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Not Kaname. Not Kaname. NotKaname. NotKaname. NotKanameNotKanamenotKaname… Not Kaname? HiMERU was not Kaname? Who was HiMERU if not Kaname? Who was Kaname if not HiMERU? The white of the ceiling staring back at him did nothing to answer Tatsumi’s spiraling questions.
The sound of the front door clicking open snapped him out of his thoughts, and he looked over to see… “Koga-san?”
Koga closed the door behind him and waved at Tatsumi. “Hey, Kazehaya-senpai. Whatcha up to?”
Tatsumi’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Wait, are you not supposed to be back a couple days from now?”
“Yeah… I told ya that a couple days ago…”
“Has that time already passed!? How did—!?” Tatsumi jolted up as he frantically searched the bed for his phone. 7 AM. February… Have I been laying in my bed for that long!?
“W-What the hell!?” Koga quickly turned around, his ears tinting a hot pink. “Uh, Kazehaya-senpai… are ya… didja… um…”
“Hm?” Tatsumi looked down to see his bare form, his most private areas only barely covered by the blanket that had fallen after sitting up. “Oh, my apologies! I believe that I lost track of where I was. I’ll tell you when you can turn back around.” He quickly picked up his clothing and tried to ignore the burning feeling of shame as he saw the stains on his sheets. If it weren’t for the state of his bed, it would’ve been easy to write off what happened as a dream. Maybe it would have been better that way. “Y-You can turn around.”
Oogami turned back around, and his eyes traveled up and down his dormmate’s figure, seeming to take in Tatsumi’s still-disheveled appearance. “… You good?” He looked worried, not that Tatsumi could blame him.
“Yes, thank you, Oogami-san.” Tatsumi tried to give a reassuring smile, but he only received a grimace in return. “I have something I need to check up on. I hope you can tell me all about your business trip later.” Wincing slightly as he pushed his unused joints to get himself out of bed, he walked to the door, and Oogami stepped aside to let him out.
“’Kay… Hope ya feel better soon…” the lone wolf replied quietly.
The door to Kaname’s dorm room seemed so much more imposing when Tatsumi was finally in front of it. What if… he doesn’t wish to see me? No… I must make this right. I don’t want to lose him again. Heaving a steadying breath, Tatsumi braced himself as he knocked on the door. Over the sound of his own heartbeat, he could hear someone slowly approaching. The doorknob turned just as slowly.
The door opened to show a petrified Kaname.
Tatsumi sighed a breath of relief. “Ah, Kaname—”
SLAM!
The door swung shut, catching on the foot that Tatsumi quickly placed between the door and its frame.
“Kaname-san! Please, I just want to talk.” Tatsumi gently opened the door. He tried to ignore how much it hurt to see Kaname backing away from him with a panicked expression, like a cornered animal vying for a few more moments of life. “Kaname-san, are you okay?”
Kaname wordlessly hopped onto a sleek black bed and curled into a fancy-looking gray comforter.
Tatsumi slowly approached the bed, refusing to give up completely. Since he was young, he was taught to constantly have hope, the very thing that allowed him to meet Kaname in the first place. “Kaname-san…?” Before he could get any closer, the disheveled Christian was roughly pulled back by the scruff of his neck, and he was thrown mercilessly onto the floor with a resounding grunt.
“What do you think you’re doing!?”
Disoriented, Tatsumi looked for whoever had thrown him so easily, and he was startled to see Arashi looking as though she was ready to punch a hole through a wall.
Arashi’s face shifted to confusion, then realization, and she sighed with relief. “Oh, it’s you, Kazehaya-senpai. Um, sorry about throwing you…” The knight effortlessly pulled Tatsumi back up to his feet, murmuring a few more sheepish apologies. She then turned to Kaname, who was still curled up on his bed, anxiously watching the two of them. “Were you trying to talk to HiMERU-chan?”
Tatsumi nodded affirmatively. “Yes, please, I just need to—”
“No,” Arashi interrupted. “…Ah, that came out very unladylike. Sorry.” She giggled before continuing, “I don’t think it would be a very good idea to speak with him right now. I’m not sure what happened between the two of you, but it seems like you’re the one that hurt him, judging from his reaction.”
“But that’s why I have to talk with—”
“I’m sorry, but the answer is no.” Arashi was gentle yet firm when declining his request. “You can go back to going about your regular day to keep your mind off all of this. Just give him some time, and I’m sure you two will be able to talk ♪” She peacefully led Tatsumi out of the dorm.
“I don’t know if I can…”
Arashi only looked at Tatsumi pitifully.
“Can I… stay outside your dorm room?”
“W-What?”
“I know it seems a bit unethical, but I just want to stay close to him. I want to be there when he’s ready.”
Arashi sighed and glanced at the now-closed dorm door. “Well, I suppose that HiMERU-chan isn’t going anywhere until he’s ready, but…”
“Please.” Tatsumi bowed solemnly to her. “This is very important to me.”
She sighed again before fixing her senior with a stern glare “Okay. But scare HiMERU-chan one more time, and I won’t let you even set foot in the building.”
“Of course. Thank you, Arashi-san. I am indebted to you.”
Tatsumi sat outside of Kaname’s dorm room, a meter away from the door to avoid being an obtrusion to anyone entering or leaving, and close enough to be right there when Kaname was ready. He crossed his legs and pushed his back against the wall, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. He would use the time he had to wait to figure out what he wanted to say to Kaname.
Given how Kaname responded to him a short while ago, Tatsumi realized he needed to be careful with his words. Still, he was unsure as to what he did wrong, or if it even was something he did. But he could see no other reason as to why Kaname would be so fearful of him.
Tatsumi was quickly disrupted from his meditation as his stomach grumbled for sustenance.
…He hadn’t considered the fact that he was still a human with limitations. He huffed humorously to himself. Despite his experience with fasting, he had never gone two days, according to Koga, without eating. The only way to eat would be to leave. And he could leave… but what if he missed Kaname coming out of the room? Then he might have to wait until the next day, and he didn’t want to have to wait an unnecessary amount of time.
Jesus had fasted for a longer time in the desert; Tatsumi was sure that he would survive. He ignored the grumbles from his stomach and gripped the Rosary in his pocket. Our Father, who art in heaven…
“Kazehaya-senpai?”
“Hm?” Tatsumi opened his eyes to see someone looking down at him, worried. “Ah, Tetora-san. How are you?” he greeted amicably.
Tetora anxiously rubbed the back of his neck. “Uhh… Narukami-senpai told me that something happened with you and HiMERU-senpai.”
The smile on Tatsumi’s face faltered. “Oh, I see…”
“What happened?”
“…?”
“I-I mean,” Tetora nervously stuttered, “not that it’s any of my business! But I care about my roommate, and I care about you!” His voice began to rise in volume. “I mean… I know we’re not that close, but, I, uhm…”
“It’s okay,” Tatsumi laughed. “I know what you mean. Caring about others is natural for a hero like yourself. That kind of compassion is very valuable. Never forget that.”
“O-Oh, thank you.” The hard-working hero bowed his head politely, hiding his flustered face.
“And as for what happened… we slept together,” Tatsumi explained easily.
“W-What!?” Tetora’s voice cracked painfully. “U~miu~ I guess that’s a thing adults do… N-Not that I’m a little kid anymore! I can handle that kind of s-stuff! But, um…” His face turned contemplative. “I still don’t really understand why HiMERU-senpai is so upset. Aren’t you guys friends?
“I… that I am unsure of as well,” Tatsumi answered sheepishly. “It seemed to be going so well, but then he said something I didn’t quite understand. He might be confused, and that is what is causing him pain. Like losing sight of the light at the end of the tunnel, not having God to guide us can make small things infinitely harder to get through.” That had to be it. Kaname was just confused. Because otherwise, why would he say…
“Mm…” Tetora looked unsure. “Well, how—”
Tatsumi’s stomach rumbled again, more insistent than a couple hours ago.
“Kazehaya-senpai… when was the last time you ate something?”
“Ah, well… Perhaps not for about two days.”
“Two days!?” Tetora gaped at Tatsumi for a moment before reaching into a bag and shoving a few things into his hands. “Take these protein bars and water bottle. You need to get nutrition into your body as soon as possible! Ossu~!”
“Thank you very much, but there is no need to spend any—” Tatsumi tried handing Nagumo the bars back to him, but his hands were pushed away.
“N~ope! As your junior, I can’t let you practice such unhealthy eating habits! As idols, we have to take good care of our bodies, or we might collapse on stage.” Tetora’s eyes lit up with fiery determination.
“O-Okay, if you insist…” Hearing his junior’s reasoning, Tatsumi’s decision to avoid eating seemed much more illogical than he had first thought. “You’re right. It would be a hinderance to ALKALOID if I were to collapse because I did not maintain a healthy body weight. We worried about Aira-san doing the same during SS, and it would be hypocritical of me to deny that. Thank you, Tetora-san.”
“Of course!” Tetora grinned toothily at him. “A hero is always supposed to be there to help people in need!” Seeming to realize what he said, the young hero cringed at himself. “U~miu~ I should go. Please take care of yourself, Kazehaya-senpai. I’ll see you later!” He bowed deeply to Tatsumi before running off.
Tatsumi smiled as he watched the enthusiastic youth turn the corner. I remember when I had that kind of energy. He looked at the bars he was holding and startlingly realized his hands were shaking. When had he gotten so hungry? The starved man pulled apart the wrapper with some difficulty and took a bite. Almost immediately, Tatsumi’s entire body flushed with relief, and he realized he was much hungrier than he convinced himself to be.
As he munched on the second bar, Tatsumi hoped that he would be able to repay Tetora for helping so much with such a small act of kindness. He quickly finished both bars and drank half of the water bottle. For what could barely be considered a meal, he felt exponentially more invigorated than he did before.
Tatsumi promised himself to take a trip to the dining hall instead of ignoring his needs should the hunger pangs strike again. Placing the bottle next to him and stuffing the wrappers in his left pocket, he closed his eyes again as he leaned against the wall. Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee…
“…!” Tatsumi jolted awake, taking a moment to realize where he was. Ah, my lack of sleep must have caught up to me. Judging from the warm evening light shining into the hall through the windows, he must have slept half the day away. However, he wasn’t sure what had woken him up; the light hadn’t reached his face. Tatsumi looked to his right, where remained an empty hall aside from a plant, and he gasped when he turned to his left.
A pair of eyes stared up at Tatsumi from a white woolly lump on the floor.
“Ritsu-san…?”
“Mhm…” the eyes tiredly answered.
“What… are you doing?”
“Being tricked, that’s what.” Ritsu sat up, glaring at Tatsumi as if he personally offended him.
“…What?”
Ritsu’s nose scrunched in mild annoyance. “What’s with all the questions?”
Tatsumi stared confusedly back at him.
“Apologize.”
“I… am sorry?”
Ritsu groaned tiredly. “That’ll have to do… even though that sounded like another question.”
Tatsumi really only had in-depth conversation with Ritsu during their time together in FLAVOR, but the younger Sakuma always was a little unconventional, a little difficult to predict. “Apologies for asking another question, but… how were you tricked?”
Ritsu sleepily groaned again. “You were sleeping in front of Nacchan’s room, so I thought this would be a good place to nap, but the floor here is even worse than in front of Maa-kun’s room.”
“W-What…?”
“Are you being serious with these questions? Keep this up and I’ll…” Ritsu covered his yawn and stretched one of his arms upward. “…and I’ll seriously kick your ass.” He didn’t sound serious, but Tatsumi couldn’t tell if that was just because he sounded chronically tired or if it was because he was joking.
“Okay…?”
“Since you’ve been asking so many questions, I’ve got one of my own… what are you doing sleeping outside of Nacchan’s room?” Ritsu’s demeanor shifted, and his half-lidded eyes sharpened. Suddenly, the softly lit hallway felt much more unsafe.
“It’s—”
“And why did they put that sign there?”
Tatsumi frowned at Ritsu in confusion before noticing that those blood ruby eyes were focused on something above him. Craning his neck, Tatsumi was able to make out a sign that read, “Please let him sleep!” It read vertically, with the higher characters written in elegant and playful script and the lower characters in firm and bold strokes. Ah, that must be why no one woke me up until now. A part of his heart warmed knowing that Kaname was in the care of such compassionate roommates.
“Actually, answer the first question. I think I can figure out the answer to the second from just looking at you.”
“…” Tatsumi considered Ritsu for a moment. It seems like Ritsu-san is just worried for his friend, so telling him the situation will hopefully soothe his troubles. “I may have accidentally upset one of Arashi-san’s roommates, though I am unsure if it really was me, and I need to talk with him so I can try to fix it. He’s not ready yet, but I want to be here when he is ready, and both Arashi-san and Tetora-san have been very kind as to let me stay out here.”
Ritsu scrutinized Tatsumi for a few seconds with a steely gaze strong enough to make the diamond of ALKALOID fidget nervously. “I see. That must have been the reason Nacchan was late for Knights practice. She said she had something to take care of, but I could tell something was off~” he yawned. His intense aura receded, allowing Tatsumi to breathe again.
“I’m glad I could clarify—”
“Hold on, I’m not done,” Ritsu interrupted. “Why would you be waiting outside for someone who doesn’t even want to see you right now?”
“Because I care about him a lot.”
“But how do you think he would feel knowing that you’re just sitting outside just waiting for him?” Ritsu asked, tilting his head.
“He doesn’t know. I’m not planning to tell him, so he doesn’t feel pressured by my presence.”
“And how do you think he’ll feel if he finds out that you were just out here waiting?”
Tatsumi frowned at Ritsu in confusion. “I don’t quite understand what you’re trying to say.”
Ritsu slumped his back against the wall, sliding onto the floor. “God, you’re just like Anija. Hmm… well, I guess I understand that better in a way, even if I don’t exactly approve.” He rested his arms underneath his head, maintaining eye contact with Tatsumi. “But are you really planning on talking to him looking like that?”
Tatsumi looked down at himself. His clothes looked more disheveled than he recalled. “Do I really look that immodest?”
“Mm… I mean, that’s not the word I would use… but I guess?” Ritsu yawned. “Your eye bags are worse than mine were at Yumenosaki, which is an accomplishment, and your clothes look like they’re stuck in a perpetual tumble-dryer. You’re also starting to reek enough that I wouldn’t be surprised if vultures tried to break into the dorms. You’re practically a public safety hazard, so it’s a wonder no one’s called HR. I also forgot—”
“O-Okay, I believe I understand what you mean.” That must have been why despite his efforts to remain composed, no one particularly seemed to believe his act. He chided himself for not realizing how he had failed in taking care of himself. His body was a gift from the Lord, which meant he should treat it with care. “I hadn’t realized that I had let myself go so much…”
“Mhm, and I can guarantee that no one would want to talk with someone who looked like they just came out of Shibuya’s sewers. Not to mention that most of the people that walked by the hallway looked kinda concerned about you. That’s probably also why Nacchan was letting you sleep there.”
“Thank you for telling me, Ritsu-san.” The smile on Tatsumi’s face felt much easier to maintain now than it had earlier that day.
“Mm…It was none of my business anyway, I was just bored since Maa-kun’s out doing his own stuff. As least I know that even when he’s away, he’ll still be falling asleep to my voice ♪”
Tatsumi had figured out by that point not to question Ritsu’s idiosyncrasies. “Even so, you happened to come by here out of concern for your friend, and I owe you thanks for that. I should shower and change before coming back here to rest more.”
“What? Why wouldn’t you at least sleep in your own bed?”
“As I mentioned earlier, I would like to—”
“Do you think he would just leave his room in the middle of the night?”
“Well, if he’s spending his time resting during the day—”
Ritsu groaned. “Okay, how about this? You rest in your room. Tomorrow we can just ask Nacchan to text him and bring him to you if she finds that he’s gone.”
“I suppose…”
“There we go. That wasn’t so hard, now was it~?” Ritsu sleepily praised, outstretching a hand. “Good boy, good— oh, your hair definitely needs to be washed.” Yawning, he slowly stood himself up, using the wall as support. “Well, I’m gonna find somewhere comfier to nap. Goodbye~ Tell Corgi I said hi~” Ritsu walked away, waving half-heartedly to Tatsumi with his back facing him.
Tatsumi collected himself for a few moments before following suit, leaving his spot to go to his own room.
Walking out of the shower refreshed and with a clean change of clothes, Tatsumi made his way to his bed, which also had newly fresh sheets. Sitting on the edge of the mattress, Tatsumi couldn’t help but sigh contentedly at how nice it felt to have the comfort of his own bed again, and he replayed the conversation he had with Ritsu.
Ritsu-san was right when he said the floor was uncomfortable for napping. He kept a mental note to bring a mat to sit on when he went back to waiting for Kaname. For now, he would allow himself to sleep. But before that… “Koga-san?”
Koga looked up from the album he was flipping through. “Hm? Ya need somethin’?”
“I would like to hear about that trip you went on with UNDEAD. I’m sure you would like to talk about your activities with Adonis-san, correct?” Given the light flush that spread across Koga’s face at those words, Tatsumi was proudly spot-on.
The guitarist observed Tatsumi for a moment, no doubt out of concern for his roommate’s state that morning, but Koga’s kind smile was a clear sign that he appeared to be much better. Koga gently closed his album and pushed it to the side, stifling a wide grin as if to contain his eagerness. “’Kay, so it all started when we got on the bus. You won’t believe how much shit can happen there unless you take a road trip for yourself. So, Adonis looks at me and…”
Tatsumi sat up straight as he serenely meditated on his mat. That morning, he apologized to Tetora and Arashi for inconveniencing them, and he tried giving the sign back to them, explaining how he didn’t need it anymore. But they suggested he keep it should he need it again, so he placed it in his room as a reminder to pay them back one day. A good night’s sleep, a nutritious breakfast, and a fresh set of clothes made him feel so much more revitalized than the previous day.
Yet, the anxiety that came from waiting for Kaname to come out of his room only truly left when he fell asleep. Unfortunately, Tatsumi had a feeling it was only easy to sleep last night because of how sleep-deprived he was. He prayed to God that would not be the case.
“Coming through~☆” an energetic voice yelled.
Tatsumi opened his eyes to see a small form quickly making its way down the hallway.
“Uwah!?” The individual skidded to a stop a meter away from him, and the force of the brake pushed their feet out from under them, causing them to fall flat on their butt. “Ow…” They laid themselves out on the ground, flailing as if they were trying to make a snow angel.
Tatsumi grimaced at how painful the fall sounded, unconsciously touching his own leg. “Are you okay?”
The person quickly sat back up at those words. “Kazehaya-senpaiii! Hello!”
“Ah, Mitsuru-san, it’s very nice to see you. I hope you weren’t hurt from that fall.”
Mitsuru grinned brightly at him. “Don’t worry, I’m used to falling from track practice. Usually, I’m running into people who are much taller than me, so it took me by surprise to see someone shorter than me. At least, that’s what it looked like at first, yanno~?”
Tatsumi kindly smiled back. “I understand that must be jarring. Although, if I recall correctly, that is why we are not supposed to run indoors. Rules generally should be followed if they do not infringe on essential rights or disobey God’s commandments.”
“I knoowww,” Mitsuru pouted. “But that is one of my ‘essential rights!’ Dashing for me is as natural as… eating bread!”
“I see,” Tatsumi chuckled. “I suppose patience is not a virtue that all are granted, and it is not one that can be easily learned. It usually comes from the potential of one’s natural temperament.”
“Mm… I’m not exactly sure what you’re talking about, but I think it makes sense!” Mitsuru scratched his head in confusion. “But, um, what are you doing here?”
“I am waiting for a friend. HiMERU-san is feeling unwell at the moment.”
“HiME-chan-senpai? Nn… I guess I haven’t seen him in a while… I should go pick up some bread so that he can feel better!” Mitsuru put his hand to his chin in thought. “Wait, were you sitting here all day waiting!?”
Tatsumi smiled reassuringly. “No need to worry. I have been leaving momentarily to grab food, and I still shower and go to bed. Otherwise, I am meditating to pass the time by, and because prayer is always a very productive use of time.”
“U~uu, I can’t even imagine sitting still that long. If you sit like that for too long, your legs will fall asleep, yanno~? We should go for a run and pick up that bread!” Mitsuru giggled cheerily, quickly bouncing into a standing position.
Tatsumi grinned apologetically. “Ah, I’m sorry, but I’m not sure if my leg can handle—”
“Then we can go for a light jog! I’ll just dash around you while you’re running!” Mitsuru insisted.
Tatsumi considered his options. He didn’t have as much of an excuse to decline Mitsuru’s offer as he thought. A part of him insisted that he had to stay and wait for Kaname to come out, but logically, Tatsumi knew he could count on Arashi to give him an opportunity to speak with Kaname at her earliest convenience. Even so…
“C’mon, Kazehaya-senpaiii! You look like you’re thinking too much! Go outside and just feel the wind, and the wait will feel a lot shorter. There’s even a lotta pretty snow outside ♪” Mitsuru outstretched an eager hand toward Tatsumi.
Maybe he was thinking about it too much. Maybe he would only end up spiraling the more he got lost in his own thoughts. Dwelling on his turmoil only seemed to be worsening his condition. Kaname had been in his room for four days now, and Tatsumi had been waiting for two. He could stand to wait as long as he needed to, just to see Kaname again. “Thank you, Mitsuru-san. I would like that a lot.” He offered his most genuine smile, and he took joy in how it was reflected on Mitsuru’s face.
After Mitsuru and Tatsumi parted ways at a quaint park, Tatsumi took a seat at a nearby bench, still flushed from the cold, but toasty from jogging. Taking a bite out of his loaf of bread, he decided to look at ALKALOID’s group chat. Their workload had been giving them some reprieve, but the “Love☆Star” project that he and Kaname was left unfinished.
He scrolled through the messages from the past few days, happy to see that his friends were still active and having fun. Making it to the earliest messages before he became inactive, Tatsumi smiled as he saw the others wishing him to feel better. Before he could overthink it, he texted them all an invite to hang out at Café Cinnamon.
Aira was the first one to reply, enthusiastic as usual, and Tatsumi smiled as he stood back up to make his way there. He let himself get lost in prayer, not glancing once at the dorms while walking past. “Glory Be to the Father, to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit…”
It was Day 6 of Kaname being holed up in his dorm room, and Tatsumi distinctly wondered whether Kaname would be okay. Tatsumi dedicated himself to using the time he spent praying in his room to pray on the mat in front of the dorm room, but otherwise, he went about completing his daily tasks or being with his friends.
He still worried greatly about Kaname, even briefly entertaining the idea of trying to go in again before shutting down his own horrid idea. He would never push Kaname’s boundaries in such a crude manner, not consciously at least.
Even so, everything felt much easier since the day things went wrong between him and Kaname. Perhaps it was God that had given him so many great and caring friends. He smiled to himself before shaking off the momentary distraction to his prayer. O my Jesus, forgive us ou— “Hngh…!?” Tatsumi’s eyes flew open at a sudden pressure at his neck pinning him to the wall.
“K-Kohaku-chan!? Don’t do that!” a frantic voice yelled.
“Why not? Ain’t he the reason that HiMERU-han is like this?” an indignant voice replied.
Someone stepped toward Tatsumi and his assailant. “Let go of ‘im, Kohaku-chan,” the person said, exasperated.
“B-But, Rinne-han…!” A few seconds passed before an resigned sigh was followed by the release of Tatsumi’s neck.
Tatsumi gasped for air and rubbed his sore neck before noticing that most of Crazy:B were looking down at him. “Are you here for HiMERU-san?” he asked breathily.
Niki nodded anxiously. “Yep. One of his roommates told us that something happened between the two of you, and now he’s in pretty bad shape. So… I thought I should cook him a good get-well-better lunch.” He smiled tentatively, lifting a bag that emitted a delicious aroma.
“That’s besides the point,” Kohaku harshly interjected. His eyes narrowed as he stared down Tatsumi. “What’d ya do t’ HiMERU-han!?”
“I… do not know… I thought things were fine between us, but suddenly, he said something confusing, and he left. Somehow, after that, he grew to be in a much more fragile state.” Tatsumi eyed Kohaku warily, worried that Kohaku would attempt to attack him again.
Unfortunately, Kohaku only seemed to get more irritated with Tatsumi’s answer. “What do ya mean by—”
“Kohaku-chan.” Rinne put a hand on Kohaku’s shoulder, wearing an unusually serious expression. “Leave ‘im alone.”
“B-But, after what he did t’ HiMERU-han… an’ now he’s acting like nothin’ ‘s wrong!”
Rinne shook his head. “You shoulda seen him those first few days. I thought t’ talk to ‘im after HiMERU-san got like that, but he didn’t answer his door for a couple days. And after he finally left his room, he looked like he got swept up in a tornado.” He chuckled humorlessly.
“Wait a minute… days!?” Niki shouted. “But you just told us about this yesterday!”
“Sorry, Niki~ Couldn’t let you guys get all fussed over Merumeru before he was ready to see anyone. Don’t worry though, I’m not keep anything else secret~ I’ve shown all parts of myself to you~♪”
“Believe me, I know,” Niki deadpanned.
Kohaku’s eyes darted between Rinne and Tatsumi before he sighed defeatedly. “I’m… gonna check on HiMERU-han.” He walked past them toward HiMERU’s dorm door, Niki following closely behind and striking up a conversation about food.
Rinne stayed behind with Tatsumi, watching the pair banter. “Sorry ‘bout Kohaku-chan. He’s still just a kid, y’know~? He sees one of his friends get hurt and he’ll lash out at the person before stoppin’ t’ think about it first.”
“Thank you, Rinne-san. Do not worry; I don’t blame Kohaku-san for his actions… And I’m sorry for what happened to HiMERU-san…”
Rinne’s face was unreadable as he turned to Tatsumi. “It’s easy to accidentally hurt someone you care about, and there are as many reasons for it as there are stars in the sky. I can tell Merumeru cares about you… in his weird way.” He grinned sharply. “Or maybe he just hates ya, who knows? Kyahahaha!” Before Tatsumi could respond, Rinne ran off to join his unit members.
Alone, Tatsumi closed his eyes again, Rinne’s finals words echoing in his head. What did he mean by that? Perhaps he would find out once he got to speak with Kaname. He only hoped God would allow him to see the answer.
Tatsumi smiled to himself as he sat down to complete his morning prayer. Distinctly, he heard the dorm door open, most likely Arashi or Tetora.
“Tatsumi?”
Tatsumi head jerked up to see Kaname looking down at him in confusion, the blue-haired idol sporting winter clothes and mild eyebags. Given the fact that Kaname didn’t scurry away like last time, he must have been feeling much better after the support his unit mates gave him yesterday. He mustered up his most inviting smile. “Hello, Kaname-san ♪”
Kaname stiffened a bit at the name. “HiMERU does not go by that name. Only refer to him as HiMERU,” he replied shortly.
“Are you sure~?” Tatsumi teased.
Kaname only stared back at him.
Breathing deeply, Tatsumi weakly asked, “You’re really not…?”
Kaname shook his head, and it almost seemed as though a bit of sadness momentarily flashed through his eyes. It disappeared as quickly as it came.
Tatsumi sighed. He had already accepted that might be the case. As much as he didn’t want to believe such a thing to be true, the truth was that reality didn’t bend to his wishes and whims. He still didn’t understand how such a thing couldn’t be true, but he wasn’t God, so he couldn’t expect himself to understand everything. “Of course… HiMERU-san.” Tatsumi could hear his own heartbrokenness in his tone.
Something shifted in HiMERU’s expression, and he opened his mouth a couple of times before hesitantly speaking. “B-But… if you are really so insistent… you may refer to HiMERU as ‘Tojo’… O-Only if we are alone!”
And like that, the pieces clicked in Tatsumi’s brain. I can’t be completely sure… but I think… then “HiMERU” must be…! He blinked up at Tojo in surprise, and seeing the anxiety on the secretive idol’s face, realized he must have been telling the truth. “Okay, Tojo-san.” Letting the name roll off his tongue sent butterflies through his stomach. “Would you like to go to Cinnamon Café with me? I know how you like your coffee.”
Tojo’s eyes widened slightly at how easily Tatsumi adjusted to the situation, scrutinizing Tatsumi as if he was unsure if there was more he was going to say. After a long five seconds, Tojo’s posture relaxed slightly, and the corner of his mouth turned upward by a mere fraction of a centimeter. “That… would be nice.”
Tatsumi stood up from his mat and gestured Tojo to follow him. As they made their way down the hall, Tatsumi wondered what happened to the Kaname he loved. Was he still in the hospital? Most likely. But if Tojo is here as HiMERU, that could also mean… Still, the person before him was also HiMERU. He was also “Tojo.” Would it be betrayal to fall for HiMERU again? Because with Tojo’s beautiful face so close to him, there was no doubt… he would be able to love him too.