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From the moment he woke up, he was shackled. The sins of his past life were the only defining factor in his life, and he was to waste away lifetimes in the dark.
The first light that came into his life were the eyes of Jing Yuan.
Dan Heng sighed, closing his book, and laying it down on a pile of papers. When thoughts plagued his mind, it was more efficient to take a breather. He supposed it was normal to think of the past; it had been a few days since he entered Xianzhou.
And in those few days, he had already met the source of his nightmares, recalled his memories of a past life, and met an old(?) friend. He as ‘Dan Heng’ did not know Jing Yuan very well, but he as ‘Dan Feng’ were close, or so he recalls.
These memories are… burdensome. Dan Heng frowned. He was not ‘Dan Feng’, but he was remembered as so. What was the point of rebirth if people would only recognize him for ‘Dan Feng’?
This boy… is not Dan Feng. Was Jing Yuan’s argument. He… is Dan Heng. He did not commit those crimes; therefore, he shall instead be exiled from Luofu.
While he would be forever grateful to the general, Dan Heng did not miss the reminiscent look on his face when he left his hometown. Those eyes of light… were not looking at him.
Among five, three must pay a price. You are one of them.
Dan Heng looked at the window of his hotel room, courtesy of Jing Yuan. Ever since he was born, the same nightmare tormented him at night. Now that he had come across the hunter, he wondered if he would no longer be fearful. Today isn’t the day to test that, he shook his head.
But that man too, did not look at him.
It was always ‘Dan Feng’ and not ‘Dan Heng’.
When will this end? Dan Heng grew sick of it. He was utterly tired of living in the shadow of someone else, but this was his life now. He was destined to a life of terror and—
“Come with us.”
The next second, a gentle smile was cast on him, asking him to board the Astral Express. Her name was Himeko, and she was his second saving grace.
“Currently, the Astral Express is missing a guard.” She continued.
The offer was enticing, but Dan Heng was hesitant. If he boarded this train, he would surely meet people who would only recognize him for himself. And should the day ever come when his past sins caught up to him, it would become a burden to them.
“When you find a place for yourself, you may leave the Astral Express.” Himeko added, knowingly.
“…Alright.”
Dan Heng stood up from his seat. His thoughts were becoming too deep for him now. He needed a change of pace. Grabbing a cloak to cover his garments, Dan Heng walked out the door.
He didn’t expect anyone else to be awake.
“…Caelus.”
“Hey.”
“You should be resting.”
“Same goes to you.” Caelus refuted. Looking up at the sky, Caelus grinned as he looked back at Dan Heng. “The Moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”
Dan Heng widened his eyes slightly at the implication before clearing his throat. He could already feel his face redden. Who wouldn’t after hearing those words?
“If you’re here to moon-gaze, be sure to go back inside soon. It gets cold at—”
“So, what’re you up to?” Caelus interrupted him with a tilt of his head.
Dan Heng sighed; he didn’t expect anything less from the man with limitless energy. “I was planning on taking a short walk.”
“Oh, can I come along?”
“Of course.”
As they began to walk around the quiet but bustling streets of Xianzhou, Caelus took his time to look Dan Heng up and down. “What’s with the jacket?”
“It’s a cloak.” Dan Heng corrected him. “I’m not welcomed here, so it’s best to cover up to minimize any risks.”
“Oh,” was Caelus’s only response.
They continued walking in silence, and Dan Heng couldn’t help but think. He had come out to escape his thoughts, but it seemed even a simple response from Caelus was causing him unrest.
After all, his only fear had come true: his past sins had caught up to him, and he dragged the entire crew along with him. Now that they knew his true form, what would Caelus and the rest think of him?
Did they still see him as ‘Dan Heng’?
Or do they see ‘Dan Feng’ in him?
“What’s it like knowing your past?” March 7 had asked, scooping some ice cream into her mouth.
Dan Heng stilled. It wasn’t like he didn’t expect her to ask, if anything, it was obvious she’d be curious considering her own circumstances. But his past was nothing to be proud of, and she really shouldn’t take his situation as precedent for her own in the future.
As if hearing the turmoil in his head, March 7 quickly added, “Oh! But you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to!”
“No, that’s not it.” He shook his head. After heavily contemplating his words, he said to her, “It’s just… unpleasantly heavy.”
March nodded thoughtfully. “Seems like it for sure,” she smiled wistfully. Dan Heng nodded back slowly, taking a sip of his own tea.
“Well,” she took her last bite and flashed a cheeky grin. “It’s a great day out, so let’s make the most out of it before it gets dark! Speaking of which, where’s my camera? And where’d Caelus run off to now?”
“Caelus…” muttered Dan Heng.
“Yeah?”
Snapping out of his musings, Dan Heng faced a confuzzled Caelus and couldn’t help a chuckle seeing Caelus’ expectant gaze. His hair was particularly shining under the moonlight, Dan Heng noticed. It was enticingly fluffy enough alone, and Dan Heng couldn’t help brushing his fingers into his hair.
Caelus didn’t seem to mind at all, leaning closer to his touch with a sluggish grin.
Dan Heng returned his smile. “Who am I to you, Caelus?”
“Hmm…”
Caelus rubbed his chin with his thumb and index finger as if pondering deeply with his eyes closed in a frown, but Dan Heng suspected he was only doing so for the theatrics. It was endearing to watch at least.
Relaxing his arm back down to his side, Caelus opened his eyes and answered sincerely, “You are Dan Heng, someone very important to me.”
A simple answer befitting Caelus.
“Someone I can trust my life to, and someone I want to protect for a very long time.”
Dan Heng hummed as Caelus continued, listing off his qualities more aggressively as it went on, as if Caelus was trying to convince him of his good nature.
He couldn’t help recalling his time with Caelus thus far.
From the first time he saw him at Herta’s space station, to their time together on Jarilo VI, to their reunion in Xianzhou.
The man he had almost operated CPR on, the man who wielded a bat with destructive power, the man who protected March by throwing himself in front of the Doomsday Beast to shield her, the man who had a Stellaron core inside his body. Caelus, who joined the Astral Express.
Caelus, who partook in a mission to seal the Stellaron at Jarilo VI, suffered at the hands of Cocolia before receiving the Will of Preservation.
Dan Heng unconsciously frowned when he recalled Caelus’ dismissal of the life-threatening scenario.
“If I had a credit for every time I almost died, I would have two credits. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice,” he even joked, only to be berated by Dan Heng and March 7.
“You! Don’t you dare joke around about that!” March 7 bawled angrily. She then hastened to scavenge through her relics for stronger defense stats.
Dan Heng too made a mental note to check their stash of relics for speed enhancements once they got back to the Astral Express. If he couldn’t stop Caelus from standing in the front lines, he may as well attack before Caelus got hurt.
But he couldn’t even do that. Instead, he stayed back on the Astral Express while the other two explored Xianzhou with Mr. Yang. And when they reunited, they bore witness to his true form. The form of ‘Dan—'
“—Heng?”
Dan Heng blinked out of his daze. “…What did you say?”
“Uh, that I’ve got you more books for the archives?”
“No, not that.”
“Er, sad past or not, it’s not healthy to keep your dragon form hidden for long periods of time?” Caelus’ eyes shook as if rewinding back to remember his words. “That’s what the healer lady told me…”
“No… what did you call me?”
Caelus raised a brow in confusion but complied anyway. “Dan Heng?”
Dan Heng sucked in a quick breath before exhaling shakily. “Say it again?”
“Dan Heng?”
“Again.”
“Dan Heng.”
“Again.”
This time, Caelus snickered. “Dan Heng.”
Looking straight into those amber eyes looking back at him, Dan Heng couldn’t help but chuckle along.
When did this enigma become so light blinding?
“We should head back; it’s getting late.” Dan Heng glanced at the darkened sky and back to his yawning companion.
“Yeah, you’re right.” Caelus stretched his arms out and wide as he yawned and shuddered back down, lazily blinking back tears. “Oh, but I got to tell you about—”
As they walked back the way they came from, they continued to exchange words, ranging from Caelus retelling his tales with talking to the cranes of the 7 Deadly Sins and solving Hexanexus puzzles so well that he could probably fill a bathtub with all his treasures.
“I was a bit sad because Xianzhou doesn’t have any trashcans, but since there were so many treasure chests, it was okay,” Caelus eyed a red pot suspiciously before a nudge got him turning his head back to focus on Dan Heng.
“I still don’t understand your obsession with trashcans,” Dan Heng sighed.
“Well, if you stare hard enough,” Caelus walked closer to Dan Heng, putting an arm around his shoulder, raising a hand to wave across in the air. “You’ll see like a golden glow from under the lid—”
Dan Heng scoffed. “That’s ridiculous.”
Caelus laughed, undoing his arm on Dan Heng’s shoulder. “I’m serious!” With a thumb pointing at himself, Caelus grinned victoriously. “You probably can’t see it because I have higher praising morals then you.”
Dan Heng rolled his eyes in amusement. “Right.” As Caelus babbled along, Dan Heng couldn’t help but helplessly wait for the warmth of Caelus’ arm to disappear from beneath his skin, grieving as it was slowly replaced with the cold breeze.
And when it came time to separate into their own rooms, Dan Heng paused in front of his door. “Cae—” Turning around, Dan Heng stopped, realizing that he was the only one standing in the hallway.
It was eerily quiet and dark, as if he had not left the hotel at all. As if his midnight walk with Caelus was but a vision.
Nonsense. Dan Heng rebuked himself. He probably went to rest, and I should do the same. I can just talk to him tomorrow.
Turning the doorknob, Dan Heng was faced with a depressingly dark room. Just the way he left it.
Entering his room, he let the door slowly close behind him. And then came the sounds of swishing on the floor.
…Swishing?
“Wait, Dan Heng!” Caelus roughly shoved the door open with his shoulder, struggling to hold both his pillow and blanket in his arms. The blanket was overflowing in his arms and was sweeping the ground with every step he took.
‘So that’s what was making that sound,” Dan Heng mused. “What’s going on, Caelus?” he asked, watching as Caelus forced his things to one arm to gather the rest of the blanket from touching the ground.
“Well,” Caelus stiffly stood by Dan Heng’s room, hesitant to make the next step inside. “I went to my room and, you know, I was kind of tired before but now I’m not that tired, so I thought I’d chill in your room.”
Dan Heng raised a brow. “And if I was planning on sleeping?”
“Yeah,” Caelus laughed sheepishly, looking away. “I just thought of that now. My bad.”
“That’s fine.” Dan Heng reached out and grabbed Caelus’ finger, mindful of his occupied arms, pulling him into his room. “I don’t mind having the extra company for longer.”
Caelus grinned brightly at the invitation and hurried to prepare his makeshift bed. Dan Heng helped; the two folded the blanket for an impromptu mattress, and Caelus laid his pillow at the edge.
Looking at the results of Caelus’ substitute bed and back to his own, Dan Heng settled in sitting next to Caelus in his new bed.
“I am more used to this,” Dan Heng cleared his throat, pointedly ignoring the questioning look on Caelus’ face. “I hope you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind,” Caelus smiled. “I like being with you like this anyway. And it’s kind of like a sleepover.”
Damn Caelus and his blunt sincerity.
Dan Heng could already feel the blood rushing through his head.
“…Is that so.”
“Yeah,” Caelus began to rock himself from side-to-side, and Dan Heng could already feel the energy radiating from him. “I think it’s easier to sleep with someone else sometimes, so that I don’t have to feel nervous about having nightmares. And with you, I just don’t feel nervous at all.”
“You’re, uh—” Caelus scrunched his eyebrows, racking his brains. “Very grounding. If that makes any sense.”
Dan Heng hummed thoughtfully at the compliment.
“And I mean, after everything we went through, you probably have a lot of times when you don’t want to be alone too. I want to become someone you’ll be comfortable with too.”
Dan Heng closed his eyes, the emptiness of the darkness was soothed by the sound of Caelus’ voice, and he hummed with a gentle smile. “You already are,” he opened his eyes at the sight of Caelus struggling to fend a yawn off.
With a chuckle, Dan Heng added, “And it’s about time we actually go to sleep.”
Caelus lazily nodded, lightly pushing his pillow closer to Dan Heng as he grabbed the pillow on the bed and placed it below his head. Dan Heng followed, pulling the blanket off his bed, and covering them both.
Laying his own body down, Dan Heng rested his head on Caelus’ pillow and faced Caelus, watching as he tried hard to fight his eyes from closing but to no avail.
“Good night, Dan Heng.” Caelus mumbled into sleep.
“Good night, Caelus.” Dan Heng replied.
Closing his eyes in surrender to the darkness, Dan Heng realized that his thoughts had long been clouded with the fact that Caelus was right beside him.
Even now, he couldn’t help falling asleep to the reassurance that there was a possibility to meet Caelus in his dreams.
Perhaps he’ll dream of one where Caelus is looking at him with those vibrant amber eyes, holding out a hand for Dan Heng to grab, as he pulled Dan Heng forward to a future filled with light.
Oh, what was he thinking. Caelus’ amber eyes were always on him. His hands had always reached for him. What was the point of doubting him now?
There was no need to agonize about past loves and past sins.
He needed only to look forward.
Forward to a place where he’ll be accepted as himself.
With new loves and new reasons to sin.
As Dan Heng.