Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

            A cough gurgled from his throat, thick with blood and fear. His back was pressed against the door, barricading himself from the threats outside. His hands were slick with a mixture of his and his father’s blood as he fumbled with his phone.

            He pressed the phone to his ear, as it rang for John B. “Come on, come on, pick up John B.” He murmured, his heart beating in his throat.

            Hey, it’s me, I’m not available right now, shoot me a text and I’ll get back to you when I can. Later!

            “Damnit, damnit.” He hung up, searching for Popes number and letting it ring. Same result.

            His eyes frantically scanned the room for something to lodge against the door handle so he could shimmy out the window. His eyes landed on an old chair that might give him 10 seconds before it busted into pieces. Just when he was about to move for it, Luke’s body slammed into the door, JJ turned pressing his sticky hands into the wood.

            “Open my damn door you worthless little shit.” He slurred through the wood. “Don’t make me break this shit because if you do, you’re not gonna live to see tomorrow.”

            “Fuck off.” JJ ground out, anxiously eyeing the chair. His freedom. He just had to get to it.

            Luke’s shoes thudded down the hall away from JJ’s door, so JJ jumped into action. He grabbed a shirt form the floor and pushed the chair under the handle, bolting for the window. He threw it open and had one leg out when the head of an axe came sailing through the door behind him. JJ paled, temporarily frozen, but when the next swing hit the wood, he wasn’t about to stay around and find out.

            Just as he was about to turn and go, Luke’s red glossy eyes caught his through the door. “JJ, don’t you fucking move!” He yelled through the door.

            Swallowing down his fear, JJ narrowed his eyes. “Come and stop me then.” With that he turned and pushed out the window.

            “Get your ass back here you thief! JJ!” He heard Luke yell, punctuating each sentence with a grunt and angry smashing of wood.

            He had landed on his knees, smashing hard into the ground, but he didn’t dare stop to lick his wounds. He shoved up and took off, each foot fall sending violent stabs throughout his ribs and head. Blood trickled down his chin from his nose, making it hard to breath and his breathes short bursts.

            He ran until he couldn’t anymore, slowing to a walk, his breathing labored and his body sore. His arm cradled his side, blood seeping between his fingers and into the tank top he had on. Swapping his hand for the t-shirt, he pressed it into his side, biting his lip to keep crying out in anguish.

            Rowdy laughs startled him, eyes darting up. He didn’t know where he was, did he run to Figure 8? No, he couldn’t have, that bar looks too run down for that. His feet mindlessly traveled closer, trying to distinguish where he was, when a figure broke away from the rowdy crowd and started heading toward him.

            “Fuck me.” JJ whispered to himself, slowly backing away, hoping the person was too drunk to actually see him.

            But they saw him anyway. “Hey who the hell are you? Its fucking weird creeping around in the shadows.” The voice called still approaching.

            JJ sucked in a breath as he recognized the voice, its owner none other than Rafe Cameron. Not having the strength to fight or argue with him, he turned to leave.

            “Oh, it’s just some Pogue trash.” Rafe drawled, a smirk evident in his tone. “Maybank what the hell are you doing in the shadows you weird fuck.”

            “Go back to your friends Rafe, leave me the hell alone.” His mind was swimming, his adrenaline wearing off and his movements becoming sluggish. He side wouldn’t stop bleeding; the cut would need stitches no doubt.

            “Don’t fucking talk to me that way Maybank.”  Rafe seethed, stalking up and grabbing JJ’s arm. Swinging him to face him. “Who do you- Oh shit.” Rafe stopped when he saw JJ fully.

            Pain was etched through the blood and cuts on JJ’s face, his eyes swimming with exhaustion as he peered up at Rafe.  “Happy?” He smirked weakly.

            Rafe let go of his bicep, which was the only thing keeping him standing. He crumpled to his knees, the impact clattering his teeth together. He groaned; his hand still clamped to his bleeding side.

            “Fuck man, let me at least help you.” Rafe reached forward but JJ held his hand up.

            “Don’t touch me, Rafe.” JJ ground out, closing his eyes and willing the pain to go away.

            “You’re practically dying in front of me, I can’t leave you here.” Rafe’s eyes darted back to the group, that was already dissipating. “I’ll have been the last one to have seen you if you die man, that won’t look good for me.”

            JJ laughed weakly; his eyes still clamped together. “Always looking out for yourself Cameron.”

            Rafe blew out a breath, scrubbing his hand down his face. “Well fucking obviously. I can’t afford to have the cops on my ass man.”

            JJ cracked his eye open. “Maybe lay off the coke? Have you ever thought to start there?”

            Rafe let out a frustrated sigh. “Maybe stop running your mouth and you wouldn’t have ended up like this, have you ever thought to start there?”

            JJ didn’t correct him, just glared silently. His head was swimming, and his vision was starting to blur and go black around the edges. JJ tumbled forward, unable to hold himself up anymore.

            “Fucking Pogues.” Rafe cursed as he rushed to catch JJ before he crashed entirely into the ground.

            “Fuck you.” JJ whispered, his head lulling forward and the unconscious moving to take over. His vision went black as he slumped in Rafe’s arms.

Chapter Text

Dull aching pain seared through JJ’s body, eliciting a soft groan from his lips. His head was pounding as he opened his eyes to a surprisingly dark room. A surprisingly well-furnished dark room.

            His eyelids sprung open and he sat up straight, a stabbing pain shooting through his side doubling him over. He hissed in pain, looking down to find himself shirtless and the wound stitched up. “What the hell?” He whispered confused.

            “I’m no doctor so take it easy man.” A voice said from in front of him.

            JJ looked up, squinting into the darkness, trying to figure out who the voice was. “Where am I?” A lamp flickered on, making JJ shut his eyes against the harsh white light. When he opened them, he saw Rafe sitting on the edge of a massive bed, a small tray in his hand.

            “My room dumbass.” Rafe remarked, picking up a straw like object and snorting the contents of the tray. He inhaled deeply, rubbing his nose. “I stitched your dumbass up.”

            “No one asked you to.”

            “No shit, don’t think I’d do this if the circumstances were different.” Rafe set the tray down, turning his blown pupils to JJ. “You passed out at my feet basically, I couldn’t leave you there, as much as I wanted to.”

            “You should’ve, it’d have been better than here.”

            Rafe snorted, his high eyes holding a sliver of amusement. “Sleeping on my couch, patched up, verses dead on the road, one sounds significantly better than the other but if you prefer to be dead, I can arrange it.”

            JJ glared at Rafe. He had a point, but JJ would never say that out loud, especially to him. So, silence was what he chose.

            “That’s what I thought, be grateful, Maybank.” Rafe mused leaning back into the headboard, kicking his feet out in front of him.

            “What time is it? Why’s it so dark out?” JJ changed the subject, tearing his eyes away from the tall figure on the bed.

            “It’s like 9 in the morning, you’ve been out for a while.”

            JJ puzzled. The room is pitch black aside from the small lamp light, how is that possible? “Are you coked out right now? Its pitch black in here?”

            “They’re black out curtains dumbass, ever heard of them? You can see the curtains, right?” Rafe side eyed JJ, his hands clasped behind his head now.

            “I don’t know shit about you or your room, why would I know this.” JJ sneered.

            “Nobody said you had to, it’s just common sense Maybank. It’s alright though, not everyone is bright.” Rafe smiled, a fake taunting smile as he looked at JJ.

            JJ seethed. Fuck this guy. “Fuck you, where’s my shirt.” JJ pushed to his feet, ignoring the burning pain in his side.

            “In the trash, shit was ruined.”

            “Are you fucking serious? You threw away my shirt! What am I supposed to wear?” JJ practically yelled.

            The expression on Rafe’s face flickered from amused to angry in a second as he turned a burning glare on JJ. “Lower your voice Maybank, I don’t need people to know that I have some Pogue filth in my room and get the wrong idea.”

            JJ snorted. “Why don’t you make me tough guy.”

            Rafe got up, surprisingly quick for having just done a line of blow. He stood over JJ, crowding his space and looking down on him. His voice was low and dangerous, stale alcohol wafting off him in waves. “I would love nothing more than wipe that stupid look from your face JJ, but I won’t hit you while you’re down. I can wait till we’re on even footing again, makes for a fair fight.”

            “How generous of you, I could take you now and still win.” JJ challenged.

            Rafe tsked his tongue, an amused look falling into place again. “JJ…JJ…you seriously underestimate me.” He pressed a finger into the patched cut on JJ’s side. JJ winced, curling in on himself. “This little favor right here, will cost you. It won’t be now, it might not be in a few days, but just know I will collect, and you can’t refuse.” He pushed harder into the cut.

            JJ cried out in pain, his knees buckling but Rafe’s hand shot out and caught his throat holding him up.

            “Do you understand?” Rafe whispered.

            “Yes. I understand.” JJ croaked, his windpipe getting crushed under Rafe’s palm.

            “Good boy. Now get out.” Rafe shoved him toward the door.

            JJ didn’t need to be told twice as he stumbled out the door and all but sprinted down the stairs and out of the house.

            He didn’t care who saw him stumbling from the Camerons house, all he cared about was putting enough distance between him and that monster. He should’ve run the other way last night and not let the pain cloud his judgement.

            “Damnit.” He cursed out loud when he slowed down to a walking pace. He was crossing into the Cut now.

            A car horn blasted from beside him, startling his eyes up and his head out of its stupor. John B was driving toward him in the Twinkie, a grim look on his face. JJ looked down at his naked bruised torso and cringed inwardly, this was not what he wanted to talk about with John B.

            “JJ what the fuck happened? Where have you been?” John B asked when he pulled the car to a stop, hopping out quickly.

            “It’s nothing man, don’t worry about it.” JJ subconsciously moved his arms to cover his chest, shielding himself from John B’s prying eyes. He hated the endless pitying look, made his insides feel weird.

            He wasn’t weak. He could take care of himself.

            “Did your dad do that?” John B asked quietly, reaching out to touch JJ’s arm gently.

            JJ jerked his arm away. “Don’t do this right now.” He said between clenched teeth, his eyes looking around for anyone near enough to here.

            “Do what? Care? You’re being ridiculous, what happened.” John B pressed, moving in again.

            “John B, leave it alone.” JJ warned moving away from him.

            “Or what? You going to hit me?” John B challenged.

            JJ’s mouth dropped open. “W-What? No, I wouldn’t do that, what? Where the fuck did that come from?”

            John B’s face was set in a firm expression. “You’re acting like a caged animal, you’ve never resisted this hard to me asking you, so what the hell happened.”

            A truck was approaching, a black truck with dark tinted windows that JJ recognized all too well. Rafe’s truck.

            “John B get in the van, please get in the van.” JJ panicked shoving John B backwards.

            John B ground to a halt, pushing JJ’s arms off him. “What the hell is your problem today? We’re not going anywhere until you tell me what happened.”

            “I’ll tell you in the van, please, get in.” JJ watched as the truck rolled closer, the passenger window rolling down. “Please, please, get in the van.”

            “Is that Rafe? What is he doing on the cut?” John B asked, brushing past JJ to get a better look.

            JJ was frantic, Rafe’s hand still phantom wrapped around his neck, he hadn’t even had enough time to properly process everything, and Rafe was popping back up. If John B would just get in the van, we wouldn’t have to have round two so soon.

            Rafe’s truck was now parallel to their van, his sunglasses pushed low on his nose as he made eye contact with JJ. “Don’t forgot our chat, sweets.” He called out the window, tossing a wink after.

            He continued to drive past, much to JJ’s relief. He blew out a breath he had been holding in. Until John B whirled on him, accusations and fury in his eyes.

            JJ held up his hands. “I know what it looks like, but I swear it’s not.”

            “What does it look like JJ?” John B asked, his voice laced with frustration.

            “Like he did this, but he didn’t as hard as that is to believe.”

            John B scoffed. “Right, are you going to continue to lie or are you going to tell the truth? We’re friends JJ, best friends, I know when you’re lying.”

            JJ’s hands clenched into fists at his side. “Clearly. If we’re such good friends you’d know I was telling the truth there.”

            John B shook his head, before turning to the van. “Whatever, get in.”

            JJ followed quietly getting in the van. This day couldn’t get any worse now that John B was mad at him for whatever reason. JJ slumped in his chair, his head resting against the window as they drove toward John B’s place.

Chapter Text

When the van pulled to a stop outside of the house, John B silently got out and stormed to the pier, not even looking back. JJ could feel the guilt in his chest, bubbling like vat of acid and it made him feel sick. Why did he feel guilty for not wanting to recount getting beat down by his own father just yet? 

 He banged his head back against the headrest before shoving the door open and sliding out. His body felt tight, wound up, and not in a great way. It felt like he’d been shoved in a car compactor, crushed a bit, taken out, and swung around like a wet towel to dry. He could feel the bruises without them being touched, the small cuts that grazed his skin, and the air grazing against the stitches on his side. 

 He pulled himself up the steps, exhausted and angry at letting himself get like this. He was frustrated that rather than fighting back as hard as he could, he just cried. He shoved open the door with too much force as the images of himself crying and pleading, weakly pushing his dad’s arms away flashed through his mind. He’d let that sick bastard shove that broken chair shard into his side, not even bothering to hit him, just shoving him away. 

 He let out a cry, a strangled sound of sobs and anger, as he threw himself onto the pull-out couch, not even caring that his side protested at the effort. Angry hot tears poured down his cheeks as he pressed his face deeper into the pillows. The images of that night looped around his brain like a sick slide show, until Rafe’s amused smirk flicked across his eyelids. Then the sadness and anger turned to pure hatred, as he smashed his fists angrily into the couch. The dull thumps doing nothing to ease his mood. 

 Fuck him for taking advantage of him when he wasn’t in his right mind. Fuck him for making it an IOU game. Damn that man to hell. 

 His fists slowed to a stop as the exhaustion began to plague his muscles to the point he couldn’t move them. His tears halted, drying in salty streaks down his face, as he let the exhaustion pull him into sleep. 

 When JJ awoke next, the sky was bright with the high afternoon sun. It beat down through the window with the worn, fading curtains, piercing into his eyes. He pressed his face further into the couch wishing it would open up and swallow him whole, just so the dull pain inside of him would disappear. 

 His wallowing was interrupted when someone cleared their throat, alerting him of their presence. JJ shifted his head, peering out. On the couch opposite of him was John B, Pope, and Kie. JJ pushed himself up, blinking a few times to make sure he was seeing this correctly, and yep sure enough all three of his friends were sitting there staring at him. 

 “What’s going on?” JJ questioned, moving to sit pulling a pillow in front of his still naked chest.

 “John B called us after he found you wondering on the streets half naked. He said you wouldn’t tell him what happened and that somehow Rafe was involved. So naturally we’re concerned JJ.” It was Kie who responded, her worried eyes trying not to wonder his bruised skin. 

 He wanted to curl in on himself, to hide, but he ground his teeth together so painfully hard he wouldn’t have been surprised if they broke off into powder. “I told him, that it wasn’t what it looked like.” 

 “What does it look JJ, tell us, so we can understand.” Kie said earnestly. 

 What was this an intervention? Frustration bubbled inside of him, but he swallowed it down. “He patched up my side when I bumped into him yesterday.”

 “Was that before or after he cut you open?” Pope’s words were laced with hatred as were his eyes as he met JJ’s gaze. 

 JJ’s eyes flicked to the ground, unable to hold the gaze. “No, that was my dad.” 

 “And Rafe just happened to be there? To save the day?” JJ could hear the eye roll in Pope’s voice without looking at him. 

 JJ’s fist clenched and unclenched where they laid rested on his knees. He wanted to scream, lash out, something, just to make them understand and believe him. He didn’t want Rafe’s help, it’s just how it happened. Can’t take it back now. Blinking rapidly, he squared his shoulders, turning his gaze between his three friends. “I’m fine, thanks for asking. The only reason Rafe was involved is because I saved my own ass and accidentally bumped into him. He didn’t have to help but he did, not that it fucking matters anyway. The only thing that should matter is that he saved my life and that I am, I don’t know, alive?” 

 “JJ it’s not like we don’t care, we’re just concerned.” Kie breathed, her voice soft and her eyes softer. Something about it drove JJ to the brink of madness. 

 He scoffed, deep and sardonic. His eyes narrowed painfully small. “You’re serious? This whole thing seems very confrontational and hostile. Like, not to be dramatic, but all you’ve cared about is that Rafe stitched me up instead of the fact that I could’ve died.” 

 “Why didn’t you just tell me?” John B cut in, steering JJ’s cold gaze to him. 

 “Like I had the chance! I’m sorry I didn’t want to spill all my trauma to you shirtless and in the street.” 

 John B didn’t get the chance to respond as Kie spoke first. “Why don’t you just take the day and rest. We can talk about this when you’re ready.” 

 JJ’s shoulders were tense still but relaxed fractionally. “That’s the best idea I’ve heard yet.” He got up, snatching a shirt from his backpack that he always had here. “I’m going out.” 

 “Be safe please.” Kie called after his retreating back. 

 With the roll of his eyes, he shoved out the broken screen door, not caring if it slammed shut behind him. 

 He ran home, taking his chances when shimming back into his destroyed room just to steal to two pre-rolled joints before leaving again. He grabbed his bike from where he had left it at the front of the house. He took off down the road, the only destination in his mind was a nice sandy beach and the surf to calm his nerves. 

 A couple hours later, a joint perched in between his lips JJ watched the surf. The choppy blue waves, glassy and foam filled crashing against the shore. Melodic against his ears and light spray against his bare chest. He’d stolen a board from the house a few miles down and stripped himself of his shirt to enjoy some waves. Release some steam. 

 His mood was improving greatly, and his time alone was helping even more. Being around people lately was getting to exhausting for him, so much concern and conversations, it was disgusting how little these people thought of him. Footsteps, light but heavy, alerted JJ that someone was trudging through the sand toward him. 
 He turned his head to look, his jaw tightening as his eyes landed on Rafe. A light blue button up open and billowing, his light washed jeans hugging his legs in ways JJ shouldn’t be noticing. JJ shouldn’t be noticing any of this. Shouldn’t even be acknowledging him. Annoyed JJ snapped his eyes away, focusing back on the surf, back on slowing his heartrate. 

 “Well, well, look who it is.” Rafe mused as he plopped down in the sand close yet far enough from JJ. 

 “What do you want.” JJ ground out, not daring to look at him. 

 “Just came to see how you were doing, don’t start running through all the different scenarios in your head.” 

 Before JJ could stop himself, he barked out a laugh. Short and clipped, a bit meaner than he intended. He quickly covered it with a cough, he didn’t want problems today. “I’m fine.” 

 “You must be fine if you’re risking salt water in an open wound.” Rafe mused again; the teasing tone laced through his words. 

 “It’s not open, you patched it yourself. The salt water cleans it out or whatever.” JJ half shrugged, daring to glance at Rafe. 

 JJ sucked in a breath. The sun was working wonders on Rafe right now. His blue shirt hanging limply behind him as he lounged back in the sand, his golden tanned skin bare for JJ to see. JJ’s mouth suddenly went dry as he forced his eyes away, bring the remainder of his joint to his lips. 

 “So why aren’t you out doing criminal shit with your friends?” Rafe asked, unaware of the clear panic emitting from the boy next to him.

 
 JJ kept his eyes steeled forward, not daring to look at hardened muscles or tanned skin of the person next to him. He wasn’t even attracted to men. Maybe he had like a head injury or something, that had to be it. Jesus, this was Rafe Cameron he was thinking about. 

 “Earth to the space cadet.” Rafe interrupted. 

 Heat burned on his ears, embarrassment poisoning his mood. “What do you even want Rafe.” He snapped. 

 “Oh, relax dickhead, I’m not here to start anything. I just saw you on the beach with a stolen board.” 

 JJ’s eyes slanted towards Rafe. “How do you know its stolen? I could’ve borrowed it.” 

 Rafe snorted, moving his hand to let sand blow in the wind. “Right. That board costs more than your bike, who do you know that has that type of money.” 

 JJ’s eyes that were latched onto Rafe’s hand, moved to his face. His lips pursed with disgust. “You’re a dick you know that. I could’ve saved money.” 

 “Whatever thief.” 

 JJ shook his head, not denying the allegations anymore. “You still never answered me on why you’re here.” 

 “Yes, I did. Is your head alright?” Rafe angled his head, squinting into the light to look at JJ. 

 “Fuck you. What do you really want.” 

 “Wanna steal some bigger shit with me?” Rafe smiled, as JJ’s stunned eyes fell on him. 

 “I’m not a thief man, I just borrowed the board, I was going to give it back when I was done.” JJ stammered, his eyes wide.

 Rafe rolled his eyes. “Shut up man, I don’t care about the board. Topper stole some drugs from my party the other night, a lot of money worth of drugs. So now we break into his house and steal some money. Easy.” 

 JJ’s jaw almost unhinged itself with how hard it fell open. “Easy? Are you stupid? No, not stupid, are you fucking INSANE? I am already on the Deputy’s watchlist man, I can’t be caught dead with you or even near a Kook’s house. Let alone steal money.”

 Rafe’s smile stretched further. “You owe me babes, for that pretty little hand stitching on your side.” 

 JJ’s mouth clamped shut. Of course this was his debt repayment. Rafe would love to see him thrown in jail, to finally live up to his live expectations. Fuck this guy. “No. I’m not going to jail for your petty debts Rafe. Find someone else.” 

 In a sudden tangle of limbs and anger, Rafe had JJ pinned on the ground, a hand on his throat. “Did you not hear the part where I said you owe me? And don’t think I won’t rip them out right here right now and watch you bleed out if you tell me no one more time.” 

 His breath was hot, fanning across JJ’s sun kissed skin. JJ struggled against him, regretting his decision as he realized Rafe was straddling him. The breath got in his throat, humiliation and anger coursed through him, but what choice did he have. Rafe owned him with that damn debt and the sooner he cleared it the better. 

 “Fuck you, you crazy bastard.” JJ seethed, his frustration bursting out of him. 

 Rafe smiled, even more wild than before. “Tsk, tsk JJ. I will make a bad day worse in five seconds if I don’t hear what I need to hear.” His hand slid down the expanse of JJ’s naked torse, toward the cut, punctuating his threat. 

 JJ’s eyes widened, but he held firm in holding out. He wouldn’t do it, he wouldn’t. Rafe’s eyes found his face again, a taunting look glistening there.

 “5.” 

 A shaky breath from JJ.

 “4.” 

 A jerk of his body to move Rafe.

 “3.” 

 Rafe’s fingers dug into the cut.

 “2.”

 JJ whimpered, tears welling in his eyes. “Stop, stop, I’ll do it. I’ll do it.” 

 Blood coated Rafe’s fingers lightly as he reached up to roughly pat JJ’s cheek, leaving splatters of blood behind. “Good boy. See you tonight.” And with that he was up and walking away before JJ could register what had happened. 

 “Where?” JJ called after his retreating back, but Rafe was already too far away. “Shit.” JJ cursed getting up and snatching his belongings. 

 Even as he hurried away, his mind mad at Rafe, his heart was still attached to the way the sun hit his skin earlier. JJ's life was getting too complicated for him lately. 

Chapter Text

JJ anxiously paced around the pier that was nestled between Figure 8 and the cut. His nerves were shot, and he desperately wished for some substance to ease them, but he needed a clear mind and quick wits in order to not land in jail. At least that was the goal. 

 15 minutes passed and JJ was really hoping he wouldn’t have to wander around the cut looking for Rafe, he’d hate to have to explain his way out of that one. Just when he was about to give up and head home, lights filled the darkness making JJ shield his eyes. JJ tried his best to peer through the blinding white light, but it didn’t work. 

 “What are you doing out here? Why didn’t you come to my house?” 

 JJ put his hand down as Rafe came to stand in front of him. “You’re serious?” He asked peering into those cruel blue eyes. 

 “Am I a stand-up comedian JJ? Yes, I’m serious, quit asking dumb ass questions.” Rafe glared at him, clearly annoyed from having to wait. 

 “This literally isn’t even my fault. Had you not have been so fucking cryptic and just told me where to meet you, this wouldn’t have happened you dumbass.” 

 Rafe rolled his eyes, turning to walk away. “We don’t have time for this.” 

 “If we were in such a rush, you really should’ve told me you know.” JJ pointed out, not willing to let this go until Rafe at least said he was right. Validation or whatever. 

 “Why wouldn’t you come to my house? Like where the fuck else would you go?” Rafe snapped, climbing into the driver’s seat. 

 JJ followed, getting into the passenger seat. “I’m not a mind reader you know.” He grumbled, sitting back into the plush leather seat. Way better than the twinkies worn down seats. 

 “Firstly, put your seatbelt on, secondly, you are an idiot.” 

 “We’re literally going to rob someone, what does my wearing of seatbelt have to do with anything.” JJ rolled his eyes but begrudgingly pulled the belt on. 

 “Your logic makes no sense. Just because we commit one crime doesn’t mean we have to commit two.” Rafe put the truck in drive, pulling away from the beach.

 
 “One is like a serious felony and the other is a ticket, which I’d rather get over a damn felony and jail time you dumbass.” 

 “Will you shut up? You voice is making me wish I’d taken a line before coming.” 

 “You didn’t bring anything? Like not even a bottle?” JJ groaned. This was going to go so bad. 

 “Why the fuck would I get high before breaking into a house? We’ll seriously go to jail if that is the case.” 

 “I’m nervous man. I know you think I’m a criminal, but I’ve never broken into a Kooks house before. Well, one that is lived in. I mean like sure I trespass or whatever, but I don’t take things out and I only borrowed that board, I didn’t take it with me-”

 “For Christ Sake, there is a bottle on the floor in the back, please fill your mouth so you shut up.” Rafe interrupted. 

 JJ smirked, scrambling to undo his seatbelt and search for the bottle. He emerged a moment later holding a half drank bottle of tequila. He sat down in his seat, eyeing the bottle suspiciously. “Where has this even been?” 

 Rafe side eyed him. “The floor dipshit, now drink it or put it back.” 

 With a shake of his head and a twist of the cap, the bitter liquid met JJ’s tongue. His body bristled as the liquid entered his system. He felt hot and buzzed in an instant. He tipped the bottle again, allowing more of the liquid to pour in, gulping down the sips before Rafe’s hand wrapped around the bottle wrenching it away. 

 “I literally said don’t get drunk, are you that fucking stupid? Jesus, pogues are the worst.” He put the bottle to his own lips, pouring in a hefty mouthful. 

 JJ’s eyes bugged out. “Are YOU fucking stupid? You’re driving.” He hissed, reaching to snatch the bottle.

 Rafe moved the bottle to his other hand, using his now free hand to flick JJ in the forehead. JJ sat back, stunned. Rafe pointed his finger at JJ. “Be a good boy and shut up? We’re here.” 

 JJ rubbed his forehead but sat there quietly as Rafe pulled into gravel patch a few houses down from Topper’s house. The tequila might make a reappearance.  

 “Are we actually doing this?” JJ whispered, more to himself than Rafe, but Rafe heard him. 

 “Dude, you’ve pulled a gun on Topper before but like this is crazy shit to you?” 

 “Fuck off, let’s get this over with.” JJ snapped shoving out of the truck and marching a few paces away in front of the truck waiting for Rafe. 

 Rafe brushed past him, a smug look on his face. JJ wanted to do nothing more than to punch him that stupid cocky smile. Just one time.

 
 They crept around the side of house, the shadows of the night tucking them securely in darkness. It was going smoothly until loud laughter rang through the air. JJ froze in his tracks, seizing Rafe’s wrist. Rafe turned a confused glance in his direction, arching his eyebrow subtly. 

 “What do you mean-” JJ raised his eyebrow back. “There are literally people outside, that we are walking toward.” JJ whisper yelled.

 “So?” 

 JJ’s hands flew up in exasperation. “SO? WHAT DO YOU MEAN SO?” He whispered aggressively. 

 A wicked smile twisted itself across Rafe’s features. He grabbed JJ’s wrist and turned back toward the people, pulling JJ behind him.

 “What are you doing!?!” JJ ground out through clenched teeth, trying with all his might to dig his heels in. 

 They broke into the clearing, revealing a small gathering, including Topper, around the pool. All heads turned to them, a wave of confusion rippled through the faces as they landed on JJ, more importantly when they landed on Rafe and JJ.

 “Yo! Rafe! Glad you could make it bro.” Topper slurred, stumbling out of the pool to slap across the concrete toward them. 

 “Almost didn’t make it because of someone back here.” Rafe joked, tossing a thumb at JJ. 

 The anger coursed through JJ’s veins. Was this some sick joke? He wrenched his arm from Rafe’s grip and used his full body weight to shove Rafe, making him stumble forward a bit. “What the hell is your problem.” 

 Rafe righted himself turning a wicked smile at JJ. “Awh, don’t be mad babe, I saw you checking me out on the beach, I figured you’d appreciate the 1 on 1 time with me.” 

 Heat flooded JJ’s cheeks. “You’re fucking sick, you know that?” 

 “Consider this repayment babe.” Rafe shrugged, reaching for someone’s drink on the table and taking a swig. “Now we’re even.” 

 “Even? We can’t be even if I’m always on the losing end, what even was the goal here Rafe? What was the point?” 

 Rafe shrugged. “You’re easy to mess with, really, that’s it.” 

 “You made up this elaborate ass story, forced me to be here, and then look me in the face and say we’re even? Lay off the drugs you fucking junkie.” JJ spit at him, turning to leave. 

 “Awh he’s upset.” Topper slurred behind JJ’s back. 

 JJ didn’t even care, he kept walking. He had to get away from here before he really embarrassed himself by breaking down and crying. These past few days were really testing his inner peace. He was halfway down the street when footfalls could be heard pounding against the pavement. 

 “JJ, dude wait up.” Rafe called behind him. 

 JJ turned around abruptly; his jaw set with anger. He had got to be joking. “You have to be joking.” 

 “Where are you going? Dude it was just a joke, harmless.” 

 “Are you fucking bipolar? Do you lack memories or a brain? We are not friends, we are nothing. I should honestly punch you in the mouth for what you pulled today, but I am too exhausted from the fucking mental gymnastics my brain does whenever you are around.” A small smirk slid across Rafe’s lips. “God, I’m not into you Rafe. I’m only here so you stopped threatening me. What happened on the beach, whatever you think happened on the beach, didn’t. I don’t like you, you don’t like me, simple.”

 
 “JJ, babe, I felt you react to me. I saw your eyes. You can’t lie to me, especially your eyes, they don’t lie.” Rafe smirked. 

 Heat flooded JJ’s cheeks again. “You’re making shit up. This is fucking stupid, I’m not into guys, especially you.” 

 They were close to Rafe’s truck, maybe JJ could somehow swindle a ride from him, make them even and call it day after all. No more loose ends. His plan didn’t come to fruition though as Rafe moved in close, causing JJ to back up until he was flush against the door of Rafe’s truck. 

 “You don’t like me even a little bit?” Rafe questioned, his breath fanning across JJ’s face. 

 JJ lowered his eyes, his face burning with humiliation. “I don’t like you Rafe, don’t embarrass me please.” 

 “Embarrass you? There’s no one around to see, it’s okay to admit it right now.” Rafe’s index finger hooked under his chin leveling their eyes again. JJ gulped. 

 Fuck he was unbelievably hot right now.

 He just humiliated you and lied to you, he isn’t a good person, JJ thought to himself. But in the end those eyes had JJ leaning forward to capture Rafe’s lips with his own. 

 The kiss wasn’t heated, it wasn’t anything more than unanswered questions and spite. JJ was enraptured by the feeling, how warm his lips were against his own, the smell of weed and expensive cologne that radiated off him. It was intoxicating and it had JJ pulling away abruptly. 

 “I don’t like you.” JJ snapped when they broke apart. He shoved past Rafe moving to start his journey home. 

 “That told me otherwise JJ Maybank, and I won’t let you forget it.” 

 JJ stopped and turned around, fear coursing through his veins. “You won’t say a word of this to anyone Rafe, or I swear I’ll kill you myself.” 

 “I’d like to see you try babe.” Rafe taunted before walking back to Toppers house, leaving JJ angry and conflicted. 

Chapter Text

For days the kiss lingered on his lips, keeping him in a constant state of denial and panic. Panic because he was stupid enough to kiss Rafe Cameron and trust that he wouldn’t tell the whole of Outerbanks, especially his friends. 

 JJ eyed John B from where he sat at the kitchen table and imagined his reaction. It would probably be loud and very, very angry. JJ bristled at the idea of an argument with his best friend, not something he wanted to experience again so soon, made him feel lonely. 

 “Why are you staring at me like that?” John B interrupted, mouth full of cereal. 

 JJ blinked, focusing his eyes again. “I, uh, I was just lost in thought.” 

 “You seem to be lost in thought these past few days, what’s going on in your head?” John B asked, pushing his spoon around his bowl. 

 I keep replaying a kiss with someone I shouldn’t have kissed in my head, over and over again, JJ thought to himself, but out loud he said nothing. How could he tell his best friend this? How could he tell anyone this? 

 “Earth to JJ, what’s going on in there?” John B said around a mouthful, clearly growing impatient. 

 “Just thinking about my home situation, really, that’s all.” JJ lied, his stomach twisting into knots as he did. 

 “Your home situation? Didn’t you hear Luke got locked up again for public intoxication, you can go home if you want.” 

 JJ blinked. Then blinked again. He’d been too wrapped up in his own stupid problems he didn’t even notice. “When?” Was all he could ask.

 John B raised an eyebrow in confusion. “What do you mean when? He’s your dad, how do you not know when your own dad gets locked up?”

 A flicker of frustration rippled through JJ and pushed to the surface. “I’m his child John B, why the fuck do I need to keep tabs on him. I’m the kid here shouldn’t someone, no shouldn’t he be keeping tabs on me?” 

 John B dropped his spoon in his bowl holding his hand up in surrender. “Calm down, I only said that because you always know when he gets locked up. Just surprising and odd you didn’t know this time, considering you were out all night that night I figured you were there.” 

 JJ’s frustration burned into panic. His eyes shifted to the table, back to his abandoned toast that was too burnt to be enjoyable and no butter or jam around to make it taste better. He could feel John B’s eyes boring into him from across the table, obviously because he looked guilty with his uneasy demeanor and probably sweating brow. His eyes shifted back up to John B whose face was expectant. “I was busy.” JJ shrugged. 

 “Busy? Busy selling drugs? Why are you acting so sketch right now.” 

 “I’m not, damn, get off my back.” JJ snapped, shoving his plate away from him with enough force to send it off the table.

 John B jumped back startled as the plate shattered against the floor. JJ’s shoulders slumped as he realized his overreaction, but it was too late to apologize John B was already up. 

 “What the hell is your issue JJ! We have like four plates, and you keep fucking breaking them dude. Whatever the fuck you did I don’t care man, quit breaking my shit.”

 “It was an accident, just freaking out a bit.” JJ mumbled rubbing the back of his neck.

 
 “Yeah, whatever man, freak out away from the house. You’re a walking disaster lately man.” John B sighed, bending down to sweep up JJ’s mess. 

 John B’s words barbed into JJ, digging deep. He was a walking disaster lately. He couldn’t get his mind clear and focused on anything other than his complicated feelings. That kiss was ripping him apart from the inside out and he was letting it. He was giving Rafe too much power over him and it was truly frustrating. He didn’t even like guys, let alone guys like Rafe, so why couldn’t he shake the feeling of his lips on his? Why couldn’t he shake him. 

 Blinking JJ looked at John B, he opened his mouth to apologize or just explain, explain what he didn’t know but he had to say something. Anything. “I-”

 “Save it JJ, just leave, I’ll see you tonight.” John B interrupted, his frustration strangling his words. 

 JJ swallowed deeply, maybe he was swallowing his words, maybe he was swallowing his tears, he wasn’t sure. He nodded a few times before pushing away from the table. Shoving out of the door he was alone with no destination. He grabbed his dirt bike and just started driving, where? He didn’t know, he didn’t have a destination, or a place to call his spot. He was just an aimless drifter who ruined everything. Its why his mom left and why his dad hated him, his friends tolerated him because of his tragic life. God he was pathetic. Tears stung his eyes as the wind whipped his face, but he accelerated more, blowing through the town without a care. 

 He landed at the liquor store, stealing two bottles and drinking until his pain felt bearable. That is until he blindly walked to the Cameron residence and started banging on the front door like a cop with a warrant. 

 “Rafe!” He slurred, his heavy fist pounding the shiny wood. “Rafe fucking open the door.” 

 To his surprise it was Rafe who opened the door, anger etched into his fine features. “JJ what the fuck are you doing at my house.” 

 “You.” JJ slurred, pointing a wavy finger at Rafe. “You are fucking up my life Rafe.” 

 The anger slid away, and amusement slid in. Rafe relaxed against the frame of the door. “Baby, your life was already fucked, I’m not doing anything.” 

 JJ faltered, his hand falling back to his side. Baby? JJ shook his head, trying to orient his thoughts, remember why he came. Why did he come? What was the purpose of this again? Baby. He called him baby. Why was JJ stuck on that? JJ shook his head again. “You’re messing with my head.” 

 Rafe’s smirk deepened. Almost evil but still amused. “Whys that baby.” 

 He was doing this on purpose, trying to rile JJ up. Make him angry and confused. It was all a game. “I don’t want to play this game with you Rafe, you’re si-” JJ was cut off by Rafe crashing his lips against his. Shock rippled through JJ, knocking him out of orientation once again. 

 Rafe was kissing him. 

 Rafe kissed him. 

 Registering this JJ returned the kiss with urgency, pushing into Rafe like his lips were the water he needed to live. Rafe’s hand cradled the back of JJ’s head digging into his roots, tugging slightly. His other hand pulling the liquor bottle out of JJ’s, breaking the kiss to pour some into his mouth. Rafe poured one more heftier gulp his mouth before reconnecting their lips. 

 They stumbled into the entry way, desperate hands clinging to each other, keeping the oxygen to a minimal only sharing what they had with each other. 

 That is until reality set it. They broke apart holding each other at arm’s length. They stared at each other panting and red. 

 “What are you doing to me Rafe.” JJ murmured into their shared space. His eyes searched Rafe for any signs of malice, to see if he was setting himself up for humiliation but he couldn’t see any. Or he was choosing not to see it. 

 “I don’t know, this is confusing me.” Rafe whispered back. 

 JJ felt his face puzzle. “This isn’t a joke to you?”

 “It’s supposed to be, it was at first, but…but I don’t think it is anymore.” 

 “I don’t like guys Rafe, like it’s okay if you do, but I don’t.” JJ said, letting go of Rafe and stepping away. Space, they needed space. Was it hot in here? Why is his heart beating so fast? 

 “Bullshit Maybank, you just kissed me like you wanted me so bad. You don’t kiss someone you don’t like like that.” Rafe snapped, glaring at JJ. 

 JJ gulped. “I-I gotta go.” He turned and bolted out of the open door. Running like a coward. 

 “Fuck you Maybank!” Rafe yelled after his retreating figure.

 
 God, what was his life anymore. Nothing made sense. 
  

Chapter Text

JJ had run, run so hard his lungs felt like they were going to burst. His ragged breathes echoed around him as he leaned against his bike.  So much frustration and confusion swirled in his head, and even with his chest aching and his body willing him to calm down, the tears came. 

 “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.” He mumbled pounding his fist into his bike seat. Hot tears cascaded down his cheeks, his body sagged down to the ground, leaving him in a crumpled heap. He pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes, trying with all his might to push the traitorous tears back in. 

 What the fuck was even the goal? Show up and yell at him for JJ kissing him? God what an idiot. Now the hole is so much deeper because JJ couldn’t admit that maybe he had a thing for kissing Rafe. Just kissing, nothing further, no feelings. It was Rafe after all, and with the way JJ stormed out of his house- no correction, ran. Rafe would be out to make JJ’s life miserable because no one makes Rafe look like an idiot. Especially a Pogue.

 A defeated sob left JJ; he pushed his hands into his hair tugging slightly as his head dropped back against his bike. “I’m so fucked.” 

 “JJ?” A voice called out. 

 Shit. JJ scrambled to his feet, wiping his face with his forearm and turning to come face to face with Kie. “Hey Kie…” He drawled, putting on a smile and waving.

 “What’s going on?” She asked, a complex looking on her face making it hard for JJ to read. 

 “Just, uh, hanging out. John B kicked me out.” Lazy shrug, fake nonchalance, JJ was a pro. 

 Kie’s eyes narrowed as she stared at JJ, nodding her head slowly. “Right. So, you’re just sitting on the ground conveniently close to Kook territory?” 

 JJ nodded his head, looking up and squinting into the sun. “Yep, just a happy little coincidence. I got mad and stormed off with no direction.” He lowered his gaze back to Kie. “You know me, short fuse.” 

 Kie sighed. “John B told me what happened JJ, I don’t see why you’re lying and hiding things from us. We’re your family.” 

 “I wasn’t lying though. If he really did tell you, then he should’ve told you he kicked me out. I really was just driving around aimlessly. I don’t get what you guys think I’m lying about.” 

 “JJ, you went missing for a day and a half after our conversation. When you showed up again you seemed off, like you were hiding something, then you go and have a freak out smashing more dishes. Now here you are smelling like a walking mini bar and having a mental break down.” 

 “What is it, National get on JJ’s back day? Jesus will you guys fucking RELAX.” 

 “If you’re selling drugs-”

 “Oh my god I’m not selling drugs.” JJ threw his hands in the air exasperated. 

 “Okay. But if you were and had got yourself in trouble-”

 “Oh my god, stop.” Annoyance was taking its roots, burning into anger as this conversation went on longer. 

 “You can tell us anything, no matter wh-”

 “I KISSED RAFE!” JJ interrupted with ferocity. His eyes once again brimming with tears. Why couldn’t he be left alone. 

 Kie’s face shifted through many emotions. “You what?” 

 “I kissed Rafe.” JJ bit his lip when the look of disgust planted on Kie’s face. “Don’t look at me like that Kie, please, don’t.” 

 Kie ignored his plea. “Why would you do something like that.” 

 “I-I don’t know Kie, I don’t know. I…I …I just did it, okay? I just did it.” JJ wished he could shove the words back into his mouth, take them to the grave with him, just so he didn’t have to be on the receiving end of the look on Kie’s face. A single tear slid down JJ’s cheek, he bit down harder on his lip as he waited for Kie to say anything, anything at all.

 “Are you crying about this?” Kie’s voice held ridicule and animosity. 

 JJ stepped back like Kie had slapped him in the face. “What?” 

“You can’t be crying about something you consciously did with him of all people JJ. He’s a kook, even worse, a Cameron. We have hated the Kooks since we were kids JJ! Especially the Cameron’s, they’re just a bunch of rich stuck-up bitches who step on people like us.”

 
Us. Like us. JJ let those words burn into his mind, searing deep. A laugh bubbled up and forced itself out. “Like us? Who is this ‘us’ you speak of Kie? Because it sure as fuck isn’t me and you.” 

Kie’s face went sour at JJ’s response. “You know what I mean.” 

“I don’t actually, because last I checked, you live on Figure 8 Kie. You are a kook parading around pretending to be a Pogue. You don’t know what it’s like to be a true Pogue.”  JJ laughed again. “I live in a house filled to the brim with shit my dad thinks will make him career, but he can’t stay sober long enough to have one. I’ve gotten beat down almost every day since 7 years old by my dad. I don’t have water or power half the time, John B’s place doesn’t either. I float couch to couch to avoid my home, and to avoid the damn social workers when my dad’s locked up. But you’re so right Kie, we are the same!” 

“JJ-”

“No, you don’t get to say anymore, you’ve said plenty. I’m going home.” JJ turned back to his bike, getting on and starting it. “Oh, and by the way, don’t ever think you have the moral high ground to tell me who to kiss.” With that JJ floored it out of the parking lot leaving Kie behind in the dust. 

While it felt good to have the weight of telling someone about the kiss off his chest, another weight had just replaced it. 

Chapter Text

JJ stopped his bike outside of his house, cutting the engine and starting at the darkened windows of the old shit hole. He swung his leg over his bike and got off, walking through the patchy grass and old parts, up the creaking old stairs to the front door with the screen hanging off the hinges and JJ’s splattered handprint still on the frame. JJ stared at the dried blood in the shape of his fingers.

“Dad…dad…” He whimpered, scooting backwards as the man in front of him picked himself up after JJ had kicked him off. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry.” 

“You steal from me and then you hit your old man? You’re a worthless son you are.” Luke spit at JJ, his bleary eyes boring into JJ’s. 

“I didn’t steal from you; you used the money on alcohol dad. You spent it. I didn’t take it. I didn’t take it.” JJ rambled, pulling himself. He wiped the blood off his chin, preparing to dart inside away from the man. Once inside, he’d lock himself in his room, he’d cool off once he realized JJ wasn’t coming back out. Then he’d pass out and forget this in the morning. 

“Don’t you lie to me.” Luke made the move to grab JJ, but JJ grabbed the door scrambling inside. 

JJ blinked a few times, shaking away the memory. He tore his eyes off the bloody handprint and shoved inside. The living room was more of a mess than usual. After JJ had run inside Luke was surprisingly faster even in his drunken stupor, he had tackled JJ into the rickety old chair that sat beside the couch, smashing it to pieces. 
JJ mindlessly walked toward the bones of the chair, finding the piece he knew all too well. Still covered in his blood and abandoned in the other remains. The shard Luke had used to cut him open.

“Godamnit boy.” Luke had cursed after JJ’s retreating figure. 

JJ had thought he had done, outrun his old man, but he was wrong. Luke’s body crashed into JJ’s back sending them both sprawling into the living room. JJ’s body had taken the brunt end of the fall, crashing into the old chair they had, smashing it to pieces. 

“Fuck.” JJ had groaned, trying to push Luke’s weight off him and himself off the floor. “Leave me alone, please, leave me alone.” 

“Not till you give me my damn money you worthless bastard.” Luke had flipped JJ onto his back, pinned his shoulders down harshly. “Where is it!” He yelled into JJ’s face. “Where is it!” He punctuated each word by slamming JJ’s back down against the shard of the chair. Each slam making JJ wince from the pain. 

“At the fucking liquor store, now get off of me.” JJ ground out, trying to push Luke off. 

“Oh, you wanna get smart with me?” Luke’s eyes were crazed, wild eyes. He reached over for the sturdiest piece, the sharpest piece. He sized it up before moving, pressing his knee into JJ’s chest, lifting his shirt up. 

JJ moved, frantic. “Stop. What the hell are you doing. Don’t do that. Don’t do that. Don’t. Dad. Dad? Dad!” His hands frantically tried to push Luke away, but too much weight on his chest gave no leverage. So, he started hitting. 

“Damnit boy, if you’d learn to be obedient this wouldn’t happen.” Luke snapped, trying to shove JJ’s hands out of the way. 

JJ didn’t give up until Luke moved his hand, shoving JJ’s head into the floor. The back of JJ’s head hit the floor with a solid thump. Tears pooled into his eyes, leaking down his face. His head was swimming, but it registered the pain of the wood tearing open his skin. He bit his lip to keep from crying out, but the tears came harder. He caught Luke off guard, shoving him away, he was up and stumbling for his room before Luke could react. 

JJ dropped the wood like it had shocked him, taking in a shaky breath he stepped away from the chairs remains. He felt sick just being here, but he needed the space from the others to keep some shred of his sanity. If he even had any left to keep that is. Moving away from the living room he went to the shell of his room. Completely ransacked and his door a hacked-up mess of splintered wood.  He shoved most of the stuff off his bed and laid down. 

He laid there, with his knees hugged tightly to his chest, and his chest heaving as he cried. He cried until his throat was sore and his eyes were too puffy to open properly. When the tears stopped, he let the sadness transfer to exhaustion and whisk him away to sleep. 

He awoke sometime later to his phone buzzing. He fished in his pocket pulling it out, his eyes trying to adjust to the bright light it emitted. 

54 missed calls from: John B 

32 missed calls from: Pope

4 missed calls from: Kie

JJ snorted at the lack of calls from Kie, she must’ve been forced to call him. He turned his phone off tossing it into the abyss that was his room and settled back into bed. They could worry all they wanted; JJ was taking a break from being a part of that worry party. JJ took off his shirt and cargo shorts, getting more comfortable. First peaceful sleep he would get in this house. 

Sleep was just starting to take over again when a banging at the door startled JJ straight up. His heart was slamming in his chest as he crept down the hallway toward the front door. Who the fuck would even think to come here? Why would anyone want to come here? Peering out the front window, careful to remain unseen, JJ’s eyes landed on the black truck first. 

No. 

JJ moved to the door, flinging it open. “What the hell are you doing here.” 

“Your friends said I could find you here.” Rafe responded, an air of awkwardness clouding him. 

“My friends told you I was here. Why the hell would they do that? They haven’t even come to see me; they’ve just called me a fuck ton.” 

Rafe shrugged. “How the fuck should I know? Kie was the one who told me, the boys weren’t there.” 

Kie. JJ’s face went sour. “That bitch.” 

“Can say that again. She was acting extra bitchy toward me when I asked her where you were. I told her you owed me money and she just looked at me like I was full of shit.” Rafe shrugged. 

“I told her Rafe.” JJ averted his gaze, staring hard into the floor. 

“JJ what the fuck dude. Why the fuck would you do that. Now people are going to think I’m gay because you can’t shut your fucking mouth.” Rafe began to pace on the porch. “Why the fuck would you say anything?”

“It was an accident, she wouldn’t leave me alone, and I just blurted it out so she would stop. I couldn’t breathe with all the questions and the accusations man.” JJ defended stepping onto the porch. It was then, when the cool evening air touched his body, he realized he was severely underdressed. Only in his boxers and socks, underdressed. 

“Fucking Pogue’s man, you just have to ruin everything.” Rafe groaned, his back now to JJ. 

“Ruin everything? This is nothing Rafe, we aren’t anything. Just because we kissed, once-”

“Twice.” Rafe interrupted, turning back to face JJ.

JJ rolled his eyes. “Just because we kissed twice doesn’t mean anything. We are nothing to each other, so what Kie knows that we kissed. Chalk it up to a high experience and leave it at that.” 

“We weren’t even high though. Like maybe a little tipsy but still, you wanted that kiss as much as I did.” 

Another eye roll from JJ. “It’s called lying Rafe. We lie to them. Jesus, you’re kinda dumb.”

“Watch it JJ, just because we kissed doesn’t mean I won’t knock you the fuck out right here.” Rafe threatened. 

JJ raised an eyebrow. “Ooooooo, I’m shaking. Get over yourself.” 

“JJ.” Rafe warned. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Why are you even here.” 

“I…” Rafe trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck. 

JJ chewed on his lip a moment. “Do you want to go get high?” 

Rafe looked at JJ, relief flooding his face. “Absolutely I do.” 

JJ headed back inside, wincing at the scene. Maybe he should’ve cleaned it up earlier. He could feel Rafe’s eyes boring into his back, but he just kept walking and thankfully Rafe didn’t say anything. 

20 minutes and two blunts later, Rafe and JJ were lounging in his bed enjoying the silence. JJ’s back was against the wall, he legs spread out in front of him and Rafe was at the end of the bed, his knees to his chest, head on top. This was the first time JJ had seen Rafe so docile, made him want to hold his breath so the moment lasted forever. 

JJ always thought of Rafe as a grenade. He was always one wrong move away from going off, anytime, anywhere, regardless of who pulled his pin. JJ was usually the one who set him off, why? He wasn’t sure, but he liked doing it sometimes. In a way JJ liked the violence of Rafe probably because Rafe didn’t feel bad for him and make him feel like a wounded pup. 

“Quit staring at me.” Rafe mumbled into his knees.

JJ blinked, his cheeks burning red instantly. “Sorry.” 

Rafe turned so his chin was resting on his knees and his eyes on JJ. “If you want me that bad just make the move Maybank.” 

“No, no, no, no. I…I was just looking. That’s it. I don’t like you remember.” JJ stuttered, his voice cracking, betraying him. Humiliation coursed through his body and burned on his cheeks. 

Rafe smirked, leaning back and stretching out his legs until they touched JJ. “We don’t have to be public with-it Maybank, if that’s what you’re worried about.” 
JJ’s mouth fell open. “What?” He asked after a moment.

“We don’t have to date or whatever, we can just fool around in private. I know you want me Maybank, I’m just giving you what you want.” Rafe shrugged lazily; his eyes locked on to JJ. 

“I…I don’t want you in anyway. I only invited you in to save you the embarrassment of explaining that you came here because you missed me.” JJ retorted. 

Rafe snorted. “Missed you? Please. I came here to see what the freak out was about.” 

JJ shook his head. “If you want to hook up with me, you have to stop lying to yourself.” 

Silence consumed them both. They both were beating around the bush with the possibility that they both wanted each other in ways neither wanted to admit. Minutes passed by of them not talking, not even moving. Until JJ had had enough, he moved to straddle Rafe and brought their lips together. It was rough and pushy at first, them both trying to take and not give up control. 

“I knew you wanted me.” Rafe said into JJ’s lips. 

“Shut up Rafe.” JJ captured Rafe’s mouth again, silencing anymore words from him.

Chapter Text

Months had passed since Rafe and JJ had started seeing each other in secret. To JJ the relationship felt more serious than casually hooking up, the touches were too sincere, and the glances felt too lovingly. He wasn’t sure of what to make of their relationship, if there even was a relationship.  Rafe had been really calm up until lately, he seemed more aggravated and on edge. Blowing JJ off a lot lately, this was the first time in nearly a month they’d seen each other. JJ wasn’t trying to be clingy, he just wanted to know things. 

The two were currently lounging on the moonlit beach, watching the waves crash on the darkened shore as they passed a joint between them. JJ was trying to figure out what had been going on lately, but he wasn’t sure the right way to go about it. Casual conversation could lead them there, he was sure of it.

“You could 100% pass as a Pogue.” JJ said taking a deep drag of the joint, tearing his eyes aways from the surf to glance at Rafe. 

“Don’t ever say dumb shit like that again Maybank. I am not opposed to beating your ass right where you sit.” Rafe threatened snatching the joint out of JJ’s hand. A small smirk tugged at JJ’s lips as he looked at the ground.

A deep breath in, here goes nothing. “Where have you been lately?” JJ asked, picking up a stray leaf from the sand and picking it to pieces. 

An annoyed sigh left Rafe. “What does it matter Maybank? I’m here now aren’t I.” 

“I guess, I’m just curious.” JJ shrugged partially. 

“We’re not dating Maybank, remember that. You only know what I tell you, and I don’t have to tell you that.” 

Is this what they were now? Just a few weeks ago Rafe would’ve told him anything and everything if he asked. “Since when? Why are you acting like this.” 

“I’m not acting like anything JJ; you’re just getting too comfortable with this made-up relationship you have in your head.” Rafe flicked the last bit of the joint away, turning his cold eyes on JJ. 

JJ felt his mouth drop open. A moment of stunned silence passed before he spoke again. “Made-up relationship? I know we’re not in a relationship Rafe, I just asked where you’ve been, same concept as when I ask how your day was.” 

Rafe rolled his eyes. “You’re so dramatic and needy.” He got to his feet and started walking away. 

“Where the fuck are you going Rafe? You at least owe me like a tiny bit of an explanation on why you’re acting like this.” JJ demanded following after him. 

“I don’t owe you anything.” Rafe called out, his back still to JJ. 

“Like hell you don’t Rafe. Stop treating me like I’m not a fucking person. Just because we’re not in the same tax bracket doesn’t mean you can do shit like this.” 

Rafe whirled on JJ. “Get this through your head.” Rafe jabbed JJ in the middle of the forehead making him flinch back. “We. Aren’t. Together.” 

“I fucking know that.” JJ shoved Rafe back. “I asked you a question for god’s sake, ANSWER IT.” 

JJ hadn’t expected him to hit him. He hadn’t hit him in months. Rafe’s right hook connected with JJ’s jaw, knocking his head to the side. JJ staggered a couple steps, his surprised and shaky hands clutching his jaw. 

His eyes held confusion and shock when he looked up at Rafe. “What?” Was all he could think to say. 

“Let’s just stick to hooking up Maybank so this doesn’t happen again, I’d hate to ruin your pretty face because you can’t stop overstepping.” And with that he walked away, leaving JJ alone. 

JJ stood there, blood rolling down his chin and his heart crushed in the sand. He felt sick. All the times he spent sharing a bed with Rafe, all the times he spent sharing his life with Rafe, and all the times he let Rafe hold him when he cried. JJ pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, fighting back the vomit and the tears. What an idiot he was to trust someone as devious and uncaring as Rafe Cameron. 

JJ started his long walk back to the chateau. He’d mended his relationship with his friends just enough to keep them off his back but not enough to be able to tell them he was still sneaking around with Rafe Cameron. That was something he planned on taking to the grave, especially after what just happened. 

He’d forgotten about the blood on his face and sure enough the bruise on his jaw when he walked through the screen door of the chateau. All eyes turned to him immediately filled with concern. 

“What the hell happened?” John B asked throwing down his cards and coming over to him. 

“Got in a fight with Rafe, he got a lucky shot in. Nothing crazy.” JJ lied, hoping no one could see the unshed tears and hurt in his eyes. 

Looking up he locked eyes with Kie who shook her head disapprovingly. She never bought anything JJ said anymore, no matter how many times he swore it was the truth. Things just never were the same between them after that one night. He averted his gaze, so he didn’t crack under pressure. He pushed John B’s concerned hands away and made for the bathroom. 

“I’m just gonna take a shower, I’ll be a few minutes. Relax and play your game.” JJ smiled, shooing John B back to the game. 

With his back to them and each step he took, he could feel his composure breaking. He could feel the pulse of the pain from his jaw, reminding him that Rafe had actually hit him today. Rafe had hit him. 

He shoved into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. His chest heaved; he gulped down breaths of air, but he felt like he couldn’t get them down. He was panicking, he knew it, but it didn’t help him calm down. 

He sunk down the wall bringing his knees to his chest. “You’re an absolute idiot JJ.” He whispered into his knees.

 
He stayed that way for who knows how long until a light rapping came from the other side of the door. “Hey J, are you okay in there? I haven’t heard the water turn on.” It was John B, worrying per usual. 

“Just needed to clean up my face, I’ll be done in a few, promise.” JJ called out, getting to his feet and starting the water. 

He had joined the others at the table for some cards, but his heart wasn’t in it. He was there physically but a part of him was still back there on the beach wondering where the hell things went so wrong. The others could tell, and they were trying their hardest to avoid bringing it up, that is everyone expect Kie. 

“How’s Rafe doing?” Kie asked feigning nonchalance as she ordered her cards. 

“Kie, how should he know, it’s not like they caught up on life before Rafe decked him.” John B defended. 

JJ let out a half-committed laugh. His eyes were on the table because he couldn’t be sure his face wouldn’t betray him. 

“I thought you guys were cool. Trouble in paradise?” Kie continued, no wind taken from her sails. 

“Kie, please. Not today.” JJ said softly. 

“Lovers quarrel I’d assume. Probably got bored with swapping spit with the likes of a pogue.”

JJ sucked in a shaky breath. He dropped the cards on the table. “I think I’m just going to go to bed.” 

“Dream of Rafe.” Kie remarked, raising her solo cup in a mock toast. 

“Kie, enough. Leave him alone.” Pope snapped, finally speaking up. 

JJ didn’t bear to stay any longer. He walked down the hall to the living room, to his pull-out couch. He laid down pulling the covers over his head and let sleep take him away. 

Days after that night, JJ couldn’t shake the stupor. He felt like his heart was taking a beating and his body couldn’t keep up. He mindlessly floated through one day to the next, not wanting to speak to anyone. He avoided every single one of his friends at all costs. 

JJ was at his house, his father locked up again, leaving him in the remains of pain alone again. He had taken the liberty to scrub the blood away and sweep away the chair remains making it feel less like his own memorial. 

He was on the couch staring blankly at the wall, a glass of whiskey perched in his hands. The house had no power since his father couldn’t pay the bills, but it did offer the silence JJ needed. His mind has felt like a constant flow of thoughts and events, and he hasn’t had the time to properly think about any of it. To even think of his own feelings. 

Today wouldn’t be that day either. 

A knock on the door broke JJ from his mind. He let out an annoyed sigh, sitting down his glass and heading toward the door. 

Rafe stood on the other side of it, a bottle of tequila in his hand. “Hey, I came to apologize.” 

JJ stood there blankly staring at him. “Apologize?” 

“Yes JJ, I want to say sorry for what I did on the beach.” Rafe shook the bottle. “I even brought tequila as a token of sincerity.”

JJ stared for a moment before he nodded. “Sure, I guess, come in.” 

Rafe followed him inside and to the kitchen, the tension in the air was thick and JJ wasn’t going to be the one to cut it, Rafe had to. 

“We don’t have to talk about it, we can just chalk it up to a mistake.” Rafe said sitting the bottle down and looking for shot glasses in the cupboards.

 JJ frowned slightly. “Why shouldn’t we talk about it?” 

Rafe has the glasses out but is now on his phone, typing away mindlessly. He looked up at JJ’s frowning face. “Just had some business come up that had to be dealt with, don’t worry about it.” 

JJ nods once. There is no point in arguing this, so they start drinking. 

JJ has a good buzz going on by the time he feels the need to bring it up again, that is until Rafe disappears to use the restroom and he leaves his phone on the counter. JJ just happens to be refilling his glass when Rafes phone goes off, a text from some girl named Valerie? That’s not what has his stomach dropping to his feet, it’s the wallpaper of them kissing on a beach somewhere exotic that does it.

“Oh my god.” JJ whispers, the sickness in his stomach. He pours the rest of the bottle in his cup, swallowing it down in one gulp. 

Rafe comes back into the room, catching the vacant glance between JJ and his abandoned phone. JJ’s eyes move from the phone up to Rafe. Rafe smirks, taking up his abandoned glass. 

“Oops.” Rafe smiled, taking a sip of his drink.

“Oops.” JJ echoed; the image burned into his mind. 

All their passionate kisses, nights spent tangled in each other, shared moments, flashed through JJ’s mind like some sick montage. All these moments were fake. Built on lies. Confusion and anger were the only emotions that JJ could find, only emotions that seemed reasonable. 

“You couldn’t have possibly thought that we would ever be more than a hook-up.” Rafe laughed, adding salt to JJ’s one too many wounds.

The final push he needed. 

“Fuck you Rafe. I trusted you.” JJ snapped his furious eyes meeting Rafes cold detached ones. “I was vulnerable around you. I gave everything I had to you, and for what? All you are is a lying backstabber.”

“It’s your own fault really, you knew who I was, who I am. Did you really think I would change. For you nonetheless.” Rafe said, one of his shoulders rising in a lazy shrug. 

Tears pricked at JJ’s eyes now. “Fuck I don’t know, I hoped you would. I don’t know why but I really fucking did.” 

Rafe laughed again, right in JJ’s face, rooting the hatred within him. “You thought I could actually love you? You were just a warm mouth on a cold night to me. Get serious JJ, you’re a Pogue with a destined path for jail. We are not ever going to happen.” 

“Stop fucking saying that. Everyone always says that I’m only 17 for Christ’s sake. It’s not my fault my dad is like this.” JJ snapped, his hand curling around his glass tightly. He put it down before he broke it.

“You’re just like him. You pulled a gun on Topper, for what? You steal from the corner store and from the respectable people on figure 8. You’re a loser JJ, you have nothing going for you.” Rafe smiled at him, cutting wounds across his flesh with each word he spoke.

“It’s just fuck me then, isn’t it? I can’t eat at night, right? Those rich fucks aren’t missing shit, they have the money to replace it.” JJ could feel the tightness in his chest, felt like he might throw up.

“It’s the principle.” Rafe wrinkled his nose at JJ, like he was filth.

JJ felt his eye twitch as he looked at that disgusted look, it finally snapped something in him. “Where the fuck is your principle? You made me your fucking side piece! Treated me like some…some cheap hooker. You have a whole girlfriend Rafe and you slept with me.” JJ pressed a shaky hand to his mouth. “Oh my god you slept with me, and you have a girlfriend.” The reality of it was crushing JJ. He was just a hook-up. He truly meant nothing to anyone.

“Jesus, you’re so dramatic. Would you be happier and less annoying if you were paid?” Rafe rolled his eyes.

JJ’s head snapped up; shock etched on his features. “Don’t start with that shit. I’m not a fucking cheap hooker asshole. I don’t want your money, and sure as hell don’t you anywhere near me anymore.”

“Really. You’re gonna ruin it over some girl who doesn’t know you exist, and never will. This is our little thing JJ, let’s just keep it that way.”

Tears betrayed JJ and streaked down his cheeks in silent trails. His hands shook as he grabbed the empty tequila bottle form the counter. With all the anger and betrayal swirling inside him, he launched the bottle at Rafes head. Rafe ducked in time as it smashed into the wall behind him. Glass raining down like the broken parts of JJ’s heart. 

“Fuck you Rafe, you cold hearted bastard.” JJ whispered; his voice would crack into a sob if he spoke any louder. 

“Cry to someone else Maybank. I’ve got better shit to do.” Rafe rolled his eyes, before turning to leave. 

After the door banged shut behind him did JJ really lose it. Sobs racked his body until he couldn’t stand any longer, crumpling to a heap on the floor. 

Kie was right.

Chapter Text

Epilogue 

JJ was sitting on the ground under the tree in John B’s yard, the string lights were providing a soft glow in the background as he flipped over a lighter in his hand. He was deep in thought, thinking about everything that had happened to him the past few weeks, hell, even the last few months. Most days lately he didn’t feel like anything was real, he didn’t even feel real. He knew that him and Rafe weren’t in a relationship but the gapping hole in his chest felt like they had shared the most intense relationship ever. He couldn’t get his heart to understand that the moments they shared were meaningless and not loving, but it was so hard when his heart only craved for love. It made everything that happened to him seem so much deeper than what it was. 

JJ flipped the lighter and watched the flame burn. He was so deep in the flames trance he didn’t notice a body seat itself next to him, until they gently touched his shoulder. He jumped, dropping the lighter and scrambling away. 

“Woah, relax, it’s just me.” Kie said, putting her hands up to show she meant no harm.

JJ frowned slightly. They still weren’t on the best terms so seeing her sitting next to him made him uneasy. He couldn’t handle the ridicule anymore. “What do you want.” 

Kie smiled lightly. “I just came to see how you were. You’ve been acting like a ghost floating around the house with no real purpose here lately.” 

JJ shifted so he was sitting comfortably again, his eyes on the water. “Some days I would prefer to be a ghost.” He said softly not daring to look at Kie.

“I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but what did you honestly think was going to happen when you got into bed with him of all people?” Kie asked after a moment.

JJ tensed. I thought he would love me. “I don’t know.”

“JJ, you can’t tell me you had no expectations from him. I know you; I know how much things mean to you whether you want to admit it or not.” 

“Why did you come out here Kie.” JJ asked turning to look at her. “If you came out here to just ridicule me for something I already feel dumb about save it, I don’t want to hear it.” 

“No, I just want you to have someone to talk to about it. I know you’re hurting inside.” 

JJ gulped, she was reading him like a newspaper, and he wasn’t happy about it. Especially after the months she spent making him miserable. “No offense Kie, but I’d rather cry myself to sleep every night then let you have more ammunition to make me miserable at every waking chance.”

“I’m sorry, if that means anything. I just had too strong of feelings to let my judgement make sense.” Kie frowned, not making eye contact as she said this.

JJ looked down at his hands before looking up at Kie again. “You can have your emotions about it, but I was the one getting hurt. I needed a friend, not a bully, Rafe already made my life hell.” 

“Why did you stay in that situation if you knew he was not great.” 

“Because I thought he could love me, okay? Are you happy? Use it against me all you want, I don’t care. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” Tears were in his eyes, he thought he was done crying by now.

He felt horrible for doing this, but he couldn’t keep avoiding it. His chest ached every time he went into the kitchen, and she was there because he knew what was in store. His pain shouldn’t be a mockery like this. 

Kie looked taken aback, for whatever reason. “JJ? I’m trying to make it better, okay? I know that I wasn’t really the best to be around, but it should count that I’m here now and trying to make it right.”

A tear betrayed JJ, but it wasn’t sadness, it was anger. He was tired of people trying to walk all over him. “I unfortunately don’t need you now, I needed you then, but I’m fine now.” 

Her eyes narrowed as she looked at JJ. “You’re mad at him, not me. It’s not my fault you let him use you.” 

JJ stiffened. “Leave me alone, go bother someone else. Your fake sympathy isn’t needed.” 

Kie got up and walked away without another word, leaving JJ to exhale the breath he didn’t know he was holding. It felt good to finally have some control. He grabbed his phone and went to Rafe’s contact. No more holding out hope that he would text him and apologize, take him back, whatever he thought would happen; he was blocking him.

Pushing the block button, JJ turned off his phone and tossed in the grass beside him. He stared at the sunset and the water moving on its course. He felt alright for the first time in weeks, like everything was going to be okay.