Chapter Text
'a dream of tenderness wrestles with all i know of history.'
― adrienne rich
you wake up tangled in your sheets, sweat covering all over your skin which has more to do with the spilled blood of your nightmares and less to do with the midsummer heat of konoha, when the temperature is the highest in the year.
there is no time to go back to sweet slumber— kakashi had already informed you about today's mission— and even if there was any time you doubt you will be able to go back to sleep. so you step out of your bed and go to the bathroom to brush and bathe and get ready for the day ahead. you skip breakfast entirely, the haunting red eyes having taken your appetite and try not to remember the gentle scolding you used to get in the past for doing so.
still you cannot stop the pang in your heart even if the memory goes back into some tight corner of your mind.
surprisingly you are the first one to reach the meeting place.
usually sakura and sometimes even naruto would be already up and about bickering and engaging in nonsense acts before you show up. your sensei is of course another matter entirely. there is always some lady or cat blocking his path no matter how early he claims to have started off.
the grim reminder of an evening which should have been forgotten long ago but clings to the very reason of your existence stops you from wondering about the unusualness of the day. so you wait there leaning against the red of the bridge handles until one of them shows up.
it doesn't take long.
naruto comes bounding in first, his bed head still in place, stains of soup clinging to the jacket he wore yesterday at training. the dirt is still there in some parts that the idiot has not bothered to brush. you tell him so and watch in dry amusement as he tries to turn his neck to see the spots of brown. it does not remain quiet after your teammate arrives. naruto for all he is worth knows more rumours and information than your other teammate. he starts his latest story of how he heard the two shinobi talking about a mission case at ichiraku and even though you act disinterested you carefully listen to his words, correcting him when he pronounces some word wrong.
sakura comes twenty minutes later panting heavily from running all the way yet everything about her is in place. she excitedly greets you a good morning and you nod in reply before you know what you are doing. it often bothers how attuned you are to her voice and the way your body moves on instincts when you hear it.
frowning, you turn around as naruto greets her and proceeds to inform her about what he had been telling before her arrival. they talk back and forth between them, their voice as always, loud enough for you to hear.
the walls of your stomach squeezes inwardly when you smell the delicious scent of cooked rice after some moments. when you turn, a lunchbox with eight rice balls is shoved in your face by a smiling sakura who is blocking naruto as he tries to get one. you stare at the loosely made balls of rice— a very hasty and amateur process— and the tomatoes and meat peeking from inside. in the back of your mind the blood is still spreading all over the floor, the bodies laying one over the other slowly turning cold. it escapes the tight space and rotates around your thoughts.
you should say no.
"Sasuke-kun?" herpink eyelashes flutter above hopeful eyes.
you take one out of the box, munching on the slightly overcooked rice and look ahead, determined to ignore your calming stomach and green eyes shining with delight.
sakura then lets naruto have one and takes one for herself, sneaking glances at you every once in a while. out of the eight riceballs you finish four in a record time and smirk at naruto as he screams in your face for getting the majority of them.
"sakura-chan! why did the teme get to have four? this is unfair."
you roll your eyes at his antics, "you had three and she had one." you can't help but look at the pink haired girl at that. did she bring this for herself?
she is busy taking out the water bottle from her bag when she feels your stare.
"oh, it's okay. i already ate breakfast" she gives them both a reassuring look before offering water.
your fingers graze hers when hands you the bottle and blink at the pink hue that spreads across her cheeks. sakura's voice is shy when she asks if you liked what she had made.
"aa. it was good"
immediately she steps back to lean on the bridge, a satisfied smile on her face. you stare until naruto pokes your side for creepily looking at sakura-chan, and you shove him hard as a start of fight .
you wonder if she heard your thanks.
.
kakashi arrives a whole two hours later and leads your team to the eastern part of konoha where most of the agriculture is done. your client is an elderly woman whose only son had fractured a leg and could not function at the crucial time of planting the crops.
the work laid out for you is fairly simple. to plant the rice crops in the perfect line in the field across the client's house.
only half an hour into the task that you realise it is not simple at all. your back and shoulders ached, hands were covered in mud as you went planting one after the another. the glaring sun did not help either. unlike naruto who made his complaints loud by swearing at the sun and stomping his feets and sakura who continuously murmured her disdain yet dutifully kept going; you seethed internally, growing frustrated with every moment. what is the point of doing this? this is not going to make you any stronger.
you grit your teeth and push the voice back that starts whispering how weak you are and about foolish little brothers.
"uhh i can't do this anymore, dattebayo" naruto starts whining, ready to give up after two hours into the work. you can't help but scoff at him. not one crop was planted properly in the soil, the straight line having started to curve from the very beginning.
it needs to be redone, you tiredly think to yourself.
"maybe we should take a break," sakura says from the other side, wiping sweat with the back of her hand. her face is red and her eyes have a hazy tint to them. she looks ready to faint, you realise with a start.
"let's take a break," you mutter before pulling sakura out of the ankle length water. naruto shuffles behind you, kicking at the shallow muddy water, until you reach the small washing area. the old lady greets your team from the engawa and offers to bring freshly cut watermelons as refreshment. your teammates say yes before you could refuse and ask only for cool water.
after washing, the three of you sit in the shed of the house, enjoying the electric fan that the old lady switched on. you look at the field and notice the middle half being halfway done almost perfectly, the right lane that was sakura's, a little behind you and the left lane, you know, has to be redone entirely. the kind lady agreed when sakura suggested that they continue later when the heat isn't so high. she is the communicator in your sensei's absence, who had left minutes after you started working for some meeting the hokage requested.
you don't really notice the delicate hand entering your person until it lands on your shoulder. startled, you turn around to find your teammate with an equally surprised face as if she couldn't believe what she had done.
sakura retreats her hand but stops midway and again places it on your shoulder.
"it's so stiff. you have a knot here, sasuke-kun." she whispers, careful not to awaken your other teammate who had started dozing from exhaustion, "want me to loosen it?"
"...no,"
but she is already moving behind you, her small hands adding firm yet soft pressure on both your shoulders. you tense up, not used to any physical contact for it has been a while since someone was this close to you. normally it should have send your crawling, wanting to get away from any touch but you find yourself relaxing and leaning into her.
there is an odd heat you feel on your cheeks as her long pink hair blows on your face due to the wind from the fan. it caresses your cheeks and tickles at your nose with a familiar scent. in the months since your graduation, the smell of wild flowers has become, in a way, a comforting factor. your nightmares still linger but there is no salt and iron— the stench of death— in the air when she is around. the smell of wild flowers brings memories of the past to the forefront of your mind. the memories of five summers ago, when your only concerns and hopes were not to upset your mother, to master the jutsus of your clan, to see a proud smile of your father, to spend time with your beloved brother.
you know you should move away, should not get used to their presence. her presence. because one day you have to leave this behind. have to leave them behind.
yet you remain seated until the last of your muscles have loosened, your fingers having unconsciously wrapped around the pink silk of sakura's hair.
"does it feel better now?" she asks, her eyes darting to your tangled fingers once in a while, a blush adjourning her pretty cheeks.
"hmm," a slight twirl untangles your fingers and you force yourself not to wrap them up once more.
she settles down beside you after that— too closely, but you don't really mind— her legs swinging from the edge of the engawa, humming some unfamiliar song as you both wait for the old woman while watching the few dragonflies and butterflies hovering above the potted flowers.
you don't know but it will become one of your fondest memories of a summer afternoon.
.
when all is over and the sun is set, you head to the empty apartment where the only thing that gives you company is the photoframe of your team. and the nightmares are right there with waiting arms to welcome when you drift to a restless sleep.
then it all begins anew— the slashing, the blood, the screams and red, red eyes of your
beloved
elder brother— until the sky is blue again, until the smell of wildflowers surrounds you again.