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Fujin’s expression couldn’t get itself out of his head.
After liberating Balamb Town, Raijin and Fujin stuck to their guns about staying with Seifer till the very end. Even if they were both clueless as to what the main goal of his was, they couldn’t let him just continue on like this. The man felt alone even though he had the command of an entire army on his side. They were the only ones that could snap him out of his daze, whatever it was. Squall had a clue, but he didn’t want to say anything if they didn’t know.
When the duo left, Squall called out to Fujin who stopped in her tracks.
Half pivoting towards him, just so he could see her crimson eye, he found himself unable to speak. Fujin didn’t have words to share with him either. The Commander forgot his whereabouts in that moment when he vocalized, “Is Seifer really that important to you?”
Fujin glowered her eye before turning on her heel. The silence was carried on by Balamb’s island winds, fluttering their hair and clothing. Squall felt the weight in his shoulders deflate when he didn’t receive an answer. Sighing, he was caught off guard by a response he didn’t expect to get.
Yet, one that didn’t hurt any less.
“He’s stubborn, but I have hope that we can get through to him. We're all he has and you aren't helpin' him.”
The position Squall was placed in didn't help matters, but he's doing what is to be expected of him... or so he thought. Regardless, just like the wind, she left the Balamb Hotel and dashed after Raijin.
Now, a few hours have passed and Squall was standing near the window of the suite he booked with the Balamb Hotel. Dedicated to ensure all the civilians in the town were safe, if not for him, for Zell. While staying at Zell’s place was an option, he did not want to deal with the martial artist griping about everyone dirtying up his room. So, he bought a suite they could all sleep in with three beds. Zell’s snoring was quiet enough for Squall to tolerate and Selphie slept somewhat in distress. As long as he didn’t get kicked out of his sleep, he was fine.
Dressed down in a T-shirt and shorts, he looked at his hands free from his usual leather gloves, before taking off the Griever ring that he adorned. One more sigh led to Zell’s head popping up from the pillow where he was resting on and glaring at Squall. While Squall, not oblivious because the snores have stopped, chose to look tiredly at the blonde.
"Alright, what's botherin' you? Your sighs aren't going to keep me up." Running on barely four hours of sleep for the past three days has not been ideal for everyone in the room, but Squall was feeling something different. Nostalgia and... unresolved turmoil. Emotions were confusing and while he felt a lot of them, it was difficult to decipher them from one another. Especially when it involved your ex-girlfriend.
“It’s about this whole thing with Seifer and the Galbadian Army he’s leading. I know he’s doing this because he’s ordered by the sorceress, but…” Squall pauses, ruminating through his careful selection of words. “His possé will be by him no matter what, even if they don’t know the full story.”
That was the issue, Squall worried that Seifer could be hiding information, whether he knew it or not, from Fujin and Raijin. Fujin’s loyalty couldn’t be contended with anyone else. She stood by someone’s side, even if they were wrong. What she said to them in private because of their errors was another thing, but she would never go out of her way to publicly humiliate someone.
“If they’re being a dumbass, just let’em. Nothin’ else you can do.” Squall could hear the echo of Fujin's voice from that line alone.
Squall remembers her words, feeling the corner of his mouth tug itself into a half-smile.
“So?! Let them. If that’s what they wanna do, that’s what they’re gonna do.” Zell said definitively not comprehending the issue.
Squall turned his entire body towards the martial artist before slowly stepping towards his own bed, which was in between both Zell and Selphie's. Once seated across from the lump on the bed, he looks directly at Zell, who was still blinking away bits of sleep from his eyes. “So, if I decided to bulldoze Garden into a mountain, you will still stand by my side?”
Sputtering, Zell brought his hands from underneath the blanket and gestures with full animation while he spoke, “Now that’s just crazy! Why would you do that? I can’t say that I would agree with it, but… y’know, if you gave us a reason why…” He stopped and realized that that was the point of Squall’s question.
He wanted to know why Fujin and Raijin were clinging so tightly to Seifer, knowing damn well they had no idea what was going on. The disorganization of the patrol on Balamb Town, how easily they were able to handle the task at hand was laughable. All because Raijin was the Captain for this specific operation and Raijin didn’t know what it took to be a leader. He was best suited for taking orders and being the group’s morale support. Fujin was more leader oriented, even if she couldn’t be bothered with caring about being the face of something like that. Probably why she was feared as their Commander.
If Seifer handed out roles to them so they didn’t question them, it only bid him time for grappling for an explanation. That’s if he chose to give them one.
“Now you see why I’m confused.” Nothing was adding up for him, not well enough anyway.
If Seifer just wanted his usual ego boost of his desire to feel important and be a leader, maybe Cid should’ve just let him be in SeeD after all?
Squall himself was internally struggling with why he was promoted to this higher form of leadership when he was perfectly content with following orders? Granted, his mission seems lofty and politically unattainable, but it was a contractual obligation he was willing to attempt in fulfilling. All this shit going on in the grand scheme of things, thought to himself, Why not let Seifer graduate? Is being the Sorceress's lap dog really worth it for him? Is this what he means by his "romantic dream"?
Some silence has passed, Zell’s expression was one that Squall only ever saw when he came to a revelation. He was the team know-it-all and chatterbox. Only thing is, Squall wished he didn’t ask the question he did.
“Are you sure this is actually about Seifer or is this about you and Fujin?” The way the blonde’s eyebrow arched at the curious inquiry.
Squall didn’t have time to glare at him long enough before the clicking sound of a light appeared behind him, followed by a, “You and Fujin had a thing?” from the groggy voice belonging to Selphie.
She sounded like a frog when her voice is unused, and he secretly found it funny. Cute, but amusing.
“How long have you been listening?” Squall tipped his head in her direction, out of his peripheral, she looked like a blanket monster who was slowly trying to come from of the burrows.
“The whole time,” She replies matter-of-factly. “Squall you don’t talk often and when you do, it’s as if I’m hearing bolded text said out loud.” She tried to imitate his deep voice, only made easier from the lack of use of her voice.
“I don’t sound like that.” Furrowed his brows at the voice alteration, now twisting his body to look in her direction.
“When my balls drop, I’ll try again.” Selphie pops her head out of the hole, trying to adjust her green eyes to the light.
Squall couldn’t help but feel the corner of his mouth threaten to smile. Before, he was about to reply only for Zell to interject.
“Yeah! Squall used to be a part of the Disciplinary Committee. I forgot why he joined, maybe to shut Seifer up?” The blonde scratched the back of his head, yawning afterwards.
It would be great if you let me talk since I am right here, Squall thought in annoyance. His friends had a habit of doing it, mostly Zell, but he knows he doesn’t mean to. At least, he would like to think he doesn’t.
Selphie Oooohs in interest without adding much to the conversation. This allowed enough time for Squall to respond.
“Something like that…” A start, even if he did say it as monotonously as possible. He took a deep breath and figured this would be the most he was going to talk tonight and it might as well start with something not many people knew about.
He started with the origin story, how the Disciplinary Committee originally formed as a joke and how Seifer extended him an invitation to join them and didn’t think it was anything but a joke. Except for one night it was real when he remembered why Seifer extended it to him.
“Fujin can use some help, pretty boy. Be a good boy and help her out.” Were his exact words that both caused him to roll his eyes and say Sure, whatever to them. From then on, Fujin appeared outside his dorm rooms one night and the rest was history essentially.
At some point in the brief re-telling, Selphie and her blanket had migrated to sit on Squall’s bed and she just observed him in awe. Zell actually re-positioned himself on his bed by sitting on the edge from his original position of laying down, switching his own lamp on as well.
Selphie, prodding a little further, “Can you share a bit more about Fujin? I mean, if you two dated, it must have been something special right?” She asked full of gentle curiosity.
Something special…
There was an uncomfortably tight feeling in his chest, issues unsolved because he did not have an answer, or rather, one he felt was good enough to share with his friends. If he tells them he shoved her away because he was terrified, would they be able to understand? No… right? Honestly, he didn’t know and he was genuinely nervous in expressing that.
He could at least stomach sharing a little bit.
“She… was something special to me.” To him the word sounds foreign when describing Fujin, not because he didn’t think she wasn’t special. It was because he felt undeserving of that.
Pinching the bridge of his nose only to sigh… he might as well share further. He trusts Zell and Selphie, and if they can put their trust and faith in him, then it’s fair to reciprocate.
“You two both know I am not the best at emotional expression,” Squall prefaced for both pairs of eyes that were on him, unwavering. “When it came to Fujin, it was just… something that just happened. All the time we spent together doing DC work after hours formed into something I didn’t think anyone would want me for.”
Squall never thought that in his wildest teenage dreams that anyone would like him enough to get close and want to have a genuine relationship with him. To want to love him and be sincere in their want for him. That scared and excited him simultaneously. His initial reaction to such an admission was to push those affections away, to run from them and to resume as to how he was: cold, unfeeling Squall. Balamb’s precious Ice Prince (which he hated that moniker for as long as he could remember it surfacing) that everyone “lovingly” calls him. Not Fujin though…
When one of their final rounds around the school together ended with them getting students that stayed far later than necessary in the library out of there, it changed. Squall already felt something for her, but that moment in the library together altered how he viewed her, forever.
When chapped met splintered lips in the back corner of Balamb’s Library, Squall didn’t know what to think. It felt nice… now there was a blooming sensation of heat rising from his neck to his face when they pulled away. It happened so quickly that he worried that maybe he wasn’t a good kisser? That was his first after all.
He looked down at Fujin who was effectively just as pink, with a dazed look in her red eye as she touched her chapped lips. Squall pressed his lips together, despite the busted bottom lip that he suffered from training earlier that day. Curiously, he swiped his tongue across the top and bottom. He tasted both, blood from the light wound and a tart candy, since Fujin was suckling on one of her favorite sour sweets.
The combination together didn’t taste great on his tongue, but Fujin did.
Before he could ask why she did that, she beat him to the punch, “Was I… too forward in doin’ that?”
He blinked, once in astonishment of that question and then again in contemplation… Was she too forward? This is the part he says, yes, wasn’t it? To get away from her and pretend it never happened?
Instead, “No, but…” The corner of his lips quirked upwards in an attempt of a smirk, “I didn’t know pretty boys with a cracking voice was your type.”
In fairness, he expected to get his ankle kicked for that smart ass comment. A little self-deprivation to make himself feel better in a way, to feel some form of normal about this new development.
“You are my type, asshole.” Fujin narrowed her eye a little, but there was no malice. A hint of playfulness to combat his comment. She returned to being in his space and Squall let her. Instead of allowing her to say anything else, he dipped down and kissed her first. Everything was a blur after that, but it was safe to say, hormones had a way in dominating that situation. Not taking it too far, but a few more marks in places that Garden’s Rules wouldn’t allow.
It did spark the beginning of their clandestine romantic story.
Waving his hand because he realized his head was allowing him to reminisce inappropriately about a time that had long passed. They were fifteen, things were different then, simpler even. “She may look rough around the edges, but in fairness, so was I.” Perhaps, even more than he is currently. Some whittling down by his friends and a certain Timber Resistance member paved the way to that.
“I guess it is true… someone with a cold exterior can have the most sincere and warm interior. There’s more to her than meets the eye and she never holds back.” Squall states, only briefly thinking back to the fight they participated in with her and Raijin. She never held back her punches and there was no reason to start. He wasn't stupid when he knew he was getting the brunt of her full frontal assault. She had a bone to pick with him, but that couldn't be said out loud. Too many eyes, too many people that didn't know about them.
“…Maybe I do miss her.” Squall furrowed his brows. Was that the emotion he had but couldn’t place? Longing coupled with regret of his past mistakes? Parsing through his emotions was something he happily ignored, but he couldn't when faced with the reality of them. Maybe it would be easier to contemplate that at a later date, alone preferably?
Realizing he was in his own world, he looked up and saw that Zell managed to fall back asleep, seemingly so. Out of his peripheral vision, Squall could see that Selphie looked at him in awe, as if he shared something precious.
He turned his head towards her. “That’s really beautiful Squall, at least, what you shared.” She admitted.
“Sorry that we’re all kinda pushing Rinoa on you, I don’t think any of us had any clue you were still dealing with some ex-girlfriend woes.” Selphie added. She was just as enthusiastic about it as the others were. Teens and their peer pressure, even when it involved putting their noses into something they had no idea.
Squall shrugged, “I appreciate you being the first one to admit that that’s what you’re all doing.” It’s been obvious for awhile and he just ignored it as if it wasn’t happening. The advances made towards him wasn’t unwanted, but he currently had zero idea what he did want. It was a little off-putting at least.
Selphie, the element of surprise, then asked the following, “Were you two… y’know, each other’s firsts too?” There was a look of romanticism as well. Something about divulging that information was seemingly innocent, but also felt like a trap in some way. He couldn’t pinpoint it, but something meant that this would get back to Rinoa somehow. He’s not stupid, all three of those girls talk.
“I can’t confirm or deny that.” He tried holding back a small smile as he reached to turn off the light and scooted her away from his preferred side of the bed. She had to go back to her own bed.
As he slipped into the bed sheets comfortably, Squall felt a cold chill run down his spine as he heard the bed creak behind him, signifying to him that Zell turned over. Then, rumbled underneath the blankets, “...I know the answer to that.”
In front of Squall, whose back was towards Zell, Selphie arched a curious brow at that. Her interest was piqued, so he had to do something. Sorry Zell. “Don’t believe him, probably the faeries or the Guardian Forces scrambling his brains.” He replied coolly.
“--The hell?” Zell grumbled behind him as the light nearby Selphie went out.
“’Night.” He said definitively and sternly.
As much as Zell’s honesty and ability to keep a secret was warring with one another, that’s another answer Squall was not going to give. Not just for his sake, but Fujin effectively scared Squall into thinking that the wind has eyes and ears a year ago. Last thing he needed to find out was that he was reaping what he sowed even further by her having any knowledge of their passion being shared.