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Language:
English
Series:
Part 1 of Poems My Depression Made Me Write
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Published:
2023-07-04
Words:
453
Chapters:
1/1
Kudos:
2
Hits:
35

I care for you

Summary:

A poem about how people tell you what they think you want to hear instead of what they actually feel

Notes:

Like the rest of this series, this poem is very dark. I've left it at teen rating because that's when I was feeling the worst of it and I want to leave it out there for others suffering like I was. Depression knows no age but some of my depictions are darker. If mentions of self harm, suicide, depression, anxiety, or anything along that line of thinking triggers you, PLEASE DO NOT READ. I'm all for comments and kudos, but not at the cost of your safety. Your life is more important than some stupid poem on the internet

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

You claim your life would be different

If I were to die.

You say you would mourn me,

That you would be left to cry.

"Don't end your life,

I love you.

I care."

 

But it always makes me wonder,

Is that really true?

Do you care for me,

Or is that just what you're 'posed to do?

Is there real feeling in your words?

Or is it just a line?

Does it mean the same thing to you, as it does to me?

 

Certain phrases get tossed around,

But they just don't feel real.

"I care for you."

So fake it makes me gag.

How can I tell,

If you actually mean it,

Or if you'd be better off without me?

 

"I would be devastated if you died."

That's the line you're told to say.

Even if you don't feel it, 

you say it anyway.

Because that's what I want to hear right?

That's what will stop my flight.

Though quietly you wish I'd just stop breaking.

 

"I'm here for you."

Another line I hear.

Another one I fear isn't true.

If you were here for me,

Where were you when I needed you?

Where were you when I cried all night?

Where were you when I clawed myself apart?

 

You weren't there when I cut.

As I caught my streaming blood,

You laid at home,

Away from me.

When I said I didn't know

Where the scratches came from,

You stupidly believed me.

 

You weren't there when I needed to talk.

When I felt invisible,

You didn't see me,

Didn't acknowledge me.

When I went quiet for a month,

Waiting for somebody to notice,

You didn't ask if I was okay.

 

You weren't there as I wrote the note,

The one that would explain why I took that rope.

You thought I was joking

When I said I wanted to die.

And when I took that final step,

And tried to force my last breath,

You turned your back on my impending death.

 

So please don't tell me you care.

I've seen the truth.

If you did, you'd have been there.

You'd have offered real help,

And saved me from the mess

I had been forced to reside in.

You see me, but you don't care.

 

Leave me alone.

My broken parts aren't yours to mend.

And words can cut to the bone.

Painful words don't hurt as much,

As those fake words proclaiming love.

Be true to your words,

Or make your words true to you.

 

And never tell that lie to me,

"I care for you."

If those words are said to me,

Ill turn,

and lie,

And say the same to you.

"Thanks. I care for you too."

Notes:

Thank you for reading! If you related to anything I said or something hit you particularly hard please let me know! I'm here to talk if needed and I know sometimes all you need is the stranger on the internet listening to you rant. Your comments and kudos give me such joy so thank you lovelies!

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