Work Text:
For that I am a man, pray see me buried
- Pericles, Prince of Tyre Act 2, Scene 1
The funeral of Vegas Theerapanyakul is the exact opposite of what the man was in real life. It is small, dull, and unmemorable. Because the other is no longer here, Macau hates all of it on his brother’s behalf.
It’s easier; clinging onto all that anger than letting himself wallow in grief. In guilt.
Macau isn’t sure does he even have the right to mourn his brother. Doesn’t know if he is allowed to sit here and keep vigil by his brother’s body when it was his hands that put him into that coffin.
Not that anyone knows it.
Officially, after weeks in the hospital, Vegas’ body was too weak and he ultimately succumbed to his injuries. He was shot multiple times, no one has any reason to doubt it. Even if someone did; there were no witnesses, and there were no pieces of evidence of foul play left behind.
Macau was born into the Theerapanyakul family and he was raised as one too. If he wanted, he could have made his brother disappear, never to be seen again.
If he wanted, he could have turned the other into a ghost. One that haunts the streets across the world through word of mouth – hushed whispers. He would send home birthday cards and red envelopes for the new year and he would always know too much about what is going on with the family without physically being present.
Vegas could have been the kind of ghost that would have the Main Family glancing over their shoulders for the rest of their lives, wondering what if.
He could have made Vegas Theerapanyakul into a myth.
The thought was delightful. It could never make all the wrongs the Main Family did to them right, but it would be a start. For once they would know what it is like to hold your breath and wait when the knife aimed at your back is held by a hand of your own blood.
The reason why he in the end decided against it is sitting next to him in the silent temple. The reason why this funeral is being held in this specific temple – is because they met there once and made merits together to meet once more in another life.
Pete. The man who his brother loved, in his own twisted way. The man who against all logical reasoning loved his brother back despite all the blood in his hands.
It was kinder, to let Vegas die as a man instead of a monster.
(Macau hopes that if he keeps telling that to himself for long enough, he will eventually start believing it.)
There will be closure.
They will sit side by side in this temple and watch over Vegas’ dead body and try to ignore the fact that he looks more peaceful in death than he ever did in life. They will complete the funeral rites and make more merits. This way, Pete will never have to wonder.
Macau thinks that would have killed the other. Even now, sitting here and knowing for a certainty that Vegas Theerapanyakul has died, he looks fragile. His cheeks have lost their color and sunken in. Unlike Macau’s own hands, Pete’s hands shake uncontrollably. He almost looks like he belongs in a coffin of his own. (Part of him wishes he was burying both of them.)
“You let him go,” Pete speaks without turning to look at him.
The statement doesn’t surprise him. No, Macau has been waiting for the other to say something. They both know Vegas was too stubborn to die. What does surprise him is the way the other speaks, quietly like he is afraid of waking the dead.
He doesn’t answer. Neither does Vegas.
“Why?” The other asks and Macau pretends that he doesn’t hear how his voice cracks.
Because of you, Macau wants to say because he is cruel just like his brother is. Was. It’s still hard to keep his tenses right.
He has to suppress a burst of hysteric laughter because he killed his brother with his own hands and yet, he can’t really believe it to be true. Vegas was larger than life. How do you ever really kill someone like that? Macau wonders how long his dead brother will stay and haunt him. (Forever, he hopes.)
Because you would have broken his heart, Macau thinks, no matter how much you would have loved him. It’s all their father’s fault, really. The man never gave them anything and on the rare occasions he did, he made sure they both knew he could as easily take it all away. Being able to have you would have ruined him.
Macau knows his brother. First Vegas would have insisted on going everywhere with Pete, just in case. Then he would have no longer allowed him to leave home. Eventually, he would have forbidden visitors and later on phone calls.
It would have slowly driven his brother to the point of insanity. He doesn’t doubt that in the end, he would have killed Pete with his own hands in order to make sure no one else can take him away from him. (And then he would have followed him to death.)
Maybe, he thinks, in a way what he did was for Pete.
What Macau says instead is; “he has already suffered enough.”
Pete bursts into tears and he has to look away from the other man. But the only other thing he can look at is his dead brother and that isn’t any better.
Vegas rests in his coffin, hands crossed over his chest, and looks nothing like the man Macau has known all of his life. He looks approachable – almost soft in a way that could get you killed in the kind of world they live in. His brother was neither. In life, the other was cruel and charismatic.
Macau hopes he will soon forget this version of Vegas. He hopes he will remember his brother like he was when he first knew that there is one person on this planet who cares about him.
He was six years old when he was out with their father and he had been taken. He doesn’t even remember anymore what the issue was about but he was leverage, he knew that even back then. And he knew his father would let him die if it came to that.
Vegas was different though, even when he was just a child himself. That night, when the other came to get him, was the first time Macau saw someone die. His brother massacred a dozen of people and smiled like a madman when he found young Macau hiding under a table.
That’s how he wants to remember Vegas Theerapanyakul; feral and a good brother.
Macau hopes he will always remember the blood in his brother’s hands and how it felt warm against his skin when the other hugged him.