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Kyle has to think to himself every once in a while. Maybe the proper human reaction to overwhelming feelings is not to just lay face down on the floor of his apartment right in the middle of his living room. However, the other part of his brain is happy to mention, perhaps it is an extremely human reaction and frankly no one should judge him for it ever. Not like anyone around would judge him (well not too much anymore).
The only other living being in the space was easier to hear behind him puttering around in the kitchen. The clinking of mugs on the counter filled Kyle with anticipation. That sound with that person around almost always meant either cocoa or tea and either was such a delicious option. Whatever that man put into those drinks made them feel like warm hugs from the inside out. Kyle couldn't help it when his thoughts turned vaguely morose, thinking that maybe that's why these drinks were made so often for the lack of love the man had in the past.
Sigh.
It was going to just be one of those nights. Kyle hated these nights where no matter what it felt like everything was dragging him down. He knew better than to fight it though, knew it would only make the feeling worse. Bottling it up, shoving it down and pushing it away just made it come back with a vengeance later. Better to just, ride it out. Let himself feel it all and let himself lean on those near him until he felt good enough to pick himself back up again.
Kyle hears the further clinking of mugs against each other along with the soft shuffling of socked feet against the floor. He doesn't bother to look up as the black socks come into view, having only enough energy to reach out with one hand to grasp the tanned slip of skin of an ankle before the sweatpants begin. Be still beating heart at the sight of such impropriety. The silly thought came to mind because just last night he had been convinced (read: bribed with kisses) to watch Emma yet again and he had regency era talk stuck in his brain. It was just enough to quirk his lips into the smallest of smiles.
His actions caused the person above him to snort heavily. The clunk of mugs on the coffee table was the only warning Kyle got before two large scarred hands scooped him up under the armpits. Letting out a yelp that he would deny until his grave, or at least until this happened again, Kyle began to squirm. He watches as Jason's face twists into amusement, his snickering causing his nose to crinkle in that cute little way Kyle loved to watch. Kyle just continues to pout. Time to switch tactics. He makes sure to make his eyes go wide and twists his lips just so to bring his puppy pout out in full force, hair flopping just right over his forehead to fall into his eyes. He practices this look and he knows exactly how cute it is. Foolproof.
Jason once again shows that he's a bat through and through as he raises a single eyebrow managing to give off amusement and exasperation all at once. Damn. Kyle is surprised then when Jason swoops in for a small kiss to his nose before dropping the Lantern on the couch. Kyle smiles just a little to himself. Not a full success but he's still got it. It's hard to hold onto the smile though, even with the change in scenery. It feels like relief when Jason sits next to him and pulls him in close almost crushing the other man against his broad chest. Kyle for his part only pushes himself in even closer, shoving his face into the space between Jason's neck and shoulder.
More thoughts fly through his head slipping by so fast he can barely grab them. The snippets he manages to catch only make him want to curl in closer almost completely in Jason's lap and on his chest by now. He thinks of Alex and of Donna and of Jade (and oh how he flinches for thinking of them while Jason's strong arms wrap around him like a shield against the world but he loved them too, there is nothing wrong with loving them too and part of him still loving them and he knows that). He thinks of his mother and feels tears burn at the corner of his eyes (she never got to meet him, he never got to show his mother the man he loves). Thoughts of Hal (of fighting him, of Hal being lost and then being dead and then being back), thoughts of Ion (he had been the closest thing to a God but deep in his heart even if it fills him with fear being so much too much everything all of it at once- there is such a longing for that connection again that he flinches away from), remembering the feeling of being filled with light and life and every piece of emotion before letting that go too and-
Kyle was sobbing into Jason's shoulder. Heaving great shaking cries, the sounds cut short to be buried into his lover's chest. He feels Jason's arms tighten around him. Feels Jason twisting them so Kyle is stuck in the corner of the couch reaching up to Jason as the other man makes himself a little wall, a little buffer against the rest of the world as Kyle falls apart. Kyle feels awful, he never meant to let it get this far he was just feeling a little down it wasn't meant to- he didn't mean to- but he is. He is and now there is no stopping it as the grief and longing and sadness tears into his chest and leaves him leaden bones.
Somewhere outside himself he can hear soft words being murmured into his hair. He can feel Jason's hands, big, scarred and ever so slightly cool, slide to cup the back of his neck as well as slide under the back of his shirt. Bare skin on bare skin, grounding and connecting and something that reminds Kyle of where he is, who he's with. Even after everything he's still here and he still somehow managed to find a life, to find love. He shivers under Jason's chilly touch, a leftover from his time in death, but something that feels like heaven on Kyle's overheated skin that always seems to run too hot. God they fit together so well, he remembers pushing this man away so harshly at the beginning. Thoughts of their disastrous run through the multiverse with Donna (beautiful, incredible Donna) and how he treated Jason, how Jason treated him and how fucking stupid it all was. How he could have had this so much earlier if he had just not judged (but could he have? Really? With everything else that was happening and the universe needing him and how it was never enough-).
The tears renew in strength as Kyle presses his trembling lips to Jason's by now fully soaked through shoulder. Jason's hands only pull him in closer as if trying to meld them together. Chest to chest, hip to hip, every part of them pressed close together as Jason's weight and bulk settle on Kyle. It feels so comforting to Kyle and the weight couple with Jason's soft kisses to his hair, Jason's hands rubbing his back making sure to run the length of his curled spine, the other holding tight to the back of his neck and kneading the skin finally seemed to break through after what seemed like forever. Kyle feels his sobs break as he begins to settle into hiccups. The sweeping of Jason's hand becomes more solid and Kyle feels the world shift again as Jason turns them once again to sit back against the couch pulling Kyle close in his lap.
Kyle lets himself be moved pliant and weak in his lover's embrace. His cries quiet further until they all but fade, soft sniffles and hiccups being all that remains. Jason is quiet now, still holding him so tightly and a solid force to lean against. The rest of the world comes back to Kyle in bits and pieces. The sounds of New York City outside, never truly ever quiet. The smell of salt from his tears and the soft smell of sandalwood, Jason's aftershave. Feeling the soft material of Jason's shirt bunched up so tight in his own hands that he's surprised he didn't rip it. Slowly he sighs out in a big breath, pushing out all of the sadness, all of the worry and pain and grief to inside settle more comfortably in his lover's lap. He adjusts his cheek on Jason's shoulder ignoring the wetness as he brings his eyes up to see Jason already looking down at him.
He feels his breath catch, hitching yet again as hazel meets teal. When Kyle finally saw Jason's eyes for the first time he almost ran right into a wall. Almost tripped over his own two feet. He had never seen a color more beautiful in all his life, that mix of blue and green that seemed oh so unnatural, blending into oxidized copper. When he learned of how Jason came back to life he thought at first, maybe it had something to do with the Pit. No one's eyes could naturally be so breathtaking. But the one time he ever caught sight of photos of a younger Jason (courtesy of Dick trying to embarrass his baby brother) he realized that no. They were natural and unique and as breathtaking back then as they are now.
Right now Kyle feels himself fall into that beautiful gaze, seeing the flecks of gold within the blue green sea, his sight catching at the few white eyelashes framing them. Jason waits patiently though Kyle can see the concern in the way his eyes never waver but his brows furrow. It makes the skin around his eyes tight and Kyle raises a shaky hand to gently run his fingers along the skin under Jason's right eye. The furrow eases as Jason huffs a tiny breath, what counts as a little laugh for him. The hand on the back of Kyle's neck tightens comfortingly for a moment before it slides up into Kyle's hair. Jason begins to gently scratch at his scalp, fingertips kneading into his head just hard enough to make Kyle's eyes flutter for a moment.
It feels so nice. It would be so easy to fall asleep just like this but he blinks awake. Not yet. He doesn't want to sleep yet not without hearing him properly. Jason smiles at him softly, the hint of his dimples beginning to show in his cheeks. God Kyle loves him so much. "Hey there star-shine. You back with me?"
Kyle fights his own face for a moment before wrangling something like a smile on his face. By the tightening of the skin around Jason's eyes he doesn't quite make it. "Hey Jaybird." His voice sounds wrecked when he finally manages to speak. All scratchy and rough from the crying, just a little stuffy from the congestion of what has to be snot filling his nose and ugh he hates crying it's always so gross but Jason is already handing him a tissue and oh.
It's a little hard to unclench one of his hands from Jason's shirt but he finally manages so he can grab the tissue. As much as he doesn't want to he turns his head away to blow his nose, the alternative is gross and unbelievably rude and if his mother (he ignores the pang that rings through his chest) ever caught wind of him doing something like that she would be so disappointed.
Kyle grunts a little when he feels himself being tipped forward but Jason's hand at his back curls around his waist to hold him steady as Jason reaches out to grab the mugs from the coffee table. Kyle is already smiling easier as the two settle back again, his hands dropping the used tissue on the floor to pick up later- he ignores Jason's snort of disgust though it makes him smile more. He knows that's mostly why Jason did it. Kyle makes grabby hands for one of the mugs and it's not until he's holding it that he realizes that Jason used the metal coated mugs with lids. He slides his eyes back up to see Jason using his free hand to both hold the mug and maneuver his fingers to slide back the lid. Jason doesn't like using the travel mugs often, he's old fashioned like that and swears that the metal changes the taste of things but he used them without question tonight but why?
Kyle finds his answer when he slides his own lid and moves to take a sip and finds the tea that Jason made earlier still hot and soothing. Unbidden he feels tears come to his eyes again. It was such a small little thing but the thought that Jason saw him on the floor and just, he knew immediately what was going to happen and he prepared for it. Prepared to hold Kyle and to make him something warm and soothing and used something he doesn't normally like to so that it would be sure to stay warm for him no matter how long it took, it- he-
Kyle couldn't stop the next few tears from escaping and carving their way down his tanned cheeks. Suddenly there is a calloused thumb brushing the tears away, rubbing his cheek as Jason turns his face towards him. "Hey- hey angel, you alright? Do you need more time?"
Kyle just hiccups while shaking his head, sniffling as he raises his own hand to cover Jason's leaning into the touch with a sigh. "I'm- I'm okay. Just love you. Love you so much. So good to me."
The older man felt Jason shift under him. Jason's own breath hitching for a moment at the praise as it always has even after their years together. Jason pulls Kyle's face closer until he's right in front of him, lips hovering over Kyle's own before he slides their mouths together so softly. It's the suggestion of a kiss, not a push towards one. It's a question, one that Kyle answers eagerly as he pushes into the kiss. As soon as he leans in giving permission Jason is kissing him like he is a treasure, pouring every ounce of love into the meeting of their lips. Their mouths fit together like nothing else, Kyle catching Jason's thick lower lip between his own, Jason sliding his mouth across Kyle's arched cupid's bow. This kiss itself is soft, warm, unhurried and gentle like the night around them. Something neither of them get enough of. Kyle feels the knot in his chest fully untangle and fall away slipping through him like light through water. Jason's kiss chases the last of the darkness away, filling him up with light leaving him calm and clear.
They finally break away, sadly still needing to breathe even if they would much rather kiss forever if they could get away with it. Kyle blinks slowly, the little tears caught at the the edge of his eyes falling again only to be brushed away by that ever present thumb as Jason never let go of his face. Looking into Jason's face he see's the other man's kissed swollen and those beautiful eyes still gazing at him so intensely. Kyle slides forward in Jason's lap to rest his red face against the younger man's neck. Jason's hand falls from his cheek to rest on his neck, thumb softly running back and forth over the skin. He feels Jason's chuckle strongly here and ignores it with a huff taking another sip of the excellent tea Jason made for them both. He's dehydrated he needs the liquid. It is also as always, utterly delectable and subtly sweetened with honey. An herbal blend then, no caffeine for him tonight. Kyle is racked again with the small thoughtfulness in ever little action Jason takes. The tiny details usually overlooked that he takes such careful consideration of. He feels his heart throb in his chest. He wouldn't be able to stop himself even if he tried as his mouth rushes forward to kiss up and down Jason's jaw.
Kyle feels more than hears Jason's next little laugh, regulated to mostly puffs of air as the man fully settles back on the couch his hand falling from Kyle's neck to wrap around his waist with his other arm. Both of Jason's hands then begin to gently slide up under Kyle's shirt to rest on his skin, fingers softly running little circles. Kyle sighs out at the feeling, only squirming when Jason gets too close to his ribs making him snort and try to twist away. He glares every time it happens but knows the glare has no heat in it. It's impossible for him to be upset with Jason right now anyway.
The two sit for as long as it takes to finish both their mugs. They then sit a little longer, no words between them as they just bask in the silence and in each other's presence. After what seems like hours but likely was only about 45 minutes, one of Jason's hands slides away and moves to go under Kyle's knees. The man in question had been happily drifting and lifts his head now with a confused, "Jayce?"
Jason just shushes him with a small kiss to his temple as his other hand slides up to wrap around his shoulders. "Don't worry Ky, just taking you to bed. Come on." Jason lifts Kyle with ease as he stands from the couch with a grunt. The man's knee clicks as he fully rises and a scowl makes its home on Jason's face.
Kyle sighs happily and obligingly wraps his arms around Jason's neck letting himself be lifted. He will never get over how Jason lifts him, a man only about two inches shorter than him and only about 50 pounds lighter. It never fails to make his cheeks warm and it doesn't fail to do it now either. Jason while working his knee before trying to walk catches sight of this and smirks. God he loves that look on Kyle's face. He has a promise to himself to never fail in making Kyle show it.
Leaving the mugs behind- even if it does make something inside of Jason twitch because he hates just leaving things around he has more important cargo at the moment- Jason carries Kyle through the apartment to their bedroom. Luckily he left the door open so he just brings them both in and sets Kyle on the bed gently. Kyle feels himself smiling as Jason pulls away to pull Kyle's sheets on the side of the bed down before crawling over the bed to his own side. Kyle had always been the one to make these little (and very large) soft romantic gestures in relationships before. Jason didn't really even have relationship experience- very little that counted if any and yet he did all these things to make Kyle feel cared for and loved. He smiles to himself before crawling over and below the sheets.
He huffs waiting for Jason to get settled which the man does watching Kyle just kneeling there on hands and knees waiting for him to get settled. It makes sense when as he finally lays back Kyle immediately goes to settle himself practically half on his chest. The Lantern is a cuddle fiend honestly. Jason had trouble with it when they first started out but now he melted into the touch happily, curling his arms around Kyle and tugging him close. The two shifted and wiggling before getting comfortable, Kyle sighing with Jason's steady heartbeat in his ear. He closed his eyes trying to find his way to rest, but after almost ten minutes of not panicked but still racing thoughts (how much time did they have left, what was coming next, would they survive it?) it was clear he wouldn't be able to rest.
Kyle's eyes fluttered open, turning his head on Jason's chest to look up at him. The man had one arm wrapped around Kyle's shoulders still, thumb still making those little circles on Kyle's skin. The other had reached over to the nightstand to pick up the book he was in the middle of and continue reading while Kyle was meant to nod off. Sensing the movement and eyes on him Jason tears his eyes away from the text to look down at Kyle's pretty hazel eyes staring up at him. One side of his mouth quirks up in a half smile. "Everything alright baby?"
"Read to me?"
Jason blinked down at Kyle for a moment before his face broke into a true smile, soft and crooked with his dimples on full display. Settling back again he turns back to the book and begins to read out loud. "There are plenty of people, in Avonlea and out of it, who can attend closely to their neighbors business by dint of neglecting their own; but Mrs. Rachel Lynde was one of those capable creatures who can manage their own concerns and those of other folks into the bargain."
Kyle rests his head against the rumble in Jason's chest as the man continues to read. The words barely even register but the timber of Jason's voice and the comfort from hearing him, the simple joy of hearing his voice change in accordance to the passages he reads and the voices of the characters. Kyle was sure, he was so sure that he had never felt as much love in his heart as he did right now for the man beside him. As Jason's voice rang out into the night, Kyle curls up close on his chest feeling the warmth and comfort as the two of them tangle their legs together. The rush in his head falls silent. He feels his eyes slip closed and he cannot fight it, just as he cannot fight the burst of softness within him as Jason only pulls the covers up around them more securely in response, his reading never faltering.
Between one breath and the next Kyle feels himself slipping away as both their hands tangle on Jason's chest.