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Kyungsoo couldn’t sleep. It’s not that he didn’t want to, but floating in essentially a metal can through space wasn’t exactly relaxing let alone sleep inducing. The emergency power lights filled the interior of the command module with an eerie red glow. To the left of him, his crew members were fast asleep in their landing seats. Jongin had fallen asleep first which wasn’t surprising. The guy could sleep just about anywhere, and this situation was certainly proving that. Sehun had taken a while, but four days of minimal sleep with high stress situations won out in the end. Mission Control informed them a couple hours ago that things were stable enough for now. They were going to run diagnostics and simulations to see what could be done to bring them back. If they even could. Kyungsoo was unable to drift off. He felt the large burden of responsibility to take care of his younger members. It hung heavily on his shoulders keeping the weight of exhaustion from allowing him to slip under.
Outside through the small porthole window, the earth carried on spinning. Even that wasn’t peaceful though. Kyungsoo could clearly see a massive hurricane ravaging a section of the US’ southeastern coast. It weirdly made him feel less alone to think that at least not everything was hunky dory everywhere else. But that thought also made him feel guilty about not feeling bad for them. He continued to stare at the swirling, cyclone clouds below as his thoughts started to resemble its shape.
Kyungsoo shifted in his seat. The straps holding him down were starting to feel really constricting. They were supposed to keep him in the landing seat to help him sleep instead of floating around the cabin. Now, they felt like the arms of death trapping him in a metal coffin. His heart rate spiked just a little. He couldn’t panic though. A panic attack would heighten his breathing and waste some of their oxygen store which was already unsettlingly low. The thing about panic, however, is once you start thinking about it, there’s not much else you can do.
He felt his breath pick up slightly. A cold sweat threatened to break out on his neck. He closed his eyes and tried to slow his breathing. With his eyes closed, the red light felt even more menacing. At this rate, things were about to get ugly. Tears began to form in his eyes. The air felt like it was running away from his every breath.
“Kyungsoo? Hey, Kyungsoo, can you hear me? I’m seeing a spike in your heart rate. Is everything okay?” A concerned voice came through the radio. One of the few things that was still able to communicate with Earth since the asteroid hit was the radio and their medical stats. Mission Control couldn’t get any readings from the spacecraft itself though. The only thing keeping him sane was the radio that regularly crackled to life asking them for data on the craft’s tech read outs as the legion of scientists down on Earth tried to figure out a way to bring them home.
“Yeah,” his voice came out a little strangled, “I’m fine. The others are fine, too. They’re asleep.”
“Kyungsoo. The only way we’re getting you guys out of this is if you are completely honest. Come on, you know any little detail is crucial right now. Are you okay?” The voice insisted.
“Fuck. No, I guess, I’m not. I think I’m starting to have a panic attack.” He winced as his hands began to shake. “Correction, definitely having a panic attack. The others are actually asleep though. I don’t want to wake them.”
“Okay, that’s all completely understandable. Have you ever had a panic attack before?” There was a shuffling sound like someone going through files.
“Shouldn’t… that be in my… medical records, Mr. Byun?” Kyungsoo was really beginning to lose control of his breathing.
“Yes, but it’s faster if you just answer.” Kyungsoo could practically hear a pout in his voice. It made Kyungsoo almost chuckle despite his heart rate not slowing at all.
He had never met Byun Baekhyun in real life before. The only interactions they had ever had were through the radio communication system. Of course, Kyungsoo and everyone on the planet knew who Baekhyun was though.
Three years ago, Baekhyun had been basically where Kyungsoo was now. He remembered thinking before the mission launched that this guy looked too much like a puppy to be an astronaut. Baekhyun was on what was supposed to be Korea’s first moon landing before everything went sideways. A solar flare coupled with electrical malfunctions made his command module a floating cabin of death as well. Except, their communication systems failed, and the other members of his team died. Baekhyun was able to get the module turned around using an extensive knowledge of the details in the Apollo 13 mission and basically a miracle. He barely made it back to Earth. Articles and think pieces on what happened were still hot news to this day. They were even making a Netflix special. Baekhyun, however, quickly disappeared from the public eye afterward. No one had heard from him until four days ago.
Unfortunately for Kyungsoo and his crew, they had a lot less fuel than Baekhyun had. Their outlook wasn’t quite as good.
“I’ve never… had a panic attack before. At least not one like… this? I don’t know.” Kyungsoo was almost gasping for breath now.
“Okay, that’s okay. I’m going to count, and I need you to breathe with me while I do. Is there anything nearby you can grab? It helped me to fidget with something kind of squishy when I panicked up there.” Baekhyun’s voice was soft and soothing. A big contrast to the usual clipped and clinical way he had been speaking for the past four days.
“You had a panic attack… here?” Kyungsoo was thrown off by this. Baekhyun was always so collected and breezy in his interviews. Like escaping an impossibly deadly situation was second hand to him. Just another Tuesday.
“Oh my god, dude I had so many.” Baekhyun scoffed. “That’s not what they’re gonna put on T.V. though. Insensitive assholes.”
Kyungsoo actually did chuckle a bit at that. It made sense. Journalists were piranhas. They only feasted when blood was in the water, and a cocky space cowboy type, as they called him, makes for a much better feast to sensationalized media.
“Oh, laughter, that’s good. Okay, put your tongue behind your top teeth. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. I’ll count it out for you.” Baekhyun’s voice was softer again. Kyungsoo pulled off one of his gloves and gripped it in his hands. He began kneading it like a chunk of dough. It was somewhat calming, he had to admit. He leaned his head against the headrest behind him. The cabin of the module was quiet for several minutes save the slow sound of Baekhyun’s counts.
Kyungsoo felt his heart rate slowing. He felt the pressure lift from his chest. The red light didn’t seem so much like a beacon of death. Baekhyun must have been keeping an eye on Kyungsoo's heart rate monitor because he got quiet for a moment. Kyungsoo watched the Earth spin miles and miles below him as his breathing finally evened out.
“Thank you, Mr. Byun.” He said after a moment.
“Anytime. I mean it. It will probably happen again, so just let me know.” Baekhyun said softly. He sounded so different. Much younger, and almost charming in a way. “And please, call me Baekhyun.”
Kyungsoo weirdly felt his face heat up just a bit. Maybe the panic attack was coming back. He focused on his breathing again.
“O-okay. What’s it like down there, Baekhyun? It seems quiet.” Kyungsoo could usually hear the vague sounds of people bustling and shouting in the background.
“We… well the idea was brought up that since no one has slept for four days, and your module is fairly stable for the moment…” Baekhyun trailed off.
“Oh my god. Everyone is asleep, huh?” Kyungsoo smiled a little.
“No! I’m here! And there is a skeleton crew nearby monitoring the satellites to keep an eye out for further asteroids. Everyone is sleeping in the overnight rooms too, so they’re not far away. There are teams of scientists around the world working over the data readouts looking for solutions-” Baekhyun was rambling, and Kyungsoo had to cut him off before he also spun into a panic.
“It’s fine, Baekhyun. It’s good actually. People need sleep to think properly. I understand.” Kyungsoo was actually okay with it. He didn’t feel as alone with the knowledge as he thought he would.
“Same with you though. You need to sleep, Kyungsoo. It’s rough up there, and we need you guys alert to give us accurate readings.” Baekhyun said around a yawn.
“Back at you.” Kyungsoo closed his eyes. Maybe with Baekhyun talking to him, he’ll lull into some semblance of sleep. Baekhyun had a nice voice.
“I’ll sleep when people wake up. You are the priority.” Baekhyun paused. “Do you want to talk about it? What caused the panic attack?”
“No.” Kyungsoo really just wanted to think about anything else besides his current reality.
“Okay. I’ll let you get some sleep then.” Baekhyun almost sounded reluctant.
“No, I mean I don’t want to talk about that. I do want to keep talking though. If that’s okay?” Kyungsoo slightly fumbled the words. If he wasn’t floating through space in a metal tube and most likely going to die, he would have the mental capacity to be embarrassed that he just asked that like a high schooler asking his crush. Which is ridiculous because he doesn’t have a crush on Baekhyun. No sane person develops a crush in these circumstances. At least the others were asleep and couldn’t tease him endlessly for how he sounded.
“Yeah, I can chat. What do you wanna talk about?”
“Tell me about yourself, Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo said offhandedly. He didn’t really know where the request came from. He just wanted to hear more of Baekhyun’s casual speaking voice.
“Doesn’t everyone already know about my most interesting moments?” Baekhyun sounded taken aback by the question.
“No, I’m sure you have other more interesting bits.” Kyungsoo felt himself flush. Bad choice of words. Baekhyun laughed fully through the radio.
“Kyungsoo, you know everything we say is being recorded right?” Baekhyun fake gasped.
“You know what I meant.” Kyungsoo was suddenly very thankful for the camera feed dying when the asteroid hit or Baekhyun would be seeing just how flushed he was.
“What interesting bits do you want to know about?” Baekhyun put an emphasis on bits, and Kyungsoo felt an urge to strangle him. Or himself. Either one works.
“Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo warned. He glanced at the others to make sure they were still asleep. He did not want to have potentially his last moments filled with mockery and childish teasing.
“Okay, okay. Tell you about me… Hmm, well I can’t cook very well, but I have all the best delivery places’ numbers memorized. I can sing just a little although I never do it in public. I’m single.” Baekhyun giggled. “Aaaand I like long walks on the beach.”
Kyungsoo held himself back from face palming before he remembered no one could see him and did it anyway.
“I didn’t mean like a dating profile. I just… ugh forget it. This is just making me more stressed.” Kyungsoo knew Baekhyun wasn’t actually trying to flirt with him. That would be ridiculous at a time like this. He was just playing around to keep Kyungsoo calm, but it was not really having that effect for some reason.
“Sorry, Kyungsoo, I just couldn’t help myself. You get flustered easily, don't you? How’d you even become an astronaut if you get worked up like this?” Baekhyun teased.
“I don’t normally.” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes at his own admission.
“I must say, I’m flattered then.” Baekhyun continued his onslaught of teasing.
“This is the opposite of what I meant when I said we should keep talking.”
“Oh, but I can just imagine how big your doe eyes get when you’re shocked. Your round cheeks are probably all flushed. It must be so cute.” Kyungsoo wanted to ask how he knew any of that before remembering that their faces are probably plastered all over the news down there.
“I thought you said everything is being recorded? Aren’t you at all embarrassed if people hear you talking like this?” Kyungsoo pointed out.
“I can just chalk it up to trying to keep your mind off things.” Baekhyun breezed. “As the only person on the team who knows what it’s like up there, I think they’ll let me get away with it.”
Kyungsoo was quiet for a moment. Baekhyun had said it playfully, but this is the second time he had mentioned what happened to him in a casual capacity. The first being only a few minutes ago. A lot of questions were swirling in his head, but he didn’t know if it was appropriate to ask any. He really didn’t want to piss Baekhyun off and have him shut down.
“Could I ask you something?” He tried tentatively.
“Are you going to ask me about my mission?” Baekhyun didn’t sound mad, but he did sound less chipper.
“Only if it’s okay with you? It’s totally fine if not.”
“Sure, but I get to ask questions too. We’ll go question for question like that old sleepover game.” Baekhyun’s voice sounded closer like he had laid his head down on the control panel near the mic.
“Fair enough. What kept you going? Like what really? Obviously the thought of surviving and seeing your family was the biggest part, but was there anything else?” Kyungsoo wanted to take the question back as soon as he asked it. It felt like the question revealed more about him than it did Baekhyun.
“I didn’t think about my family much when I was up there to be entirely honest. Really, I thought about my crew members’ families. I knew the protocol stated that I was supposed to eject their bodies. I just couldn’t do it though. I’d been to their kid’s birthday parties. I’d seen the way their spouses would lovingly roll their eyes when they made bad space puns. We were closer than normal mission crews are. They even called us the Beagle line. There was no way I was leaving them to drift through space forever like worthless debris. Especially when…” Baekhyun’s voice broke.
“It’s okay, you don't have to go on.” Kyungsoo barely registered the tear rolling down his face.
“No- no, actually I want to. I haven’t told anyone about this except the diagnostic team after I landed. You’re getting a top secret inside scoop.” Baekhyun chuckled a little ruefully. “I don’t know if it’s the sleepiness or how nice your voice is, but I want to tell you.”
Kyungsoo waited patiently. He didn’t care about getting an inside scoop. He did, however, want to be there for Baekhyun like he had been just moments ago when Kyungsoo was having his panic attack.
“The solar flare caused all our electrical hardware to falter which, as you know, includes the oxygen filtration system. We had the backup manual oxygen tanks, but it wasn’t enough. We were running out. That’s when I had my first panic attack. There was only one tank left with air at that point. Chanyeol-“ his voice broke again. “Chanyeol put the mask over my head, then he and Jongdae tried to manually kick start the oxygen system using the emergency power supply. They almost got it working. Really, they were so close it was cruel. I didn’t even see them pass out because I was trying to calm down my panic attack. If I had just calmed down a little sooner…”
Kyungsoo could hear the quiet sniffles through the radio. He had never been good at comforting crying people, but his hands suddenly twitched with the impulse to rub soothing circles into Baekhyun’s back. He quickly wiped the tears away from his own eyes instead.
“Anyway, after that, I didn’t give a fuck about protocol. I was bringing them home no matter what. I’m gonna bring you guys home too. I promise you, I’ll bring you back alive.”
“You’re very compassionate.” Kyungsoo said quietly after a long pause. There was a sudden bark of laughter choked out through tears on the other end of the radio.
“That’s a new one. I’ve been called amazing, inspiring, brave, but compassionate is new.” Baekhyun blew his nose. “Okay, my turn for a question, Kyungja.”
“Kyungja?” Kyungsoo was startled by the sudden name.
“Yeah, I told you my deepest, darkest secret, so I get to pick out a nickname. You look like a Kyungja too.” Kyungsoo didn’t know what he meant by that, but decided not to push it.
“What’s your question?”
“What’s holding you together up there? Besides my amazing company tonight.” Baekhyun asked. Kyungsoo shifted uncomfortably.
“My crew too, I guess.” He breathed in deeply. If Baekhyun could be painfully open with him, then he could do the same. “I don’t really have any family left. My mom died when I was young, and that’s actually what made me want to be an astronaut. Everyone always said, ‘She’s up in heaven.’ I thought they meant she was in space, since that was the only up beyond the sky, so I made it my mission to visit her. Obviously, I learned later that heaven isn’t up here, but you know…”
“That’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard. And sad, of course. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound callous.” Baekhyun quickly added on.
“It’s okay. I haven’t told anyone that either, so I don’t really know what the right response is.” Kyungsoo chuckled a little. “My turn. What was the best part of your mission? If there was one?”
“Best part? Wow, another new one. No one asks that after a tragedy.” Baekhyun laughs a little. “I guess… It’s cliche, but the view. Seeing Earth from up there in person. The massive blue swirling rock we live on. It really does take your breath away. Especially when you’re not wearing your suit.”
“Ha ha, a very funny space joke. Also, a little dark coming from you.” Kyungsoo teased, and immediately opened his mouth to apologize.
“Wow, Kyungja, low blow.” But he didn’t sound angry at all. If anything, he sounded surprised and intrigued. “I did not expect such dark humor from you. And so soon after I bared my soul.”
“I am actually really sorry for that. It slipped out.” Kyungsoo said genuinely.
“It’s okay. You’ll just have to make it up to me.”
“How so?” Kyungsoo was a little nervous. If he learned anything tonight in their first conversation about anything other than data readings, Baekhyun can be unpredictable.
“I’ll think about it.” Baekhyun’s voice was teasing again.
“Okay, well, it’s your turn for a question.”
“Hmm… What do I want to know about the mysterious Kyungja? Let’s see… What is your ideal first date?” Baekhyun’s question gave Kyungsoo emotional whiplash.
“You’re seriously asking that?” He sputtered.
“It’s what I want to know.” Baekhyun was completely unperturbed.
“I- uh well. I guess dinner and noraebang? I don’t really know.” Kyungsoo’s dating life had been rather sparse. It wasn’t easy becoming an astronaut, and it didn’t leave a whole lot of room for dating. He was suddenly embarrassed of his answer. He didn’t even know if a noraebang was a good date, he just knew he had fun when he went there with his friends in the past.
Mostly, he was confused why Baekhyun was even asking. Especially after what all they just talked about. There were millions of other questions in the world.
“Noraebang, huh? That’s a shame. I said I don’t sing in public. You’re lucky you’re cute.” Baekhyun yawned again.
“You should really get some sleep.” Kyungsoo was immensely grateful for the opening to shift topics.
“No, I’ll sleep later. You are the one that should be sleeping.” Baekhyun was starting to sound really tired. Despite himself, Kyungsoo yawned too.
“I don’t really think that will happen.” Kyungsoo closed his eyes anyway.
“What usually helps you fall asleep?” Baekhyun asked.
“Music, I guess? I don't normally have issues sleeping.” Kyungsoo felt infinitely more comfortable than before though. Maybe if Baekhyun kept talking…
Just then he heard a soft voice singing through the radio. It was melodic and rather beautiful. Kyungsoo felt himself instantly relax even further. The weight of the past four days sunk into his bones and also released from his muscles. He couldn’t really place the song. It vaguely sounded like some pop song that had been popular lately but slowed way down.
“I thought you said you didn’t sing in public?” He mumbled through the sleep that was finally gripping him.
“Just shush and go to sleep.” They both chuckled softly, and Baekhyun went back to singing. It didn’t take long for Kyungsoo to drift away and dream of the puppy-like face he had seen in the news so many times.
—-
“Exodus Team! Come in, Exodus Team!” The radio crackled loudly to life, jolting Kyungsoo awake. He groggily blinked and looked to the left to see the others were already up.
“Yes Captain, we’re here.” Sehun responded. Kyungsoo looked out the porthole window and saw they were now over Asia. He must have been asleep for a while.
“Boys, we got it. We have a way to get you home.” The three in the module looked at each other for a moment, shocked before Jongin burst into tears. Kyungsoo grinned, still stunned. Sehun began cackling and whooping with his fist in the air. He pulled Jongin into some semblance of a hug despite being still strapped to the seats.
“How, sir? How did you figure it out?” Jongin sobbed. There was suddenly the sound of jostling coming through the radio.
“Hey, Kyungja! I told you I’d get you home.” Baekhyun’s voice rang out through the cabin. The other two turned confused to Kyungsoo who was suddenly laughing hysterically. “Now you can make it up to me with that noraebang date.”
Kyungsoo didn’t stop grinning despite the deep blush that crept up his face. A happy tear rolled down his cheek as he looked out the window towards the country that they were finally going home to.
The country where a certain puppy-faced ex astronaut was gonna get his ass kicked. Or kissed. Kyungsoo was undecided.