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Language:
English
Series:
Part 2 of Poems My Depression Made Me Write
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Published:
2023-07-04
Words:
279
Chapters:
1/1
Kudos:
5
Hits:
25

Pain is a Drug

Summary:

Everyone talks about how addicting drugs and acholol are. Nobody talks about the fact that self harm is just as addicting.

Notes:

Like the rest of this series, this poem is very dark. I've left it at teen rating because that's when I was feeling the worst of it and I want to leave it out there for others suffering like I was. Depression knows no age but some of my depictions are darker. If mentions of self harm, suicide, depression, anxiety, or anything along that line of thinking triggers you, PLEASE DO NOT READ. I'm all for comments and kudos, but not at the cost of your safety. Your life is more important than some stupid poem on the internet

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Pain is a drug.

I started out hating it,

Cursing it for existing.

It's a bitter medicine

And like a child

I wished to refuse it.

 

But still I must force it down .

I've been prescribed for a daily dose

And i have no choice.

The pain is my duty,

My responsibility,

My life.

 

Pain is a drug.

After a while,

It becomes normal.

The pain is supposed to be there,

And it feels weird when it isn't.

Something feels off when it disappears,

But I can't tell what.

 

I sit there and ponder

What could be wrong?

I've done everything I normally do.

But then I realize,

No. No, I have not.

I've forgotten

The pain that's rightfully mine.

 

Pain is a drug.

I need it now

As much as I need air.

Without it,

I have no release.

I have no strength.

I have no purpose.

 

I've become addicted to the pain,

Though still I hide it

High enough up my legs

That they won't find it.

I don't resent it now.

In fact I beg

For the simplicity of pain.

 

Pain is a drug. 

A temporary solution.

And like so many,

Eventually worse than the problem its fixing.

It doesn't actually help;

It doesn't actually cure.

It just gives me something else to focus on

Instead.

 

I don't know how to overcome it,

Or if I even can.

The pain is my savior,

For I'm just a weakling child of man.

I'm sick of being so desperate,

So hurried to get my fix.

Someone please take me in

Give me a new reason to exist.

Pain is a drug,

And I want to be free again.

Notes:

Thank you for reading! If you related to anything I said or something hit you particularly hard please let me know! I'm here to talk if needed and I know sometimes all you need is the stranger on the internet listening to you rant. Your comments and kudos give me such joy so thank you lovelies!

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