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Jay lay in bed and tossed and turned despite the fact he was exhausted. Nothing felt right. Normally he’d be happy to be on vacation at the beach and up until tonight he was. He and the other guys had spent the last two days enjoying the sun, swimming and eating out at delicious restaurants. But as the evening drew on today, Jay had begun to feel off. His stomach began to ache, his head hurt and he felt chilled. Even though the others had all gone to karaoke, Jay had opted to stay home because he wanted to go to bed. Even though he hadn’t told any of the others he was feeling sick and really he didn’t want anyone to worry about him, as he lay in bed tossing and turning he began to feel strangely abandoned. This bed wasn’t his; the sheets and pillows didn’t feel right and his whole body hurt and he wanted his hyungs….especially his Heeseung hyung. The fact he was thinking of all the guys as his hyungs was good proof he was slipping into little space but Jay tried to fight it. He was alone and far from home and he had none of the things that he wanted when he was little so he fought it. Still, despite his best efforts as he tossed and turned, the darkness of the room began to frighten him and he reached for his phone. With shaky hands he found a lullaby video to play to help him sleep. Feeling sad and lonely and abandoned, Jay found a photo of him and Heeseung on his phone and held it close as he felt drowsy. Eventually he drifted off to sleep, feeling alone and his stomach cramping.
Jay woke up not too long after that. His headspace had fallen super little and he was terrified. It was dark and he was alone! He wanted his Appa!
“Appa! Appa! Heeseung hyung!” Jay called out in a tiny, whimpering voice. His face was already wet and he realized he was crying. No one came to him and then he remembered they were all gone. Why had everyone left him?! He was too tiny! Jay cried harder.
Jay was cold; so cold. Even though he curled into a tiny little ball in the blankets he was still freezing. He wanted all of his hyungs here right now so he could cuddle them and snuggle up warm. He just knew he’d feel better if they were all here and he could cuddle up with them to get warm and feel safe and protected. But they weren’t here. Jay was cold and scared and alone.
Jay tried to go back to sleep but it was impossible. His head hurt too much and his tummy felt like it was gonna explode.
He kept crying because he felt terrible and he wanted his hyungs but they weren't here. Jay saw the light of his phone playing music in his bed and grabbed for it with shaky fingers. He could call his Appa; tell him to come home because he needed him! Between sobs Jay managed to find Heeseung's contact information and called him. He just knew he'd feel better when he could hear Appa's voice and know he was on his way home!
Unfortunately he didn't get that. The phone rang and rang and Heeseung never picked up. By the time it had gone to voicemail Jay was already full on sobbing again.
"Appa! Where are you? I need you! I sick!" Jay wailed into the phone between sobs but it was just a voicemail and no one answered him back, He hung up the phone and cried more as his stomach began to feel so yucky he had to wrap his arms around himself.
Suddenly, something really didn't feel right. His tummy felt like it was going to explode and mouth felt all funny. Before he could begin to figure out what to do to try and fix it, he was puking everywhere! He puked all over the bed and his shirt and it was terrible! He hated puking! It was yucky and it was everywhere and Jay didn't know what to do! He cried so hard his tummy hurt even more.
After what seemed like forever of sitting there waiting for his Appa that never came, Jay tried to think what he should do. What would Appa do if he was here? He would help Jay clean up, wouldn't he? He'd help Jay get new clothes and change the sheets. That all sounded like so much work; Jay was so tired and his whole body hurt and he didn't think he could change sheets. Still, he'd do his best until his Appa came home. He was just in his undies and a t-shirt; his undies were fine but his shirt was covered in gross pukey so he took it off. Now he was even more cold! His whole body was shaking like an earthquake and it wouldn't stop! He wanted his warm footies but he hasn't brought them. Jay sniffled quietly as he tried to remember where he had put his suitcase so he could get new clothes. But he couldn’t remember! And it made him super sad. He wanted warm clothes and to find a clean blanket so he could wrap up and go back to sleep.
As Jay was sitting there trying to figure out where he had put his clothes then a different feeling began to nag him. It hurt and felt yucky but it wasn't his stomach it was lower than his tummy. Jay felt a bit panicked when he realized it was because he had to go pee.....really bad! Now that he had noticed it, it was all he could do to not pee pee on himself right then! Jay jumped and went running for the bathroom.
But apparently his tummy didn't like that he was running because he was halfway to the bathroom when everything went all wrong. He got all dizzy like he had been spinning in circles and then his tummy felt yucky and then even more pukey came up! Jay puked all over the floor and got so dizzy he fell down on the ground. It was too much! It all too much.....Jay curled into a little ball, hurting and shivering and wanting his Appa and his hyungs so much it hurt.
He had almost dozed off right then and there when he was jerked awake by the feeling of something warm all over him. But it wasn't warm like a cozy blanket over him. It was a yucky warm and it was between his legs and when Jay woke up enough to open his eyes and look he realized he was having an accident! No! That could not be happening! It just couldn't! He wasn't even asleep anymore he was awake and it was still coming out! His undies were all wet and it was all over his legs and there was a huge puddle around him! Jay felt even worse now than just being sick! He'd had a real accident, a big one and it was so gross and embarrassing! Jay burst into tears again.
Jay was crying and sitting in his yucky puddle when he heard the sound of the front door opening and the others' voices as they got home. Oh no! Everyone was home! Jay had wanted that so desperately but he still didn't know where his clothes were and so he couldn't change and everyone was going to see him in wet underwear and know he had wet himself! Jay couldn’t stand that! They would all think he was gross! Or even worse they’d think he did it on purpose and he’d get in trouble! Jay was scared and he got up and went to the big chair in the corner of the room, hiding behind it so no one would see him.
“Jay! Jay!” Jay heard Appa’s voice as he came into the room. He sounded scared as he continued to look for Jay and didn’t find him. Jay felt sad; he wanted to run and jump into Appa’s arms and have him comfort him and hold him. But he was too scared that he’d be in trouble to come out.
Jay looked down at his wet undies and it made more tears come to his eyes; he felt so sad and yucky. He hadn't meant to have an accident and he still felt sick. He wanted his Appa!
"Where could he be?" Appa was asking the others, looking around the room. He went to Jay's bed, looking panicked. "He got sick; where would he go at a time like this?"
"I'm sure he's okay; he has to be around here somewhere" Jungwon told Appa in a strong voice. "Maybe he got scared and is hiding somewhere?"
"Then why isn't he answering me? What if he fainted somewhere? Jay! Jay!" Appa asked. Jay peered around the chair and looked but he didn't come out. Appa was running all over the place and he looked scared. It made Jay sad to see the scared look on Appa's face. But he was frozen; he was too aware of his wet pants and his huge accident and he couldn't come out.
Jay felt terrible. He was super cold, even colder now that his undies were wet and his tummy still hurt so bad. He wanted all his hyungs to go away so he could hopefully find his clothes but they kept coming in the room looking for him. It felt like it was forever; Appa kept calling his name and it was so sad. Jay curled up in a little ball behind the chair and lay down. He wished he could disappear like a ghost.
It felt like forever had passed when Jay was startled by a voice next to him.
"Jay?"
Jay jumped at hearing Niki's whisper next to him. He jumped up and flipped on his belly, scooting backwards away from Niki as far as he could. Jay didn't say anything, just did his best to get as far away from Niki as possible, hands covering his wet pants.
"Jay," Niki said with a kind smile. "Why are you hiding here? Can't you hear everyone calling for you?"
Jay didn't answer; what could he say? He started to cry again even though he tried not to. Big tears rolled down his face and sobs shook his body. He couldn't help it.
Niki looked sad seeing Jay cry. "Oh, Jay; come out here. You're sick. Let your hyungies take care of you" Niki urged him.
That sounded really good. It took a huge effort to keep from running into Niki's big arms and falling asleep there. But he was wet and yucky and he didn't want to get Niki wet and yucky.
Jay just continued to cry until Niki broke the silence.
"Are you hiding because you had an accident ?" Niki said in a whisper voice.
Jay stopped crying and looked up in shock. Then he looked down at his undies; could Niki see they were wet? Had he seen the big puddle he had made on the floor? He was so embarrassed!
"It's okay, Jay," Niki assured him.
Jay burst into tears. "No it's not!" Jay wailed. He wanted clean clothes and a clean and to go to sleep with all his hyungs! And he definitely wanted to take away the fact that he hadn't made it to the bathroom in time.
"But it is," Niki insisted. "You're not in trouble. We all understand you're sick. Accidents happen, especially when you don't feel good. Please come out and let us take care of you. Your Appa is super worried about you."
"He is?" Jay asked. He didn't want Appa to worry too much. Maybe he should come out.
"Yeah, of course he is" Niki said. "When you called and said you were sick he rushed home right away and now he can't find you. He wanted to take care of you."
That sounded so nice and Jay really wanted to be taken care of and not to be in trouble. He wished he had his doggie and his pacifier right now!
"I'm little!" Jay said with a little cry as if he needed to tell Niki and he didn't already know.
Niki laughed. "I know you are; you're so little right now, aren't you?" Niki asked with a knowing smile. "That's okay though. It's okay to be little, especially when you don't feel good. You have all us hyungies to take care of you."
"I want doggie and my paci but I don't have them," Jay said, feeling sad.
"Well, I don't have doggie but I do have my little stuff," Niki said. "I brought my footies and my blankie and my paci in case I needed them. Would you like to borrow them?"
That did sound really nice; Jay liked that idea! He'd still miss doggie but at least he could get super cozy in Niki's pajamas and borrow his paci.
"Yeah, I would like to share," Jay said with a nod. "Thanks for sharing hyungie."
"You're welcome" Niki said with a smile. "But that means that you have to come out of hiding, you know? Let Appa know you're here?"
Jay's tummy felt kind of yucky again, He really didn't want Appa to know he had an accident but he wanted to be taken care of. Niki wasn't mad at him for having an accident and he said that Appa wouldn't be either. Maybe he should trust him and everything would be okay.
Jay was still thinking about all this when Niki held out his hand with a smile. Jay took it and it felt strong and warm and it made him feel brave enough to step out from behind the chair and come out to where the other hyungies were.
Everyone was running around looking for him and suddenly Jay felt bad for hiding and everyone seemed scared because of what he had done. When they stepped out, Niki said, "Look who I found!" with a big happy smile.
Jay felt shy as everyone turned around and looked at him. He felt weird just wearing undies; he was practically nakey! And it was really obvious his undies were wet. He was so embarrassed! When Niki made his announcement everyone turned around and looked at him.
Jay felt like hiding but he didn't have time. As soon as Niki had told everyone he was there, they turned around and looked at him, Appa's eyes got really big when they saw him and before Jay could do anything, Appa had run over to him and wrapped his arms tightly around him. Jay forgot about everything else as he felt the comforting squeeze of Appa's hug. He was so warm and safe and secure, Jay could almost forget how sick he felt or how sad and scared he had been. Nothing else mattered when his Appa was here. Jay wrapped his arms around Appa and hugged him tightly, clinging to him in a big hug as his body felt like it was melting. Tears were coming back to his eyes and before he knew it he was sobbing again. He wasn't really sure why he was crying now but the tighter Appa hugged him the more he cried.
"Jay, I was so worried about you," Appa said, hugging Jay tighter. One of his hands went to the back of Jay's head and played with his hair there, making him feel calmer. "Don't ever hide like that from me again. You don’t ever need to hide from me. I just want to take care of you."
Jay almost told him he was hiding because he'd had an accident but he didn't; it didn't seem to matter to Appa.
Jay melted into Appa's touch, feeling warm and gooey inside and finally good. Appa was here and everything was okay. When they pulled back and Jay could look into Appa's face, Appa brushed the tears gently off his cheeks and before he could stop the words from coming out of his mouth, Jay was spilling out, "I had an accident Appa! I didn't mean to, it just happened!"
He felt dizzy and cold and tired and his body felt strange which made the words come out of his mouth without thinking. He knew his other hyungs were all there and he didn't want them to know but he just had to tell Appa.
Appa gave him a smile and then another big hug. "I know sweetie," Appa assured him. "I know you're a big boy and would never do it on purpose. But accidents happen, especially when we're sick. And that's okay.``
Jay felt like he'd been carrying a big huge thing inside of him and now it was gone. He let out a big sigh. "It is?" he asked.
"Of course it is" Appa assured him. "Let's get you cleaned up."
Appa took him into the bathroom. The light was sure bright and it hurt his eyes and it was even colder in here. Jay whimpered and wrapped his arms around himself.
"Why don't you try to potty while I go get your clothes?" Appa suggested. "Would you like me to help you clean up and get dressed or do you want to do it yourself?"
Normally, Jay would be embarrassed to be naked so much in front of Appa especially when he wasn't in the bathtub with lots of bubbles. But right now everything felt too hard and he wanted Appa's help.
"Help me Appa" Jay said after a minute's silence.
Jay could feel tears welling up in his eyes again and Appa must have known that because he took Jay's hand and gave it a squeeze as he said, "Okay, sweetie. I'll go get your clothes and help you after you potty."
Appa left the room to get clothes and Jay sniffled as he walked toward the potty. It felt pointless to go to the potty now as he had already had an accident but he did as Appa said. He took his wet undies off which was a relief but he felt cold as he sat on the toilet all nakey. He pottied a little bit and he tried to be brave but he was still crying a little by the time Appa came back. He was just so cold and so tired and felt so yucky he couldn't help it.
"Oh, Jay.....it's okay. I'm right here" Appa said encouragingly as he walked back into the bathroom. He grabbed some tissues off the bathroom counter and used them to wipe the tears off Jay's face. He gave him a warm smile. "You didn't think I left you, did you?"
"Took a long time," Jay said with a pout, "Don't feel good."
"Awww....well I'm here now and we'll make you feel better" Appa said. "Let's get you dressed."
Appa helped him step into his undies and helped him into Niki's footed pajamas. They were warm and fuzzy and they smelled like Niki; Jay felt a lot better already with them on, warm and cozy; safe. Since Niki was so tall now, his pajamas were bigger than Jay’s and the way they bunched up a little on him made him feel even smaller. Jay wrapped his arms around himself and rubbed the fabric on his skin more. He spotted Niki's pink sparkly paci in Appa's hand and reached for it. He was confused when Appa pulled it away.
"Before you get the paci you need to be a super brave boy for me and take some medicine, okay?" Appa asked.
Jay didn't like that! Appa held out his hand that had a few pills in it and Jay really didn't like that! Pills were yucky and big and hard to swallow and he couldn't! He wanted the paci!
"No! No!" Jay whined, throwing himself down on the floor. He was too tired for this; he couldn't do it. "I want paci! Paci now!"
He just kept repeating that he wanted paci so hopefully Appa would understand and give it to him but he didn't. A minute later, Appa sat down on the floor next to him. He ran his fingers through Jay's hair which felt good. He stopped screaming and kicking and looked up at him.
"I know you want the paci" Appa said. "And I'm going to give it to you. But you need to take medicine so your fever goes down. I know it's yucky and you don't want to but you need to to get better. Medicine first, then paci."
Jay whined as pitifully as he could but Appa said again, "Medicine first, then paci."
Jay whined again. "But it's grown up medicine. I can't swallow it."
"Yes, you can," Appa said encouragingly. "I'll help you."
Jay really didn't think he could do it but if Appa said that he could he would try to believe him and try it. Besides, he wasn't going to get the paci if he didn't try and he really wanted it! Appa showed Jay how to tilt his head back to make the pills easier to swallow and helped him get a drink of water. With Appa's help he was able to swallow the pills the first time! He was so surprised, he was stunned for a minute until Appa gave him a big smile and said, "You did it, Jay! That's a good boy!"
Appa held out the paci at once and Jay was eager to take it. The nipple fit perfectly in his mouth and felt so calming; he was so little his mouth automatically began moving, rhythmically sucking as Appa wrapped his arms around him and gave him a hug,
"Let's get you into bed" Appa said after a minute.
Jay nuzzled against Appa's chest. He was warm and smelled good and Jay felt so safe with him. "Can we cuddle to sleep?" Jay asked, mumbling around the paci.
Appa smiled. "Of course we can cuddle to sleep."
When Jay and Appa came out of the bathroom he saw his other hyungs making the bed with clean sheets and blankets. When he saw it he realized how tired he really was; it felt like he could just fall into bed and never ever get up! He pulled Appa faster toward the bed.
Jay climbed up onto the bed and crawled into the middle. Before he could reach for the covers and a pillow, Appa was already there doing it for him.
Appa tucked a pillow underneath his head and lay down beside him as he pulled the covers up. The warmth of the now clean bed felt so good; it felt even better when he turned over so that he could nuzzle into Appa's chest. He could hear his heartbeat and feel his warmth as he wrapped his arms around him. He felt so sick and tired he could have gone to sleep right then. But he kept hearing his other hyungs cleaning up the room and moving around him and he knew he wanted them ALL to cuddle him.
"Hyungs!" Jay mumbled blearily around his paci as he half sat up and reached toward them.
"What's wrong?" Appa asked as the others stopped what they were doing and came closer to the bed.
Jay didn't have to work to give them his best puppy dog eyes; they naturally came out when he was so little. "I want all my hyungs to cuddle me" Jay whined gently.
"All of us?" Jungwon asked, giving him a big amused smile. "Do you think we can all fit in that one bed with you?"
Jay scooted as close to Appa as possible. "It's a big bed!" Jay said, patting the empty space next to him making all his hyungs laugh.
"Well, I suppose we can try, But just because you're so cute" Jake said, the first to lie down next to him along with Niki on his other side.
As Jay nestled in close to Appa he was soon surrounded by tons of extra warmth; all his hyungs did fit in the bed! It took a bit of moving and maneuvering but after a few minutes all the others were in the bed with him and cuddled close. Soon there were the big strong arms of all of his hyungs around him and Jay closed his eyes and his face wouldn't stop smiling. Even though he felt still so sick he couldn't stop smiling because he was warm and cozy and safe and finally with his hyungs. And the best part?
He felt so....sooooo loved!