Work Text:
12 Steps to Serenity: An Antidote To Chaos
Written by: V███ ████████
How to live a peaceful life as a reincarnated criminal—A look into the life of a Trailblazer
Summary:
Sometimes, we find ourselves stuck in the spotlight. Be it because of an unfortunate civil war that killed your friends and family, or because the researchers on Herta Space Station keep on betting on who can score you as a date first, but being treated as the protagonist of life is horrifyingly tiring. To keep a low profile, you need to have serenity.
Find practical advice on staying on the sidelines in bestselling self-help book and biography on Dan Heng, Guard and Archivist of the Astral Express.
'I miss you please text me back darling… ' Jing Yuan, the Divine Foresight, General of the Xianzhou Luofu
'(silence)' Blade, wanted criminal, Stellaron Hunter
Now an Interastral Peace Corporation Bestseller!
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Step 1: Do not die.
Sometimes, it seems that the easy solution to ending all problems is to die. This is only ever applicable to short-life species though—as a Xianzhou native, an Abomination of Abundance and especially a Vidyadhara, it creates more problems for later.
As a Vidyadhara, one would assume that shucking off a previous mortal coil would solve most problems. In Dan Heng's case, it was supposed to absolve him of his previous life's crimes. However, this only resulted in his present self being haunted by the ghosts of the past with no reprieve.
Death, no matter of a short-life or a long-life species, can cause a butterfly effect that can only be remedied by the Imaginary Tree. Any fool trying to change the fates of people through death or its avoidance should read Thus Spoke Zarathustra.
To halt the process of being an unfortunate protagonist in the circus show of life, staying below the radar and not making a show of a public execution prevents suitors and criminals alike chasing one across galaxies and stars.
To illustrate this point, here is an excerpt from Dan Heng's first mistake in achieving a sedate future.
The general had looked pained as he signed the warrant for Yinyue-jun's exile. It was already a light sentence, far lighter than the witch hunt the Vidyadhara had demanded. The Alliance does not tolerate traitors. The Alliance does tolerate those who break the cardinal rules. To have a general of a Xianzhou ship to let him off without a public lynching was practically preposterous, and to many it reeked of favouritism.
The general's relationship with the Dragon King of the High Cloud Quintet was not unknown to many. For a time, their public correspondence was met with public scrutiny and eventually acceptance, when they were both high-standing, respected individuals on the Luofu and even the entire Xianzhou.
When Yinyue-jun was convicted of treason, many had expected Jing Yuan to put aside his personal life. He was a general of the Luofu, and the safety of the Xianzhou Luofu and the Alliance always came first.
The Vidyadhara were not pleased—and with a species-wide manhunt, the person known as the Dragon King perished, and Dan Heng was born.
The public, brutal demand for a price to pay catapulted him to the spotlight, even after he had shed the trademark dragon horns and long hair, and even after leaving the Xianzhou, the consequences of this act followed him.
Step 2: Run from your ex husband who keeps on trying to kill you.
Running from your problems does not solve them most of the time, but it does serve to buy some much needed time. This is especially true when your most pressing problem is your toxic ex.
Sometimes your ex may hold a grudge against you because you broke a precious family heirloom. Sometimes, your ex may hold a grudge against you for bringing him back to life unwillingly, forcing him into an endless samsara of survival. Sometimes you try to convince your partner to sacrifice them to save humanity from the Honkai by threatening his son. All silly mistakes!
It would be most prudent to immediately resolve this issue. However it is true that that often cannot be the case. In these scenarios, one can choose to run.
Dan Heng ran from the Xianzhou Luofu, planet-hopping to throw his pursuer off his tracks. The swordsman only known as 'Blade' followed him closely every step of the way. Even after multiple introductions to Dan Heng's spear, Blade was insistent.
The history between Blade and Dan Heng was speculated by Luofu residents to be one not dissimilar to the relationship between Jing Yuan and Dan Heng. In an interview with Dan Heng, he confirmed that the three of them were married at some point—that had been rendered null after the fall of the High Cloud Quintet.
"Blade is… persistent." Dan Heng had said. "Strangely so. My encounters with him nowadays never end on a high note."
A messy divorce never ends well, especially with two long-life species and a mortal involved. Readers, always remember to be wary of potential partners; ensure that they will not attempt to stab you in your sleep.
Step 3: Do not board an intergalactic space train and become an unpaid civil servant.
After a period of aimless wandering, Dan Heng boarded the Astral Express and became one of the Nameless, famous do-gooders preserving the universe from the Destruction in the form of Stellarons.
Dan Heng followed their trailblaze journey, aiding in sealing Stellarons and overthrowing the occasional tyrannical government.
This is, in fact, the worst thing you can do to achieve serenity. Being a Nameless, contrary to what the name implies, is to have your name and deeds blasted on loudspeakers across the stars. While the Astral Express provides good food, comfortable accommodation and excellent company, there is not one dull day as the Nameless. Between the intergalactic warping and constant exploration, the lifestyle of a Trailblazer is in the spotlight and full of turbulence.
In addition to the lack of peace to be found aboard the Express with its…Cheerful passengers, the Nameless do not receive compensation for the work they do. As an independent and notable faction of the Aeon Akivili, their reward is simply to continue trailblazing. For those looking to hopefully stay away from the drama of the universal scene, it is best to steer clear of the Astral Express.
Dan Heng shared some experiences of his own Trailblazing expeditions. Nine times out of ten, they end up arrested, used or attacked by the powers that be, and accompanied by his ever-exuberant partners in crime, there truly is no peace and quiet to be found.
The Astral Express crew is a lively bunch with a penchant for trouble. Even the elder members are deceptively eager for action. Whatever you do, stay clear of this space train and its tracks of excitement.
Step 4: Do not get followed by your ex husband whose job is to hunt down the very things the space train is dedicating to sealing.
If unfortunately you do end up on the Astral Express, one must always be wary of the Nameless' sworn enemies—the Stellaron Hunters. Both factions search the stars for these Stellarons, but while the Astral Express seals them away, the Stellaron Hunters whisk them away for purposes one can only assume are nefarious.
These intergalactic criminals are incredibly dangerous and extremely high profile. A surefire way to attract more attention is by having your toxic ex who was chasing you across the universe join this merry bandwagon of thieves, who then lure the Antimatter Legion to the doorstep of the Express. In other words, Herta Space Station.
As a walking, talking trash raccoon dressed as a Stellaron vessel also boarded the Express, the Genius Society turned its eyes onto this new fascinating specimen and the people around them—the other Nameless.
The attention of the Genius Society is an extremely precious thing, one that even the IPC cannot buy. When you look unfortunately riveting, some people's attention may turn to an unhealthy admiration. Such was the case for our poor protagonist, with sentient space plants documenting the battle aboard Herta Space Station for his hand in marriage.
This competition would prove to be utterly fruitless, as Dan Heng remained blissfully unaware.
As Blade established an extortionately high bounty on his head, Dan Heng now had an army of suitors behind his back and one ex husband's face on a wanted poster, dead or alive.
Step 5: Return to your home ship and realise that your other ex husband now has a son and wants you to pay child support.
Due to an ongoing, sensitive event on the Xianzhou Luofu that this book is unable to specify, Dan Heng found himself back on his home …
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Reviews
Jing Yuan
★★★★★
[review was deleted for infringing community guidelines]
Wen Furui
★★★★☆
Bought this just for the hot author's picture on the cover. The photos in the book did not disappoint either, my favourite was the shot of the dragon guy. Wish he was a Foxian though… Took off one star because it didn't have his number.
Tingyun
★☆☆☆☆
This book is ruining the market for pictures of the general! How am I supposed to make any sales when there are so many candids of him in here?
Herta, Genius Society No. 84
★☆☆☆☆
I don't know which little twerp wrote this book, but I'll have you know that Herta Space Station is not a doormat. You best watch your words!
March 7th
★★★★☆
What is a Honkai? Zara… What?
Blade
★★☆☆☆
[empty review]