Work Text:
"Do you think we will grow apart?" Beomgyu asked Soobin a year ago as they were on their way to meet with the rest.
It's going to be their last summer in their hometown as all of them will be leaving for university in a few months. Where they will be going their separate ways, finding new things, new people.
"Us?"
"Not just us, all of us," Beomgyu replies.
"Maybe, maybe not. I don't want it to happen but sometimes some people just aren't meant to last. I think if we put enough effort into it we won't," Soobin replies. "However, some things aren't in your control and you can't force someone to stay if they don't want to."
"That's true..." Beomgyu wanted to say more but he was worried if he did speak more about it he would seem doubtful of their friendship.
"Why do you ask? Why even worry? Yeonjun is still here isn't he?" Soobin shrugs as he smiles at him. They approach their meeting spot so Beomgyu lets the conversation die down.
Later that same night Yeonjun pulled him aside, they walked a few steps behind the other three. Yeonjun asked him if he was alright. Beomgyu just smiled and said he was tired.
But once they are alone as they wait for their rides home Beomgyu admitted his worries. Why it's not about them growing apart but more about them losing the bond they shared, which he understands is normal and it happens to everyone but does growing up also have to mean to grow apart?
"I don't know about the rest but I can assure you that I will be 50 and still complain that you have bad fashion taste," Yeonjun tells him and Beomgyu feels like it can be that simple.
-
"I think that it makes you look hot, okay? Can you stop sulking now?" Taehyun huffs at Soobin who is pouting for the last 10 minutes because Taehyun said his shirt looks like a dad shirt.
"Does that mean you like older men?" Soobin frowns.
"No! What? I didn't- I hate you," Taehyun's ears progressively became more red as Soobin broke out in a huge smile.
"I can't believe Kai made me third wheel this," Beomgyu rolls his eyes as he spams Kai with messages on his phone. How could he do this to him?
A year ago Beomgyu was convinced that going to university means that he should grow out of who he used to be. With going into "the real" world everyones expects for you to become some person that will speak like they have 10 years of working experience or that you suddenly changed because you are no longer a kid.
Usually when he sees some old friends they all seem different. They turned into people they said they would never be like. Truthfully he thought that he was falling behind because he wasn't getting his own house, he wasn't getting a partner, he wasn't thinking too ahead in the future and so on.
But the truth is nothing needs to change. Just because he is 20 now doesn't mean he needs to stop listening to his favorite music or that he needs to stop enjoying things that make him happy.
Or that his closest friends would turn into those people that go: "Oh, you still like that?"
"Oh we will see about that when Yeonjun arrives," Soobin side eyes Taehyun and Beomgyu's head snap up from his phone.
"We do it to annoy all of you because it's fun," he shrugs.
"Sure, keep telling yourself that," Taehyun mumbles clearly intended to be heard. Beomgyu's eyes widened before he quickly glared at Taehyun.
"It's really only about that!" he wasn't sure why he felt the urge to defend himself yet he still did it.
"Denial is a river-" Taehyun snorts as Soobin starts reciting and Beomgyu groans.
"Kai," he dramatically yells as he spots the blonde after they rounded the corner and runs to him. He throws his arms around him. "Never do this again."
"You are so dramatic," Kai chuckles as he embraces him in a hug.
Aside from Soobin, Beomgyu wasn't able to meet any of them for 3 months. Despite all of them being close he was busy with exams because he put everything off until the last minute so while they could enjoy their free time he was suffering.
So as soon as the semester finished they agreed to hang out and Beomgyu immediately regretted it when he realized that he did not only miss out on the gossip but on what looks like a growing crush between two of his best friends.
To be honest sings were always there but-
"I suggest we go eat first because I'm hungry," Soobin says.
"Sure," Taehyun and Beomgyu agree at the same time.
"Okay now catch me up on the drama about Kai and... what was his name again?" Beomgyu says as they start walking to their favorite restaurant.
(Turns out all the drama was the guy who Beomgyu forgot the name of again got rejected by Kai because he has feelings for someone else. And it turns out he missed the growing crushes between the three of his best friends.)
-
"How was it?" Yeonjun asks over the phone as Beomgyu walks back to his apartment. It was 2 am and Soobin decided to stay at Taehyun's and Kai's place to watch some anime with Kai.
"Honestly, boring without you," he replies playfully and Yeonjun chuckles on the other line. "It was fine. We did the usual things and I'm glad I got to finally relax a little."
"I told you that you will get everything done. But seriously stop doing that to yourself with work," Yeonjun says and Beomgyu pouts.
"I know but whatever it's over so who cares," he shrugs and stops at a crosswalk just across his building.
Ever since their classes started Yeonjun has made it a habit to call Beomgyu in the evening or late at night when neither of them had anything to do. Sometimes they would just be in complete silence while other times they would talk until the morning hours.
Beomgyu appreciates it a lot especially because Yeonjun is busy and unlike the four of them he loves to go out to drink with his other friends while the rest like it more when there's no loud music around them. Yet here he is talking with Beomgyu at 2 am when he could be sleeping.
They keep talking even as Beomgyu changes into his sleeping clothes as he tells Yeonjun about everything he thinks is important. Yeonjun tells him his own things too.
Eventually they fall into comfortable silence as Beomgyu scrolls through his apps. He sends some tik toks to Yeonjun so they comment on them from time to time.
"Let's see each other tomorrow?" Yeonjun asks suddenly and Beomgyu gets startled.
"Sure, when? I thought you had practice?" Beomgyu replies.
"I do but it's in the morning so I'm free the rest of the day, it's also our last practice for the next 2 months," he replies and Beomgyu unconsciously smiles. It means Yeonjun will have more free time.
"I'm going to ask Ka-"
"Just us if that's okay with you? I saw all of them not that long ago. I want you all for myself tomorrow," Yeonjun quickly cuts him off.
Beomgyu's heart had no reason to start beating faster at that.
"Is that a date Junnie?" he teases.
"Of course, darling," Yeonjun replies back in lower voice and Beomgyu just chuckles. Not that it's attractive or anything.
It's all always for fun. He wishes Yeonjun could somehow read his mind or magically know that it makes him feel things he probably shouldn't feel.
Whatever, it's fine. It's always fine.
-
In the morning he sees Soobin's story on instagram, it's the picture of an anime they were watching with some cans of beer on the table. Yeonjun posted a mirror selfie of him in the practice room.
"Going somewhere?" Soobin asks as he enters their shared apartment about an hour later, he is wearing Kai's shirt.
"Yes," he says, offering no further explanation and he laughs as Soobin realizes.
"Where?" he asks again as Beomgyu puts his shoes on.
"Out with Yeonjun," he replies and Soobin frowns. "His practice moved earlier so we are going out now."
"Well have fun and use protection!" Beomgyu groans but before he could hit Soobin with one of his shoes he quickly hid in his own room while laughing.
The thing with Yeonjun is that it's never the same when they are with the rest and on their own. He knows that Yeonjun loves to socialize and have fun or when they are all together he loves to joke around with them and do crazy things but when it's just them it's very different. They always have fun but sometimes it's just much more relaxed and simple.
Beomgyu used to think Yeonjun was hanging out with him just because he felt like he needed to. When he told him that Yeonjun looked as if he genuinely offended him. "Gyu, I like spending time with you the most. Yes I like to dance and be with a lot of people but it's different."
"How?"
"Because they are my friends and you are you. I love this too. Sometimes it becomes too much for me too, dancing, chaotic energy around me. Honestly I always feel like I'm more real me with you than any of them."
They are his friends but what is Beomgyu then?
When Yeonjun spots him he immediately opens his arms and Beomgyu happily places himself between them. Yeonjun's perfume immediately hits him in the nose. It's never too strong, just right for it to linger without stinging his nose.
"What do you want to do?" Yeonjun asks as they separate.
"I don't really know. I'm fine with whatever," he shrugs and Yeonjun hums as he makes his overly dramatic thinking face. Fist under chin, pout, squinted eyes and all.
"Well we agreed it's a date so let's go get coffee at that cat café nearby? You know we said we should get there sometime," Yeonjun smiles, without waiting for Beomgyu to agree he starts walking.
Is it really a date or is it just for fun too?
"I'm picking the next spot," he says as he catches up.
"We could watch a movie at my place tonight too?" Yeonjun suggested just after Beomgyu finished telling him about a new game he started to play as they neared the café.
"Did you miss me that much? I'm picking which movie though," he says.
"Why? My movie taste is good," Yeonjun frowns and Beomgyu makes a disgusted face at him.
"Uh sure I will let you think that," Yeonjun gasps.
Once at the café they ordered and settled by the table near the window where one cat was already resting on one of the chairs.
"It kind of looks like you."
"Huh? No if anything it looks like you. Like you just need to put cat ears and no one would be able to tell the difference," he shrugs but the cat actually does look like Yeonjun.
It's an orange cat. Yeonjun currently has orange hair too and honestly he always acted like a cat. Back then when they discussed what their representative emojis would be if they were idols, Kai was so sure it would be a cat for Yeonjun or Taehyun, Soobin thought fox fits him better. Now he sees the cat Yeonjun more than ever.
"If you want me to wear cat ears just say so I would do it," Yeonjun smirks and Beomgyu's choked on air a little.
What's up with Yeonjun today?
"Oh? Should I get some treats for you? A collar too?" Beomgyu replies and Yeonjun's ears immediately turn red. For once he can be bold as well.
"Okay moving on," Yeonjun mumbles just as they got their orders.
-
Soobin said it first. "I thought you were in love with him."
It was back in 2nd year of high school. After the year started, Yeonjun started exploring his style a lot, he would show up in school looking different every day, different hair colors every month and his confidence grew with it. Beomgyu would be lying if he said Yeonjun wasn't attractive.
He would be staring at him all the time. It was embarrassing how many times the rest, especially Soobin, caught him doing exactly that. He denied but maybe he said it more for himself.
That same year Yeonjun told him about his first boyfriend and then girlfriend and then Beomgyu got used to him dating a lot. Many times he would send Beomgyu texts about his outfits or would rant about why they broke up.
It was after Yeonjun tried to get him together with a guy he said was cute. He said it in front of Soobin and as soon as Yeonjun left Soobin said it.
"What? Of course I'm not," he shook it off but his eyes lingered on the hand Yeonjun's boyfriend at a time had on him around his waist.
-
Then it was Kai. The summer before Yeonjun left for university. "When we get there too he will probably know the best places to go to. Oh I wonder if he will take those dance classes and..."
Beomgyu was playing with Kai's dog as he ranted excitedly and stopped talking when he realized Beomgyu was kind of spacing out.
"Beomgyu? Are you okay?"
"Hm? Yea... I'm listening," he mumbled.
"What's bothering you?"
"Nothing just... I don't know. What if he finds new people there? What if he eventually stops talking to us? What if-"
"Oh Beomgyu. You know that wouldn't happen. We wouldn't let it happen. He has many friends here too but at the end of the day he will always come back to us. I don't think you should worry about that," Kai cuts him off as he sits beside him on the floor.
"Still, maybe he ends up finding someone better or... I'm just overthinking. I know it's stupid. Is it bad that I kind of don't want him to leave?" he finally looks at Kai and Kai sighs.
"No, I don't think it is. It's normal but I don't think you should worry about it too much. You know how Yeonjun is, he may seem tough but I think he is also sad he will be leaving. But we can always visit and he can too," Kai was so enthusiastic that it kind of rubbed on to Beomgyu too.
"I guess you are right," he smiles back at him.
"You should tell him," Kai suddenly says and Beomgyu frowns.
"What? That I will miss him? No I don't want to make-"
"Not that. You should tell him that you like him. Since he is leaving and all. Not that it would be too convenient but just so you don't have to think a lot about what will be once he leaves," he froze for a moment until he processed what Kai said exactly.
"What? No. I mean, I don't like him like that. Why... Why do you think that?" he asked, trying not to sound weird about it.
"You don't? Really?" Kai asked not entirely sure of that and that sent Beomgyu into a slight panic.
"No?!"
"Oh, I'm sorry for assuming I just thought that you weren't trying to hide it. Because... well I just thought wrong it seems," he shrugs but that wasn't any helpful.
That entire conversation was the only thing Beomgyu thought about for the next two weeks at that time. Was he obvious? Does he do indeed like him?
-
Then it was Taehyun.
It was last year in fact, the same day Beomgyu was worried about them falling apart as friends. At some point Yeonjun took his hand and they were walking in silence.
"So are you two finally official or?" Taehyun tends to make himself sound very serious even when joking so when it comes to it you can never tell which of the two it is.
It caught both of them off guard because what does he mean with that? It sounded like they were already dating or something.
"No? We aren't... what?" Beomgyu was the one that spoke first.
"Just asking," Taehyun shrugged and turned back to whatever Kai and Soobin were talking about leaving them, or Beomgyu only to overthink that.
Wasn't it all always for fun? Can't everyone see that?
-
Then he admitted it to himself. Sometime around this January. He realized that it's okay to like him, love him even but he wouldn't do anything about it nor will he admit it to anyone else. Yeonjun is just his best friend and he doesn't want to ruin that if he was to do anything about it.
It's fine anyway. Just them being friends is enough. It always will be enough even if the possibilities, the what ifs hurt when he thinks about it. So he doesn't think about it.
"It's really beautiful here," Yeonjun says as they stop to look at the river below them.
"I know. I sometimes take walks here when I can't sleep or if I have too much on my mind," he sighs and leans on the bridge looking at the sky.
It's past midnight. They spent the whole day just doing stuff. They ate ice cream and later went to eat noodles. Then they bought some snacks and sat in the park to eat them. They caught up with everything until they had nothing to talk about.
This is also the place where he came to that realization. He loves him damn it.
"Remember when you asked me if we would grow apart?" Yeonjun suddenly asked, Beomgyu hummed without looking at him, his eyes still stuck on an imaginary constellation in the sky.
"I didn't tell you at the time but I always thought we would grow even closer together and I was right. Back then I didn't know how to explain it to you but I was for a whole year alone in Seoul. I missed all of you so much and when I came back during the summer I just felt like I grew fonder of you, and them. It made me realize how much all of you mean to me, especially you. I always could just talk or be anyone I wanted with you. That never changed between us," when Beomgyu looks at him again he is smiling as he looks at the sky too.
"You mean a lot to me too. I'm glad we can be like this with each other. I hope it always stays that way," he smiles and Yeonjun looks at him as well.
"Come here," Yeonjun pushes himself away from the railing as he opens his arms and Beomgyu chuckles but hugs him per his request.
Instead of moving away after a few seconds Beomgyu just adjusted his head to rest against his chest with one arm around his neck. Yeonjun didn't make any moves to push him off either so they stayed like that for a few moments that turned into minutes.
It's too much, it will always be a little bit too much but he needs it even if it's just this once.
Was Yeonjun also someone to him that he can't call a close friend nor a best friend. But something. Something, nothing and everything at the same time.
He hides his face into his neck and it feels like it's stepping over a boundary. Yeonjun's grip around him only tightens.
Is it always going to stay this way?
"Let's go to my place hm?" Yeonjun whispers even though there is no need for it.
"Mhm," but neither of them move for another minute.
When was the last time they hugged or had any contacts at all for longer than a few seconds?
They separate eventually and quietly go to Yeonjun's place. It's a two room apartment but since his roommate moved out Yeonjun lived alone.
Yeonjun goes to take a shower and in the meantime Beomgyu steals some of his clothes to change into before he settles in his bed. The air conditioner is on so it's a bit chilly inside.
He could have picked a movie in the time it took Yeonjun to come back but he didn't, he didn't even bother to check his phone.
Yeonjun slides in beside him and the movie is completely forgotten as he not so gently just lays on top of Beomgyu like that.
"I kind of can't breathe properly like this," Beomgyu huffs as Yeonjun giggles and moves aside properly.
Once Beomgyu is on his back Yeonjun wraps himself on top of him again.
He isn't sure what's so different between them tonight. Or was it just in his brain? Did they spend so much apart that Beomgyu started thinking of him too much again? But it has only been 3 weeks and they saw each other a week ago for a quick lunch.
"Yeonjun."
"Hm?"
He doesn't say anything. Just continues to play with the collar of Yeonjun's shirt before he settles his hand into Yeonjun's hair, just resting it there.
Then it's Yeonjun.
"Beomgyu," Yeonjun says and lifts his head and props himself on his elbow so he can look at him.
"Hm?"
"Do you think we would make a good couple?" Beomgyu thinks that the universe is against him.
There is no way that after everyone saw through him that Yeonjun didn't either and all the jokes and flirting is fine because he never sounds serious anyway. It's at least a reminder for Beomgyu that he will never have that, any of it.
So is Yeonjun actually oblivious or is he serious fucking with him at this point?
"Of course we would, have you seen us together?" he scoffs, deciding to play along.
He might be hurt, he might always just be nothing to Yeonjun but he won't risk even letting him know about it even if Yeonjun already does. He will play stupid because he can't lose him as a friend, at least he has him in some way even if it's not enough.
"Then why aren't we one?" Yeonjun asks and that was the final straw.
"Are you actually being serious right now?" Beomgyu asks before he could think about it. He couldn't hold it back this time.
"Yeah, yeah I am," Yeonjun replies and pushes himself up to sit on the bed.
It's weird. The tension in the room is so thick someone might cut through it with scissors. He sat up too unsure of what exactly was happening.
"I realized it a while ago, when I left for university and I saw you cry into Kai's shoulder when you thought I wasn't able to see you anymore through the car. I cried too, when I saw that. It made me realize that if that was it, that we will grow apart or whatever that I had one thing I never told you. I thought I got over it, that it was just a little crush but then you came here too and fuck... I missed you so much I almost kissed you right then and there. And in the past few months. I don't know what's up with them but Kai, Tyun and Bin are constantly teasing me about you. And I was thinking that it's getting too much, that it's bad bad. I wanted to do something, anything but I didn't know what to think of it. Especially when I started saying stuff and you would say stuff back and like... okay but are we going to do anything about it or are we just joking? I tried to see if you like me but I made it even more confusing for myself. I hope... I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable but I can't hold it anymore. I love you Beomgyu." the words just spilled out and Beomgyu could only listen and take them in.
He wanted to say so many things. He wanted to cry because of how long he spent thinking that it was just Yeonjun's personality to be flirty and teasing. He wanted to say it back he wanted so much.
Instead he kissed him. It was just a quick rushed kiss to his lips.
"Yeonjun I love you too. I spent so long denying it to everyone around me and myself because I thought that it was just you. I was scared of losing you if I said anything. It's real right? It's not just for fun..." he says in a rush, he needs to know.
"No, no it's not just for fun. I want you to be mine, for as long as you let me have you," Yeonjun replies and that was all he needed.
When their lips connect again it's slower, without any rush. Yeonjun pulled him closer until he was in his lap and they were impossibly close. His hand firmly held Yeonjun's jaw with his other hand sliding back into his hair. Yeonjun's arms caged him and Beomgyu is sure Yeonjun's embrace never felt better.
By the time they separate they are both out of breath. They look equally lost as they look at each other and both break out into huge smiles.
"You said you are scared of losing me if you said anything. I just want you to know that I don't care if we don't work out, you are for real never getting rid of me okay? I meant it when I said I would be 50 and still talk to you, hopefully wake up each morning beside you," Yeonjun said and Beomgyu hid his face into his neck.
"We aren't together for even an hour and you already want to marry me?" he chuckles into his neck.
"Are we together?"
"You said you want me to be yours? I thought I was clear with my agreement?" Beomgyu frowns as he looks back up at him.
"I need your verbal confirmation Beoms," Yeonjun huffs.
"Yes, yes Jun we are together," he smiles and holy shit it's real.
-
When he wakes up he almost forgot what happened but the memories of them making out until they both fell asleep quickly came back to him.
He smiled as he sat up and realized Yeonjun wasn't in bed. The clock shows that it's past noon so he drags himself out of bed only to be greeted with the delicious smell of food.
Oh. Yeonjun looks pretty good when he cooks. He let himself just stare for a bit before coming to greet him.
Fuck it's real.
Fucking finally. It's like Beomgyu can hear Soobin, Kai and Taehyun in his brain.