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Orel's dad is back.
This, by all means, should set things back to how they used to be. When his parents divorced but refused to act like it, when everything felt like it was the same as before they even decided to split up. Orel isn't sure how to feel about that. The night his dad comes back home, he lies awake all night thinking and unable to get to a conclusion.
His dad came back looking just as haunted as when he last saw him, making Orel feel like any wrong move or poorly timed joke could send him away from them again. The next day Orel is walking on eggshells around his dad, trying not to annoy him and stopping Shapey from upsetting him by screaming in his ear.
Ever since his parents got divorced people have been acting differently around Orel but nothing has made this more obvious than his dad's departure. As soon as he left, everyone started treating Orel like a kid whose dad just died. His teachers went easy on him, people at church asked him if things were alright at home and even Stephanie seemed to pity him.
It took some time for Orel to realize why they were treating him like this. They didn't believe his dad would come back. Orel realized that after many different things that should have been enough to make him understand it individually, only he's been too distracted by his situation to think clearly. So it was a combination of different interactions.
A blonde girl came up to him during recess and said "I heard your daddy left too". Orel just assumed she meant he left temporarily. So he simply nodded and didn't think anything of it when she gave him a sad look. Other than that, there was also the fact that so many people talked about his dad like he would never be back.
Doughy got uncomfortable whenever he mentioned his dad, women at church went up to Orel's mom and told her they were very sorry about her husband like he had died. And even his mom seemed to think the same, she started going out more, came back home with jewelry she couldn't possibly have gotten for herself and often sang to herself in the house.
At one point Officer Papermouth had gone to their house and Orel used that as an opportunity to know more about people who get divorced, since he did recently divorce his wife. But he had left crying and his mom got way too close to him when she comforted him, which made Orel feel weird. It didn't feel right for his mom to be so close to other men.
Even if she did divorce his dad.
But Orel has a hard time now, thinking back to those moments people believed his dad had just left. He can't help but feel immense guilt over the fact that, for some time, he too considered that that could be the case. He's incredibly ashamed of it but he can't deny it. His dad was gone for months. Four months, to be exact.
In the time he was away, Orel prayed for his return, prayed for him to get some "peace of mind" as telling Reverend Putty about his dad's meltdown on his study led to Orel being told that sometimes grown up people have to deal with their own minds shouting at them and it takes a lot to make sure they're quiet. So he prayed.
He prayed and prayed but, something Orel is also having a hard time with is the fact that sometimes, even when he really wants something, even if he does everything right, God doesn't listen to his prayers. He didn't listen when Orel begged him to fix his parents' failing marriage, nor did He listen when Orel asked that his dad would be back soon.
And that's the hard thing, Orel knows that he should be thanking God know. Because after so long, He finally answered to his prayers and sent his dad back home. But Orel can't ignore the feeling that something about this is wrong, can't stop thinking that the radio silence he got from God feels like a stab in the back.
He wants to be thankful and he wants to be hopeful again but most of all, he wants to understand why this is happening. Why his parents need to get divorced. Why Orel has to go through something like this when all he's ever done is try to be the best person he can be, to live up to existing as a being made in God's image.
Orel tries to adjust. He tells himself that things turned out better than he thought they would. His dad is back, after all. And from what he told him, he's willing to let Orel see his grandpa again. Finally. Orel has been waiting for this for a long time, genuinely thinks the best time in his life was the time he spent with his grandfather.
It hurt to have to resign himself to never seeing grandpa again but not as much as it would hurt to disappoint his dad. So he sucked it up. He doesn't bring up what his dad said about grandpa, just to be sure. The last thing he wants is to pester him with this and have his dad change his mind. So he treads carefully. He walks on eggshells.
Orel's dad has been gone for so long that his mom needs to be reminded of him, since she forgets to make him breakfast. It reminds Orel of how used he got to it being just him, his mom and Shapey. The giant hole left by his dad's continuous absence still hurts, every now and then he'll be reminded of how long he was gone and he'll hurt.
He had once thought of his dad as a loyal man. But he's had his doubts knowing he could just pack up and leave so easily. Knowing he could walk away without looking back, never explaining where he went or making any attempt to call him and let him know he'll be back. It dawns on Orel that this is what's making him so uneasy lately.
He's been hesitant. The feeling he gets when he thinks about how ignored he felt as God's creation is so very similar to the feeling he gets when he remembers how easily his dad left him behind. It's a sinking realization that there's no guarantee that his father, the man he believed to be loyal and good, won't just turn his back on him if he feels like it.
It's the feeling of being abandoned. Not only by his dad but also by the lord, the father of them all. God.
This deeply upsets Orel. It makes him feel disconnected from God in a way that physically hurts him. He usually goes to church when he feels like this but for some reason, he doesn't feel like doing so today. It's not sunday and even though he'd gladly go to church any day of the week, this time it feels like begging for scraps.
If he willingly walks into God's house, he'll be essentially telling Him it's okay to abandon him, leave him to his own devices like that. He'll be allowing God to treat him like this. To ignore him, to leave him, to act so coldly towards him and still be given the same amount of faith, love and dedication. Again, he'd happily do this in the past but now...
Now it feels wrong.
He decides he needs to leave the house for a while to think. It coincides with the time his dad is leaving to go to work again, like nothing happened. Like he didn't leave at all. Orel gets that weird feeling in his chest again, watching him act like everything's the same. Like the whole town stopped for the time he was gone. How can he just assume he still has a job?
How can he assume he still has a place with the family he was so quick to abandon when he had the chance?
And that's why Orel needs some time alone, away from everyone. He knows he can't be feeling this way about his dad. He definitely knows he can't be feeling this way about God. It's one of the commandments. Thou shalt honor thy father and thy mother. So he shakes those thoughts away, stares at his dad with a faraway look.
He doesn't want him to go to work. Because then, who can guarantee he won't just drive away in his car and never come back home again? Who could stop him if he wanted to leave again? This bothers Orel. It shouldn't but it does. The idea that his dad can just leave like that, that even though Orel did nothing to upset him, he still left.
Orel can do everything right all the time and his dad might still leave him behind like some disloyal mutt. God can simply ignore his prayers. If He even actually listened to them in the first place. Coach Stopframe had told him that praying to God doesn't get you very far. Orel had thought that to be silly at the time. Now he's not so sure.
He sits on a park bench and tries to get his thoughts in order. There are things that he knows he's not allowed to think but even when he tells himself that, it doesn't change the way he feels. He still hardly understands. There's so much he doesn't understand. He knows he's still learning, he's a child. But sometimes he wishes he could understand everything.
A small dog shows up in front on him, a little ball of energy with brown fur. It makes Orel smile for a moment to see him there but there's not a lot that can improve his mood now. He's still burdened by the thoughts going through his head, still having a hard time with how much has changed in his life and how little actually reflected that change.
The dog barks, a high pitched adorable sound that makes Orel smile again. He needs to be serious now and it almost makes him mad that this random dog is ruining that but he could never actually be angry at such a cute dog. He gives the dog his palm hoping he'll lick him and know he's a friend. The dog looks and sounds like he wants a pet, so Orel pets him.
"Aren't you a cute one?" he asks when the dog closes his eyes and leans into his touch. "Where's your owner?"
There's no collar or anything indicating the dog actually has an owner so Orel can't help but think that maybe he should keep him. He doesn't know if it's the sudden display of untrustworthiness from his dad that has him turning to such an embodiment of loyalty and goodness but he tries not to overthink it. He likes the dog, he wants to keep him.
The dog follows Orel all the way to his house without a second of hesitation, which only serves to make him more enthusiastic about the idea of keeping him. Orel can't help but like the idea of having a companion. He likes his friends but having friends that you can play with and talk to is very different than having a pet.
He knows it's a big responsibility to have. Dogs are energetic little creatures, they run around the house, they make a mess. They need to be trained to poop outside and not chew the cushions and also do some basic tricks like play dead, roll over and run after a ball when you throw it. But he's willing to put in the work. He thinks it's worth it.
"Orel, why is there an animal in my kitchen?" his mom asks as soon as she sees him holding the dog.
"I found him on the park. He was all alone and I don't think he has an owner. I was thinking, could I keep him? Please? I always wanted a pet!"
Shapey screams and kicks at the dinner table. Orel ignores him.
"I'm not going to clean up dog poop off the floor. If you really want to keep the dog, you'll have to be responsible for everything it does. That means if it makes a mess, you clean it."
Orel nods eagerly, "I'll do that, mom. I'll train him well so he knows not to poop in the house."
His mom stares at him expectantly.
"Aaand?"
"And I'll clean up his poop and make sure the backyard looks clean so the neighbors won't judge us," he finishes proudly.
"Good boy, Orel," his mom says. "Alright then. You can keep him."
Orel is so thankful for this that he has to put the dog down so he can hug his mom tight, whispering promises of how well he'll take care of the dog and how he won't let him mess up the house. His mom accepts this gracefully but quickly moves away from him and tells him to get out of the kitchen and take the dog with him.
In the backyard, Orel tries to think of a name for his new dog. It's dark outside and that means he's been so caught up on trying to convince his mom to let him keep the dog and playing with him that he forgot why he was so upset in the first place. He counts that as a good thing, just another positive effect of having a loyal animal companion.
He tries to think of anyone from the bible who displayed the same level of loyalty he saw from his dog. The dog in question barks something unintelligible at him repeatedly, which gives Orel an idea. One of the lesser known disciples. Bartholomew, who was once described by Jesus as a man with no deceit. No name better for such a good boy.
"Alright, Bartholomew," Orel said, testing the name and how well it fit his new buddy. "Time for you to learn some tricks!"
He spent as much time as he could with Bartholomew. Teaching him to sit, fetch, play dead, getting him familiarized with his favorite bible verses and generally having a good time playing with him. He only came back home when his mom told him dinner was on the table. His dad wasn't at the dinner table. Orel felt his absence like a thorn at his side.
Part of him wondered if he'd have to search the house only to find him not there again. And then he'd go to his mom and ask where his dad went and she'd say "I don't know" and they'd go back to living like he never came back. The idea makes Orel sick and he goes upstairs to his dad's study hoping to find him miserable and drunk but still here.
The door to his dad's study is half open, which is why Orel can peek inside and see that his dad is indeed there. The sigh of relief that leaves his body feels like it's loud enough to get his attention but his dad remains oblivious to him. He's not actively drinking, which means he might already be drunk. Orel is just glad he's here.
"Heard you've been asking about me," he's saying and it's clear now that he's talking to someone on the phone, Orel can see one of his hands holding it to his ear as he twirls the telephone cord with his finger. "Orel told me. Yeah."
Orel wants to come in and ask if his dad will be eating dinner or not but the last thing he wants to do is disrupt his phone call.
"Don't even tell me about it. It was... a whole mess. I'm just glad it's over now. I mean, now I've got more free time to go out with you. Get some drinks. If you'd like that?"
Orel is starting to think his dad is drunk, his voice definitely sounds how it usually does when he is. He's not slurring or struggling to talk at all but his tone is... weird.
"I'd like that. Oh, Danielle. I've missed you," his dad says and he sounds so earnest.
Orel doesn't think he's ever sounded so sincere talking to any of them. Not his mom, not himself and definitely not Shapey. He can't even recall if his dad ever talked to Shapey directly.
"But I've missed you more," he insists, apparently arguing with the person on the other side.
Orel patiently waits for his dad to finish his call, feeling awkward for being there and listening to the whole thing. When he finally hangs up, he stares at Orel at his door like he just got caught doing something horrible. In an attempt to avoid any bottles being thrown on the floor and any crying, Orel smiles at his dad in a way he hopes looks natural.
"Hey, dad. Sorry to interrupt, it's just... you didn't eat dinner with us," Orel says to justify being here. "I was worried."
It feels wrong to tell his dad he was worried about him, it's like a weird role reversal. His dad is meant to be the one who worries for him, his son, though Orel struggles to remember a time his dad was actually worried about him. But to say he worries for him feels like mocking him. Like saying he doesn't even trust his dad to look after himself.
"I'm just not hungry today, Orel," his dad lies and Orel can tell he's lying. "That's all. Now move along. You should probably be in bed by now."
Orel turns to go but before he can do so, he stares at his dad for another minute.
"I got a dog," he tells him. "His name's Bartholomew. Mom said I can keep him as long as I take care of him myself."
His dad nods absentmindedly, like he didn't even hear him, "That's great, son."
Then he seems to catch up to what's been said because he adds, just to offer some fatherly advice:
"Dogs are a great responsibility. But in the end, a lot of people think it's worth it. Takes a lot of patience to deal with them, I'll tell you, but they make up for it by being great companions."
The way he speaks makes it clear he never had a dog and is just trying to give general advice people usually give. Orel appreciates it, anyway. Because he can tell he's trying. Orel is ready to be done with this interaction and tell his dad goodnight but he sees something in his eyes. Whatever that something is, it compells him to say:
"Some dogs aren't loyal."
His dad seems confused, "Hmm?"
"Some dogs aren't loyal or good. Some of them are angry and bitter. They bark at people and destroy their favorite things. Sometimes they even bite. But I think, even those dogs... those selfish, disloyal dogs. I think even they deserve love."
Orel's dad seems to think this through for a second but he scoffs like it's just one of those silly things Orel says sometimes.
"You'd have to be pretty stupid to love such a worthless dog," he mocks.
Orel nods sadly, "I guess. But I would."
When Orel goes to bed that night, he prays to God again like he usually does. And he makes sure to tell Him that it's okay if He doesn't listen to him sometimes, that it's fine if He sits back and allows bad things to happen and doesn't do anything to give him the help he asks for. He tells God he'll love Him anyway. Even if He's disloyal sometimes.
If that makes him stupid or not, he doesn't know. All he knows is that he loves God.
And he loves his dad.