Work Text:
How did things become like this? When did it begin? How far did his family fall? And how did their lives fall apart so quickly? Chan had so many questions swirling through his head all at once, it became so overwhelming so easily.
He supposed it all started three days ago. Their group was at the peak of their comeback promotions, everyone was extremely exhausted from the nonstop interviews and videos, Tiktoks and lives, performances, and appearances with other groups. Maybe it was because of the constant exhaustiveness everyone was more sensitive and apathetic towards everyone around them.
I.N didn’t fail to notice how exhausted his members were. He was just as exhausted as them, maybe even more. He wanted to ease his hyung’s stress, even if it was just a little bit. How would he do that though, without being too obvious of his intentions? I.N really couldn’t think of anything. He knew how the members liked to relieve their stress with other people, but he didn’t know how he liked to unwind his stress with other people around. Curse his introverted nature. He didn’t like to cuddle with his hyungs as Felix did; he didn’t like going shopping with the others like Hyunjin; he didn’t play games or watch movies like Seungmin and Chan. I.N realized he didn’t have many hobbies like the others, and he couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He usually just went through the motions of his idol life nowadays with a nonchalant attitude. Work, work, work, sleep. Work, work, work, sleep. Over and over again. The things he does just to survive in this crazy world made him laugh.
Instead of catering to how he liked to show affection for his members, he decided to appeal to how they liked to destress. So right after their music bank performance, he cuddled with his Felix-hyung. The older was tired, and sweaty, and just wanted to go home now. So when I.N linked his arm to Felix’s with the tiniest smile on his face, Felix furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the younger boy. He moved his arm away from I.N’s and went to catch up with the others. That was unusual. Felix seldom refused cuddles, especially if it was from I.N since the younger rarely partook in it.
I.N easily deduced that Felix’s stress was something bigger than a couple of minutes of cuddling could solve. So he decided not to bother the older any more than that. After filming ended, they all packed into their van silently with a new trophy to display in their dorm. I.N looked at the trophy with a smile on his face, he was so proud to debut in this group. He loved them all so much, genuinely from the bottom of his heart.
“Jeongin-ah, give it to me. We don’t wanna damage it before it gets home.” Chan said from the seat in front of him.
“Aww, you don’t trust me, hyung? I’m hurt…” I.N said playfully, he knew the older didn’t have any ill intention behind the words.
“Don’t play around and just give it to me I.N,” Chan looked at the younger seriously. Jeongin slightly flinched before handing it to the older silently. Chan probably didn’t mean anything behind it, but Jeongin still couldn’t help but feel hurt.
Jeongin fell silent and looked out of the window for the rest of their drive home, trying not to let his sensitiveness show to his group.
🔷
That day didn’t get much better for I.N after that morning. The others mostly just ignored him and declined his offers to shop, play video games, or watch a movie. I.N was just trying to help, but the others were tired, stubborn, and apathetic. I.N recognized those feelings easily, he felt them too many times over the past six years to not be familiar with them. But that still didn’t stop him from being hurt about it. I.N felt like he was regressing to his high-school mindset. He was a highly sensitive person before he debuted– he would cry about the littlest things sometimes; like when his favorite cup at home broke; or when his brother took his nintendo ds and broke it; he always hated how people would call him a crybaby. So he toughened up. He started putting walls between himself and the people who hurt him by masking his true sensitivity behind a sarcastic attitude and an innocent smile. It served well when he became a trainee and then eventually an idol. This mask protected him from the dangers of sinking into depression as an idol.
But that mask started to crack when he debuted. He finally had seven brothers he could trust wouldn’t hurt him. Sure, there would be moments where they would disagree with each other, but they still loved him for him, which was something I.N would never take for granted.
When they got home, I.N silently retreated to his room and cried himself to sleep. When he awoke, the others were mostly in their solo rooms; they shared two dorms between the group, each with four rooms as they achieved quite a lot of fame over the past few years and accumulated quite a lot of wealth for the company, so they were one of the only groups in their company to have two dorms. I.N was grateful to have a solo room in their new dorm; there was nothing wrong with having Seungmin as a roommate, but it was pretty hard to have a mental breakdown in front of someone else.
For the rest of the day, he just stayed silent when they were together and didn’t bother to speak up for fear of bothering the others. He just ate ramyeon at their dining table silently and went back to his room afterward, only leaving when he needed to go to the bathroom. I.N didn’t sleep much that night either, the only sleep he had gotten was after they got back home from music bank and he took a 30-minute nap to replenish himself before heading out for some solo schedules. His mind wouldn’t stop thinking; he wished there was a way to filter out his bad thoughts from his good thoughts. That damn voice inside of his head would never stop talking. Or, better yet, an on/off switch so he could shut it off at will. The voice had always been a part of I.N’s mind, ever since he entered junior high school. He had a love-hate relationship with it; it always made him overthink, which was actually helpful in some situations but not in most. The voice would also be the source of his insecurities controlling his mind; he hated ruining stuff for everyone so he would decline exciting opportunities with the group too many times to count.
The next day was a lot worse for I.N than he had hoped. Their promotion schedules had ended the day before, so I.N hoped his hyungs would be less sensitive since their schedule was dying down. Sadly, he couldn’t be more mistaken. They all woke up in a sour mood since they had to film a SKZ Code in the early hours of the morning. They were shooting in Yangyang for the whole day so they were going to spend at least two hours huddled into a van with at least ten other people, all eight of them including their staff.
Unsurprisingly, they all had no problem putting a smile on and acting like they loved each other for the episode. Actually, it was more like they still loved each other greatly except for I.N. They masked their disdain behind a smile, but I.N could feel it. Pure apathy oozed from their annoyed faces and whispered under their breaths about their youngest. It made I.N incredibly nervous, so much so that he didn’t properly hear the instructions the staff gave them.
“I’m sorry, can you repeat it one more time, please?” I.N said shyly, hand scratching the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his.
He didn’t fail to notice the other boys’ grumbles under their breaths as the staff re-explained the instructions.
Before they knew it, the shooting was done for the day and they were packing into their vans as the sun was setting, making their two-hour trek up to Seoul once again. I.N could cut the tension between him and the others with a knife. As so, he didn’t want to go home with the others at all.
“Manager-hyung, I’m sorry to ask, but can you drop me off at the company first?” He spoke up from the back seat, but still carefully so the others wouldn’t get too upset at him. He immediately heard the others grumble from their seats.
“Um, sorry, Jeongin-ah. Tonight’s not a good night, I need to take care of something after this. Plus, you should get as much rest as you need to. Tomorrow will be really busy for you with your individual schedules.”
“I understand, hyung. Thank you.” I.N slightly smiled before facing out the window seriously.
Well, that plan backfired. I guess I’ll just stay out of everyone’s way when we get back home.
When they got home, the others decided to order delivery for dinner so they wouldn’t have to go out. They all decided to eat in the same dorm, feeling a little more tolerable than yesterday. I.N immediately went to his room upon entering their dorm, so he didn’t bother joining their conversation. And apparently, they didn’t value his opinion enough to ask him what he wanted for dinner either. Jeongin’s heart was breaking.
Jeongin stayed in his room most of the night, not sleeping though, just scrolling through his phone numbly. He didn’t set it down even when it was at 10% battery, if he did he wouldn’t pick it up again and his thoughts would only terrorize him.
Suddenly, he heard a knock on his door.
“Come in,” he said lightly, voice tired from the disuse.
Chan entered with a slight smile on his face, “Here, Jeongin-ah, I brought you dinner.” He handed Jeongin a bowl of memil guksu, a dish he was known to have a definite distaste for. He laughed lightly, thinking it was a joke. He looked up at his Chan-hyung who had a confused expression on his face.
“What? Is there something wrong with it? Why are you laughing?” Chan said, starting to look pissed off. Jeongin immediately recognized his expression and realized Chan forgot he didn’t like it.
“Oh…it’s nothing, hyung…I’m just not hungry.” Jeongin looked up nervously at his hyung from his bed.
“Why were you laughing though?” Chan said seriously, face becoming contorted madly.
“No reason, hyung,” Jeongin nervously said, shit did he mess up.
“That doesn’t answer my question. Why are you avoiding it? Do you have something to hide, Jeongin-ah?”
“What? Hyung, that doesn’t even make sense. Why would I hide something from you guys?”
“Because you don’t care about anything anymore? When’s the last time you held a full conversation with any of us?”
Jeongin’s eyebrows furrowed up in worry. Was this really happening right now?
“You know something, Jeongin-ah? You’re acting like a spoiled brat and frankly, I’m sick of it. It’s like you’re not even grateful to be in this group in the first place. You never would have been able to live as great a life as you have if I didn’t choose you during the survival program. You are so incredibly lucky to have a place in this team do you know that? Because it looks like you don’t.”
Tears welled up in Jeongin’s eyes as his hyung went on. Jeongin wanted to deny it but Chan’s words stung and he was too sensitive for his own good. Jeongin felt bitter and upset. What does he know? How hard he works so the others don’t have too much stress on their shoulders? The things he sacrificed so everyone would be happy? Unless he was mistaken. No one was happy with him around, He was expendable, a presence they could do without.
“The fact that you even debuted is something you should be incredibly grateful for. You were too young to know, but everything we sacrificed was so you could be happy. But you took that for granted. You’re taking it for granted. Why even debut if you’re not grateful for this opportunity? You know, I wish you never debuted in the first place. I hate you, Jeongin-ah.”
Tears steadily flew out of Jeongin’s eyes as the words spewed from his hyungs mouth. Chan immediately left after his outburst, not bothering to look at his maknae’s overwhelmed expression. I.N covered his whole face with his hand as sobs wracked through his body. He turned on his bed to face the wall as he muffled his sobs within his pillow. He continued to cry heavily before eventually falling asleep.
🔷
Chan walked out of Jeongin’s solo room to see the others around the kitchen table looking at him with unreadable expressions. He slightly flinched before walking back to the table and picking up his half-drunken can of beer.
“We heard you yelling at Jeongin-ah, is everything okay?” Lee Know broke the silence, sitting next to the leader.
“Ah? Yeah, it’s fine, I was just telling him off for being rude today.” He said before taking another sip of his beer can.
“It sounded like a little more than that to me…” Hyunjin muttered under his breath.
“What are you trying to say, Hyunjin-ah?” Chan snapped at him, it was obvious he was starting to get drunk now.
“Well, I just think he’s been under a lot of stress because of his solo promotions lately and that you should cut him some slack!” Hyunjin started to get just as angry as Chan.
“Oh cut the crap! He’s been acting like a spoiled brat lately! He’s been ignoring us, he doesn’t listen to instructions, and he’s been slacking off lately! It pisses me off! I just told him what we’re all thinking.”
“Speak for yourself, Chan-hyung. So he’s been a little ‘off’ lately, he’s probably stressed like Hyunjin said. And I doubt that ‘conversation’ with him earlier helped.” Changbin looked at Chan with a slight glare.
Chan glared right back at him before turning away from the table. Everyone looked at each other silently with worried expressions on their faces.
“I’m gonna go back to my dorm. I’m tired from today. See you all later.” Hyunjin commented awkwardly, not knowing how to break the tension in the room.
“Yeah, I’ll come with you, Hyunjin-ah. See you all tomorrow. Good night.” Changbin commented after, hopping on the express train out of this situation.
“Wait for me, I’ll come too.” Lee Know commented before placing his hand on Chan’s shoulder.
“I really think you went too far with Jeongin-ah. He’s still young, don’t forget that. Why don’t you apologize to him before it’s too late tomorrow?”
Chan’s mouth tightened silently as he looked down at his lap. He nodded silently as he shut his eyes.
Lee Know smiled silently before saying, “Good boy,” in English. Chan laughed slightly before turning around to Lee Know with a smirk.
🔷
Chan ended up falling asleep in the maknae line’s dorm that night, after his tenth beer of the night.
He had the most pain-staking headache he had ever experienced when he woke up. He groaned loudly as he brought his hand over his forehead. He turned his face before opening his eyes to see a hangover remedy bottle on their coffee table. He sighed in relief before taking it and drinking it quickly. He sunk further into their couch upon fully swallowing it before looking at his phone.
It read 7:06 am. Meaning they had a group schedule in under an hour. He slowly stood up on their couch before looking at Jeongin’s door silently.
He sighed heavily before walking up to their youngest members’ door and knocking lightly.
“Jeongin-ah? It’s Chan, can I talk to you? I want to apologize–” He opened the door to see Jeongin’s dark room. Oh. He must’ve had an early solo schedule, Chan concluded. He silently shut the door and walked away nonchalantly. He silently went back to his own dorm to wake the others up and get ready for the day.
An hour later, seven members were packing into their manager’s van silently. Huddled in sleep, they barely spoke, all simply too exhausted to notice their missing maknae. It went like this for most of the era anyway, Jeongin was starting to have a lot more solo schedules without them, so most mornings were like this.
When they arrived at their destination, a shooting location for a group interview, that’s when Chan became confused.
“Are we meeting Jeongin-ah up there, manager-hyung? Or is he coming from his solo schedule soon?”
Their manager looked at Chan, who was in the very back seat, confusedly. “Jeongin-ah? Who is that?”
Chan immediately perked up at that. He looked at his members with furrowed eyebrows before turning back to their manager.
“Jeongin-ah. I.N, our maknae? Hyung, are you joking?” Hyunjin said nervously with a small smile, confusion clouding his mind.
Their manager just looked at them more confusedly. “You mean Seungmin-ah, your maknae?”
“No, hyung. I’m not maknae, Jeongin-ah is!” Seungmin exclaimed, starting to get upset.
Their manager slightly laughed before saying, “Nice joke guys. Now, get in there for your interview while I park the car.”
They all looked at each other silently before exiting the car hesitatingly. What was that about? Why didn’t he recognize Jeongin’s name? It’s been six years since he met the boy, this didn’t make any sense. Chan had a bad feeling in his chest. He hoped he would get up to the stylist’s room and see the younger boy getting his makeup done so that the bad feeling in his chest would immediately disappear.
Of course, Chan wasn’t that lucky. When they got up to the stylist’s room, no one was in the stylist’s chair, instead a couple of stylists were just patiently waiting for the boys around the room. Chan’s bad feelings settled in his chest.
You ungrateful brat!
You don’t care about anything anymore!
I hate you, Jeongin-ah!
Chan couldn’t believe he said those things to their maknae last night. He was known to release his pent-up anger when he was drunk, but the fact he released it all towards his younger brother? That was unacceptable. That situation never should have happened in the first place. If only Chan didn’t get drunk. If only he tried to be more understanding of Jeongin’s struggles. If only he talked to the younger boy calmly instead of letting his emotions take over. And now the younger was who knows where. Doing who knows what. Not with his seven beloved hyungs. Chan felt so incredibly shitty. But, he had no time to mope about, he had to find his maknae, no matter what.
Their whole group interview didn’t feel right without I.N there. No one to make witty remarks at their comments, or simply to smile and sing along with them happily. The others immediately recognized it and knew they had to do something about it as soon as possible. Luckily, after their interview they didn’t have any schedules left for the day, it was one of their few free days in the past couple of months. That meant they could do a little digging. But where would they start? It’s not like they’ve ever searched for an entire person before. Seungmin had an idea. Maybe they could start with Jeongin’s best friends in the industry. Luckily he had most of their numbers on hand already, so he texted them hoping they would reply quickly.
Seung-pup hyung 😀 [9:48 am]
Hey, have you heard from Jeongin-ah at all Beomgyu-ah?
Beom-bear dongsaeng 😄 [9:50 am]
Hm? Who’s that Seungmin-hyung? Is this a prank 😂
Seung-pup hyung 😀 [9:51 am]
NO! Jeongin-ah! Your best friend who’s the same age as you? You guys know everything about each other?
Beom-bear dongsaeng 😄 [9:53 am]
Ok, you must be pranking me hyung. You’re my best friend hyung 😂 this is a silly prank haha 😂 😂
Seung-pup hyung 😀 [9:55 am]
It’s not a prank Beomgyu-ah! I am not your best friend, Yang Jeongin is! Yang Jeongin with fox-shaped eyes and a sarcastic disposition! Yang Jeongin who loves talking about older Korean artists with you! Yang Jeongin!
Beom-bear dongsaeng 😄 [10:03 am]
Sorry hyung, he really doesn’t ring any bells. But, that reminds me! I saw this boy on Instagram yesterday with fox-shaped eyes! I thought he would fit as an idol so I decided to follow him to see if anything happens to him!
Seung-pup hyung 😀 [10:05 am]
Oh, can you give me his username? I think I’ll follow him too.
Beom-bear dongsaeng 😄 [10:06 am]
Here you go hyung! @yang_i.n0802
Seungmin hoped his hunch was right and that the account Beomgyu found was I.N’s. He inputted the username hopefully into Instagram’s search bar as he bit his lip. His eyes lit up as multiple accounts came up but one specifically caught his attention. He clicked on the profile before multiple posts came up on the page. His eyes widened as relief and sadness washed through his senses. He clicked on the younger’s most recent post silently. It showed a picture of him cooking barbecued meat, a natural boyfriend-material picture Seungmin immediately recognized. He swiped to the right to see more pictures of him still cooking the meat but smiling, looking like he was enjoying himself. With people other than them. Seungmin felt like crying. He scrolled down to another post of Jeongin smiling widely while holding two bouquets and a designer bag. He looked down at the caption in English.
Thank you so much @Cartier and @Esquire for the beautiful gifts! I’ll cherish them forever!
The post had over 1 million likes. I.N must’ve made quite a life for himself in this strange, unfamiliar universe Stray Kids now found themselves in. A universe where I.N wasn’t by their side and was wiped from the k-pop world.
“Maybe if we visit a fortune teller they can tell what’s going on?” Hyunjin questioned cutely, running out of options that made sense of what could possibly explain this situation.
Seungmin was jolted out of his thoughts as he turned to his group in the car. He looked down at the post silently before showing the profile to his Chan-hyung.
“Hyung, I think you’re gonna want to see this. I think I found something.” He handed his phone to Chan as the other reached back and grabbed it. The oldest of the group gazed at the profile for a minute before clicking on one of his posts. I.N was smiling with his head tilted in an obviously branded college sweatshirt.
Last year at Seoul National University 🥹 gonna miss this place and the people a lot 🙁💙
What? You’re telling Chan I.N was not only a college student but was graduated and working as a regular person now? Not as a kpop idol? The post was published last month. Chan was so confused. He’d been working as a non-kpop idol for a whole month now? (According to this post apparently, yes.) And why was the caption in English anyway? I.N was born in Busan, and he was definitely not fluent in English.
“What does this mean? Is…I.N a regular person? Not a kpop idol? It says he graduated from Seoul National University last month. Is I.N…not an idol?” Chan thought to himself but spoke loud enough so everyone else could hear.
Everyone sat in tense silence as the car drove on through traffic. They all thought about their actions towards the younger these past couple of days. Even if they didn’t directly say something to him or about him, they didn’t exactly help him relieve his stress. Everyone felt so bad. What could they do now? It looked like I.N lived a regular life and was greatly enjoying it. They didn’t want to take that away from him. But they needed to see him again. To what? Explain themselves. Apologize for how they treated him. Beg him to come back to the group. Maybe say goodbye forever? They couldn’t decide on one answer.
🔷
When they got home, they all exited the car silently and went up to one of their dorms to think of their next actions very carefully. Chan thought about calling a team meeting, but he didn’t need to as everyone was thinking exactly what he was. They all sat in a semi-circle; some on the floor of the youngest members’ dorm and some on the couch. Chan stood in front of all of them seriously, not knowing how to start this conversation.
“To begin with, I’m pretty sure everyone’s as confused as I am about this situation so I’ll just go out and say it. We all need to find out what the hell is going on. First I suggest we all find Jeongin-ah. Then we can all apologize to him and settle this.”
“We? I don’t remember doing something bad to Jeongin though…unlike a certain someone.” Hyunjin said sassily, speaking the last few words under his breath.
Chan looked at Hyunjin with a serious expression on his face.
“What did you say?”
“You said we can apologize to him, but I haven’t done anything wrong to him to apologize for. In fact…I’m pretty sure you’re the only one who needs to apologize to him. None of us yelled at him like you did.”
Hyunjin was feeling mad and bitter at the situation they were in. He didn’t mean to direct his anger towards his Chan-hyung, but he was sad and it was a lot easier to pin the blame on one person for this whole ‘their maknae is now erased from their whole presence’ situation.
Chan knew all too well the responsibility in this situation laid on his shoulders. He knew he fucked up and the others didn’t. That didn’t mean Hyunjin’s remarks didn’t hurt, and it didn’t stop Chan from getting defensive.
“Well, it’s not like you guys have been any better. Did you go to comfort him after my outburst? No, you just confronted me about it instead.”
“You shouldn’t have had an outburst in the first place! Jeongin was stressed and he was still trying to make us smile! He was…trying to cheer us up.” Hyunjin mumbled the last part, tears welling up in his eyes.
They all hung their heads in silence before it was broken by Felix.
“He’s too good for all of us. We didn’t deserve him in the first place. Maybe this is the universe’s way of telling us that.” Felix looked at his hyungs with sadness in his eyes.
Hyunjin looked at Chan as a tear slipped out of the older’s eye. He bit his lip silently.
“I’m sorry Chan-hyung, I didn’t mean that. I just…I feel upset because I miss him. It hasn’t even been that long but I miss him so much.” Hyunjin slightly laughed, trying to make light of the situation.
Chan looked at him sadly before nodding silently. He didn’t need to apologize back, he knew the younger understood his sentiments.
“Okay, back to the matter at hand. Seungmin found his personal Instagram earlier in the car. Let’s look at it again to see if we can find any clues about his current location.”
They all nodded as Chan pulled his phone out and opened Instagram. The login page opened and Chan silently flinched.
“Um…I actually don’t remember the password. Can one of you log in instead?”
They all laughed lightly before Seungmin pulled his phone out and pulled up the profile. He noticed a new story, indicated by the multicolored circle around I.N’s profile picture. He clicked it silently and became visibly surprised. It was a selfie of I.N by the sea holding up a peace sign. The location sticker read in big black letters ‘Yangyang,’ of course, he would be there, where that whole cursed day started.
“He’s in Yangyang?” Lee Know questioned, trying to see past everyone else crowding Seungmin.
“Yeah. That was surprisingly easy. Come on! I’ll call manager-hyung so he can drive us there. Let’s pack quickly!” Chan said, excitement overflowing upon the realization he’ll get to see the younger again.
🔷
When they reached the seaside city of Yangyang, they decided to get their lunch first since they were famished. They went to a local jjajangmyeon place, and Chan remembered how jjajangmyeon was one of Jeongin’s favorite foods. They stepped into the restaurant with a silent reverence, but still tired from the 2-hour drive.
“For seven? There’s a large table in the back, go use that boys.” The owner smiled warmly. They all nodded and made their way back to the large table. They all ordered a mix of appetizers and dishes before handing their menus to the owner and waiting patiently for their food. Chan scrolled mindlessly through his phone before setting it down with a sigh. This didn’t feel right. The seven of them sat around a table silently. This was wrong. It should be eight. Chan knew that fact too well. He looked around the restaurant at the other patrons. Then, he flinched upon seeing a familiar back. His eyes widened as they lit up in amazement.
“Jeongin?” He said unbelievingly, mouth falling ajar.
Familiar fox-shaped eyes turned around to face Chan. A friendly smile graced his lips as he bowed his head.
“Hello, sorry, do I know you?”
Chan looked at the younger silently before looking at the rest of his members. He then looked back at Jeongin, words stuck in his throat.
“Oh, no, we all follow you on Instagram! We’re big fans of you haha!” Seungmin chimed in, taking control of the situation.
Jeongin smiled widely. “Oh, it’s always nice to meet a fan! Do you want a picture together?”
They all looked at each awkwardly. Why would they want a selfie with their maknae?
“Sure, that’d be…awesome…” Hyunjin smiled awkwardly before looking at his group and nodding at them with a suggestive face, indicating they should agree with him.
They all muttered various noises of agreement. They all took their time taking photos with the younger boy. Then their food arrived.
“Um, do you want to eat lunch with us? We’d love to talk to you more.” Seungmin commented, desperate to get the younger to have a conversation with them.
“Sure! You don’t mind if I take some of those appetizers though, right?” I.N laughed teasingly, to which his seven hyungs laughed lightly as well. They didn’t exchange any words, but of course, they all agreed to share food.
They all smiled and exchanged conversations easily that afternoon. Everything felt perfect to all of them. But all good things never last too long. It’s like the universe cursed them. When it came time for I.N and his friend to depart, the group felt incredibly bittersweet.
They each said their goodbyes to each other longingly, hoping they could stay together just a little more.
“Uh…hey do you think you could recommend a place for us to stay at, Jeongin-ah? The place we were thinking of fell through, so we’re kind of in a pickle.” Seungmin slightly smiled. It was true, they didn’t have a place to stay, but that was because this trip was unexpected and Seungmin (who usually took care of their preparations for their trips) didn’t have time to book a reservation anywhere.
“Umm…actually, I think I have an idea. Me and my friend are staying at this guest house that houses ten people altogether I think. If you guys don’t mind, you can stay at our guesthouse! No charge!”
“Oh, no, we couldn’t do that! Please let us pay you for our time here at least!”
“Don’t worry about it. I feel like I can really trust you guys in my gut, so don’t worry and just accept the offer!”
The group looked at each other before smiling at I.N and his friend and nodding.
“That’s really helpful, thanks Jeongin-ah. Shall we go then?” Seungmin smiled at his group as they all nodded and grabbed their luggage.
🔷
When they arrived at the guesthouse I.N and his friend was staying at, they reveled at the large size of the house. Since they were a big group, they usually stayed in larger houses on their vacation days, but the size of this house was nothing to laugh at. It was probably one of the biggest houses they had ever stayed in. They all went to their solo rooms and unpacked their overnight bags.
Chan thought about Jeongin the whole time. He looked so incredibly happy like this, what reason could he have to take Jeongin away from all of that? He called I.N a spoiled brat, and that was unforgivable. But this I.N didn’t seem to be aware of that fact. It was like a chance for Chan to start over again. But who’s to say he won’t mess it up again? He never wants to hurt any of his younger brothers. He just has a hard time regulating his emotions and drinks them away, which leads to at least one person getting hurt by his words. Chan spent most of his adult life running from his emotions instead of trying to face them. And sure, the others were happy, as idols, as friends, as family. But that didn’t mean they wouldn’t hurt each other. They’re human, it’s what they do. They get defensive, sad, angry, confused, and frustrated. They scream at each other drunkenly, kiss each other lovingly, and resolve their differences.
But Chan never wanted to hurt I.N like he did that day ever again. He thought maybe it’d be better if I.N just stayed a normal person. Sure, they’d miss him, they’d miss him so much they’d probably bitch and moan about it for the rest of their lives. They’ll miss the extra weight in their large cuddle piles after a big group fight. They’ll miss the angelic laugh of the youngest boy when one of them told him a joke. But this I.N didn’t have any of that with them. He didn’t have a semblance of their deep bond forged in the stars. The way Chan felt truly connected to all of them; he didn’t have that with I.N anymore. So he cried. He wept and cried silently into his bed that night, wanting to hold onto the younger more than anything.
🔷
When Chan woke up the next morning, he called a team meeting with the others. He needed to tell them. They needed to let him go; even though it hurt too much and they would probably never fully recover from it. Jeongin was happy like this, and they could never take that away from him. Even if they would be happier with him by their side, they’d rather sacrifice their happiness for his happiness any day.
When Chan relayed his thoughts to all of them, they all looked at their members sadly. Chan stared at the floor with downcast eyes. He looked at his group with just as sad eyes before rubbing his elbows with his hands. They all stood in silence for a little while before Seungmin spoke up.
“Manager-hyung is on his way. We should go pack our things.”
They all went to go back to their individual rooms as feet pressed down the stairs. They all turned to the staircase before immediately recognizing the boy pressing his feet against the hardwood floor. He locked eyes with the others once he made it down to the living room where they all resided.
“Oh, sorry, am I interrupting a group meeting?”
“No, we were just wrapping up. Um…listen, we actually have to get going soon. Something came up. Thanks for letting us stay with you, we really appreciate it.”
“Oh…of course.” Jeongin’s smile slightly faltered. “I’m glad you enjoyed staying here. It was really nice having you guys around. Um, if you don’t mind, maybe we can keep in touch?” I.N smiled innocently at all of them.
They all looked at each other before smiling widely and nodding at the younger. He instantly beamed and pulled his phone out so they could exchange numbers.
Then, their manager arrived and Stray Kids packed all of their belongings before leaving the guesthouse. I.N and his friend saw them out, fully ready to talk with his “newfound” friends.
Stray Kids turned around one last time to face I.N, Chan lingering behind the group to make sure all seven of them were packed into the van. No one but Chan would know if his heart twinged in sadness at the new number of his group. He turned around to I.N in the doorframe of the house once more before running up to the boy and hugging him suddenly. The younger was greatly surprised but slightly melted into Chan’s arms as he hugged him back.
It would be hard, but they’d learn to live without the younger by their side. And maybe that was all Chan needed to know to press forward.
Fin