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March was a deceitful month. It teased and tempted bits of spring and then plunged you back into freezing temperatures. The warmth of the morning had prompted Adam to go to class wearing one of Ronan’s hoodies instead of his thrifted winter coat, something he deeply regretted as soon as he stepped outside after his final class of the day ended.
Adam shivered as he walked back to his dorm. The worst part of the weather was the grayness. Clouds blocked the sun and dampened the mood of the students around him. Adam tried not to think of warm summer days spent exploring Cabeswater as thin sheets of ice crunched underneath his shoes.
When Adam got home, his roommate, Fletcher, was generously applying hair gel in preparation to go out. He greeted Adam without tearing his eyes away from the mirror.
Fletcher had two qualities in a roommate that Adam greatly appreciated. The first was that he shared his mini fridge. As someone who had a severe caffeine addiction, Adam was thankful for this. He tried not to take up too much room, but he usually stored a couple of cokes in it. The second quality was that Fletcher was an incredibly social person and was rarely ever in their dorm. He would stay out late most nights leaving Adam the luxury of a quiet room to himself.
His roommate made a noise of frustration and turned to Adam. “Do I pass inspection?” He asked, gesturing to his usually untamable hair. Adam had caught him eyeing Gansey’s effortlessly perfect hair with jealousy one time when he video called from Venezuela.
“Looks good,” Adam said, only half lying. It looked slightly less wild than normal.
“Cool,” Fletcher said. “Have a good night.”
“You too.”
The door slammed shut and Adam hurried to charge his phone. He had been texting Ronan throughout the day. Normally, he would try to take advantage of the empty room and call him, but Adam’s last two texts had gone unanswered. Ronan had been working on repairing one of the fences earlier and Adam suspected he must have tired himself out enough to fall asleep. Adam would be up late studying anyway so they would likely still get to talk tonight.
He peeled off his wet socks and changed into warmer clothes before grabbing Ronan’s latest gift from its innocuous place on his desk. It looked like an ordinary jar but inside, it was full of sunsets. Ronan had sent it to him last month and Adam had used it every night he’d been alone since.
Adam opened the jar and let the color and light spill out.
Outside, the world was icy and gray. Inside, everything was now lit with a magnificent golden hour. The walls were streaked with violet and soft pinks. Everything was touched with glowing sunlight. Slowly, the colors shifted as if the room had its own sun sinking behind an invisible horizon.
His to-do list for the evening was long but Adam allowed himself time to sit on his bed and watch the changing colors. Tonight, it was a summer sunset, and it warmed him to his bones. The papers and pictures pinned to his corkboard were cast with orange. Blue had given him a small stack of photos before she’d left. They were of the only things in Henrietta he didn’t want to forget, Blue and Gansey, the Barns, Fox Way, Ronan. Home.
That’s what he felt when he opened the sunset jar, home. He wondered if that’s what Ronan had intended when he dreamt it. Giving Adam a feeling that he had never experienced before, that had been missing from him. It had taken weeks of him curiously unscrewing the lid to bask in the colors and warmth to name what the feeling was.
He was still lonesome sometimes but the urgency of it had faded. Now he knew what it was to feel content when he was alone. This gift Ronan had dreamt just for him brought out that restful joy. He could stay like this for years and never tire of it.
He wondered mildly if he should be concerned that it was so addicting, but he was a little addicted to Ronan anyway. Why should his dream things be any different?
Reluctantly, Adam twisted the lid back on the jar and let the colors fade. He placed it back on the desk and grabbed a jar of peanut butter and a box of crackers to eat while he studied. He tossed the food onto his bed and pulled out his laptop and a few textbooks before settling into study.
The bedroom lamplight was a poor substitute for the brilliant sunset, but it created enough warm light that the room seemed almost cozy. He had just submitted the paper that was the second to last thing on his list when Ronan called.
“Lynch.”
“Hey, Parrish.” His voice was thick with sleep which Adam secretly thought was adorable. He grinned.
“Good morning,” Adam teased. He couldn’t keep the smile out of his voice.
“Fuck off,” Ronan said in nearly the same tone. “What have you been up to today?”
“Not much. Just lots of classes. It’s freezing here today.”
“You have Latin today?” Ronan asked, but Adam was fairly certain he knew Adam’s schedule by heart. His boyfriend had been trying really hard to break free of his anti-phone tendencies though, so Adam obliged him.
“Yeah. It’s boring without you. No competition. Although I don’t see this professor attempting to kill me or any of my friends in the near future which is a nice change of pace,” Adam said. Ronan laughed and Adam shut his eyes to savor the sound.
“What are you up to now?”
“Just homework and eating crackers with peanut butter in bed.”
“Sounds sexy. What are you wearing?” Ronan said. Adam snorted.
“A lot of clothes because, like I said, it’s fucking cold out today. Never thought I’d miss Virginia weather.”
“Well, the weather here was perfect today,” Ronan said haughtily.
“Asshole,” Adam said with affection. “Tell me about what you did today.” Ronan had updated him on most of his day already through text, but Adam wanted to hear him talk. He shoved the things cluttering his bed into his backpack and leaned back on his pillows to listen.
Sometimes the sound of Ronan’s voice filled him with empty want. Adam would miss him so much that everything in him ached from the longing. Even at those times, it was always worth it. Tonight, the rich, deep sound only filled him with peace. It was a relatively new emotion for Adam, he’d only ever experienced it with great scarcity.
Ronan grew more awake as he talked, and Adam began to drift into a state of comfortable exhaustion. This was enough, Ronan loving him from afar. Adam had spent so much of his life wanting desperately to be safe, and loved, and content with his life. It was so much better than he had imagined.