Work Text:
<1
Jack sat in his living room with his mouth agape, he had to feel it, look at it, smell it, truly needed to know this was what he thought it was.
Ennis Del-Mar sent him a fucking letter
This was no post card, no two word note
This was a Goddamn letter from Ennis Del Mar
He ripped the paper open and frantically unfolded it with shaking hands.
I don't know where to start or what to say. I'm sorry. I am. you and me both know we ain't mean the things we said last trip and I know your right, I'm the only one of us making things worse. Im sorry. Im sorry. I been treating you so wrong Jack, Im so sorry, I know there are things we dont never talk about but I love you. Ive loved you ever since Brokeback. You and me have something special and it might just be the fucking whiskey Ive been drinking a lot tonight but i decided if i can't do it sober I wont be a damn coward no more and ill do it now. im drunk as all hell but I mean this all, i do. I wanna marry you, Jack. wanna have my girls and your Bobby there. Lureen can come too if she want I dont care i know it aint legal or nothin but we could get the rings and we could have a big thing. no priest will marry two fellas. aint no way. but we dont need no priest no piece paper, because I love you jack. i just love you and i hope you love me too.
Jack stood absoloutely stunned, momentarily unable to so much as look at the other page but he found the strength.
I wanna kiss you so bad. its been bad at night, i couldnt sleep a wink yesterday, was cryin and thinking about you. drank till i passed out. im sorry i gotta get drunk to tell you this but im scared. im real real scared you and me are gonna end up dead because i love you, and i don't want me or someone I love dead. shit maybe this is stupid. maybe you found another man already. i hope hes nice to you if you have. hope he treats you better than I did. hope he's real sweet on you. hard not to be when it comes to you though. its raining out, Jack. Do you remember back on Brokeback when it rained and we laid up in the tent all night kissing and laughing? i remember thinking you looked so damn fine that night thinking I wished we could stay there forever. running outta paper ill send this in the morning. bye i love you
Jack flipped the papers both over to ensure he hadn't missed a single detail. On the back of the first paper in large shaky letters read "LOVE YOU" and on the back of the other one:
PS sending this because im too damn drunk to remember the last three numbers of your phone.
With an arrow pointing down and to another phrase at the bottom, at that point Jack was so happy he knew tears were threatening to spill fron his eyes
want that damn life with you
< 2
"God Jack I..." Ennis started, looking around himself to ensure he was alone - despite the glass, lowering his voice just to be safe. "I wanna kiss you so damn bad," he admitted quietly.
"Wanna kiss you too, Ennis," Jack's voice was light, he was almost sure he'd wake up from some sort of in depth, and lucid dream. He'd been calling Ennis like mad all morning long to try and get Ennis on the phone to ensure he meant what he said and that it wasn't a random drunken suggestion.
"Wanna hold you," Jack was speedily packing as much as he could deem important into a box with one hand, struggling to carry his bedroom phone in the other while Ennis put more change in the payphone on the other end.
"Wanna hold you too, Ennis, I swear I'll be there soon, we can kiss, and touch, and hold all you want when I get down there, okay?" Ennis made a sound in the affirmative, closing his eyes to picture Jack talking with him, clutching the phone tighter. It felt silly, pretending Jack was with him, but it got him through. If he were honest, he did it often. In the grocery store, in his bed at night, making dinner and any other time he could use Jack's company.
"Yeah, uh Jack? Be careful, y'hear? I need you here but I... I just want you to be here in one piece." Ennis tried to joke.
All of that disipated when, Jack answered in that soft, all knowing voice. "I'll be careful,"
Ennis sat in silence for a spell. He wouldn't have to pretend for too much longer.
"I'm gon' miss you in my bed tonight." Ennis muttered, figuring he'd make use of the extra change, growing prigressively more embarrased by the moment.
Jack was glowing. "I know Ennis. When you go to sleep think about the future instead of me not bein' there, alright?" Ennis hummed in agreement.
"Gon' be real cold tonight without you, bud."
"I know, but I'll be there in a bit, I really will and then you and I can relax," Jack shuffled the phone reciver between his ear and shoulder. "Help each other unwind, maybe have a little drink," Ennis let a smile come to his face, leaning against the wall. "Then you and I can get to bed, do a little bit of that kissin and holdin, maybe some extra activitea..." Ennis smiled a bit wider. "Then we can go to sleep together, tellin' each other sweet little things right before."
Ennis flustered a bit. "I..." Being emotional felt so new to him. "I'd like that, with you," he muttered.
"Well, hon, the sooner ya get to sleep the sooner you can wake up and we can get to those plans alright?"
"mhm,"
"Dream of our future, okay?"
<3
Ennis stared at Jacks lips as they curled into a smile as the countdown happened. Something overtook him in those ten seconds and without warning the second the clock struck 12 Ennis placed a hand on the back of Jack's head, and pulled him into a kiss, which Jack reciprocated but without moving away he couldn't help but ask "Thought you wasn't gonna kiss me at 12," Ennis had knocked he wind out of him with just that kiss, he was still swooning, trying to laugh it off.
"Changed my mind," Ennis dipped back into the kiss for little bit longer than necessary. "Happy new year," Ennis readjusted on the couch, trying to feel normal again while Jack wiped his mouth with a smile, his lack of shame only further flustering Ennis, Jack was glowing.
"Happy new year, Ennis," Jack wanted to say so much more but that could wait.
"I love you, Baby." Ennis said it just loud enough for only Jack to hear, he put his arm behind Jack's head, Jack slid closer to him and leaned into his side
"I love you too, honey," he rested his head on Ennis' shoulder and took his hand.
<4
Ennis hesitated three times before he could knock on Jack's office door, not properly waiting before he opened it, knowing Jack wouldn't mind, he saw him on the phone, seemingly pissed off, he glanced up at Ennis and although you could see some kind of light behind his eyes shimmer through at the sight, he didn't acknowledge him. "No, by itself it ain't a problem, you're missin' my point-" Jack abruptly stopped with a sigh after a few seconds, squinting like he'd find a visual answer to his delema.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Ennis requested softly,
Jack's eyes darted to him again while he adressed him. "One minute," then back down, "Have you got a calculator near you because- No, I don't have time for this you-"
"Jack," he pressed softly while still looking down.
"Yes?" He responded, irritation thick in hid voice, but it wasn't dirrcted at Ennis and they both knew this. Jack was searching his desk for something, "No, not you I'm speakin' to my-" Jack sighed "To Ennis."
"I need to tell you somethin'," he started fidgeting with his shirt, hoping Jack would listen to him before he lost his nerve.
"Could it wait a second?" Jack looked at him for a split second again, then right back down.
Ennis had been working himself up to this conversation all day and he wasn't sure he could find this courage all over again. "Gotta tell you now. It's important."
Jack looked up again to assess Ennis' body language, worry washed over him in no time. "Stabler, can you hold for a minute? Thank you," Jack pressed a button on the phone before putting the handheld on the table. "What's wrong?" Ennis took a deep breath and looked to meet Jacks eyes.
"I'm gay, Jack."
Jack stared at him for a moment, digesting what he'd said. Of course he was. It took Jack a moment to remembr who he was truly talking to. Jack hummed. "You think so?" he asked softer. Ennis nodded in a positive response. Jack got out of his chair and crossed to Ennis, pulling him into his arms, "It's alright, c'mere, put your head down," Ennis obliged, lying his head on Jack's shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist, tucking his forehead into Jack's neck.
"I'm gay," Ennis repeated, almost just as shocked to hear the words come out of his own mouth. Jack nodded, rubbing Ennis' back. "You an' me."
"Yeah, Reckon so," Jack felt Ennis grip him tighter, like he was trying to protect him from something, or himself, it was hard to tell sometimes. "How'd you figure it?" Ennis hesitated for a few seconds all too long. "You don't gotta tell me, Ennis, it's alright,"
Ennis was content with that for it minute. Until he started feeling wrong, guilty even, he and Jack were going together, and it was important that they didn't keep secrects like that. "Saw a real-uh- good-lookin' fella the other day in town, couldn't take my damn eyes off'a him and then he smiled at me and I panicked like a damn school girl. Fuckin' smile reminded me of yours." Ennis tacked on, "Once I got back to my car I realized I had uh... It had got me riled up," Jack nodded against him. "Figured it was a one time thing 'til yesterday this fella was workin at the cash register and I couldn't help but have these thoughts bout him,"
"What kinda thoughts?"
"Bout... him."
"Oh Ennis.." he started running his hand up and down his back. "You don't gotta tell me Ennis, it's okay,"
"No, no, I want to," Jack would give him all the time in the world if he'd asked. "I couldn't control 'em, just had 'em and I couldn't think straight, an' that got it goin again- and I.. I ain't never had no thoughts like that about no woman and then-" his breath staggered. "I remembered when I was young, long before Earl and Rich, had stuff like this 'bout boys at my school, at my church, I... Jack I think I always been gay," Jack held him tighter, kissing his hair.
"Me too," Jack admitted to him, although it wouldn't make sense any other way. Jack understiof as he always did. "Used to buy those fitness magazines to tear out the pages with the guys I liked and I'd hide em in my room," Jack giggled to himself at the memory
"So... I aint make you queer?" Jack furrowed and pulled out of the embrace to look at him.
"Huh?" Jack stopped for a minute to process. "No! Nah Ennis that isn't how bein Gay works, you didn't make me anything I ain't want. besides, dont forget who made the first move," Ennis breathed in a fashion akin to a laugh. "Let me wrap up this phone call and I'll check out for the day, yeah?"