Work Text:
The plane had landed nearly three hours ago. Luis had been at work when he’d received the notification that Leon had returned to American soil, but he knew that it would be a while before they’d be reunited. Still, he was ecstatic over getting to see his boyfriend again, so he finished his shift in a better mood than when he’d started. A few coworkers made comments in passing, well aware of what had cheered him up so much. Rebecca especially seemed happy for him, gleefully whistling after him when he all but waltzed out of the lab. Ever since being introduced to her and being offered a position to help research against the very evils he’d helped create, Luis found Rebecca to be a source of hope and good company. Bouncing ideas off of her and engaging in both trivial and intellectually stimulating conversations came easy with Rebecca, and for that he was grateful. He left work with a wide smile and a bounce in his steps, more than ready to get home and welcome Leon back.
The second Luis was inside their shared apartment, he rushed to prepare for Leon’s arrival, cleaning himself up by getting out of his work clothes and into something more comfortable. He knew the plane had probably landed a while ago, so it was only a matter of time before Leon came trudging through their front door. As a precaution, he brought out the first aid kit. There had been one too many times where Leon had only accepted the bare minimum of medical attention before rushing back home with mostly untreated injuries. It annoyed Luis how nonchalant Leon had been about his wounds, so he’d made it a habit to have a fully stocked first aid kit prepared for his returns.
With the medkit out and Luis dressed in a clean set of clothes, he waited in the living room, anxious and excited over being reunited after a week without contact. He mused on what state Leon would be reappearing in, hoping that he wouldn’t be hiding severe injuries again.
Besides the obvious fear of losing Leon to death, there was also the fear of losing Leon in life. What if the agent had barely managed to escape with his life but had returned as only a hollowed out shell of the man he used to be? Empty. Numb. A living ghost. Luis shook his head to dispel this concern, confident in Leon’s abilities as a competent fighter. How could he be anything but capable when he was the one that saved Luis’s life? When he was the one that pulled him back from the brink of death? Amidst all his worrying, he’d lost track of time, but he snapped back to attention when he heard noise outside of the apartment.
The doorknob rattled as someone on the other side struggled to unlock the door, but they managed after a short while. Luis held his breath, wondering why everything had suddenly gone quiet and still. He would’ve let his constant worrying drown him again if it weren’t for the knob turning. The door swung open, and in staggered a rundown version of the man Luis had kissed goodbye just last week. Leon could barely manage closing the door behind him, eyes glued to the floor, before he tiredly dragged his gaze up and made eye contact with Luis. They could only stare at each other, the both of them at a loss for words. The thousands of miles between them had never felt as wide a chasm as the space currently between them. They were so close, but it was obvious that Leon’s mission had left him mentally stranded on a different plane. Luis waited. He’d wait as long as he needed to. After what felt like forever, the spell broke and Leon went stumbling into Luis’s arms, the both of them collapsing onto the couch.
Luis held his exhausted lover, burying his nose in his neck and breathing him in. He was back. He’d returned home to him like he’d said he would. He was weak and barely holding himself together, but he was back and in Luis’s arms and he was safe . That was more than either of them felt they were deserving of. Leon held on just a bit tighter, mustering enough energy to really hold onto him in an effort to ground himself in the present. He was home god damn it, so why did he feel the world spinning out from beneath him? Luis held him, gently pressing kisses to the crown of his head and waiting out the storm with him. Leon curled further into his lover, wanting to make himself as small as possible and disappear. He wanted to burrow himself into Luis until he’d lost sight of himself and could no longer draw a decisive line between them. Sometimes melting into him felt like the only way he could allow himself to continue living like this. If he could just see himself the way Luis saw him, maybe—just maybe— he could force himself to believe he was actually making a difference.
After what might’ve been an hour of quietly losing himself in the safety and comfort of Luis’s arms, Leon’s grip loosened, and he peeled himself away. Luis smiled warmly at him.
“Are you hungry?” Luis whispered, brushing aside messy strands of blonde hair from his beloved’s face.
Leon shook his head, avoiding eye contact. Luis nodded, knowing that he’d have to make sure Leon ate a full meal in the morning.
“Do you have the energy for a shower?”
Again, Leon shook his head. That was to be expected after a mission that had clearly left a harrowing impression on the agent, reducing his speech to simple yes or no communication.
“Would you like a bath?” Luis tried again. He wouldn’t mind sharing a bed with Leon despite the grime, but he would rather avoid washing the sheets again so soon if he could help it.
Fortunately, Leon nodded in response.
“Would you like my help?”
Another nod.
Luis smiled again. Softly placing a hand on Leon’s muddied cheek, Luis pressed a delicate kiss to his lips. He pulled away not too long after to run the hot water for the bath. Leon was left staring in the direction Luis had ran off in, enamoured by the fact that even when he was a total mess with dirt all over him and sporting a bloody, injured face, Luis still kissed him. Still held him. Still wanted him.
Leon eventually made his way into the bathroom, his movements awkward and clunky. He’d definitely taken a worse beating than usual this time around, and the thought of him going on another outing any time soon filled Luis with dread and fury. What the hell did STRATCOM have all those other agents around for if they were always dragging Leon from battle to battle without giving him time to recover? They were sentencing him to death, and they knew it.
As the tub filled up, Luis turned to help Leon undress. He apologised quietly when he accidentally moved Leon’s arms above his head too quickly, earning a pained hiss. The agent had been crudely stitched together just below the ribs and a large bruise was forming on his abdomen. Other smaller bruises were scattered across his body like some sort of sick arrangement of maroon constellations. Luis tried not to stare, knowing how self conscious Leon got when his injuries were on full display like this, but it was hard not to gawk in open mouthed shock at the cruelty of Leon’s work. He remembered how hurt he’d been after they’d escaped Spain, but it never got any easier seeing his battered body. He’d once considered Leon a god among men, but witnessing him in this vulnerable state time and time again woefully reminded Luis just how mortal his beloved really was. He figured he’d just have to leave one very long and very angry message to STRATCOM demanding Leon go on extended leave until his body was back in good shape.
Discovering new injuries was heartbreaking, but Luis managed to help Leon undress without making a scene. He helped him climb into the tub, careful to avoid wetting a few bandages here and there, but they could always redress the wounds if anything happened. Luis was more than happy to help him heal. He always would be. It wasn’t even about returning the favour or atoning for his sins. This was out of his own desire to care for the man he loved dearly.
Leon relaxed into Luis’s touch, closing his eyes and leaning further into it as the man washed his hair, gently working the shampoo and conditioner into his hair. Helping him wash his body was a bit more difficult, but it was much better than if he’d been left alone to clean himself up. Once upon a time, Leon had been far too embarrassed to ever accept help like this from anyone. He used to go days without cleaning up, his body too riddled with pain for him to move past wherever he had collapsed. Ever since Luis had moved in with him, those days were long forgotten. Luis didn’t make him feel like his wounds were something to be ashamed of. Luis understood that they came with his line of work, and he still wanted him whether broken or whole. Even so, Leon struggled with showing so much of himself in this manner. He always believed he had to be strong and untouchable. Unbreakable. He couldn’t show weakness, but with Luis, it was okay to be fragile. It was okay to be human .
Even when being human meant having to be helped do what used to be simple tasks like getting out of the tub and drying off.
Luis was careful with patting him dry and applying first aid. He did his best not to agitate the tender, purpling skin or searing lacerations that needed to be rebandaged. Every touch was methodical and almost reverent, as if Leon was someone who deserved to be treated like he mattered. The very hands that condemned thousands so many years ago had never felt more loving than when they were tending to the wounds of a single man who rejected salvation time and time again. Two sinners in search of redemption and meaning found grace in each other.
Leon stared at himself in the foggy mirror, his reflection nothing more than a blurred outline of himself. At what point had the steam completely overtaken the mirror? At what point had it built up enough to flood the room and mar his senses? He knew that he was looking at himself, but the image was far too distorted for him to make out any discernible features. He was unrecognisable.
“There,” Luis sighed, content with his work. Leon turned back to look at him. He was picture perfect and untouched by the steam. He could point out every detail that made Luis himself if he wanted to, from the cracks in his lips because he was sensitive to the cold right down to the faint scar running just under his left eye.
“You look exhausted,” Luis continued. “Do you want to go to bed?”
Leon nodded. He was exhausted. His bones ached and his body was sore from overexertion and multiple beatings. That was excluding the nightmare fuel he’d faced off against and the people he’d met and lost throughout the week. He was at a loss for words, his mind bordering on the fringes of static and chaos. The adrenaline of the mission was finally wearing off and leaving the deep and dull drumming of pain all over his body. He wanted to sleep off the agony he knew he was about to face. Pain meds could only do so much for him, but he’d deal with that tomorrow. He could almost trick himself into forgetting he was suffering when Luis led him into their bedroom and helped him get in bed.
Luis pulled the covers over him and was about to leave when Leon reached out and meekly held his wrist, his eyebrows furrowed. He was either thinking really hard about something, which was doubtful, or he was hurting himself in doing this one thing. Luis stared at him to try to figure out what he wanted, and then it clicked. His demeanour softened.
“I’ll be back soon, mi querido,” Luis reassured him. “I need to clean up first.”
Leon reluctantly let go of him, incapable of whining in protest but secretly wishing he were able to. As pathetic as it would’ve been for him, he knew that it would’ve been enough to tug at Luis’s heartstrings and keep him in bed with him. Would it have been manipulative? Maybe just a little. But Leon hardly ever got the chance to act selfishly, so sue him for desperately wanting his boyfriend to comfort him. Luis dipped out of the room and headed for the bathroom to put away the medkit and Leon’s discarded clothes.
Closing his eyes for a second, Leon thought back to the events of this past week. He remembered getting a call from Hunnigan in the middle of the night, requesting his presence immediately. He remembered Luis waking up when he’d crawled out of bed to get his gear prepped. He remembered the look on Luis’s face when he’d told him he had to go— the forlorn and helpless expression that begged him to get back into bed but knew better than to voice the plea. Leon had left him with a quick kiss and a promise to get back to him as soon as he could. It was the same thing they always did whenever Leon had to go, but it didn’t stop the harsh sting of separation that was only worsened by the fact that neither knew if it would be the very last time they’d ever see each other again.
He opened his eyes when he heard footsteps in the hallway, pushing aside the memory of leaving Luis and stopping himself from reliving disastrous moments from his mission. He shouldn’t have been thinking about it now that he was back. Everything else could wait. Luis shut the bedroom door behind him and walked over to his side of the bed. He slowly laid down beside Leon, watching his partner for any signs of discomfort.
“Welcome back,” Luis whispered, knowing Leon wouldn’t be replying any time soon. He didn’t care that he was the only one talking, because he knew Leon didn’t mind listening to him. After the first time Leon had returned this shaken from a job, Luis had been out of his depth, tiptoeing around his partner as though any sudden sound or movement would break him. It wasn’t until Leon had recovered enough to talk that he was filled in on what did or didn’t help. It was a learning process for the both of them, since Leon never had anyone waiting at home for him whenever he came back in this state. One thing he was initially sure of, however, was that he found Luis’s voice soothing. He’d made sure to let Luis know this tidbit of information, grateful that there was someone who could calm the storm in his mind with something as trivial as a one sided conversation. Sometimes, if Leon was lucky, Luis would read him passages from his copy of Don Quixote.
“Te amo,” Luis smiled warmly at him, his voice still low. His heart went aflutter when Leon cracked a small, tired smile back at him. “Go to sleep, cariño. I’ll still be here when you wake up, okay? You’re safe now.”
As though he’d been waiting for a cue this whole time, Leon’s eyes fell shut with the weight of well-needed sleep. Drifting into slumber, he could faintly feel the soft caress of his lover’s hand on his cheek. It was what he’d been longing to feel whenever he had a moment to catch his breath throughout his mission. Falling deeper into sleep, he pushed away all thoughts of what had gone wrong and dwelt on the distant sound of Luis speaking and the light touch of Luis’s hand on his face. Leon might’ve sighed blissfully, but he was out before he could debate if he’d done it or not.
Luis stopped his chattering to observe his lover in quiet captivation. Asleep, Leon almost looked fine—the key word being almost. The purple bags under his eyes did nothing to quell Luis’s concerns. They reminded him of the wine coloured bruises, a few of which were edging on shades of olive yellow, indicating to Luis that Leon had received them almost as soon as he’d arrived wherever he’d been sent to. An uneasy feeling settled in his stomach. This couldn’t possibly be all Leon was good for. There had to be some other way for him to do good without constantly risking his life, right? Then there was the question of Leon’s mental state. It was bad enough he was being physically abused on missions. What about his psyche? Luis wondered how much longer he’d be able to help Leon’s mind when the agent so stubbornly refused any other kind of assistance or relief. Surely this couldn’t last forever. Leon would be needing a professional, but Luis didn’t know how to broach the subject.
Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Luis forced himself to shut down his worries. It would be doing nobody any good if he drove himself mad with these thoughts just as Leon had returned to him. They could discuss these issues when Leon was better.
Shuffling around so he could reach for his phone, Luis bit his lip as he pulled up Rebecca’s contact information. He let her know he’d be taking a few days off to care better for Leon, and she replied almost immediately, wishing him luck and congratulating him once again on the reunion. He smiled at her message before tossing the phone back on the dresser.
For now, Luis was happy that he could spend another day with his beloved.