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“Don’t you think…” slowly stan crawled up to Kyle. Kyle in turn pushed himself as far back as his bed’s head rest would let him. He couldn’t look at Stan in the face, he was terrified that he’d notice just how red he’d become. “Don’t you think that i was made for you.” Stan let out a small hiccup, his eyes peered up at Kyle, he was now only a few inches away.
“Stan…you’re drunk.” Kyle was just about to push the other away from him, but before he could Stan crawled his way on top of him. Now Kyle was stuck underneath him, all he could do was look up at Stan’s glossy eyes. “Stan please, get off.” Kyle spoke barely above a whisper. Stan shook his head, and pressed his face in the crook of Kyle’s neck.
“What do I have to do…” Stan paused as his hands reached into Kyle’s hair. “To convince you to stay.” His fingers intertwined with Kyle’s soft red curls, he gave soft tugs on the strands. His words sounded so helpless, almost like he was in pain. The urge to comfort him flooded into Kyle, he would do just about anything for Stan. “Please Kyle, I was made for you.” Kyle’s fingers twitched as his contemplated on his next actions. He desperately wanted to wrap his hands around Stan’s waist to pull him closer, but he knew deep down he shouldn’t. Stan was drunk, and he didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t know what his actions were doing to Kyle’s poor heart. Kyle had to stop his heart from swelling up with happiness, Stan wanted him, but it wasn’t real. He was just confused, and by morning he’d be running back to Wendy.
Kyle would be left to patch up his fragile heart as gently as he could, and even so he’d forgive Stan in a heartbeat. “I think…” Kyle licked his lips as his brain searched for the right words to say, “maybe you should go to sleep.” He felt Stan shake his head no by his neck. Kyle needed to find a way to convence Stan to go to sleep. The only way that Kyle could think of was playing into Stan’s fantasy, even if it was just for a second. Kyle reached to wrap his arms Stan, he let his fingers run up and down Stan’s back. Stan let out a soft hum of happiness. “Let’s go to sleep Stan just like this, how about that?” Softly and gently, as if he was coaxing a child that how Kyle spoke to Stan.
Finally Stan nodded, Kyle felt himself start to relax. He continued to run small circles along Stan’s back until the other fell asleep. Kyle then let his hands fall back to his sides, there was no way he’d be able to wiggle himself from under Stan without waking him up. All he could was sigh, and stare up at the popcorn ceiling, what a terrible thing to be left alone with his thoughts.
“You know, I wish that you’d actually love me. But you see me as some replacement for Wendy, and I loathe you for it. Why can’t you just love me for me? Why did I have to be second place to her?” Kyle’s voice strained as he held back his tears. Stan just slept soundly on top of him, “I love you so much.” Kyle’s hands moved to grip onto Stan’s shirt. “So much it hurts.” He couldn’t hold the tears back anymore, “I hate you, I hate you, I fucking hate you.” He started hiccuping his sobs became more intense. After a couple minutes he took a deep shakey breath “no that’s a lie Stan, I don’t hate you. I love you.” Red rimmed eyes moved to look out the window. The full moon was high in the sky creating dancing shadows in Kyle’s room. He watched the shadows move around for a couple seconds, but they did little to ease his thoughts.
He wouldn’t have Stan the way he wanted, and he knew that. His now tired mind tried to convence him that he should be thrilled. Even if he couldn’t have Stan in the long run he had this moment. This should be cherished. Stan had his hands deep into his hair, and he was sleeping so soundly, so contently, on top of him. Maybe his mind was right, maybe he should give up, and give into this moment. As his eyes began to struggle to stay open his hands started to loosen their tight grip on Stan’s shirt. Instead they moved to wrap around his waist, with an exhausted yawn Kyle gave Up. He closed his eyes and let sleep finally over take him. Even if it was just for a second, he’d believe that this was real.
Maybe Stan wasn’t written for him, but Kyle was surely written for Stan. That was a fact that he’d thought before dreams took over.
Fuzziness swam around him, when he’d look down at his hand he saw a silver wedding band gleaming back at him. Another hand held his so lovingly, when he looked up he knew whose blue eyes were staring at him. They were filled with so much love they were practically sparkling with it. “Do you remember when we were in high school, I told you I was made for you. I still believe that’s true, and I always will.” Within that comforting fuzziness Kyle could feel something within him break. Maybe it was jealously, that he’d never have this? Maybe it was the grief that he would only be loved like this in a dream? It didn’t matter because Kyle held the others hand tightly almost scared that he’d actually wake up. Too bad for him, dreams always come to an end. He etched Stan’s beautiful, middle aged, smiling face into his mind as he felt a pair of hands shake him awake.
“Dude…” Stan moaned miserably, “I feel so fucked up.” He rolled off of Kyle. Kyle just stared up at the ceiling the last fragments of his dream leaving his mind. Though he held onto the imagine of Stan’s smiling face. He wanted to remember that forever. “Man I think I’m going to puke.” That caused all the grogginess to leave Kyle in an instant. He pulled himself out of bed, and he carried Stan Into his bathroom. As carefully as he could he set Stan down by the toilet. Stan let his head roll to the side, he was trying to fight back the urge to puke.
“I don’t want you to puke on my bed, that wouldn’t be fun to clean.” Kyle leaned back on the sink. He watched Stan let out a small chuckle before his body lunged foreword letting everything in his stomach escape. He grimaced at Stan’s painful gagging sounds. When he started to hear stan start to cry Kyle pushed himself off the counter, and he knelled next to him. He rubbed small circles onto his back as a form of comfort. “You’re okay dude, let it all out. You’ll feel better once this is over.” He murmured.
When it was all over, Stan let his cheek press into his arms “that shit always sucks.” His voice was raspy and raw. Kyle hummed in agreement, as he pulled out some baking soda from underneath the sink. He poured some into a small white cup, and then mixed it in with some water before handing it over to Stan.
This wasn’t the first time this happened, and Kyle knew it wouldn’t be the last. But he’d done some research in the past when this first became a reoccurring issue. He wanted to learn how to help Stan after he made himself sick with alcohol. That’s how he learned that after puking you shouldn’t brush your teeth, because the stomach acids would be brushed onto your teeth causing them to break down. He learned that a small solution of baking soda and water was way better for your teeth.
He watched as Stan swished the solution around his mouth, before he spit it out into the toilet. “Are you feeling better?” Kyle always tried to be comforting after these moments.
Stan didn’t speak, all he did was shrug his shoulders. Kyle didn’t quite understand why Stan would shut down for a while after these small episodes. Maybe he didn’t want to face the crushing reality of what was happening or what had happened? Or maybe he was just lost in his own thoughts? Whatever it might be Kyle had to be there to help pick up the pieces that were Stan Marsh.
Quite literally too, Kyle wasn’t the strongest person in the world but with a strong convention he scooped Stan off the ground. Stan just curled around Kyle as he moved them back to the bedroom, his hand loosely gripped onto Kyle’s shirt. “In like 30 minutes you should brush your teeth.” Kyle placed Stan on his bed, as set a timer on his phone. Stan just nodded, his eyes were unfocused just moving around the room, as if the room had the answers to all his questions.
Kyle just sat there silently, sometimes he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t exactly know how to help Stan, but hell he tired. He pulled the softest blanket he had, and wrapped Stan in it before he dragged him down onto the pillows. “Let’s just lay here for a while, until the timer goes off.” Stan just complied, he laid there looking up at the ceiling silently. Kyle hesitated for a couple seconds before he pulled cocoon Stan closer to him, he made sure to hold onto him gently, Stan always felt like glass to him in this moments. So fragile that any strong movement would finish breaking him. He felt Stan tense up in his hold, but slowly the tension slipped away.
Sometimes when Kyle would talk about Stan’s small episodes to Kenny, Kenny would wonder why he kept helping Stan so much. “Doesn’t it get I don’t know…exhausting?” Kyle wanted to yell that yes it was exhausting, that he was tired of Stan doing this to himself. But he didn’t, he’d keep those thoughts tightly sealed away.
“Sometimes, but I-“ he’d stop and stare at Kenny.
“But you love him.” Maybe Kyle’s love was so transparent that everyone noticed, or maybe Kenny was just that smart.
Kyle shrugged, “I guess that’s why I put up with this, because I love him, and I want him to get better.”
Kenny reached into his pocket until he pulled out a pack of cigarettes, “you know he’ll never get better if he keeps running back to Wendy. Don’t get me wrong Wendy’s great, and Stan’s great…they just aren’t great for each other. They bring out the worst of one another.” He blew out a puff of smoke basically in front of Kyle’s face. Kyle scrunched up his nose, as he tried to push the cigarette smoke away from him.
“I know that, but I can’t just leave him alone.”
“But how much longer can you keep putting your heart through this? How much longer before you fall off the edge? A heart can only take so much.” Kenny questioned his tone was filled with worry. He cared deeply for Kyle, so much that he didn’t want to see him keep going through this. Kyle looked at Kenny, he felt something inside him start to crumble, but he couldn’t let Kenny see that so his face twisted up in scowl. he looked away, he couldn’t keep looking at Kenny’s worrying glaze. Kyle pulled Kenny’s cigarette away from him and brought it to his lips. He was never a fan of cigarettes, but in this moment he needed something to calm his neves.
So he took a drag, and let the smoke out into the warm spring air.
Kyle never answered Kenny’s question.
Kenny knew the answer even without a response. Kyle was made for Stan, and he’d be there until the very end. How Tragic.
When the timer went off, wordless Stan crawled out of the cocoon of blankets. Kyle followed him back into the bathroom where he sat down on the toilet seat, and waited for Stan to finish brushing his teeth. The small task seemed to ground Stan as he sighed after he finished.
“Me and Wendy aren’t dating anymore.” Stan stared in the mirror. He scrunched his nose, as he finally realized he was looking at Kyle’s bathroom mirror…when did he get to Kyle’s house? That didn’t matter because he looked terrible, and he surely felt terrible.
“Oh” Kyle would have been shocked, but this happened often. Kenny once said that Wendy brought out the worst of Stan, and he was right. That’s why their relationship never lasted, that’s why Wendy always left Stan. But for some reason, one that Kyle didn’t understand, Stan always went back to Wendy. It was like clockwork for them. Love made people go through hell, that’s all Kyle truly understood. “I’m sure you guys can work it out, you guys always do.” Now those words left a bitter taste in his mouth.
Stan let out a soft chuckle “no Kyle not this time.” That was new. Stan usually beamed at kyle’s reassurements instead he tightened his grip on the sink. Kyle watched as the others knuckles turned white.
“Why not? Dude I’m sure if you and Wendy talk it out she’ll take you back in a heart beat.” Stan scoffed at Kyle’s words, and that was very unexpected. Was that not what Stan wanted to hear?
“Kyle, this time I left Wendy. I left her for good.” Stan’s glaze moved over to Kyle who squirmed at the intense look. He didn’t know what to say. This had never happened before, Wendy was always the one to breakup with Stan not the other way around.
“Don’t you love her? Why would you break up with her?” Stan groaned and punched the sink gently a couple times. He let out a strained laugh, it bordered on painful. Kyle winced before he spoke up, “Man don’t mistreat my sink, It didn’t do anything to you” he teased as he tired to lighten the mood. Stan went over by Kyle, and sat down on the bathroom floor in front of him. He looked back at Kyle, and just stared at him for a couple seconds. They just stared at each other in silence, and Kyle couldn’t wrap his brain around what was going on.
“I broke up with her because I don’t love her.” Stan’s voice sounded so quiet, it was almost as if he was telling Kyle a world shattering secret. In a strange way it was, this confession surely did shatter Kyle’s world. A million thoughts started to race through his mind. Kyle pushed his lip in between his teeth, and began to chew the skin off as he tired to wrap around Stan’s words. Kyle never noticed Stan move even closer to him until he was holding his chin. He sucked in a sharp breath, and his eyes must have gone wider. He felt his face start to becoming unbareably warm. His heart beat so fast that he was sure Stan could hear it ramming against his chest.
Damn, his traitorous heart.
“Dude don’t do that, you’ll draw blood.” Stan held his chin until Kyle stopped gnawing on his lower lip.
“I’m so confused. What do you mean you don’t love Wendy? You’ve always loved her since we were kids.” Stan fell back into the wall.
“I just…” he paused with a frown, then he started tapping the back his head gently on the wall behind him “I think a part of me used to love her. I started thinking, and when I started to think about the person I love Wendy didn’t pop up in my mind. Does that make sense?”
“I see, so you realized that you fell in love with someone else” Kyle questioned.
“Mmhmm, something like that.” Kyle observed Stan start to smile lovingly. His smile started small, but then it proceeded to get bigger almost as if Stan was thinking of the person he loved so dearly. Kyle made sure to mentally capture this moment, Stan’s smile meant so much to him. Kyle continued to watch Stan as the latter swayed left and right. His lovingly smile never dropped off his face. Stan intertwined his fingers together, and then untwined them before intertwining them again.
“Sooo who are they?” Kyle grinned down at Stan, he leaned closer to him with a teasing smile and a small wink. Stan blinked back owlishly. After a couple seconds, Stan’s face flushed red much to Kyle’s internal delight.
“I don’t really wanna tell you.” Stan answered in a quick jumbled sentence, and then he let out a nervous laugh. Kyle wanted to press further, because his heart obviously loved to feel pain. He desperately wanted to know who’d he have to fight for Stan’s affection. That’s when a sudden memory came flooding back. One that had just taken place a couple hours ago.
Stan pressed against his neck, murmuring drunk words of being made for him. Kyle felt his vision start to swim, as he felt the blood rushing to his head. Stan couldn’t love him. Stan didn’t love him. He was drunk. Everything he said to Kyle wasn’t real. The feelings he felt for Kyle couldn’t be real. His heart quickened in pace, and he started to press his nails into his thighs to try and ground himself.
“Kyle?” Stan’s voice sounded to far away. It was as if cotton balls had been stuffed into his ears. Stan moved again closer to Kyle, as he tried to stop him from sinking his nails deeper into his skin. “Kyle are you there?” Stan’s voice was dripped with worry. Any other moment Kyle would be over the moon that Stan cared so much for him. That he held his undivided attention, but right now he was going through a crisis. He didn’t want to believe Stan’s words. He was tired of his heart breaking. He didn’t want to pull his hearts broken pieces back together again once Stan realized that he didn’t want him, but that he actually wanted Wendy. Kenny had been right all along, he couldn’t keep doing this. The pain was becoming unbearable, and a loud sob ripped out of him.
Stan held onto Kyle’s hands, he didn’t know what was going on. All he knew was that Kyle’s nails were digging into him. He didn’t have a moment to wince, because Kyle choked out a couple words though his sobs “it’s me isn’t it…”
“What?” Stan was even more confused. How did they get to this moment?
“Please don’t tell me, that you love me” more sobs rattled Kyle’s body. Stan felt himself stop breathing, the pain of Kyle’s nails seemed to numb away. How did he know, Stan helplessly thought, had he been so careless with his affection towards Kyle that he noticed? “You fell in love with me.” Kyle wailed, miserably. It wasn’t a question anymore, it was a fact that they both knew now.
“How do you know that? I didn’t…”
kyle glared at him, “Yesterday you came spewing some bullshit about how you were fucking made for me!” He cried out.
“Okay, umm it’s true Kyle. I do love you.” Stan didn’t know how to make this situation better. Everything around him felt like it was about to titter off the edge and shatter into a million pieces, he felt like he couldn’t do anything to stop it.
“Don’t fucking tell me that.” Kyle banged on Stan’s chest as he spoke every word.
“It’s the truth!” Stan countered as he gripped Kyle’s wrist to stop him from hitting his chest.
“It’s not.” Kyle’s words were laced with venom. They were dripping in it.
“How are you going to tell me that?” Stan glared at Kyle. He brought his wrists closer to him, Kyle was now face to face with him. “How are you going to fucking tell me how I feel? Huh?”
“Soon you’ll realize that you love Wendy, and you’ll go back to her. I’ll be left behind to pick up the pieces of my heart.” Kyle tried to pull his wrists away, but Stan just held on desperately. Stan held on like a life line, part of him knew that if he’d let go of Kyle in this moment Kyle would escape, and they would never talk about this again. They would both burry their feelings deep down, and Stan didn’t want that. That was a thought that he didn’t even want to entertain, so he held on.
“I don’t love Wendy.” He growled, “get that through your thick, stubborn skull, and while you’re at it, remember these words I love you Kyle Broflovski, and only you.” He couldn’t keep glaring at Kyle. He really did love the red head. The love he felt for Kyle engulfed him, and he happily allowed it. Why would he fight it, when it felt so good to love him. Stan pressed small kisses onto Kyle’s hands. “Please believe me.”
“How can you be sure…” Stan watched all of Kyle’s fight start to slip away. “I’m tired Stan.” Kyle’s eyes showed all his vulnerabilities and fears. “I don’t want you to wake up one day, and realize that you don’t love me like you say. That this was a mistake. My heart wouldn’t be able to take that. ” Stan pulled Kyle’s wrists up to his lips, and he began to pepper them with tender kisses. Kyle swayed slightly, as he began to turn into putty with each kiss.
“How can I prove it to you?”
“I…I don’t know.” It was true. Kyle didn’t know how Stan could prove himself. There wasn’t an easy way to figure this out.
“How about, we take things slowly. You decide at the pace we go, and I’ll prove to you how much I adore you along the way.” Stan nuzzled into Kyle’s right wrist. Kyle whimpered at Stan’s tender words.
“You just broke up with Wendy, we can’t get together so quickly.”
“That’s okay like I said slowly. We can go so slow that right now you just have to get used to the idea that I love you.” Kyle heart rammed in his chest, he wanted to give in so badly. He heart begged him to just let go and allow this. Allow himself to be engulfed by Stan’s loving words and tender touches. Though his brain told him to proceed with caution, he had to protect his feelings at all costs. Stan just continued to stare at him waiting for an answer, love swam in those blue eyes, a love dedicated to him and only him.
Kyle sighed then he grinned a Stan, “okay prove to me that you love me. Slowly though, I need time to get used to this.” Stan beamed at him, before he pulled him into a hug.
“I promise, no I swear your heart will be safe with me. I won’t let you pick up any more broken pieces.” Kyle nodded with a wet sob as he pressed himself closer to Stan. As close as his could get to him, he didn’t want to feel any space between them.
Kyle watched his two kids run around the back yard in their swimsuits. A water sprinkler was splashing them near by, and the two kids squealed happily. It made Kyle’s heart swell with joy by seeing his two precious children being happy. “They look so cute don’t they?” Stan was smiling happily. “I love those two munchkins.” Kyle hummed in agreement, but before he could answer he felt a hand reach for his.
Stan held his hand, and he looked down at it, the wedding band on his finger shinned in the summer sun. He smiled tenderly at the ring, as if it was the most precious thing in the world. That smile was one that Kyle will never get used to seeing. One that he’ll always crave till his last breath. Stan then looked up at him his eyes sparkling with love. “Hey kyle?” Stan waited for kyle to answer him
“Hmm?”
“Do you remember when we were in high school, I told you I was made for you. I still believe that’s true, and I always will.” Kyle bit back a sob that threatened to escape. A small, almost forgotten memory flashed through his mind, one of his teenage self clinging onto a syrupy sweet dream that eerily mirrored this moment. He pushed that dream aside, as he pulled up Stan’s hand, and kissed their wedding band.
“Yes I remember, thank you for keeping that promise you made many years ago, darling.” Now it was his turn to smile up at Stan with all the love that he could offer.
Stan, even at his middle aged self giggled happily, it was like he was drunk off of love, “I love you Kyle.”
“I love you so much Stan.”
Years ago, Kyle knew that he was made for Stan, and now he knew that Stan was made for him. They were made for each other. A dream that a child had, had become a sweet reality.