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This Distance Between 'Probably' and 'Certainly'

Summary:

You know what they say: if it seems like it's too good to be true, it probably is.

Notes:

love me some nonsense :)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Ok, here's an idea (sorry in advance if this is too long!): A fic about the ordinary (or, as ordinary it ever is) day-to-day of the Mindscape. Except... We're following a self-aware Janus. – amateurmasksmith

Janus is happy right now. Everyone has been accepted, issues are being healed and fixed. He's friends with the light sides, he got Virgil back and Remus hasn't left him. Janus is genuinely happy...And it scares him. He's waiting for the other boot to drop. He's waiting for the one thing to take his happiness from him like what always happens. He's flinching at every disagreement, freezing at every mistake he makes, and holding his breath when things get quiet or when Thomas has a bad day. He knows something is going to take his happiness away and he's scared. But the others notice and are there to reassure him that they're not going anywhere. 💜- insanitori

 


 

You know what they say: if it seems like it's too good to be true, it probably is.

No one knows that better than Janus. Come on, he's Doubt, Deceit, whatever you want to call it, it's his job to know when something's afoot. Even when the lie is perfect, undetectable even, he'll know. He was made for it, after all, it would be quite a feat to be able to get something past him. He's fairly smug about it too, able to do everything from tell who ate the last muffin—Logan—to who spray-painted dicks all over the Imagination door—Virgil—to who's been telling everyone they're fine when they're actually on the verge of a mental breakdown—everyone.

So when there comes a time that everyone is just… happy, it sends a chill up his spine.

There are no arguments. No barely-hidden resentments. No double meanings behind words, no thinly veiled threats, no glares at backs when the others aren't looking.

Everyone's… fine.

Now, it's not perfect. There are still things that need to be fixed and problems that need to be solved, a few of them are…testier when alone together as opposed to with the group, and there are still rifts and rough patches that lead to people needing to go calm down before it can be properly resolved.

But it's…good. It's really good.

Which means that it won't stay good.

Nothing lasts forever, especially nothing good, and the fact that they're all on an upswing means that when it inevitably takes a turn for the worse, the fall will be all the more devastating. Admittedly, this is a tad dramatic.

Janus snorts. " You would be equally as dramatic, you know."

"Huh?" Patton turns. "What was that, kiddo?"

"Nothing, nothing." Janus smiles—must not have been quiet enough. "Don't mind me."

Patton gives him a bit of a strange look but passes it off as just Janus being Janus and turns back to the conversation. They're all in the living room, talking about what they're going to watch for the next movie night. Roman and Remus are advocating for one of the new Disney movies, Logan is asking for a nature documentary, Virgil said he'd be fine with anything, and Patton, well…

"Patton doesn't have an opinion."

"J?" Virgil nudges him. "You gotta speak up, bud, otherwise we won't hear you."

"No, no, just talking to myself."

"Do you have an opinion?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact: you should embroider ACAB on your hoodie."

Virgil snorts. "Okay, I will, but I meant about movie night."

"Oh. On that, no, I don't, as long as we get to snack while we watch."

"Snek gotta snack," Remus says as Roman nods seriously, "them's the rules."

"Speaking of rules, have we checked content lists for everything?" Patton shudders. "I'm not in the mood for nightmares tonight."

"Aw," Remus whines, "but those are fun?"

"What? No, they aren't!"

"Yes, they are!"

"They are not!"

Roman just whacks Remus in the face with a pillow and Logan rolls his eyes. "We won't get anywhere if you start derailing us at this point, Remus, I—Janus, what are you staring at?"

"Oh, just the wall."

"I see that. May I ask why you're staring at that particular wall?"

"No reason."

Sure, Janus, sure.

His mouth tugs up into a smirk and he turns back to the conversation. "Logan, you should know better than anyone that we rarely stay on the rails at the best of times. That's not why people watch these."

Logan frowns. "Watch what, Thomas's videos?"

"Those too."

"He's being cryptic again," Virgil stage-whispers, "just let him do it."

Logan just shakes his head and moves on—smart. "I've taken the liberty of looking up the content warnings, yes, and…well, I've seen this one already and—Remus, I think you'll be more alright with it than you think."

Remus narrows his eyes. "Go on?"

"Oh, hey, wait," Virgil says, scrolling through something on his phone, "is this the one where the dude is basically in love with an octopus for like, two hours?"

"Sold!" Remus scrambles onto the couch and crouches there like a little hellion. "We're watching this."

Roman, the only other proponent for the Disney movie, is too busy laughing his head off to make any sort of convincing argument.

"Well, then," Logan says, looking entirely too pleased with himself, "I'd say we're in agreement."

"If Remus starts trying to recreate parts of this at two in the morning, L, I swear to god I'll never forgive you."

But the threat is empty and Logan knows it, chuckling and reaching out to ruffle Virgil's hair. Virgil lets out an indignant squawk and flails out, making Logan laugh more.

See? Everything worked out fine. If this had happened before, it would have boiled down to a screaming match with insults being thrown left and right and eventually, everyone settling down to watch whatever it was while quietly stewing in resentment that someone made it so hard to just get along.

But they're here now. They made it.

Janus scoffs. "Yeah, for how long?"

Of course, the problem with holding a hammer is that everything looks like a nail.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

If a reflex becomes too ingrained, it runs the risk of being applied to situations where it has no business being applied. The brain is like a muscle, after all—

"It's an organ, not a muscle."

like a muscle, like one, where habits can form just as easily as your body instinctively turning to walk down one path as it's where you always go.

"That's a stupid metaphor."

Metaphors, unlike similes, are when you directly state that something is something else, unlike a simile, where you compare something to another thing using 'like' or 'as.'

"Oh, aren't we smug."

"Janus?" He turns, raising an eyebrow at a very confused Roman. "Who are you talking to?"

"Oh, no one important."

"That's the second time you've done that," Patton says, frowning a little, "are you sure you're okay? You can talk to us, you know."

It occurs to him in this moment that often believing that something will happen can slide very quickly into behaving in a way that makes it happen.

"Oh, fine," Janus mutters under his breath before raising his voice, "I'm…worried."

"About what, the documentary?" Logan shifts his weight to face him properly on the couch. "It's got plenty of perfectly sound science and the cinematography is beautiful—"

"No, not about that. I, um…" This is much harder out loud. " Shush, you, I'm—I'm worried about…us."

"Us?" Virgil nudges him. "Say more?"

"We're…we're all getting along," he mumbles, hiding his face, "and it's—it's good. We're not fighting, we're talking, we're…it's good."

"I think so too," Patton says gently, "what about it is worrying you?"

"…what are we going to do when it isn't good anymore?"

The room is quiet for a moment. Then Logan lets out a slow breath.

"Janus," he says quietly, "can you look at me, please?"

Janus looks up.

"Thank you." There's a soft smile on Logan's face. "It's not going to be easy. We're imperfect, as everyone is, but we're trying. Do you…you do want things to keep being good, don't you?"

Does he?

"Yes, of course I do."

"That's good. So do we."

"Logan's right," Roman adds, smiling a little at Janus's look of surprise, "it's going to be work, I'm not saying it's not, but…we can do it. Right?"

"Come on, J," Virgil teases, nudging him again, "don't be all doom and gloom. We get to watch Remus laugh at stupid people, that's always fun, right?"

"That is fun."

"It's gonna be okay, J," he continues, "we're okay right now, and that's what matters, yeah?"

"Just because something's impermanent doesn't mean it's not important!" Patton adds.

"…I suppose you're right."

"Of course we are." Remus claps his hands. "Now come on, I want to watch this thing."

"Right, right, here, let me help—"

"Patton, let's go to the kitchen, I think the snek needs his snacks."

"On it!"

"Hey," Roman mumbles as he comes to sit next to him, "it's gonna be okay, yeah? I get it, I—I'm not the best at this either."

"Yeah."

Roman pats his leg. "We'll figure it out, okay?"

"Okay."

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Then again, the distance between 'probably' and 'certainly' is enough to make a little home.

"Proud of yourself for that one, aren't you?"

"Okay, who are you talking to?"

"Don't worry about it."

Notes:

Thanks for reading! Come yell at me on tumblr

https://a-small-batch-of-dragons.tumblr.com/