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Miguel had cleaned his apartment thoroughly in preparation for the next few hours. He didn’t want to introduce the kids to new toxins or pathogens or viruses or anything that could put their lives at risk.
And it was good that he did, because Miguel did not realize the frequency in which his apartment is covered in shattered glass. “Really need to stop jumping out of windows…” He grumbled, sweeping up the last few shards he had found hiding behind a bookshelf. “Lyla, perform a scan of the apartment.” He said, Lyla’s hologram flickering slightly.
“Completely clean! Not even a speck of dust! Great job!” She gave him two thumbs up, Miguel narrowing his eyes.
“Scan it again.” Lyla pouted, flickering once more as she performed the scan again. This time, the diagnostic panel popped up in front of Miguel, showing that the apartment was genuinely 100% clean. “On what parameters is this decided?”
“You’re unbelievable!” Lyla exclaimed, slightly annoyed. “You’re gonna be late for picking up the kids.” She added, showing footage from the spider-society of Peter and Jess talking, Mayday babbling at Gerry, who looked a bit overwhelmed.
Miguel looked panicked, almost slamming open the window before stopping himself, calmly exiting through the door instead.
“I wish I had someone to place bets with.” Lyla sighed.
Miguel arrived back at his apartment with a baby carrier and stroller in hand, shaking slightly as he opened the door. Although Spider-Society was not even five blocks away from his apartment, things already had started going wrong. Gerry had begun crying right after Jess left, and Mayday had started shooting webs at him, hitting him directly in the face each time.
At least she had good aim. She would do well when she grew up.
He set down the baby carrier carefully as he entered, deciding the better thing to do was to unstrap Mayday from her stroller first, carefully unbuckling the straps. He felt something hit him in the head, turning to see that Gerry had thrown his pacifier once more. “Uno momento, niño.” He mumbled, turning back to Mayday, his face falling when he saw that she was no longer there. Maybe he shouldn’t have unbuckled her first.
“Lyla- Scan the apartment for- Ugh” He grunted, Mayday dropping onto his head, quickly catching her before she could fall off of him. “Don’t do that.” He said, setting her down. He went to unbuckle Gerry now, carefully lifting him out of the baby carrier and holding him to his chest, awkwardly digging through Jess’ baby bag to try to find that thing that Peter used to have strapped on 24/7. Mayday seemed amused by this, walking over and also trying to look for something, throwing items out of the bag haphazardly, grabbing a teething toy and hitting Miguel with it. Miguel stood up, grabbing Mayday as he did. “No hitting you tío, okay?” he scolded, Mayday giggling. “Lyla, is it possible to ship a baby holder to the apartment as soon as possible?”
“A baby holder? Aren’t you already doing that?” She grinned, Miguel scowling.
“You know what I mean. The thing.”
“Ah yes, the thing!” She said sarcastically, Miguel furrowing his brows. He never understood why he added that feature.
“The thing for the baby that Parker had where you put infant children.” He growled, Gerry instantly bursting back into tears.
“You’re scaring the children, Miggy.” Lyla sighed. “The baby carrier costs $200. It will arrive in 10 minutes.”
“Yes- wait, 200?”
“I already placed the order, Miguel. You need to start reacting quicker.”
Miguel stared down at Gerry. “You’re expensive.” he said blankly. “I hope Parker gave your mom his baby holder.” He said, trying to do a baby voice but cringing at himself. “No baby voice.” He mused out loud, Mayday giggling.
“What is that old cartoon I liked? Would they have seen it?” he asked out loud, Lyla popping up.
“Network records show that none of the media you would have seen would be invented for another 30 years since Mayday and Gerry were born.” She said. “In my data, it shows that the children like shows such as: Coco Melon in the year of 2023.” She looked at Miguel. “Seems a bit boring to me, but the babies will like it.”
“Is it mentally stimulating?”
“Does it matter?”
“It does.” Lyla groaned, disappearing for a moment before coming back.
“No, it is apparently overstimulating for children and causes behavioral problems.”
“Find a different show.”
“Seriously?”
“The children need to be properly engaged.” Miguel said, setting Mayday and Gerry down on the couch carefully. “I will research a show.”
“Why don’t you just call them and ask what to show?” Lyla tried, smirking as Miguel averted his eyes, glaring at the ground. “You really wanna be good at this, huh? Trying to impress someone?”
“Shut it. I need a good show. These are future spider-people.”
Ultimately, Miguel decided the best videos to display were from this old channel entitled Khan Academy, despite Lyla’s pleading to play a cartoon instead. He sat on the couch, holding Gerry in his lap as he kept an eye on Mayday, who seemed to be completely disinterested. “Pay attention. Onomatopoeia is quite interesting. Gabriella was learning this one.” He said, pointing to the screen.
“Miguel, no offense-“
“Offense taken. Shut it.”
“I haven’t even said anything!” Lyla whined. “You’re so mean. I’m playing coco melon.”
Miguel growled, using one of his hands to slash at Lyla, who seemed unamused.
“Kitty!” Miguel glanced at the screen, raising a brow.
“There are no cats, May.”
“Kitty! Grrr.” Mayday growled, shooting a web at Lyla.
“You’re such a bad influence.” Lyla said, feigning as if she’d been genuinely hit. “I’m taking empanadas off the menu.” She groaned, dramatically falling and fading away.
“She is learning from the video.” Miguel huffed. “Kitties do not growl, they meow. Meow.” He said in a monotone voice. Mayday shook her head, growling again. “That is an example of onomatopoeia.” He said, trying to tie it back to the video. “Growling. Sounds like the sound it makes.” Miguel explained, Mayday looking at him blankly before growling again. “Do you want to attempt a different sound? Kitties meow. Meowing is a word that incorporates onomatopoeia.”
Miguel grunted as the teething toy he had previously handed Gerry hit him on the side of the head. He stared down at him, the baby looking up with a gummy smile.
“That’s not very polite.” Miguel smiled back, turning to look at Mayday when she tugged at his sleeve. She pointed at the screen, Miguel mortified as the television betrayed him and recommended Coco Melon. Mayday jumped up and down in excitement, Miguel hesitating as he went to reach for the remote. “You can see one Coco Melon.” He stated, emphasizing the one.
He waited for the video to load, his face paling when he realized that it was a one hour compilation, far too long for the children to be exposed to that type of content for. “I’ll find a different Coco Melon.” He said, using the remote to choose a shorter one instead, Mayday either not caring or not noticing based on how she was just as excited as before. Her excitement was quite cute, her eyes wide as she watched the brightly colored video begin, an honestly irritating song playing, though Miguel could admit it was definitely tailored to infants based on the lack of meaning within the lyrics.
He bounced Gerry on his lap slightly, having seen Peter do it to Mayday when she was a bit younger as well. Gerry seemed relaxed by this at first, though his expression quickly turned upset, Miguel stopping. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to just try things out of the blue. After all, Gerry and Mayday seemed quite different, and their parents were incredibly different, besides the fact that they were both equally terrible mentors, if terrible meant that they were actually quite good, besides the fact that they exclusively create people who like to break the rules.
The video reached its end, Miguel pausing it before it could automatically switch to another video. “You two won’t break rules, right?” Miguel asked, trying to coo at Gerry, though Mayday webbed him in the face again. It seems she was not fond of the baby voice either, Miguel wiping the webs off of his cheek. He glanced at the clock. “Would you two like food?” he asked, carefully standing up with Gerry in his arms. He walked over to the bags that Peter and Jess had given him, pulling out a bottle for Gerry and a pouch of what seemed to be homemade organic apple sauce, the jars having a small spoon attached.. “Impressive.” He mused, staring blankly at his kitchen. “Lyla, is a high chair within budget?”
“I think you already know the answer to that one.” Lyla said, bringing up a panel of various high chairs, Miguel turning back to the living room after seeing two of the prices.
“I’ll use the baby holder for him then.” He said, carefully setting Gerry down on the couch as he set the bottle and apple sauce on the coffee table. Miguel used his webbing to grab the package from where he had left it by the door, quickly opening it. “Seems simple to figure out.”
“I have the manual ready.” Lyla said, Miguel narrowing his eyes.
“I’m not an idiot, Lyla. I have a daughter.”
“Yeah, and she was like. Eight. You missed the baby years. You called this a baby holder, multiple times.” She shrugged, Miguel clenching his fist.
“It holds babies, doesn’t it?” He growled, Mayday giggling. “I can put it on.” He said, watching the two infants closely as he pulled out the baby carrier, staring at it. He could definitely put it on, but whether or not it’d be correct was another thing. He raised his brows, quickly trying to put it on.
“Already wrong! It’s upside-down!” Lyla said, making an X with her hands. Mayday copied the pose, Miguel giving her a slight smile, quickly spoiled by Lyla’s reaction as she took a photo. “Do you want to hear the manual now?”
“I don’t need a stupid expensive baby carrier to feed them.” He scoffed, tossing it back into the box and grabbing the bottle. He carefully sat down, pulling Gerry back onto his lap, carefully bringing the bottle to his mouth.
Mayday babbled, Miguel catching her with his leg as she almost fell off the couch, sighing in relief as she moved back to the cushion as if nothing happened. He glanced back at Gerry, seeing that he had begun sucking on the bottle, Miguel trying to decide the optimal placement to avoid any complications, settling on one where he seemed most calm eating.
Mayday crawled onto his back as he did this, Miguel still focused on Gerry. “Espera, te daré comida en un segundo.” He mumbled, carefully pulling away the bottle as Gerry seemed to stop, seeing him shut his eyes and stretch. Miguel stared at him blankly, thinking of what was next in the guide he read before agreeing to do this. Although the guide did not have instructions on what cartoons to watch or how to wear baby carriers, it did explain that babies needed to be burped, Miguel carefully moving Gerry into the position he remembered from the guide, carefully and gently patting his back. Mayday tugged at his collar, Miguel feeling a bit bad that he had to make her wait, but he was determined to do this correctly.
Once he felt like he had adequately burped Gerry, he carefully set him down, grabbing the apple sauce instead.
He carefully opened it, gesturing for Mayday to come closer. She moved onto his shoulder, Miguel carefully putting her on his thigh instead, taking a spoonful of the snack and moving it towards her. “Vroom!” She said, trying to move away. Miguel tried again. “Vroom!”
“Are you practicing onomatopoeia?” Miguel asked, watching her closely. She started kicking her legs, babbling angrily. “What is it?” Mayday furrowed his eyebrows, Miguel even more confused.
“I think she wants airplane!” Lyla jumped in. “You know, like when the daddy or mommy go “Here comes the airplane~ and then feed the baby?” She tried, Miguel looking at her as she imitated the movement.
“Here comes the airplane.” He sighed, though Mayday still looked angry. “Vroom.” He added, in a monotone, Mayday finally eating from the spoon. “Do I need to do that each time, May?” He asked, surprised when she nodded. He took another spoonful. “Vroom.” He said, this time with a bit more energy, Mayday quickly eating it this time. “Khan academy was a bad idea.”
“Maybe you’re just bad at taking care of babies.”
“Maybe I need to alter some code after this.” He glared, Lyla crossing her arms with a huff. Mayday stretched out her arms, Miguel giving her another spoonful with the accompanying sound effect. She ate it quickly, Miguel feeding her most of the jar until she refused to eat any more. “Are you full?” He asked, though Mayday didn’t respond, instead leaning against Miguel and shutting her eyes. “Oh…” He mumbled, turning to see that Gerry had also fallen asleep, likely whilst he was feeding Mayday. He sat still, unsure if he could move without disturbing either of them.
“I’m honestly shocked that Miguel didn’t call for help once.” Jess laughed, walking up the stairs of Miguel’s apartment.
“Isn’t us having to get the kiddos from his apartment rather than the Spider-Society technically asking for help?” Peter said, Jess tilting her head before nodding.
“That’s true, though I assumed that Lyla would have called us about some disaster.” She said, about to knock until Lyla popped up.
“Shh! Don’t talk too loud. Enter quietly.” She said, the door automatically unlocking.
Peter stepped inside first, looking around the entryway. It seemed clean despite how dark it was, an unusual thing when Mayday had recently discovered she could just web things for fun. He walked into the living room, stopping in the doorframe, keeping his balance even as Jess accidentally bumped into him.
“What’s the deal, Parker?” She asked, peeking over his shoulder, letting out a coo as she saw what Peter was looking at.
Miguel had both Gerry and Mayday in his arms, the two kids sleeping soundly against his chest, Miguel also asleep. Despite that, he was holding them quite securely, Miguel seemingly having added some of his organic webbing to his hands to keep them in place. “Don’t worry, I already took pictures!” Lyla whispered, giving the two a thumbs up.
“Send me those.” Peter said quickly. He moved over to his baby bag, carefully putting in the toys and supplies that had been pulled out, starting to do so for Jess’ bag as well before freezing. “Wait. How do we take the kids? They’ll wake up.”
Jess pouted as she looked back at Miguel. “Maybe he knew that we had bets, and now he’s managed to make it so we get to have them cry on the way home.”