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'What the absolute fuck is that smell?' Izzy wondered; while at the same time stubbornly refusing to actually open his eyes to check.
The answer came right after though.When the source of the smell tucked in even closer and started laying sloppy, wet, mustached kisses against his neck.
“Jack, get the fuck off me. Your breath smells like ass.” Izzy threw an elbow into the other man’s midsection and rolled over to glare at him.
“Well duh. After all I ate last night, it should.” Jack leaned across Izzy and slapped a hand down forcefully against Ed’s bare ass. “Ain’t that right, Eddie?”
“Fucking hell, Jack!” Ed yelped in shock as he was violently awoken.
Jack threw a lecherous grin Izzy's way then stretched back out to get comfortable on the mattress. “What’s your problem, Princess? You didn’t seem too concerned about it when you were riding my face.”
Jack was technically right, but Jack was also usually long gone by this time in the morning.
A fact that shouldn’t be as grating as it now was with bright sunlight pouring in through the windows.
“What are you still doing here, Jack?” Izzy sat up, causing a disgruntled whine to escape Ed, who was attempting to burrow closer and go back to sleep.
“Well, fuck you very much, too, sugartits.” Jack flung his legs off the bed and stumbled shakily to his feet. “I don’t know what’s got your panties in such a bunch this morning but I’m out.”
Izzy watched in irritation as Jack threw his clothes on and saunted toward the bedroom door. “Eddie, call me if you wanna hang out, but leave this prissy bitch at home.”
Once the front door slammed, Izzy fell back onto the mattress and rubbed a hand hard across his face.
“Jack’s right, babe. It’s really too early to be this bitchy.” Ed pointed out while barnacling himself to Izzy's side.
“He’s fucking disgusting.” Izzy petulantly countered as he scratched his nails against Ed’s scalp.
“Mmmmm, but you fucked him so what does that make you?” Ed's chuckle was cut off when Izzy’s fingers tightened in his hair; pulling his head back.
“Shut the fuck up and go to sleep, Edward.” Izzy ordered with a grin against Ed's now exposed neck.
**
This is un-fucking-acceptable.
Israel Hands
It's the name that's been on the mortgage, the last 20 years, for the house that the bed he's currently looking up at, from the floor, sits in.
Why the fuck is he on the floor?
He's too goddamned old for this.
"Oh, darling I'm so sorry!" Stede peered over the edge of mattress; eyes wide and blond hair ridiculously sticking out in every direction. "Let me help..."
Izzy swatted away his extended hand as he got up and stomped to the kitchen to make coffee.
The whole fucking bed.
It's a King, which had never been an issue until Stede moved in 6 months ago. At which time, he managed to hog nearly the whole damned mattress.
Every. Single. Fucking. Night.
Izzy glared at the coffee pot like that would make it brew faster and was a second away from just shoving his mug under the ongoing stream when arms wrapped around his waist.
“You know he hasn’t had to share a bed with anyone in years.” Ed yawned annoyingly into his ear.
“Well, it’s been half a year of him sharing this one, and he’s still taking up the entire mattress.” The machine cut off and he poured a cup then immediately took a scalding gulp. “I’d ask how it doesn’t bother you, but you’re such a clinger that I’m sure you’ve never noticed how much space he takes up.”
Ed nuzzled into his neck and his arms tightened. “What? Me? A clinger? That's something you’ve never complained about before.”
Izzy barked out a loud laugh while turning in Ed’s arms. “Edward Teach, you’re absolutely full of shit.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Ed grinned and kissed his nose.
“What I’m talking about is you fixing this sleeping situation. I swear if you don’t, I will gladly smother him in his sleep and go to prison… so I can have a bed all to myself.”
**
"I really am sorry about this morning." Stede cautiously popped his head around the doorframe into the walk-in closet, where Izzy was trying to decide what shirt to wear. Stuck between choosing black or oooo, something black?
With a sideeye, Izzy tossed a grunt of acknowledgement in Stede's direction and pulled a black t-shirt off its hanger.
Before he could even get the shirt completely over his head, Stede was right up in his space, hand on his chest while leaning down to whisper in his ear. "Let me make it up to you, darling." The offer punctuated with a perfectly timed pec squeeze.
"Fine." Izzy grumbled; as if he hadn't already decided to give up easily.
"Wonderful!" Stede answered with a sudden chipper tone that Izzy hadn't expected; followed by the removal of his hand from under his shirt. "We'll make a day of it!"
"What?" Izzy's confused question was ignored as Stede kept still just long enough to press a kiss to his temple.
Then he was rushing out of the room in a flurry of bright teal silk as he called behind.
"Will you please come show me again how to braid Ed's hair? It's so nice today, we should take the bikes."
**
"Where are we going?" Izzy asked; watching Stede climb onto Ed's motorcycle and snug himself tightly against his back.
"It's a surprise!" Stede said and when Izzy looked to Ed for clarification, he just shrugged his shoulders before pulling out of the garage.
"Fucking surprise. What am I, five years old?" Izzy grumbled as he followed onto the street.
The weather actually was perfect for taking the bikes; and it wasn't long until Izzy stopped worrying about where they were going and just enjoyed the ride.
The road rumbling beneath as the changing scenery whipped by.
They'd slowed down in a bit of traffic and he took a moment to glance at the seemingly mismatched pair ahead of him.
Ed was in a black shirt and jeans, similar to what he, himself was wearing. Effortlessly maneuvering the motorcycle; while Stede, the complete opposite as he clung tightly to him from behind.
The teal of his shirt and light gray trousers further provided a jarring contrast. Especially as Izzy noticed the red bottoms of his fucking Louboutin loafers.
"Christ." He shook his head just as movement in the car to his left, caught his attention.
Two college aged twats in a shitty Honda Civic apparently found something funny as they pointed toward Ed and Stede.
Irritation flared in Izzy's chest and had him reaching down to pull out his pocket knife. Making sure he had the little assholes' full attention as he flicked it open.
The glint in his eyes was, if possible, even sharper than the blade in his hand. With his point quickly made, he used the side of his leg to close the knife then sped up to close the distance he'd lost to the impromptu manners lesson.
**
"Ta-Da!" Stede gleefully called out; arms extended as if he was presenting the store in front of them.
"Have you ever heard of an Alaskan King?" Stede asked while excitedly ushering the three of them through the glass front doors.
"Sounds fucking ridiculous." Izzy responded as Stede beelined in the direction of a lone salesman on the floor.
"Iz. Play nice." Ed reminded with a bump of his shoulder.
"We don't need a new mattress! He just needs to not take up all of the space on the one we already have." Izzy's rant continued until they came to a stop at Stede's side.
"This is Gary. He's s going to help us find the perfect mattress!" Stede announced. "And even better news, they have the Alaskan in stock. We won't even have to wait to have it delivered."
Stede's excitement had, of course, immediately overtaken any instinct of Ed's that told him he needed to be an adult.
The two of them were off, bouncing from mattress to mattress with Izzy trailing behind in a more subdued manner.
"Here it is. The Alaskan!" Gary enthusiastically proclaimed as they stood in front of the biggest mattress Izzy had ever seen in his life.
Ed and Stede wasted no time crawling onto the floor model as Izzy sat on the edge; glancing at the price tag that hung discreetly from the side.
"$5,000? Just for the fucking mattress?"
"Darling, it's not as if we don't have the money." Stede pointed out; fingers brushing against his arm. "Lay back and see if you even like it."
"Alright." He swung his legs up onto the bed as Ed and Stede watched with anticipation at his side.
"See? I can stretch as much as I want and won't even bother you." Stede flailed his arms and legs like he did every night and Izzy didn't feel a thing.
"But also..." Stede reached out a determined hand and pulled Izzy toward him. "We can still be close, if you like."
Izzy looked to Ed's grinning face over Stede's shoulder and knew he'd lost.
"I guess it'd be a good time to get a new mattress." He finally conceded and Stede drew him in for a quick kiss before rocketing up off the bed and calling out to Gary, who'd left them alone while they'd made their decision.
**
"Thank you." Stede offered; glancing at Izzy after signing the last of their delivery paperwork.
"For what?" Izzy questioned in return.
"For letting me make it up to you." Stede said; voice lowering as he looked to the opposite side of the front desk, where Ed and Gary were in a world of their own, talking about motorcycles. "For allowing me to spoil you."
Not long ago, Izzy's first and strongest go-to would have been to respond to the soft comment with an angry snarl. Meant as a distraction from the embarrassed blush that quickly spread red all the way down below his shirt collar.
But not this time.
Instead, he gave in and reached for Stede's hand. "There's one more thing you can do."
"Really?" Stede's expression was over the moon at the prospect.
"Ride home with me?" Izzy rushed; heart beating wildly against his ribs.
"Of course, sweetheart." Stede brought their joined hands up and placed a kiss against their entwined fingers. "I'd love nothing more."