Work Text:
Dear Sana,
It still hurts.
It still hurts when I think about the amazing moments we had together. You made me feel loved, you made me feel worthy. All the times you used to show up at my doorstep, late in the night, all because you missed me. The way you’d hold me as we fell asleep on my couch.. they were my favorite moments.
But then, you left. You moved to an entirely different state and it was so hard to see each other. We FaceTimed constantly, always wanting to hear the other’s voice.
But, as you became more busy. That stopped. Though, you did make a promise to me. You promised to never abandon me. And I believed you.
I shouldn’t have.
After our amount of calls decreased, so did our texts. I sent you a good morning text everyday, 75% of the time, you would never even reply. Yet, I still continued to do it. I still had hope. I believed you still loved me.
Eventually, you stopped texting me altogether.
But I couldn’t bring myself to stop texting you. Despite you never asking, I always told you about my day. I rambled to you. In response, I got nothing. But, you promised never to abandon me, right?
Our anniversary came. I made you a gift.
You didn’t even take a second to text me.
It was okay though, because I believed that you were still there, I believed that you still loved me. I believed your empty promise.
Shortly after our anniversary, my birthday came.
You didn’t.
But yet, I still held on. And I can’t believe how long I held on. All because of that stupid promise. “Sana would never break a promise,” I always told myself, “She wouldn’t do that.. stop overthinking it..”
Why didn’t I believe myself?
I still rambled in your messages constantly. I thought it helped.
It didn’t.
It just made everything worse for me. It made it harder for me to stop.
The year went by quickly. Christmas came, I made you a gift. Shortly after, your birthday came and I made you another. You didn’t see it.
By the time January came by, I had convinced myself something horrible had happened to you.
I couldn’t sleep peacefully at night, I was worried about you. I’d started texting you more in hopes of a response, just a little indication that you were okay.
That never happened.
I cried myself to sleep thinking about all the things that could’ve happened to you. Looking back on that, I feel really stupid. Why was I worried about what had happened to you when you didn’t spend a single moment thinking about me?
…
A few days later I was scrolling through your Instagram account. Your last post was around the last time you texted me, further adding onto my worries. What if something had actually happened to you?
But then, I realized an account you’d tagged in the photo.
“@_zyozyo”
I figured I could probably get answers there. I could maybe DM the person, asking them if they’d seen you recently and if you were okay.
When I went to their profile, it was just filled with pictures of you and her. As much as it hurt, I couldn’t stop myself from scrolling through it all. All the dates you guys went on, time you spent cuddling.. you guys kissed.
You lied to me.
I cried that night. And the night after. And— basically every night. I didn’t want to admit it. I couldn’t admit it. You still loved me. You had to still love me.. There was no way that this was happening..
As the days went by, the denial slowly started fading away. It was clear to me now. Since the denial was gone, I had to work on accepting it.
I had to work on accepting the fact that you broke your promise, ghosted me, and probably forgot of my existence.
It wasn’t easy.
It became harder for me to function every day, my usual energetic, happy personality faded into a dejected one.
Somehow, my classmate took notice.
I had never even talked to her before. We hadn’t interacted once. But she just came up to me once and asked if I was okay?
I was honest with her.
She listened to everything without judging me.
I appreciated it.
She gave me her number just in case I ever needed to rant. Of course, I texted her often, talking about how I wish you never moved away, how much I wish you never made that promise.
Because, let’s be honest.. if you hadn’t promised to never abandon me, it wouldn’t have hurt this much. Yeah, it would still have an effect, but not as much as the stupid promise had on me.
Fuck you, and your promise.
…Sorry, that was mean.
Anyway.. My classmate was always there for me. No matter what she was doing, she’d always make time for me. We started hanging out often, and I started texting her more casually.
My vents had decreased a significant amount, my mood had improved, and it was all thanks to my classmate.
My classmate is the reason I’m writing this now. She said it would help me process the events, finally come to terms with everything. And she was right.
“Dahyun, are you ready to go?” a voice asked from the door.
Dahyun stopped writing for a moment, “Almost, just give me another minute.”
After a long year.. I’m finally ready to let go.
Dahyun put the pencil and folded the paper, “I’m done.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Relieved? I don’t know. I’m just glad I’m finally over it.” Dahyun replies.
The girl behind her smiles, “That’s good. You wanna go to a café, get something to eat?”
“Yeah, that sounds nice..”
The girl nods and is going to leave the room before Dahyun speaks.
“Thank you for everything, Tzuyu.” she begins, “Without you I don’t know where I’d be.”
Tzuyu turned around and smiled softly, “You’re welcome, Dahyun. I’m glad I was able to help you.”
“Yeah. I’m glad you were able to help me too.”