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"hey. hazal."
she had been hearing her name repetitively until the moment her sticky eyelids decided to open. the comfortable warmth had already been turned into sweat droplets on her temples. the heat was unbearable and she unconsciously removed the blanket off her own body, still feeling dreadful of what she had seen.
"hazal."
it was gently called once again, making her more aware of the fact that her brutal nightmare had ended. her blurry eyes wanted to focus on the woman calling out her name, but she figured out it was going to take a little time.
"iselin." she could only call her name back with the hoarse voice, not knowing what exactly to say with that vague vision and blurred conscious.
"are you alright?" tenderly asked the blonde who was laying next to her, facing the woman who couldn't see the adoring in her eyes.
"i don't know."
turning her body to bury her face in the pillow, she sighed into it, her exhale hardly leaving her mouth.
"if you'd like to talk about it," iselin softly whispered, trying not to hurt hazal's senses. "i will listen. gladly."
"i... wouldn't mind." she confessed. "but, i don't want to burden you with it." her vision was finally clear when she turned her head right to see iselin, as she still kept lying on her stomach. all the features in the sentinel's face, painted with the darkness of the room, were buried in deep worry; but the way she tried to hide it was visible, too. she was failing and it hurt hazal, making her dull expression gain a little agony.
"you wouldn't, don't worry." iselin stated it sincerely but hazal knew what was going to happen.
she was going to talk it out. it was going to become a habit. iselin was going to get tired of her. they were going to argue. some day. over something. iselin was going to twit it. she was going to shame hazal for it. even though she said it wouldn't burden her.
"hazal," she called out again, making the initiator's eyes meet her light blue ones. they were soft. tender. gentle. touching her soul in the kindest way possible. the way she whispered her name... it felt so light on her lips. "you don't have to worry. you can talk to me about it, no matter how bad it was."
even though she was hesitant with the thought of it, iselin brought her mechanical hand up and it gently landed on hazal's head. the sleepy eyes scanned her face carefully when the sentinel started to caress her hair, extremely kind and careful with her. it travelled from dark roots of her hair to the white tips, repeating itself in admiration, while the initiator had her heart skip a few beats. it wasn't directly iselin's skin, nor her fingers; but it was a living part of her which hazal had truly accepted. it made no difference from a human arm, since it was iselin's either way. she melted sweetly under the touch, so it didn't even matter. her pupils grew wide but the dark wasn't making it noticable. thus, the only way iselin could figure out if she liked it or not, was to check her features.
her lips were just slightly apart and if iselin had to describe her expression with a single word, she'd say amazed. she wanted to place a short, little kiss on her dry lips; touch her face, pull her in, protect the woman.
she had no idea that hazal wanted to do the same. the sentinel was too precious, taking care of her like that. it was too gentle that hazal wasn't glad, in fact, she was in unspeakable pain. she felt like melting but the extreme tenderness destroyed her insides, wanting the other to rest on her chest, cradle her. but, it was unutterable, and she had no confidence to do that even though they both knew what they felt for each other.
her face, which was covered in cold sweat a while ago, was covered in blush and warmth; and hazal thanked god that the room was drowning in dark. "you're gonna make me cry," she softly said, laughing a little, burying her face back in the pillow. it was too much. it felt too much. excitement felt like a sin. being loved was illicit. it was wrong. she wasn't used to it.
iselin wasn't, either; so she panicked a little. "i didn't mean to," she whispered back, but saw the painful eyes looking back at her again. no sign of shining of a tear, but her heterochromic eyes were both filled with the agony of softness. "hey, come here." her hand stopped on hazal's head and iselin pulled it away, to have her arms slightly open for her.
meeting with the sweet sight and the painfully beautiful smile, she couldn't help but get herself closer to iselin. there were just inches between them when iselin wrapped her arms around the slightly smaller body. she pulled her even closer, in the most gentle, yet eager way possible; making the bodies softly complete each other. hazal was quick to hug her back, her left arm under the blonde's neck and her right hand cuddling her waist. the initiator adjusted herself just a bit lower, so she could bury her flustered face on iselin's warm neck - which, also helped her to inhale the easing scent on the warm skin. resting her head on iselin's arm, she felt the velvety mechanic one caress her back lovingly. it was soft, yet it was felt.
her soothing voice was whispered into the comfortably warm once again: "would you like me to take you out? if you don't feel like sleeping..."
hazal was surprised how iselin figured it out. when her sleep was disturbed, there was no way she could sleep back in; but she was tired too, so she abused coffee to make up for it. somehow, even though hazal hadn't told her that, iselin found it out by herself; and it surprised the initiator. she didn't talk about it, though. just answered the question with her voice, which was still throaty: "sure. if you don't mind."
"not at all."
"thank you."
iselin lowered her head a little, to softly peck hazal's hair. it made her smile ear to ear, but iselin wasn't able to see it, since hazal had her face buried in her neck. she could feel it, though, with every breath that landed on her skin.
she slightly raised her right arm and her fingertips reached hazal's head, caressing the hair she adored so much, once again. "so, would you like to tell me about it?" she asked, only fulled with love she couldn't fully express.
hazal stopped for a second and gently started stroking the blonde's waist before answering. "i..." she was taking her time, and iselin was more than okay with it - surrounded by her touch, safe in her arms, happy under her hands. the initiator who placed herself under the sentinel's chin talked: "i've seen some shit about, you know, omega earth." hazal gulped and it was louder than it ought to be. it physically hurt to remember it all, but cuddling iselin was comforting, and helping the initiator out - so did rubbing her waist, her hand slowly running in a circle. it soothed iselin too, in a way she hadn't felt before as she listened her talk. "i've been trapped in it. to never turn back once again. i couldn't move, for my own sake." she exhaustedly sighed, snuggling more to iselin's bare skin. "it might sound simple," her voice dropped lower, "but... i feel more alive in nightmares than i feel in real life."
iselin looked down to place another peck on hazal's hair, but didn't pull and place her chin on her once again. instead, iselin stayed there, her voice muffled in the initiator's hair. "you know very well it wasn't real, and it was just a nightmare... i don't even have to tell you this." she stopped and inhaled as she brushed the beautiful strands between her fingers. "but, that won't happen in the future, either. if you were to go there, we would be right by your side." iselin gulped, closing her eyes, not being able to bear the sweet embarrasment. "and even if you'd be stuck there, i wouldn't leave you." her voice became inaudible with the last sentence. "even if everyone were to leave, i would stay."
yet, hazal heard it all.
word by word.
she was shattered.
broken by love, in the most beautiful way possible.