thinking it for a while, but to hear it said out loud- for Raph to say it- it hurts.
But Raph doesn’t need to hear about Mikey’s fears. He needs to hear that they’re all still a family, no matter how many fights they have. Maybe Mikey needs to hear that, too.
Donnie speaks up first as he walks past Mikey. “Yeah, well… You should know something, Raph- During that time you were lost, Mikey and I were ready to give up on you when it seemed hopeless.”
Mikey nods in agreement, shame rushing briefly through his body. “Yeah, but Leo wouldn’t let us quit- not once. He was gonna find out, no matter how long it took.” Which means they need to return the favor and not give up on Leo.
Donnie places a hand on Raph’s shoulder. “He was always our leader- no matter how much I tried to fight him about it. And Leo’d be the first one to tell you this isn’t your fault, Raph. Bad things happen sometimes- that’s just life.” Brothers fight sometimes. That’s just life. Mikey feels some of his larger fears shrink. Not disappear completely- not until everyone is back where they belong- but at least it’s no longer crushing his soul. “You can’t control it. So you gotta quit beating yourself up, man… Not to mention every lowlife thug and crooked cop in the city.”
Mikey quirks a smile- the first real one he’s had in a while.
Maybe they’ll be okay.
“It’s time for us to be the team Leo made us into. Working together is the only way we’re gonna get through this. The only way we’re gonna save him.”
Pride swells over Mikey at Donnie’s motivational speech. Mikey rubs the blue ribbon. He thinks Leo would be proud, too.
Things have been different since that talk in the alley. They’re finally on the same page again, working together rather than separately. Raph goes to check in with Angel that the Purple Dragons will have their back when the time comes. Donnie works on the weapons he retrieved from some scientist dude. And Mikey still talks to his own contacts about whether or not they’ve heard anything from or about Leo.
And that’s how he’s ended up on this rooftop.
He hasn’t dropped by to see Woody yet. He was never going to, wanting to respect the wishes of his former friend (and also because there was that sting of betrayal and hurt and grief of losing a best friend that pangs in his chest every time he's in the area). But this is an emergency. Leo's in trouble, his life probably at stake. He has to take the chance that Woody will yell at him.
He’s run out of other options, other than wandering aimlessly in sketchy areas of town and hoping to get lucky. Mikey takes a deep breath, channels Leo’s bravery, and heads towards Rupert’s Pizzeria. The blue ribbon trails behind him.