Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Can we talk?” Alec asked in a small voice.

He had walked over to Magnus with every intention of demanding they talk about their break up now that the threat of Valentine was no longer looming over them, but once he was up close enough, he could see, and practically feel, the exhaustion and magic depletion emanating from him in waves, and was second-guessing his decision.

After receiving an equally hesitant but nonetheless affirmative “yeah” from the warlock he wasted no time in walking outside, finally taking the breath of fresh air he’d been craving since he walked into Hunter’s Moon that night.

While everyone else had been basking in the high of victory, Alec had only been able to focus on two things. The mystery of his death-defying Parabatai, and more importantly, apologising to Magnus.

Watching his warlock walk away, never even looking back, had broken him. With everything going on, Max, the soul sword, Valentine. Magnus had been the only thing holding him together, without him he felt like everything was crumbling.

He had never truly believed in the old Shadowhunter saying, “Nephilim love once, and they love fiercely,” but then he’d met Magnus, and he understood it, now more than ever.

Isabelle found him slumped against the wall staring into nothing over an hour later.

When he felt the familiar prickling at his neck, he knew Magnus was behind him. He was hesitant to look up, fearing he would be met with the same cold glare he’d grown accustomed to, and though he knew deep down he deserved it, it didn’t make it hurt less. But he had to follow this through, even if he didn’t think he’d ever fully recover.

“Magnus, I’m sorry.” He started, not knowing how else to begin despite having been constantly thinking about this very moment for days.

“Don’t apologise.” Magnus cut in. Did that mean what he had done was unforgivable?

“I should have told you about the soul sword.” If he had just trusted his own opinion for once instead of blindly following orders maybe he wouldn’t be in this mess. Maybe Magnus wouldn’t have left him.

“It’s in the past.” Maybe he could still salvage this. Magnus at least no longer sounded indifferent.

Though they were finally talking amicably, Alec still felt the heavy divide wedged between them and he was desperate to fix it. His eyes were beginning to water and he felt stupid. He can’t be weak; he has to fix this. “Magnus ever since our…fights, I, I can’t think straight.” His thoughts were spiralling now and he has to focus on Magnus, but all he can think about are his mistakes.

He couldn’t even force himself to say the word “break-up” because he couldn’t bare to believe that’s what it was. He was deluding himself.

“You’re just like the clave”

“Maybe your mother is right and your best just isn’t good enough”

“The only thing holding me back is you”

“What do you want, Shadowhunter?”

Holding him back, not good enough, he was never good enough he’s not ENOUGH.

It was only when he felt warm hands cupping his face that he realised his eyes had closed, and his breathing was heavy. Hazel met warm brown. Magnus had always treated him with such care, a gentleness that he’d never been on the receiving end of before they met, a feeling he thought he’d never experience again, one he didn’t deserve now. The reminder brought fresh tears to the brim but he refused to let them spill over.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I don’t know what’s wrong with me Magnus. I don’t think I can live without you.” He shook his head as if confirming his words, as much as he could with palms still gently cradling him.

“I can’t do anything without thinking of you,” Magnus responded, lips twitching up. His voice almost a replica of what it had been like just a week ago. Before Alec had lied and broken him. Broken them, “I’m all for parties, but what do you say we get out of here, go somewhere a little more private to talk?”

Alec nodded mutely. He was hopeful, but he still felt as if everything was about to be torn away once again. Magnus seemed to read the look on his face as if he was broadcasting the words, or maybe he was secretly a mind reader and never mentioned the fact. Either way, his eyes filled with determination, and Alec only had a second to appreciate his glamour dropping to reveal gorgeous golden cat eyes before warm soft lips pressed against his own.

Wild thoughts quietened, and after a moment of shock-born hesitance, he gave in to the familiar motions of Magnus’s lips guiding his. The kiss lasted seconds, it was chaste, but it was enough to get the point across.

Magnus moved away first, only enough to reach down and grab Alec’s hand in his own, using his other to open a portal in a flare of blue sparks. Alec caught his eyes once more to nod, communicating silently, before allowing himself to be pulled through to the hallway outside of the warlock’s loft.

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Magnus of course walked through the front door without a break in his step, only pausing when he realised he was no longer holding Alec’s hand. The last time Alec had been stood in the same position he was in now, he knew he hadn’t been welcome, he couldn’t shake the memory of Magnus ignoring his very presence, before slamming the door in his face.

“Alexander?”

He startled out of his thoughts and stumbled forward toward the hand that Magnus was holding out to him, a questioning look on his face. He opened his mouth to speak when Magnus beat him to it.

“I owe you an apology Alexander,” he said softly drawing out his name, “The way I’ve treated you these last few days…well I’m ashamed of myself.”

“No, no Mags no, you didn’t…I was the one…I broke your trust, you didn’t…” He trailed off.

“Alexander stop. Please.” Alec blanched; he was already messing this up again. “Hey. Hey look at me, c’mon there you go. Hi”. Magnus’s hands were back on his face, he could feel their warmth seeping into his skin. He also realised they were no longer standing by the door, but sat knee to knee on the sofa. “Can you tell me what’s going through that pretty head of yours, darling?”

A million responses rush through his mind but what comes out is a whimper followed by a quiet, “I thought you hated me.” Magnus looked like he had been slapped for a moment before resetting his features to be more nonchalant. He was looking at Alec to elaborate so he did, “After we spoke at the institute, with Max, when you…When you l-left, I understood why. You couldn’t trust me and you had to look after your own people. But when you sided with the Seelie Queen, every time I saw you, you either looked like my very presence annoyed you, or as if I didn’t matter at all. And I don’t understand Magnus, I don’t. How could you love me if it was so easy to walk away? What would stop you from walking away again? You’re it for me, I know that, but you can find love again, you have before.” He finished, finally taking a breath.

This is what it came down to for Alec. He needed to know where they stood now that everything was said and done.

“I don’t know how to fix what I did. If I even can. Tell me what to do Magnus please. I’ll do anything”.

“Alexander. I want us to move past this. Yes, you lied about the sword, you made a well-intentioned mistake and I was angry. I was blinded by the hurt and I let my emotions lead me. I didn’t look at the bigger picture, at everything else you were dealing with. And realistically? I didn't even give you the time to come clean before I started throwing out cruel, unnecessary accusations. I made a mistake too and I’m so sorry I walked away. You need to understand that it was the hardest decision I have ever had to make, and I wanted to run back to you and beg you to take me back every moment. That’s why I acted so coldly. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to hold myself together. We were on opposite sides and I was afraid. We both have people we have to protect, but you’re one of my people Alexander, and I forgot that for a moment. I love you, and I never want to be on opposite sides again.”

“That’s why you were…you were pushing me away.” That was all Alec could think to say. “Even if you could have trusted me after I broke my promise of transparency, I understand why you could never have trusted the Clave.”

For a moment they both sat in silence. Both thinking over what had transpired and if Magnus was anything like Alec, he was stifling additional apologies that they both knew were unnecessary at this point.

After a few moments of soft silence, Magnus leaned forward as if about to share a secret, “This whole war has been a challenge for us, but we made it through. Our love survived and will only continue to grow stronger. I love you Alec, I’m here to stay, and I never want you to have reason to doubt that again.”

Alec’s still tense posture began to relax as his mind absorbed Magnus’s words. His eyes glistened with a mixture of relief and vulnerability. “Magnus I…I want to believe you,” he admitted, his voice tinged with a touch of hesitancy.

Magnus cupped Alec’s face in his hands, his gaze unwavering. “You can Alec, you can trust in us. I am committed to you, as I know you are to me. We’ve faced challenges before, this is no different.”

He leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss against Alec’s forehead, “You are worthy of love Alec. And no matter if you can’t believe that yet. I will be here every day to remind you.”

Alec met the warlock’s unglamoured eyes, the depth of their connection being undeniable, “Thank you, Magnus, I needed to hear that, we can do this together.”

“Together, my darling Alexander. Always together”

Chapter Text

Neither of the men wanted to break the peace that had washed over the room. Both were lost in their own thoughts.

Magnus couldn’t help but think back to before Alec, their recent separation stirring up old memories of all the years he spent alone. Of course he had never admitted it to anyone, not even to Caterina or Ragnor his closest friends, but despite closing himself off to the possibility of a relationship, he often felt the familiar pang of loneliness tugging at his heart.

Camille had broken him in a way he didn’t think he could ever recover from, and then had come Alexander. His sweet, soft-hearted Shadowhunter.

Alec too was thinking about his life before Magnus had come crashing into it, glitter and all. He had always been engrossed in his duties, so focused on reaching his goal of officially becoming the Head of the New York Institute, and fulfilling his purpose of battling demons and protecting the Shadow-World that his own personal feelings had never been a priority.

Knowing he could never be honest about his feelings had left him feeling empty.

And then he met a gorgeous Downworlder.

Alec had found solace in Magnus’s arms, and he hoped he provided at least the same level of comfort he received. It’s almost impossible to believe he had lasted as long as he had without it. But now he had it back and he would never take it for granted again.

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In the end it was Alec’s stomach that interrupted the quiet.

He felt Magnus’s concerned eyes upon him, but there was a hint of amusement there as well,” Darling, I don’t think I want to know how long it’s been since you last ate, so I’m not going to ask- But. I still need to enact my magic depletion remedy, would you care to join me?”

Alec’s cheeks tinted rose, but he still nodded his head, “A lot of martinis, steak and a hot bath right?”

Magnus was silently pleased that Alec had remembered such a small passing comment, “That’s right. I’m going to get started on dinner, why don’t you go and change into something a little more comfortable?” He gestured to the black leather and concealed weapons that both men knew Alec had hidden all over.

Magnus expected Alec to immediately head into his- their- bedroom, what he didn’t expect was to see sadness wash over his face once again, “Alexander?”

“Um…I, I didn’t bring anything else with me, so this is probably as comfortable as I’m gonna get” Alec stuttered. In his mind, it only made sense that Magnus would have destroyed, or at least banished everything Alec had left behind in the warlock's apartment.

Magnus was genuinely confused for a moment. Had he forgotten where the wardrobe was? But then he remembered the key little detail of being Alec’s first relationship. Instead of verbally reassuring the younger boy, he let his actions speak for him.

He gently took Alec’s hand in his and guided him into the bedroom, where he proceeded to show him that his clothes were still in his section of the wardrobe they’d always been kept in. Alec’s eyes glistened with tears and understanding washed over him. “Thank you,” he said in a small grateful voice.

Softening his voice as much as he could, Magnus spoke, “You’ll always have a place with me pretty boy, now get changed. I’ll meet you in the kitchen when you’re ready.”

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Magnus hummed an old tune to himself as he gracefully whirled around his small kitchen. He knew he had broken Alec’s trust by walking away, but he was determined to prove how much he meant to him. His thoughts unwillingly flickered to the old box hidden deep within his apothecary, filled with memories of his lost loves. His immortality was often more of a curse, but his long life had blessed him with meeting the love of his immortal life. He knew he wanted to spend the rest of Alec’s lifetime with him, but could he hope Alec would want to spend Magnus’s lifetime together?

Before he could let his thoughts wander even further down that dangerous path, Alec re-entered the room, looking a lot cosier in sweatpants, a too-big sweatshirt that Magnus was sure belonged to him, and fluffy socks, that had taken what seemed like an eternity to convince Alec to try and now wore every chance he got.

Alec’s eyes lit up at the sight of Magnus in his element, he had been watching for a while before Magnus had noticed his presence. He honestly felt his heart skip a beat at the mere sight of his love. The mouthwatering aroma of fresh spices wafted throughout the warm loft, and the peaceful ambience was one he wanted to get used to again.

Magnus smiled over his shoulder, that soft smile Alec knew was just for him, “You’re just in time darling, dinner will be ready shortly.” Then turning back to make sure he didn’t burn their meal.

Alec walked across the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Magnus’s waist, resting his chin on top of his head. When they first started dating Magnus had constantly flirted with, and one of the most common features he mentioned was his height.

“You’re a tall drink of water - and I’m parched.”

“I want to climb you like a jungle gym darling.”

“I know the air is pretty thin up there, why don't you lay in my bed and catch your breath?”

He smiled fondly remembering their early days. Despite how scared he’s been initially, after he kissed Magnus for the first time he knew there was no going back. “You’re incredible, you know that?” And he wasn’t referring to the meal he was preparing.

Magnus chuckled, turning in his embrace to face him, “And you my dear, are far too charming for your own good,” he teased, leaning in to steal a quick kiss,” But I am eternally glad you are here.”

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Eventually, they sat down to eat at the beautifully set table, food spread out in front of them. As they ate, they talked and stuck to lighthearted topics. Alec had missed the easy camaraderie, the pure enjoyment of having a simple conversation with another person that wasn’t about reports or patrol duty or war strategy. It was refreshing. The conversation flowed effortlessly, laughter punctuating their words, and their love for each other shining through their every interaction.

When they had both finished eating and the conversation had died down, Alec reached across the table to hold Magnus’s ringed hand in his. He’s always loved holding Magnus’s hand, having that physical connection, a casual sign of affection, that they belonged to each other. He loved the feel of cool metal against his too-warm hands.

He would often lose himself just fiddling with his hands, twisting the rings around. Magnus had never minded, encouraged it even, often offering his own hand to distract Alec in times of distress.

But now he simply held it, Magnus flipped his over so that their fingers interlocked and Alec couldn’t help the smile tugging at his lips. “How would you feel about taking a bath my love?”

They had never taken a bath together before. With everything going on they never had many moments of true relaxation. And then there was Jace, always seeming to find a way to burst in at exactly the wrong moment. It had made their quiet nights together more special in some ways, in their rarity.

Thinking about Jace now only brought him confusion and frustration. He was lying about something, he had died, and he had felt it. But that could all wait, right now he wanted to take a bath with his- what were they now?

“I’d love to, I just have one question?” He asked hesitantly. He didn't want to break the newfound bond between them again by pushing too quickly.

“Of course dear, you know you can always ask me anything”

“I was just wondering, um, what are we now?” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and carried on before Magnus could answer, “Of course I’m not expecting to be able to call you my Boyfriend again right away, I just, so I was wondering, um what I call you now.”

Magnus just looked at him in fond exasperation, “I would be honoured to be called your boyfriend Alexander”.

With that settled, they made their way into the bathroom where Magnus had no doubt used his magic to create the perfect setting. What really made Alec feel like he was home, was the soft scent of sandalwood permeating the air.

The bath looked luxurious, with candles scattered around the room and petals of some unknown flower floating on top of the steaming water. They undressed each other slowly as if relearning what it was like, their eyes locked in a tender gaze. Despite Alec being taller, Magnus climbed into the tub first, and although it was large enough for 4, Magnus gestured for Alec to between his legs. He wasted no time in doing so and for the first time that night, felt total and utter peace, leaning against Magnus’s firm chest, arms and legs entangled surrounded by warm lapping water. He wouldn't wish to be anywhere else.

As they soaked they basked in the pleasure of being close. It was a new level of intimacy. With a click of his fingers and a burst of blue flames, soft music began to play and both men had a drink in hand. A martini for Magnus and something a little sweeter for Alec, having, of course, remembered the shadowhunter's distaste for strong liquor.

Alec shot Magnus a disapproving stare, “You shouldn’t be using your magic right now Mags, you need to let yourself rest,” he took a sip of his drink before turning and removing Magnus’s own from his hand before placing them out of the way, “Let me take care of you for once, please?”

Levelling Magnus with the most pleading eyes he could manage, “Can I was your hair?” He received his answer when Magnus rearranged them both into a better position, before handing Alec a bottle of sandalwood shampoo, one they would both use.

In the end, they washed each other's hair, Alec was unable to deny Magnus, the same way Magnus was unable to deny him. Their touch was tender, reverent, and nurturing body and soul.

They only climbed out when the water had begun to turn cold, and the look Alec gave Magnus ensured he wouldn’t use magic to heat it back up. They dried each other off with soft warm towels. Alec didn’t bother voicing the question of if he was staying the night, he already knew he was. And from the possessive arm guiding him toward the bed he didn’t think he’d have much choice in the matter.

The day was finally catching up to both of them, though the exhaustion was mingled with contentment. For a while they lay there, Alec’s head on the warlock's chest, both tracing patterns over each other’s skin.

With the softest of kisses, they whispered their goodnights and “I love you’s”. Their words carrying promises of a future filled with love and happiness. Their breathing synchronized, and they fell into a peaceful slumber, wrapped in each other's arms, their hearts at peace.

At that moment, Magnus and Alec found solace and rejuvenation in each other's embrace, knowing that no matter what challenges lay ahead, they would face them together, drawing strength and comfort from the unwavering bond they shared.