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It had started innocently enough.
Eddie and Buck were helping Chris with his homework, spending their nights as a family, like they usually did. Eddie often found himself thinking about how happy they all were that Buck didn’t need to leave now. He could stay the night in Eddie’s bed (hopefully their bed soon) instead of the lumpy couch. And in the morning, Eddie could roll over and kiss him senseless until they absolutely had to get up. And as Eddie watched Buck guide Chris through one of his biology worksheets, he had all those thoughts again. Buck checked it over and then congratulated Chris on a job well done, placing a star on his folder. That’s something they started doing a few years ago. It was a great motivator for Chris to do well on his homework, and he hadn’t seemed to grow out of it yet. So, he had at least a few folders for every year since they started that were covered in stars, front and back. Chris returned the favor by sticking a star that said “You’re the best!” on the back of Buck’s hand. They both laughed but Eddie caught the slightest change in Buck’s posture.
Buck sat up straighter the rest of the night, seemed more sure of himself even. He wore the star on his hand until it was time to shower before bed, gently removing it and putting it on the inside of his wallet instead. Eddie didn’t say anything about it, just smiled as Buck leaned in to kiss him goodnight. He’d have to test his theory another time.
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The next few days pass in a blur, Eddie barely having time to think about the usual things, much less Buck and the stickers. Until now. They had the day off and Buck had gotten up early to make everyone breakfast. He hands Eddie a cup of coffee, made just the way he likes. Before Eddie can talk himself out of it, he retrieves the stickers and peels one off. He walks back over to Buck, who’s giving him a confused but curious look as he pats the sticker onto his shirt just below his collarbone. Buck chuckles as he looks down to see “Fantastic” written inside the star. But Eddie watches as there’s that slight change in demeanor again.
And look, Eddie knows Buck enjoys praise. He’s found that out in great detail over the course of their relationship. So, he figures, what’s the harm in indulging Buck outside of the bedroom too? And that is where Eddie should have known better.
“Aren’t we supposed to be saving these for Chris?” Buck’s question is all tease, no real concern that they’ll run through the pack of stickers anytime soon. Still, Eddie can’t help but respond.
“I just wanted to remind you that you’re fantastic.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal, and soon they’re both laughing and stealing kisses as they finish plating the food. Christopher walks in just in time to groan out a mumbled “gross” towards them before plopping into his seat at the table. They all eat and talk about the day ahead of them. Chris and Buck are excitedly chatting about the new exhibit at the zoo they’ll get to see today. And Eddie is trying to be as inconspicuous as possible as he looks through sticker packs available for pickup today. He finally finds one that has a wider variety of sayings than the ones they got for Chris and places the order. Hopefully, Buck won’t ask what’s in it when they swing by to pick it up later.
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It’s another few days later when Eddie gets the chance to start using the stickers. Buck has just finished fixing the pipes under the bathroom sink when Eddie approaches him and places a sticker on the strap of his tank top. This one has the word “Amazing” across it.
Buck looks a little dumbfounded and a little more confused. His eyebrows are scrunched together, and he’s got his head tilted in that way that tells Eddie he’s trying to work something out.
“These aren’t Chris’ stickers,” Buck finally says as he looks up at Eddie again.
“Uh, no. I got some new ones for you.”
“For me? What for?”
Eddie shrugs as he says, “Ya know, just for laughs.”
“Mmhmm. And where did you hide them?”
“Well, that,” Eddie wraps his arms around Buck’s waist and pulls him in close, “is for me to know and you to never find out.” Buck laughs, but Eddie stops it with a slow, soft kiss. That doesn’t last very long with Chris being at school and them having an empty house. But Eddie thinks about it later, after they wake up from an impromptu nap. He likes seeing Buck happy and confident. And Buck performs better at work when he feels confident too. So, really he’s doing everyone a favor with what he has planned for those stickers.
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Eddie makes sure that he has stickers stashed everywhere. At the house, in his locker at the station, even in the engine. That was a slightly awkward conversation with Bobby, but definitely worth it the first time Eddie had given Buck one of the stickers after a successful rope rescue, and his entire face had lit up. It’s been a couple months of the whole sticker routine, and Buck’s performance in the field has improved a lot. He’s also more careful now and seems to take time to think things through rather than jumping in headfirst. Eddie knows that’s not all to do with his sticker system, but he likes to think he’s played a pretty decent part in that change.
They’ve just gotten back from a four-alarm fire, and everyone is exhausted. They’ve still got around 12 hours left on their shift, but Bobby has taken them offline so everyone can get a few hours of rest. Eddie heads for the locker room and Buck is close on his heels. He knows why. Everyone does at this point. And ok, Eddie can admit that this might have gotten a little out of hand by now. He just can’t stand the thought of Buck being upset because he didn’t get a sticker after he knows he did something good. A part of Eddie thinks it might undo all the work they’ve accomplished with Buck feeling and doing better about himself.
After the lightning strike, Buck was so lost. He was his old self, and that was fine. What wasn’t fine was the fact that Buck walked around for months trying his best to hide what he really felt. Everything came to a head a few days after Natalia broke up with him. Buck had come over to hang out like he and Eddie used to do all the time. It had quickly turned from beers and pizza to hard liquor and pondering life.
“I just don’t get it. Why am I so hard to love, man? Am I so fucked up that nobody can deal with me? I guess I’m just destined to be alone.” Buck had brokenly said those words, head tilted towards the ceiling. That meant he couldn’t see Eddie’s hurt and horrified expression. He knows now isn’t the best time to tell Buck how he felt, it isn’t what he had planned at all. But he’ll be damned if he’s gonna let the best friend he’s ever had think that about himself. So, Eddie shifts up and leans in closer to Buck before taking his head in his hands and saying the words that could change everything.
“Buck, you are not hard to love.” Buck scoffs like he doesn’t believe Eddie, but Eddie presses on. “You are not fucked up or hard to deal with or too much. And you are not destined to be alone. Will you please look at me?” Eddie waits until Buck’s eyes meet his own. “I love you. And not just as a friend or as family. You are both of those things to me, but you are so much more. I love you. I don’t need you or expect you to say it back. I just need you to know how much you’re loved. How much I love you. And nothing about me loving you has ever been difficult for me.”
Buck’s hands are covering Eddie’s wrists now, crystal blues searching honey brown. After what feels like forever, Buck makes a noise that’s half sob, half relief and falls into Eddie. And Eddie holds Buck while he cries it all out. Eventually, Buck stops shaking in Eddie’s arms and brings his face close to Eddie’s.
“I love you too. I love you so much. You and Chris are everything to me. I just never thought I could have you like that. But if you’re telling me that I can have it, everything I’ve wanted for who even knows how long, then my answer is yes. I love you. And I really, really wanna kiss you right now.”
Eddie has never been good at denying Buck anything, so he meets him in the middle to share their first of many kisses to come. Later, when they’ve sobered up, they’ll talk more about everything. But for now, this moment is enough.
Eddie is pulled from the memory by the sound of a locker slamming shut somewhere to his right. And he realizes Buck is on his left, sitting on the bench, staring at him. He’s waiting for a sticker. Eddie can’t help but smile and indulge him. He gives Buck a sticker that says “Great Work” and watches as he goes to retrieve his helmet with a wide grin on his face. That’s something else that Buck had decided to do. Any time he gets a sticker at work, it goes on his helmet. Bobby had cleared it early on, but now Buck’s helmet is nearing capacity.
“He’s gonna run out of room on that helmet soon.” Hen is looking at Buck with her big sister gaze. The one that’s all fondness and exasperation.
“Yeah, wonder where he’s gonna put ‘em after that.” Chim smiles at Eddie like the cat that got the cream.
Thankfully, they’ve never teased Buck about it. Eddie had begged them not to say anything when he first started it, but that was when they all assumed it would be a couple of weeks. Now that months have passed, Eddie is grateful he had that conversation and made them swear to never tease Buck directly.
“I don’t know. That smile is worth having stickers everywhere though, honestly. You remember what he was like not even six months ago, right? He’s doing better now, feeling better. And I’m not gonna take that away from him just yet.” Eddie will probably be stuck giving Buck stickers for the rest of their lives, but it will absolutely be worth it for him.
Hen fixes him with a smirk before saying, “I think that has less to do with the stickers and more to do with the one handing them out.”
Eddie just rolls his eyes and leaves the locker room to join Buck and make their journey to the bunks calling their names.
“You thought about what you’re gonna do when you run out of room on that helmet?” Eddie has to ask because it would probably be good to know what to expect to see covered in stars next.
“I was thinking I’d just get a new helmet.” Buck is wearing one of his shit-eating grins as he walks beside Eddie, bumping their shoulders together. God, he is so in love with this man.
“Sounds like a plan.”
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Eddie is so screwed.
Maybe he should have seen this coming with how busy everything has been lately. He remembers putting the order in his cart, but he also remembers quite vividly getting distracted and never finishing the checkout. So, now, here he is, standing in the place where he keeps Buck’s stickers. And it’s empty. There are no stickers. Not a single one. Eddie was going to have to tell Buck he couldn’t have a sticker. Which ok, Buck is a grown man. It’s not as if Eddie is preparing for a tantrum, but that might be preferable to the small hint of sadness Eddie is imagining will float across his boyfriend’s face when Eddie has to break the news.
He stands there a few more minutes, wishing he’d never come up with this stupid idea in the first place, before returning to the living room, where Buck is sorting the laundry he did. The whole reason why Eddie had gone to get him a sticker. Because Buck had let Eddie sleep in and taken care of the chores, even Eddie’s part. Eddie makes his way to the couch and sits down beside Buck, bracing himself to say it. Buck looks at him and smiles, all soft and sweet around the edges. And that only makes Eddie feel worse when he says, “Buck, baby, I’m sorry, but I don’t have any stickers to give you. I’ll get some more today, I swear. I’ve just been so busy with everything that I forgot to place the order.”
“Oh, ok.” And that’s weird. Either Buck has gotten a lot better at hiding his feelings about things, or Buck isn’t sad about the lack of stickers.
“I’m sorry. I know how much you enjoy them. I feel terrible for forgetting to get more.” Eddie isn’t expecting Buck to drop the clothes and grab his hands instead, turning to face him.
“Baby, please don’t beat yourself up over it. I’m not upset. And uh,” Buck looks almost nervous now, “it was never about the stickers.” Buck’s head is ducked and he’s blushing in that way he does when he’s just the slightest bit embarrassed about something.
“What do you mean it wasn’t about the stickers? Buck, I saw your face light up every time I gave you one.”
“Yeah, every time you gave me one. I liked them because they came from you. Not because of the words, but because it was you giving them to me. Saying any of those out loud would have had the same effect as long as it was you.” Buck is biting his lip and looking at Eddie like he’s unsure if he should have said all of that. Like they haven’t said a thousand I love you’s and shared every secret between them in the last almost year.
“Well then, thank you for taking care of the chores this morning.” Eddie pauses to press a quick peck to Buck’s lips. “You’re amazing.”
Buck pulls him in for a real kiss this time. The laundry all but forgotten for the time being.
Eddie doesn’t buy any more stickers after that. He does, however, make sure to keep up the praise and reinforcement for Buck. Sometimes he says it out loud. Other times, he leaves a note in Buck’s locker telling him how well he did that day and how great he is. No matter what method Eddie chooses, Buck always lights up from the praise. And Eddie thanks his lucky stars for finding a way to bring him even closer to Buck than before.