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You should’ve known from the beginning.
No adult talked like that, all self-important mockery and cheeky confidence, too full of shit to realize their world could come crashing down at the slightest whisper from a stranger they didn’t even know. Still, it’s not like you had much room to talk yourself. Only, what, five, six years on him? And it’s not like that extra time gave you any bonuses, either. Just gave you more time to fuck up, really.
Sure you made it through school for a while, but the second they let you out the psych ward after your episode you dropped out and went straight to popping pills like fucking candy, didn’t you? Same shit, different name, and you could feel them getting less and less effective the more time went on—shit, was that the door? Stand up, check the lights, do the rounds, nobody there, it’s fine. It’s fine.
You dig the heels of your palms into your eyes and let the spots bloom over your corneas, the dancing lights and dull ache joining the rest of the headache taking up residence in your skull. How long has it been since you holed up in this shitty motel? Three days? Four? You’d probably have to move soon, couldn’t risk them finding you—fuck, demons, light, light, where’s the damn light—
It’s too much. You had nothing left. Your site was gone. Your friends were traitors. Dox wanted you dead, Markov wasn’t real, and Kappa....
Kappa’s a fucking kid.
You couldn’t ignore it anymore, no matter how much you wish it wasn’t real. The screen hadn’t lied to you yet, not like everything else, and it was right there in black and white. Lenox Benavides, Age 18.
You didn’t know what to do with this information. You couldn’t just ignore him, that was pussy shit, especially after what he said to you. It was bad enough already that you’d blocked him, if you left things like this he’d have the last word, and you’d never get your reputation back. Why’d you have to go straight to threatening to kill him? Stupid, now he’ll never take you seriously! You’re supposed to build up to that, dumbass!
This shit with Dox must be getting to your head, you’ve hired what, four hitmen at this point? Or was it the same hitman four times? It didn’t matter. A whisper behind you—ah, the eyes are back. That’s.....not great, but at least they’re not hostile. You swallowed thickly, hands shaking as you clicked through another site, eyes burning. You had his info. All you had to do was upload the DoxDocs file to that hitman site and Kappa was done. Toast. He’d learn not to fuck with you, and.....what?
No. No, no, death was too easy. Too quick. He’d feel fear for half a second before getting a bullet in the brain, and that wasn’t enough. He took everything from you! Your money, your site, your freedom....It wouldn’t surprise you if it was that little punk who called the “welfare check” on you last year just to orchestrate the whole takeover in the first place!
No, you wanted Kappa to feel the same way you did. The same fear, the same humiliation of getting dragged out in front of half the goddamn campus because nobody would fucking believe you—!
D e e p b r e a t h s.
Another pill, just to take the edge off. It’s fine, though the stock in this one’s getting a little low. Should probably order another soon, just to be safe. Could’ve sworn these used to last longer.
Quiet. Too quiet. Look behind—pounding, shit, get the door! Don’t let them in, can’t let them find me, too much to do, can’t go back!
Lights off lights off lights off safe in the dark can’t see me in the dark dark dark dark quiet safe dark don’t look don’t look no eyes no noise no life just me just me just me just
focus.
everything will be okay. just
f o c u s.