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"Tot ziens, Rebecca!"
She blows the little girl a kiss as she and her father leave Rebecca's house.
It's been three months since Ted le- since she bumped into the mystery man in Amsterdam, Matthijs, and his daughter Jelka.
During these three months, they spent time together whenever they were in London, sometimes outside, sometimes at their hotel room, sometimes it would be just Matthijs and her when Jelka was with her mother back in Amsterdam.
But before the day the two went back to Amsterdam together, they always have dinner at Rebecca's house.
It became some sort of tradition.
It felt nice. Matthijs is nice to her, and his daughter is adorable. They bring some sort of normalcy into her life after everything.
But once they're done with dinner and watch a movie, Matthijs and Jelka leave.
They never stay over.
Matthijs never asks and Rebecca never offers.
Because when it is daytime, she has distractions. She has branding meetings, lunches with Keeley (occasionally with Deborah joining them), when she is done with work she has them. But when the lights are off and Rebecca's alone with her thoughts, all she can think of is him.
And he haunts Rebecca, with the same exact nightmare she sees nearly every single night since he left.
When she sleeps, she dreams of herself, in the middle of a dark forest and stuck in a wheelchair. After numerous unsuccessful attempts at getting up, she observes her surroundings and that's when she sees him.
It's just his back, and she can only see it when the forest lights up every few seconds- by a lightning beside him, but she'd recognise that blue jumper and khakis everywhere.
He's walking at a slow pace, but he's too far away. She tries calling his name, once, twice, to no answer and no acknowledgment at all.
So she tries to reach him even though the muddy ground makes it difficult and at the back of her mind she realises she doesn't stand a chance against the former first lady.
(Not that she ever entertainted the idea, of course.)
She feels herself getting closer, and pushes through despite her aching arms. And during it all, the lightnings keep on falling, from beside him to in front and behind him.
It's like the lightnings are doing a dance around him.
The dance comes to a halt once he is out of the forest, like himself, the moonlight coming in to illuminate his silhouette. She can't see his face, but from the way his shoulders are high and tense, she know he's panicking. About what, she is not sure, until she herself is out the forest and sees the river in front of them.
She calls his name one more time, but it goes unanswered, once again.
She feels the anger rushing up to her face suddenly, all she wants to do is to turn him around and shake him properly, but as she reaches out to him one last lightning falls, right in the gap between them.
She averts her eyes to protect them from the light, but once she turns back, he's gone.
And it finally starts raining.
The thought of losing him in every reality makes her tears join the raindrops that fall on her face.
The tears blur her vision, so she squints when she sees the slight movement on the other end of the river.
When she realises he's getting out, she doesn't think twice before going in the river, wheelchair be damned.
It's like the water gives strength to her legs again, and she does her best to go across once she abandons the wheelchair, but the water keeps pulling her under. There's no way she's letting him go this time though, so she keeps on swimming.
And being pulled under.
It keeps on getting darker, and she does her best not to panic but fails miserably. Her lungs are begging for air, and their wishes are granted once she feels a strong arm around her waist, pulling her up.
It's like she can breathe and can't at the same time, so she closes her eyes and tries to focus on her breathing, just like how she helped Ted to do in Liverpool.
It's only when she opens her eyes again and looks around when she spots him looking right at her, and the man holding her.
He didn't get her out of the river.
She turns her face around to see the guy from Ams- Matthijs, still keeping a firm arm around her waist and looking away with a peaceful look on his face. She follows his line of sight, only to spot his daughter, Jelka, running towards their direction with a grin on her face. She's shouting something, she can see her mouth moving, but can't hear her words. Rebecca finds herself smiling slightly too, just until she turns back to face him and see the stricken look on his face.
Her heart drops once he turns around and starts going up some stairs that she could swear wasn't there a few moments ago.
She feels like there is a choice she has to make.
She either gets out and follows him.
Or she stays here, with... Matthijs, and Jelka. Drenched but safe. Content. Fine.
But that's what she's been trying to do for the last few months, isn't it? Spending time with them once they are in London, trying to give them all the love she had on her hands.
All the love she had for Ted. No, even thinking about it in past tense makes her heart sink.
All the love she has for Ted.
All the love she gave him on a silver platter, going to immeasurable lengths researching schools for Henry and calling in favours for a job for Michelle.
All the love he rejected.
She cannot underplay it- Ted leaving broke her. It broke her heart, the once broken heart he healed himself, into thousands of tiny pieces and she knows she won't ever be able to find some of the pieces and mend it completely again.
She knows if she can't reach him this time, she's going to be irreparably broken.
But still, at her broken heart, she knows she has already made her choice. She always makes the same choice.
Despite all the odds, it's still a no-brainer.
She shimmies out of Matthijs' grasp and follows him on the stairs, albeit much slower. Her clothes feel way too heavy and her legs feel wobbly, she just feels fucking horrible in general but she'd go to hell and back to be with him, and so she climbs up the stairs.
He's much ahead of her, but moves in a steady pace. His shoulders are not as tense as they were before, but he's nowhere near relaxed.
That is until she hears the voice.
The way Henry calls for him so enthusiastically makes her wonder if she's ever called her father like that happily. Deep down she knows she hasn't and she feels a bit guilty for not regretting that. But just being physically there doesn't make a person a present father, she knows that too.
He absolutely melts at the sight of Henry, his steps becoming quicker. His posture changes in a way that makes Rebecca wonder if she had imagined the tense silhouette she saw moments ago.
Michelle is beside Henry, as she always is in the dream, but this time she looks just happy to see him, unlike the more loving look she had on her face in the nights he went back to his family as if his life in Richmond did not exist, in the nights she couldn't reach him.
But tonight, Henry calls her name with the same enthusiasm he called for his father moments back, and when he does, Ted turns around to face her with a smile on his face, a hand extended in her way to help her up.
For the first time in three months, Rebecca wakes up feeling hopeful. She doesn't know what triggered the difference, and she can't bring herself to care.
Instead, she picks up her phone from the nightstand and hurries to the dressing room to take out her suitcase.