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It was Saturday evening and it was hot in the common room. Today's Quidditch match had been won by the Griffendor team, and now it was time to celebrate. The lights in the room came only from fairy lights on the walls and ceiling. The atmosphere was surreal and had something of a muggle club about it. Something most people here didn't know, but everyone liked parties and wanted to have a good time.
On one side, there was a music system. There were always different vinyl records playing. Everyone had looked for their records together. Especially the Muggle-borns had a lot of them. There was everything from Abba, Queen, the Beatles, or David Bowie. It was a great mix, so there was something for everyone and everyone could celebrate together. The room seemed to rumble with the bass.
A dance floor had formed in the middle, where many people were moving to the music and dancing with each other. Everyone was sweating, their bodies were warm, and the air around them was stuffy. The bodies were crowded together, and everyone was in the party mood.
It was not only the music that made it loud but also the different voices shouting things at each other and trying to talk over the music.
Remus sat walking over the dance floor. He sat on one of the red chairs and watched the hustle and bustle, the other with students. He also had a good view of the alcohol table. There was beer and firewhisky, which Sirius and James had fetched from the kitchen in the afternoon.
Remus himself hadn't drunk that much yet and felt reasonably sober. He liked the feeling of being drunk, but he didn't like the feeling of losing control of what he was doing and saying. He didn't want to do anything stupid that might end up costing him friendship. Especially the friendship between him and Sirius. Sirius was one of the most important people to Remu, and Remus had begun to notice how his feelings for Sirius were more insidious. He didn't want a friendship with hi. He wanted a relationship. One with hand-holding, fleeting kisses, romantic dates, hot sex. All of which he wanted from Sirius. But that this would ever happen, Remus highly doubted.
Sirius was on the dance floor, swaying his hips with the others in a way that should have been forbidden. In his right hand, he held his beer. His left hand was on Marlene's hip. Remus would so like to be her at that moment. He wasn't really jealous, though. After all, everyone knew Marlene was a lesbian and would never be interested in a man. But still, Remus couldn't help wishing Sirius wouldn't dance with her like that, but with him.
A loud cheer went through the people. Remus turned his head towards the entrance of the room. There stood the Slytherin, who, as usual, were too late to make a dramatic entrance. The two Black brothers were very similar, Remus thought to himself.
Evan, Barty, Pandora and Regulus consulted the room and walked at the same pace. Their outfits all individual and yet coordinated with each other. They looked like a rock band and you had to admit they looked cool. Remus wondered if they were planning their appearance and thought it was funny how the four of them practised together and then tried to find a suitable outfit.
The four of them were part of every good party. At least since the two brothers were talking to each other again and had a close relationship again. Regulus was now living with the Potters and was very happy there. Remus was very happy for both of them, after all it was cooler and more pleasant for everyone that way. And the fact that Regulus always brought his friends with him was always met with much enthusiasm.
Now they mingled with the people and went to get a drink.
The night progressed and the mood became more and more boisterous, the alcohol level grew steadily and most people were far from sober.
Remus chatted with different people and went from one group to another, but he rented the dance floor.
Just as he was about to get another drink, someone tapped him on the shoulder. He looked around and saw the smiling face of James.
"Having fun?" asked Remus laughing.
"Yeah, I'm having a blast!" he literally shouted back. "I love parties and I love you all. And of course I love my Regulus."
Remus could hardly believe what he was hearing out of James' mouth and his eyes widened. He didn't know whether he should laugh or not. James seemed to be very drunk already and maybe he had had one sip too many. Because a sober James would never have told him these feelings for the younger Black brother. Remus had to say though that he wasn't completely surprised, the clues had been there. Like James always sneaking off or looking towards the Slytherin table.
James vorhim swayed a little, trying to keep his same weight while standing.
"Come on Prongs, let's get you some water." said Remus, leading James away from the heat and the people. They went into the dormitory and Remus watched James drink plenty of water. They sat down on one of the beds and Remus watched James drink glass after glass of water. He even gave him some of his beloved chocolate, hoping it would help James a little.
Only when the latter had a clear view did they go back to the party.
The room was no longer full and only a few people were still there.
"James, Moony, you're just in time. We just decided to play 'never have I ever'!" Sirius called out to him.
Everyone wanted to play and they formed a big circle on the floor where the dance floor used to be. Everyone had a drink in front of them.
There were James, Lily, Peter, Mary, Marlene, Dorcas, Evan, Barty, Regulus, Pandora, Sirius and Remus. It could be a fun round. Remus only hoped that everything went well for
James and for him too, so that none of them were killed by Sirius. James for being in love with Regulus and Remus for being in love with Sirius himself. Those secrets were not to be revealed.
"Okay, who starts asking a question?" asked Sirius.
"Always the one who asks." came from Mary.
"Alright. Never ever have I kissed anyone in this group before." said Sirius.
Everyone took a sip. It was a relaxed first question.
"Wow. Really. All of us." said Evan, laughing at the notion.
"Didn't think you guys up here knew anything like kissing."
"Just because we're not known for sleeping with everyone doesn't mean we're innocent and pure." Marlene laughed.
"No slut shaming here." said Lily. "We are all the opposite of innocent here." Everyone laughed, that was probably true.
"Alright, next question. I want to find out how innocent you all are." said Barty.
"Never ever have I caught any of my friends making out."
Lily, Marlene, James, Barty and Regulus drank.
"Who did you catch each of them doing?" inquired Sirius.
"Sirius, I caught you with Mary that time," James said. A small stab of jealousy twitched through Remus' heart.
"I caught Marlene and she caught me," said Lily.
"Regulus here caught me and Evan and I saw him making out, although it was actually sex before that." said Barty.
"Sex?! No. Eww." exclaimed Sirius. "Not my brother. He's just a kid. Regules who? Who do I have to have a serious word with?"
Remus could see James blushing, clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation. Remus felt for James, but at the same time he already wanted to know what was happening. Regules remained quiet the whole time.
"Sirius, I'm not a kid anymore and there was already more than one person inside me," he said calmly.
Sirius started coughing and gasping for air. He clearly wanted to say something else. But someone threw the next question into the room.
"Never have I ever kissed a person of the same sex before."
Remus hesitantly reached for his glass, then noticed that almost everyone was taking a sip. Only Peter and Pandora weren't drinking.
"Okay, wow, everyone queer here too." Barty laughed. "Then it can only get funnier."
Everyone joined in his laughter.
"Never have I evercsmoked pot behind the greenhouses." Came the next question.
Remus and Regulus drank and high-fived.
"What you two? Stoned together?" Came Sirius and James at the same time.
"Guys you have problems, your lovers are getting jealous." Evan laughed and winked.
Remus wondered if maybe Evan and Barty knew what James was feeling. When he turned to the was blushing and to Remus' surprise so was Sirius. Remus wished Evan was right and Sirius really was his lover. It would be the best thing in the world.
"Remus and I just smoke pot sometimes. It's relaxing. Not a big deal."
"Something you need after a day with all of you." Added Remus, laughing.
"Why haven't you ever invited me?" asked Sirius.
"You already have problems with me having a sex life, why should I tell you about my drug use too." it came back from the younger one.
"Oh Merlin, my brother, is growing up so fast."
"Why else didn't you invite any of us?" wanted Mary to know.
"The more people, the more you have to share," Remus explained. "Anyway, the first time wasn't arranged, we met there by accident."
"Can we get on with this before Sirius is still in a place from jealousy because someone is doing something to his brother and not him." Came the reply from Peter.
So the game went on.
"After all, we've all kissed people in this group. That's why. Never ever have I slept with anyone from that group." said Pandora.
Remus took a sip and saw that Sirius, James, Lily, Marlene, Mary, Dorcas, Evan, Barty, Regulus also took a sip.
Remus was beginning to feel the alcohol. And because of that, his inhibitions were no longer so high and when he saw Sirius start him up, he winked at him. They hadn't slept together, but a little flirting couldn't hurt. At least that's what the drunken Remus' brain said. He could see a certain redness chirping Sirius' cheeks. This could have been caused by the alcohol, though.
"It's getting better and better, I think we can start with the real awkward questions now," Evan said. And Barty immediately agreed.
"Good. Never have I ever had a threesome before."
Oh no, Remus thought. But drank. Not so many were drinking with him now. Evan, Barty and Regulus were drinking too. Those three were also looking at each other in such a way that it was clear to Remus that they were probably having the pleasure of a threesome together.
"Moony. What? With who?" came from Sirius. Remus blushed. He didn't really want to talk about it and least of all with Sirius.
"Oh don't you know. Been home for the holidays." He narrated.
"Who would have thought, the quiet and shy Remus, actually the mousiest of us all." came from Marlene.
"Moony, do we know these people?" asked James, genuinely curious.
"Nah, they were two muggle boys, from my village." he said quickly.
"With two boys?!" groaned Sirius.
"Yes with two boys, Pads. Is that a problem?" Remus replied a little snottily, but he wasn't in the mood for homophobic comments.
"Not a problem. Just surprised." Sirius quickly defended himself.
"I used to kiss people from my village before that too. Girls and boys." Told Remus, the alcohol winging his tongue and him talking easily. "Never anything serious, just for fun."
"I always knew, the way Remus kisses, that there had to be training behind it," came Barty, laughing.
No one joined in the laughter, but everyone looked from one to the other in shock. It was a revelation no one had expected. Remus cursed Barty inwardly. Why did he have to bring this up now?
"Oh I think many here can attest to how good a kisser Remus is," Evan said, a reaction to the silence and the shocked face. Remus groaned, this wasn't happening right now. He didn't want his sex life discussed here now. Especially not in front of Sirius. He didn't care what the others thought, but if Sirius thought badly of him, he couldn't bear it. He couldn't even look at Sirius. He didn't want to know what Sirius was thinking.
"Uhh, that would be a good question. Never have I ever kissed Remus Lupin before," came from James.
Remus heart stopped for a moment. He knew who all would be drinking now. And the person he wished would drink wouldn't. It made Remus sad. He did have fun when it came to kissing and sex, but it never meant anything.
Peter, Dorcas, Pandora and of course Sirius didn't drink. The rest took a hit.
Remus looked at Sirius, who was eyeing him. With pain in his eyes. A pain Remus didn't want there. It was unfair. He didn't want Sirius to somehow think Remus was getting to everyone. Everyone knew how badly Sirius dealt with his joy doing things to others. His fear of loss was extreme, thanks to his parents. That's why Remus often didn't tell him anything, especially about his love life. The pain on Sirius' face only reminded Remus that he was right.
"Wow. Moony, you sure got around," Peter said, laughing.
"Oh, most of it doesn't mean anything and it wasn't really serious," Remus said, trying to play it down.
"I want to know. The story of how you kissed everyone." came from Sirius. Remus didn't want him to. This story would only further make Sirius feel left out because Remus hadn't told him. He especially hadn't told him often because it hadn't meant anything to most people. Not to Remus.
"Pads, you don't really want to know." Remus tried to stop it.
"Yes I do, tell everyone." Everyone could hear the pain in Sirius voice. Everyone could hear that he was sad.
"Okay, when I was in third, I wanted to practice kissing for Lily. It was more of a quick touch of the lips than a real kiss." Tell James. Everyone laughed. The mood lightened a little.
"Oh Merlin, my story is so embarrassing," Lily began. "We were studying together and I fancied him like I kissed him in the library. Remus was so confused afterwards and had zero idea how I felt. You should have heard his explanation afterwards that he just wanted to be friends. It was so cute."
Laughter broke out and even Sirius joined in. He must have gotten over his shock.
"Well, I slept with Remus. That's it." said Mary dryly. No one was surprised that the two of them had a one time thing, in fact everyone knew that. "But I guess he can kiss" she added.
"Same with me as with James." Said Marlene. "We practiced together. Was pretty good though. Remus could kiss by then."
"Well, he could with me, too, actually. But we were stoned at a party and it was a compulsory task, by truth or dare," Regules said.
Now Sirius seemed genuinely relaxed again.
"Moony, you got off easy there. I don't know what I would have done if I found out you and my brother had something going on. But it wouldn't be nice." Sirius laughed and everyone but James laughed loudly along with him. That something might have happened between Remus and Regulus that could have been deeper had probably worried Sirius. The fact that it was just something funny relaxed him. Inwardly, Remus wished James luck. Because James would probably not get off as lightly as he had.
"Well then, it's all good." said Barty. "Well, I kissed Remus at a party too. And it was right after Evan. Because I wanted to know if he was a really good kisser, after Evan said he was. And I have to say, Remus is one of the best kisses I've ever had."
"I kissed him to make Barty jealous, but instead of him kissing me then. If this idiot here kisses me, he'll kiss Remus," Evan told him.
"Darling, now you can kiss me all you want." said Barty and right after that the two kissed. It was an open secret that they were together. They were cute together and apparently they had good sex together, at least that's what you heard. But no one ever really talks about it. But whether the two of them were together for sure and really had a relationship, Remus couldn't say. Barty and Evan were people Remus didn't see through, they were always good for surprises. He only hoped that they would both be happy. The only one who knew more about them was Regulus. Who, Remus guessed, had also hooked up before.
"Good. Can we drop the subject now?" asked Remus. He wanted the game to continue and later, or rather tomorrow when he was sober, he wanted to think properly about why Sirius was so hurt that Remus had a sex life.
"Of course, Casanova. After all, we'd do anything for you." Laughed Mary.
"Not quite yet. I want to know something else." Sirius interjected. "Never ever have I slept with Remus before."
"No, really now? Sirius!" fussed Remus.
But Mary was already taking a sip and before Remus could do anything Evan and Barty were too.
"I knew it!" Regulus exclaimed. "Remus was with us way too much, at all those parties."
"That's over a year ago now, too," Remus defended himself.
"And now don't pretend, I haven't been with any of you that often."
"You've been to a few parties. You were especially popular when you brought weed."
"What, even I didn't get to go to the parties!" Sirius exclaimed.
"Because you don't fuck with any of us Slytherin" came back Barty.
"Then why didn't I ever get to go to one?" came from James.
Sirius looked at him with eyes widened in horror.
"YOU ALSO?! Jamss which one of them are you sleeping with?"
Silence, no one said anything. James had realised his mistake immediately. And now looked red-faced. But what could he do.
"Can we ignore what I said."
"Nah, which one of us are you sleeping with James?" asked Barty, winking.
James just shook his head. Sirius had question marks written all over his face. Everyone else was just looking from one person to the other, like at your ping pong game. They all wanted to know what would happen next and how this situation would end. They were also hoping for the latest gossip of their joy.
Remus felt bad for James. There were certainly reasons why James hadn't talked to the others about the apparent situation between him and Regulus until now. Remus wanted to do something that could help. His gaze went from James to Sirius. Who, as usual, looked too good and now also a mixture of angry and confused. But it looked so cute. That Remus would have loved to kiss him right there and then.
"Never have I ever loved anyone so much that it hurt."
Remus said. He drank directly himself as he continued to look at Sirius.
Sirius was drinking too. Whether the others were perhaps drinking too, Remus didn't notice. He couldn't take his eyes off Sirius and he looked back. It was one of those moments when there was only room for two people in the world. Everything else around them did not exist. Whether it was perhaps only his drunken brain that could no longer perceive everything, he did not even want to consider.
"Never hab I and/or my partner ever a pregnancy scare."
Remus didn't know who had asked the question. But it took him out of his little world, where only Sirius was.
Remus didn't need to drink.
"Advantage of being a lesbian. No such fears," Marlene said.
Regulus and James were the only ones drinking.
"What Regulus? I told you how important contraception is.
If you get pregnant, it will spoil everything for you. Your academics gone." began Sirius.
"It's okay. Big brother. I won't get pregnant and I'll be even more careful in the future than I was before." Regulus' voice trilled with sarcasm.
"I'm just worried about you."
"Don't be. Actually, I'm just having protected sex."
"Ne ne ne, it's too much information after all."
Sirius shook his head. He didn't really want to know that much about his brother.
"James? Who have you almost knocked up ?" asked Sirius.
"Lily didn't drink, so she isn't it. But you dink? After all, you've always told me everything else."
"So maybe I haven't told you everything." said James quietly.He looked at Regulus and seemed to be asking a question with his eyes. There was hope in his gaze.
"James, please, don't." said Regules even more quietly.
"He has to know, my darling."
"Darling? What?" asked Sirius, looking back and forth between his best friend and his brother.
"Regules and I, we're um... sort of together."
"Sort of together?" Sirius repeated, dented each word long.
"Not just sort of, we're together." Whispered James.
Sirius looked to Regulus who nodded once in agreement.
"YOU ALMOST GOT MY BABY BROTHER PREGNANT?" exclaimed Sirius.
"Pads, we're being careful. It was once, a little insecurity." James tried to reassure him.
Regulus said almost simultaneously. "I'm not a baby anymore."
"How dare you!" said Sirius in his voice the anger was easy to hear.
"Please, Pads. I really do care about you. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"You should have thought about that before you started banging my brother."
"It's my business who I do what with," Regulus said back.
Remus, meanwhile, wondered if Sirius was just reacting that way because he was drunk. A sober Sirius would perhaps react more gently and also more calmly.
"Really you two... I expected more from you," Sirius said, his voice quieter. But Remus was sure he was still angry inside.
"Sirius." Regulus began. "I'm not going to justify falling in love to you."
"Love?" said Sirius slowly.
"Yeah, I don't know if you know it. But being in love is actually a beautiful thing." Regulus was snippy.
Sirius's face became urgent.
"How long has it been?" Sirius voice was neutral, devoid of emotion, it worried Remus. What was going on inside him?
"Four months. The first time we kissed was in the summer."
"Four months." Sirius repeated slowly, as if he were dazed.
"You haven't told me in four months." He said it more to himself than to the rest. His eyes, showed his pain.
"I'm sorry. Really Pads. I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid of your reaction. You're so important to me. I didn't want anything to change between us. I love you, you're my best friend."
"Are you happy?" he asked.
James and Regulus immediately answered in the affirmative and nodded. They looked at each other and there was pure love in their eyes.
"Okay. Good." said Sirius. Now everyone was shocked. "I'm happy with you guys if you're happy."
"Yes, oh Merlin, yes Sirius. I'm so happy." Cried James, throwing himself into Sirius' arms and hugging him for a long time.
"I'll have to get used to it for a while. But if you make each other happy. Then it's the right thing to do."
"Thank you," whispered Regulus.
James who was still hugging Sirius started laughing and Sirius got in and then so did everyone else. The tense situation dissolved and Remus realized how much he and the others had been sitting there, not daring to move.
"Oh Merlin, my blood brother and my brother by choice, together. That's almost insect." laughed Sirius.
That was the sign for James to let Sirius go. He moved closer to Regulus and hugged the younger boy from behind, pressing a kiss to his top of his hair.
"Ewww, not in front of me!" Sirius exclaimed, but laughed as he did so. "By the way, which one of you do you want me to give the 'if you hurt him, I'll destroy your life' speech to first."
James rolled his eyes. It would probably be the case from now on that Sirius would be constantly making comments about the two of them.
"I'd call it a night. What do you think about us going to bed. It doesn't get any more emotional than that anyway." suggested Mary.
Everyone started getting ready to go to bed and one by one they went back to their dormitories or back to the Slyertin room. James walked Regulus to the exit and said goodbye with a passionate kiss that made Sirius squeeze his eyes shut.
Then it was just Sirius and Remus in the room together.
"What do you say we have another smoke?" asked Remus.
Sirius nodded and they headed off. Remus rolled him cigarettes and lit them. The whole time they didn't speak. Remus didn't know exactly how to start the conversation. But he had to say something, the silence between them stretched further
"Are you okay, Pads?" he asked.
"I don't know." Sirius looked like his mind was somewhere else. "I had a lot of stuff to learn tonight."
"You mean the thing with your brother and James?" he pecked.
"Yeah, that too. But also about you, Moony." returned Sirius.
He was now looking Remus straight in the eye and he couldn't take his eyes off him. The eyeliner made Sirius' eyes sparkle, a beautiful sight.
"What did you think I was a virgin?" laughed Remus.
"No, not that." said Sirius. "But you've kissed, or even slept with, almost everyone. And you never said anything." Sirius voice was soft, almost sad.
"Do you want me to tell you every detail of my love life?" asked Remus, a little perplexed.
"No, no, I don't want to know everything."
"Then what is it?"
"The thing with you and Barty, or Evan for that matter, was that serious?"
"Oh Merlin, no. I was horny, they were horny. That was it. Most of the time, I was high too."
"So sex with them meant nothing to you?"
Remus was starting to get confused by the whole line of questioning and would have preferred to say 'never meant anything to me because they all weren't you'. But that probably wasn't the right thing to say.
"Nah, it was meaningless sex." he said dryly.
There was silence after that, they both continued smoking their cigarette and Remus didn't look at Sirius. He didn't want to get lost in his eyes and drunkenly confess all his feelings to him.
"Why did you kiss everyone but not me?" asked Sirius out of nowhere.
Remus looked down at his shoe-tips. There was no good answer to that. He didn't want to say anything about it that would put their friendship in jeopardy.
"Don't you find me attractive?" Honest concern wavered in the question.
"What, no! You're very attractive." said Remus without thinking.
"Okay, why don't you kiss me?"
"You're drunk, Pads."
"Not drunk enough. I want an answer."
"I'd kiss you if you meant it." Remus admitted.
"I mean it. Kiss me."
"No. Not while you're drunk." Remus kicked out his cigarette and took a few steps towards Sirius, pushing him against the wall. His warm body against Sirius' body. He could feel Sirius' warm breath, warm and smelling of alcohol.
He wanted to tell him so much, so much that was burning on his tongue. He leaned down and whispered in his ear.
"Ask again sober. Mine it. If you want me, you can have me. But I want you, completely. Not just once, but I want you to be mine. So I can't kiss you. Because it would break my heart if tomorrow you pretended it didn't happen."
With those words, he resigned himself and went back. He lay down in bed and fell asleep. He already didn't notice when Sirius came back. Thanks to the alcohol, he slept very peacefully and without any dreams.
When Remus opened his eyes, the sun was shining on him and his alarm clock told him that it was already half past nine. Which was clearly too late for when he normally got up.
"Moony, are you awake?" came from his right. He turned and looked into Sirius' smiling face.
"Yes, yes I'm awake." he said in a sleepy voice.
"Okay, I've been thinking." started Sirius and Remus braced himself to hear that Sirius was just drunk yesterday and it all meant nothing.
"I really want to kiss you, and I don't want to break your heart," Sirius said softly.
Remus straightened up and Sirius took a seat on the bed and was extremely close to Remus. He had to process what Sirius had actually said there. That he wanted to kiss him. It could only be a dream. Sirius probably didn't even mean it. Or maybe Remus had misheard.
"Moony. I want to kiss you and the idea that everyone else has hurt me."
"So you're just feeling left out?"
"No I'm jealous. I want to be the one you kiss. Every day."
"Pads. Are you serious?" Remus voice quoted, not sure what to believe.
"Yes I mean I'm always Sirius, but today I also mean every word."
Remus pulled Sirius to him and kissed him. His lips on Sirius' felt magical. A tingling sensation went through his whole body. His tongue in the other boy's mouth was the best thing he had ever felt. Sirius tasted fresh and like something sweet, which Remus always wanted to taste from now on. The kiss, was wet too much of everything and at the same time just right for the two of them. Remus' hand disappeared into Sirius' hair and he pulled him even closer. Sirius was a perfect match for him. This kiss was like a lifeboat, Remus didn't want it to end ever again. Sirius' hands found their way onto Remus' back. Remus could have flown at that moment.
When they broke away from each other, Remus couldn't have told how much time had passed. They looked into each other's eyes. Remus hands still in Sirius hair and Sirius hands still on Remus back. They were still so close and could feel each other's breath on their skin.
"I've been wanting to do that for a long time." Sirius whispered.
"Me too. Me too."
"We should have done it sooner."
"Absolutely."
"Were you serious last night about wanting me to be yours?"
"Yes." admitted Remus immediately. Still fueled by the kiss.
There was no need to beat about the bush. He couldn't have lied at that moment either. He wanted Sirius. For so long and now he was so close to him.
"I want you too, Moony. For far too long now."
Remus said nothing but kissed him again. It was perfect.
"My Moony." said Sirius against Remus' lips.
"My love." Remus whispered back.
It was the beginning. The beginning of the two of them against the rest of the world.