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Jamie, to the eyes of the public and the people he surrounded himself with, was always seen as a sometimes prickish, self-certain and happy young athlete, nothing seemed to shake or off put him. But after the shitshow that was the Man City v Richmond FA cup Semi-final at Wembley of all places Jamie became a shell of himself, unrecognisable from the sunshine boy he had always seemed. But now Roy had seen, everyone had seen the horror that was his father and what that man was capable of, the part of himself he had managed to keep hidden from the team for so long. James Tartt was the asshole behind why Jamie struggled so hard to accept the softer parts of himself, not allowing himself to feel anyone’s affection, why he tried so hard to portray himself as nothing but a prick to anyone who attempted to get too close.
Jamie and Roy despite their prickly relationship over the past few years, had recently confessed their feelings towards each other in a heated argument before the quarter finals, realising how stupid they had been for not realising sooner that they had always had a strange dynamic since they had met. Jamie needed Roy’s attention and validation and Roy, well he had a soft spot for the kid, Jamie had wormed his way into Roy’s heart and made a home there and Roy certainly wasn’t too angry at the fact.
After the confrontation in the locker room and James had been dragged out by Beard, Roy strode towards Jamie still unsure how to approach the situation, hands shaking with rage. Why wasn’t he able to defend his boyfriend, why did he just stand there and watch his boyfriend be humiliated and abused in front of the entire team. But now wasn’t the time to show the pure anger that was all but trying to burst out of him, no, now it was his duty to at least try and show some softness and care towards the traumatised boy shaking in front of him. He wrapped his arms around Jamie trying to ignore how he flinched under his fingertips, trying not to feel how his heart shattered even more. Roy just holds him, as if he’s trying to hold the pieces of Jamie together just for a moment longer. When the room is finally clear of the team, all left to catch the bus back to Richmond, Jamie lets go, tears dry on his face, eyes still glassy and skin swollen and red, Roy gathers their things and supports Jamie back to his car. Roy doesn’t know how but he manages to get them both home but for now Jamie is finally safe.
Time skip ---- the next week
It had been a rough week, Jamie barely spoke, barley left the bedroom let alone leaving the house to go to training, but with unwavering support Roy stood by and attempted to help in any way he could think of, he wasn’t the best with the whole feelings thing but for Jamie he would try, for Jamie he would do anything to make sure he was okay. Approaching day 5 after the incident Roy suggested maybe restarting his sessions with Dr Sharon would be something good to try. Roy wouldn’t say it but Jamie’s mood was starting to really worry him, this was past the point he could provide any more help, the nightmares were increasing in intensity becoming harder to wake him from leaving him gasping for air multiple times a night, he wouldn’t move during the day opting for not leaving the bed, not eating barely even looking at Roy his eyes almost permanently glazed over as if he wasn’t really seeing anything in front of him. So, an appointment was made for the next day, Jamie insisted if he was going to do this, he would do it on his own, he didn’t want to burden Roy any further than he had done so already. Of course, Roy insisted that Jamie would never be a burden and he wouldn’t be here for Jamie unless he really wanted to, “Fuckkkkk Jamie, I thought you knew me better than this, I fucking wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to fucking be here, so shut up and come here you prick.” They fell asleep that night wrapped in each other’s embrace Jamie finally feeling as if nothing could hurt him as long as he had Roy by his side.
The aftermath of the appointment (because I don’t know how to write therapy lol) ---
Jamie stumbled out of Dr Sharon’s office, his mid still reeling from the memories of his father being resurfaced, he had tried for years to push those painful memories, the feelings of worthlessness and pure pain, burying them in the recesses of his mind. But now after just one session with her, they had been resurfaced, haunting his every thought with a vengeance. Each meeting with James playing like a slideshow before his eyes. He staggered through the halls of Richmond attempting to avoid the prying eyes of the staff, all watching him like he’s finally lost it until he makes it to the car park, he manages to climb into his sportscar and leaves the facility. Deep down he knows he should have just let Roy at least drop him off, he shouldn’t be driving while he’s still in such a state, but with his trembling hands gripping the steering wheel he couldn’t find it in himself to care, he just wanted to go home and pretend like today never happened, he wanted to forget everything once more.
Waiting at home for Jamie to arrive, Roy sat anxiously on the sofa waiting to hear J come through the door, unaware of the storm of emotion that was about to flood the house. As Jamie arrived home, he fell out of the car and ran towards the door the full weight of these memories threatened to engulf him. Jamie fumbled with the keys at the door, hands shaking, tears blurring his vision struggling to hold his emotions in till he’s in the safety of his own home. Roy full of concern rushed to Jamie’s side, wrapping his strong arms around his trembling frame, providing a grounding presence amidst the storm of emotions. “Fuck Jamie it’s okay, I’m here I’ve got you” Roy grumbled into his ear, voice laced with concern, “You’re fucking safe now J, deep breath for me, I’ve fucking got you now, nobody’s going to fucking touch you.” Jamie’s breath stuttered as he attempted to regain some control. He clung to Roy, his body shivering and tears streaming down his face. In between heart wrenching sobs, he tried to voice his insecurities, feeling like he was just a burden to the other and struggling to articulate the pure pain the therapy session had inflicted upon him. “I don’t d-d-deserve you R-roy,” Jamie managed to choke out “I-I-I’m broken, I don’t k-know what’s w-w-wrong with me.” Roy’s heart clenched at the self-doubt and Jamie’s harsh words, he tightened his hold and his voice filled with tenderness and determination. “Jamie, you’re not a fucking burden. You’re a strong person whose been through a hell of a lot. I love you, every fucking part of you, we’ve going to face this together, you’re not fucking alone anymore.”
As Jamie’s breathing grew more laboured, his panic intensified, memories of his father were flashing through his head at an alarming rate, Roy noticed the ragged breathing coming from Jamie and let out a loud “FUCK!” In his disoriented state Jamie violently flinched, trying to push against the strong hold Roy had on his waist, completely lost in the horrors of his childhood. Guilt hit Roy hard realising what he had done, worrying has he witnessed Jamie’s distress, he fought off his own rising panic, relentlessly trying to break through the barriers Jamie’s mind had constructed.
“Hey, Jamie its me, Roy,” he growled, his voice a mix of frustration and fear. “You’re safe with me I promise, I won’t let him fucking hurt you again. Come back to me love.” But, despite his efforts Jamie remained trapped within the flashbacks of his father’s anger, completely unresponsive to Roy’s pleas. He whined loudly as the memories take complete control of his mind being forced to relive the worst moments of his life. The weight of the past bore down on him, overwhelming his senses as his mind twisted and spiralled, his body grew limp, he collapsed into Roy’s arms head falling onto his shoulder breath still gasping. Panic surged through Roy as he cradled Jamie in his arms lowering them both to the floor, fear creating a vice around his heart. Holding Jamie tight begging him to come back to him his heart felt ready to just stop altogether, now he just had to wait for his love to come back to him. He refused to leave J’s side, eyes locked onto his pale face waiting to see his gorgeous grey eyes to flutter open. 5 agonisingly slow minutes pass and Jamie finally regains consciousness, panic flooding his eyes as he tried to figure out where he was and what had happened, why was he on the floor and where the fuck was Roy.
Roy watched as the series of emotions played out on his face and started running his hands through Jamie’s hair, letting his fingernails drag against his scalp to ground him and soothe the panic once again rising through him. “Hey, hey I’m here, you’re safe,” his voice a balm to Jamie’s inner turmoil. “You’re safe. I’m not fucking going anywhere love.” As Jamie’s tears flowed once again, Roy pulled him up and held him close, comforting and reassuring him. He understood the fear and knew exactly how to help calm Jamie’s racing mind.
Together the faced the aftermath of the panic attack and the memories that had been kicked up, Roy remained a steady presence, providing Jamie with unwavering support and love, both continuing their sessions with Dr Sharon individually and together so that one day they could forget the old memories and focus on making new memories together. They worked through their trauma and found strength and support in each other.
As time passed, Jamie realised that he wasn’t alone anymore, he had a whole team who would stand by him through every storm. And Roy, ever committed, vowed to be Jamie’s rock, to weather the up’s and down’s together.
Their love forged through shared struggles and unwavering support, became an anchor for them both. Together they discovered that healing was possible and that they could overcome any obstacle that came their way.