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It started one anxious night before a Music Bank performance for the title track of the group’s newest album. The comeback had been draining as it was, all the preparation and promotion leading up to the release was exhausting.
Soobin found himself wide awake, running through the choreo in his head, staring up at the top bunk above him blankly as he moved his arms approximately in the correct positions while laying down.
He had been particularly anxious about the comeback performances. He struggled with the choreo for their title track in particular and feared slipping up somehow despite other performances going smoothly.
He quietly mouthed the words to the song to himself as he awkwardly rehearsed, primarily mentally but loosely physically.
Halfway through running the choreo in his mind, a groan came from above him.
“Hyung, stop moving around,” Taehyun mumbled, half-awake and muffled, head half-buried in his pillow.
Soobin quickly became aware of the gentle creaking of their bunk bed and the small shifting his movements were making, disturbing the resident of the top bunk.
Soobin decided sleep just wasn’t possible for him, so he quietly apologized before sliding out of his bottom bunk.
He cast a spare glance towards the adjacent bunk bed, where Huening slept peacefully on the top. (Beomgyu seemed to take to sleeping on the floor of their dressing room closet instead of the bedroom. Something about it being less cramped.)
He had expected Yeonjun to snap at him for making so much noise as well, but Yeonjun was nowhere to be found on the neighboring bottom bunk.
He slipped out of the bedroom and into the living room, shaking his hair and feeling around the walls as to not trip, only to find the lights on.
He squinted at the sudden brightness of the living room, eyes having long adjusted to the dark of their bedroom. He stood in the hallway for a moment, just blinking his eyes and readjusting to the bright room, wondering who left the lights on.
“Can’t sleep?”
Soobin’s eyes snapped up, searching for the source of the voice to find Yeonjun lounging on the couch, sunken comfortably into a gray hoodie with a blanket over his lap. His hair was tousled and he watched Soobin with sleepy eyes.
Barefaced, small spots lining his jawline, and the slightest, barely-visible bit of stubble over his lip, Yeonjun beckoned for Soobin to come closer.
Soobin, of course, was familiar with this side of Yeonjun - as he was with all the members. But occasionally, when he saw Yeonjun like that - all cuddly and sleepy and looking at him - something in Soobin’s heart jumped.
The group probably saw each other in makeup more than their bare faces; cameras were always on them, so they always had to make sure to look their best. The dorm was the only place they ever saw each other with their natural acne, cracked lips, eye bags.
Of course, being an idol meant that they would always strive to hide those imperfections if possible, but Soobin thought that those little blemishes were kind of charming in their own way.
Soobin fought the urge to sit in Yeonjun’s lap and cuddle the fluffy pile of hoodie and blanket and instead hovered over the couch.
Yeonjun held his hand out as Soobin approached, and Soobin instinctively held it and shook it firmly.
“You can’t sleep either, hyung?” Soobin asked as he sat down next to Yeonjun, their knees bumping as he got comfortable.
Yeonjun paid no mind to the shuffling and absently scratched at one of the spots on his jaw. Some late-night drama was playing on the TV that he half-heartedly watched as he replied, “I didn’t get all my energy out during practice, so I’m all hopped up now.”
Yeonjun’s lazy position on the couch and his droopy eyes seemed to betray his description, along with the half-slurred way he spoke.
Soobin chuckled, “You seem pretty sleepy, though.”
“Yeah, that was like an hour ago. This drama is kinda boring,” he shrugged, leaning his head back against the couch cushions and fighting a yawn.
“What is it?” Soobin asked as Yeonjun shifted so he could stretch his arms above his head.
“Guy’s a millionaire heir, meets a small town bakery girl, blah, blah,” Yeonjun lazily explained, waving his hand high in the air mid-stretch in punctuation, “Her bakery is in financial trouble, the guy’s family wants to buy the bakery…”
“Won’t the money help the bakery?” Soobin asked as he turned his attention to the TV, watching as the female lead gazed dramatically out the window of her bakery with tears in her eyes.
Yeonjun laid his stretched arm across the back of the sofa, using his other hand to gesture as he replied, “She doesn’t want to take the offer. The bakery means a lot to her, and she doesn’t want some rich guy to buy it out from her. The guy doesn’t want to do it either, so he’s trying to get his family to reconsider.”
Soobin leaned back against the couch, getting comfortable (and maybe a tad closer) next to Yeonjun, pulling the blanket over his own lap as well. Body heat along with the blanket almost made him a little too warm to be comfortable, but he figured he could sacrifice a little bit of comfort.
“He’s the heir, isn’t he? Can’t he just give her the money without buying it?”
Yeonjun scoffed, “Right?” as he closed the gap and moved closer so their shoulders pressed against each other.
It was a wordless arrangement, neither of them acknowledged how they had a full sofa and multiple recliners to sit on and yet sat pressed up against each other under the same blanket.
It was definitely way too hot for Soobin’s comfort now, but half of that warmth was probably his own doing anyhow.
Yeonjun’s head found its way onto Soobin’s shoulder, and Soobin found his hand resting comfortably on Yeonjun’s thigh.
They watched the drama, making dry commentary on the protagonist’s choices and complaining when the two leads decided to give up everything and elope together.
It was somewhat rare for them to be so close - it wasn’t like they were ever especially clingy with each other, quite the opposite, really.
They were often bickering with each other, Soobin always rejecting affectionate advances from Yeonjun. It had always been that way, but somewhere along the way, Soobin began to wonder if that was just a dynamic they set up for the camera or if that was how they really were together.
It wasn’t like they actually despised each other all that much, no matter how often Yeonjun and he butted heads, Soobin could never imagine a life without Yeonjun in it (romantically or otherwise).
In the beginning years of their debut, there was definitely a relationship that was established early on, a sort of hot-and-cold push-and-pull type of relationship that fans always loved.
But as a result, the pair were often put together (both purposefully and coincidentally by some cosmic power) during contents and thus, spent much of their time together.
And Soobin figured that when you spend that much time with a person regardless of how you feel about them, you’re bound to get closer in some way.
Sure, he and Yeonjun had never been the particularly clingy or affectionate types (they left that up to Huening to fill that role typically), but Soobin supposed it couldn’t hurt to try it out every now and then off-camera.
And judging by Yeonjun’s quiet reciprocation, Soobin felt more confident that he felt the same way.
“Okay, let’s go to sleep after this episode,” Yeonjun suggested, patting Soobin’s knee.
After the episode turned into an hour, and an hour turned into three.
The last thing Soobin remembered was the leads’ awkward family dinner after their elopement had been found out and much family drama ensued before he passed out with his head in Yeonjun’s lap to the gentle stroking of Yeonjun’s hand in his hair.
It occurred to Soobin, in the sleepy seconds before his conscience drifted, that he had intended to mentally practice his choreo.
Well, he supposed it was fine to just let it go, lost in the even rise of his own chest as Yeonjun moved as subtly as he could to turn the TV’s volume down.
(The members - or rather, Beomgyu - spent the entire time they were getting dressed and makeup done at Music Bank teasing the two about how he found them all huddled up under the blanket the next morning. He made kissy faces at them, hugging his own shoulders, and reenacting how snuggly they were with flourish as he pulled Huening into a tight hug. Soobin and Yeonjun laughed at the excessive chiding, but neither contributed any explanation or excuse.)
It became something of a routine for a while.
Soobin, anxious for some kind of performance or promotion coming up, always found Yeonjun hanging out in the living room watching some lame drama or making himself cup ramen or scrolling his phone’s social feed.
They’d eat together, cuddle, idly talk about whatever they were watching or whatever was on Yeonjun’s timeline, and end up falling asleep tangled up in each other.
Over time, Beomgyu got used to it happening often enough that he stopped teasing them about it (aside from a couple playful jabs here and there), and Soobin began suggesting movies they could watch along with the dumb dramas.
The members made note of how close the two had gotten, but no other theories pursued after that, whether out of consideration or blissful ignorance.
On-camera, the two… didn’t exactly avoid each other - that would be impossible - but Soobin kept a certain distance.
He considered himself to be a pretty decent actor and didn’t think he’d have trouble continuing his resigned, annoyed attitude towards Yeonjun’s affectionate teasing like usual, but his racing heart and the blood painting his cheeks pink definitely failed the audition, so he tried to outright avoid the situation all together whenever he could.
Of course, this subtle avoidance only resulted in a little, tiny seed of clinginess planting itself smack dab over Soobin’s head whenever the members retreated back to their dorm for the night.
Anxious nights before performances became normal nights before practice. Even when Soobin actually was sleepy and could very well fall asleep in his bed, he still found himself peeking into the living room to look for Yeonjun’s blonde hair, dark roots growing through.
Somehow, he began to prefer to sleep in Yeonjun’s lap than sleep in his own bed. There was no way his pillow could match the feeling of Yeonjun carding his fingers through his hair, after all.
After a while, they just stopped going to the bedroom to lay down and pretend like they were going to try to sleep at night. When the members all left the living room for the night, having their fill of dinner and group games, Soobin and Yeonjun hung back, waited for everyone to leave the couch so they could scoot close and melt into each other.
Shoulders pressed against each other became arms around waists, knees bumping became legs entangled, hands resting on thighs became fingers interlaced.
Soobin had no idea when they’d escalated from friendly late-night hanging out to cuddly movie dates where they fell asleep in each other’s arms, but they didn’t acknowledge the obvious romantic undertones of it.
He supposed it was just their thing, something they just did, nothing more. He’d be hard pressed to admit that his heart fluttered whenever Yeonjun pulled him close, wrapped an arm around his waist, let Soobin rest his head on his chest.
“For someone so tall, you sure act like a little baby all the time,” Yeonjun murmured one night as Soobin all but sat in his lap with his arms around Yeonjun’s shoulders.
“What does my height have to do with that?” Soobin scoffed playfully, slapping Yeonjun’s chest lightly. “And besides, don’t you act more like a baby?”
Yeonjun retaliated by slipping a hand along Soobin’s sides and tickling, causing giggles to instantly erupt out of the latter, swatting Yeonjun’s hands away as best he could.
Afraid that his laughs would wake the others, Soobin begged for mercy, struggling to stifle his involuntary cackling until Yeonjun’s hands slowed and he pulled Soobin back into his lap.
Proud and puffed up, Yeonjun smirked, “And who’s more of a baby now, baby?”
And then Soobin’s whole stomach flipped so quickly that he almost felt nauseous after laughing so hard prior. He was almost certain his body got 40% hotter at hearing the pet name, and could already feel how warm his face was even without touching it himself.
He tried to keep his cool, find some kind of witty remark to counter with, but his words were frazzled in his mind, scrambled up and forming no coherent sentences, so he settled on saying nothing.
“Now, will this baby hold on so I can carry him to bed?” Yeonjun asked, patting Soobin’s back. “We can’t keep sleeping out here, it’s destroying my spine,” he added with a chuckle, “And I saw how stiff you were when we were stretching before practice today, too.”
Maybe Soobin had gotten complacent in Yeonjun’s affection, maybe he had let his guard down, because had Yeonjun always been that bold and smooth?
Sure, in the past months since they began their routine, they had gotten a lot more affectionate, maybe even teetered on flirting every now and then, but nothing outside of a wink or a “you look cute” type of comment.
They were entering uncharted territory, or at least it felt like that to Soobin.
He fumbled his words, wondered if it was obvious how flustered he was, and replied, “You- I’m- you- can you even lift me?”
It came out a little more of a challenge than he meant it to, but Yeonjun didn’t seem to pay any mind to it, gladly taking the challenge and adjusting his hands under Soobin’s thighs and back.
Soobin’s height made for an ever-so-slightly awkward lift, but Yeonjun adjusted well as he started down the hall to the bedroom.
Soobin wondered if he’d always been that strong - but on second thought, he’d seen Yeonjun in a tank top plenty of times. It shouldn’t have been that surprising.
After (just a little clumsily on the way down) dropping off Soobin in his bed, Yeonjun gently ruffled his hair before tucking into his own bed, and Soobin spent an embarrassing amount of time staring up at the top bunk processing everything.
Huening’s rhythmic breathing took up most of the empty space in the bedroom - Taehyun had always been a pretty quiet sleeper - but Soobin zeroed in on the way Yeonjun’s breath evened out and eventually turned into soft snoring.
He thought nothing of it, it was just soothing white noise. It was normal to listen to your friend’s breathing as he fell asleep. It was also normal to cuddle with your friend every other night late into the AM and let him carry you to bed.
He suddenly and violently remembered that Yeonjun had called him “baby” and forcefully powered down his brain lest he lay awake all night thinking about it.
“Then Beomgyu will have a room for himself.”
Soobin overheard the conversation in the living room as he stepped out of the dressing room closet on the heels of a shower, pulling a gray hoodie over his head.
They’d been rearranging the dorm over the past couple of days, deciding how to divide up the rooms more efficiently rather than all being cramped in one bedroom.
The other four were on the floor, gathered around a table as they held fans of familiar colored cards.
“Yeonjun hyung, I thought you wanted a room to yourself,” Beomgyu was pointing out as Taehyun laid a red five down in the pile in the middle of the table.
Before Yeonjun could answer, Huening interrupted as he placed a green five over the previously placed card, “Uno! Aren’t Yeonjun hyung and Soobin hyung going to end up sharing a bed eventually anyway? So they can pair up in a room."
Soobin almost tripped over his own feet on his way down the hall as he heard Huening and the chorus of affirmative hums went around the table.
It wasn’t like he and Yeonjun’s habits were a secret or anything, the members’ teasing always made that clear, but he wasn’t aware they were at the point of speaking about it so casually and out in the open.
As he padded into the room, all heads spared him a quick glance but just as quickly returned to their game after acknowledging that Soobin was part of the room.
“Well, Huening and I have agreed to keep being roommates,” Taehyun noted as Yeonjun placed a green reverse card down and Huening (with much glaring) was forced to take a handful of cards from the draw pile before placing a blue reverse card in return.
Yeonjun slapped a blue block card with triumph as he sneered, “Uno!” to the ambiance of Beomgyu’s agonized cry as the turn passed over him and Soobin took a seat on the couch behind them to spectate the rest of the game.
The new rooming arrangements conversation was shelved temporarily as the game began nearing its end with Taehyun placing a color switch card down and calmly changing the color to red to the wails of everyone at the table, adding an “Uno, by the way,” to injury.
The table all drew handfuls of cards with various defeated lamenting, thrashing, and bellowing, and by the time it rounded back to Taehyun’s turn, he gently placed a red block card down and threw his hands in the air with a satisfied, smiley, “Done!”
The table lit up with cheers of awe and frustration, Beomgyu glaring at Yeonjun as he pointed at him accusingly, “Do you wanna die? Why did you keep targeting me?”
Yeonjun shrugged with a smirk, “Should have played better, then.”
He turned to challenge the remaining members, picking up where Taehyun left off, skipping over Huening's turn and placing a red two.
“Soobin hyung can’t sleep alone these days anyway,” Taehyun chimed in from the side as he watched the leftover game. “We probably don’t even need the extra bed in their room.”
Soobin decided it was probably about time he squeezed into the conversation, “Soobin hyung can sleep alone just fine, thank you very much.”
“It’s not that he can’t,” Huening offered, perhaps in consolation, “but he just doesn’t like to.”
Soobin assumed it was a supportive encouragement in his favor, but he couldn’t help but still feel a little attacked despite that.
Beomgyu held up a fist in a faux threat in Yeonjun’s direction as Yeonjun skipped over his turn again (a gesture which Yeonjun reciprocated) before he turned to Taehyun and Soobin.
“I like sleeping in the closet alone anyway. You two,” he said as he glanced between Huening and Taehyun, “always stay up talking before you sleep. And you two,” his voice lowered a tad as he looked at Yeonjun and Soobin, “well. You know.”
No, Soobin thought to himself, he didn’t know. (Maybe he did, in the deep corners of his mind, tucked away, but he ignored that.)
Soobin wanted to defend himself, protest that of course he didn’t need Yeonjun to sleep, they’re not that attached at the hip these days, the members were making a big deal of some friendly snuggling.
But Yeonjun, sitting at his feet with his back turned to Soobin, shrugged his shoulders and said, “Sure, I don’t mind. We always stay up super late anyway.”
Soobin’s jaw dropped a little and he instinctively thought to scold Yeonjun, but the complaint got stuck in his throat. It wasn’t like he was wrong, anyway, and the second round of agreeable nodding and humming deterred him.
As if sensing Soobin’s hesitance, Yeonjun tilted his head back to look at Soobin for confirmation, but his eyes caught on something else before they could make their way up to Soobin’s face.
Soobin noticed the way his eyes widened slightly, but whatever it was, he didn’t say and his eyes eventually found their way to Soobin’s.
Soobin averted his gaze, watching Huening place a green seven and howl as he threw his hands up in celebration as the second winner.
Soobin replied quietly, “I don’t mind,” and that seemed like all the confirmation the group needed as they quickly finished up their game (Beomgyu came in last, much to his agony and Yeonjun’s glee) and filtered out of the living room. They took to flitting to and from their bedrooms, relocating all their things into their assigned rooms.
As they did, Yeonjun pulled himself up onto the sofa next to Soobin and patted his knee.
“Let’s move our stuff out too,” he suggested.
Soobin could easily tell that he had more he wanted to say, but held back for whatever reason, so he nodded and got to his feet and followed Yeonjun into their old bedroom to retrieve any personal belongings.
Once the dorm quieted after everyone settled comfortably in each of their rooms hours later, Yeonjun sat at the edge of his bed watching as Soobin arranged the drawer of his nightstand. Soobin was sure the drawer would end up messy and disorganized within a week or two, but still took the time to neatly tuck his things away.
“So,” Yeonjun began once it seemed that Soobin was satisfied with the display of his drawer, “you did that on purpose, didn’t you?”
Confused, Soobin turned to Yeonjun only to find Yeonjun pointing down at his chest. Soobin followed his eyes and landed on the gray hoodie he had pulled on after his shower.
A beat passed by before it suddenly dawned on Soobin that he did not own the hoodie that he had been wearing for the past couple of hours.
It wasn’t like it was completely abnormal for the members to wear each other’s clothes. Most of them could fit each other’s sizes without much issue, and with how (somewhat shamefully) messy they were about leaving clothes around the dorm, it wasn’t uncommon for certain outfits to get mixed up.
It wasn’t a conscious decision, anyhow. Soobin had just happened to see the hoodie after he had gotten out of his shower and picked it up. Things like that happen, he reasoned in his head.
“It wasn’t on purpose,” Soobin defended, turning to plug his phone’s charger into the wall beside his bed. “Put your clothes away properly if you don’t want people to wear them.”
Yeonjun scoffed, and Soobin listened to him shifting on his bed.
“I didn’t say I didn’t want you to wear it,” he mumbled softly.
“Then did you want me to wear it?” Soobin challenged, turning to face Yeonjun with a small glare, but jumping when he found Yeonjun right behind him.
In the back of his mind, he wondered if Yeonjun had left his hoodie out precisely because Soobin would see it. He wondered if he himself had grabbed the hoodie, subconsciously reminded of Yeonjun.
Yeonjun smirked, finding Soobin’s hand and filling the spaces between his fingers. “Well now I do, now that I know what you look like in it,” he replied cheekily, squeezing Soobin’s hand.
This was more the typical type of casual flirting they would normally do, except Yeonjun’s face wasn’t usually so close when he did it. They were usually on the couch, snuggled up against each other, their focus mostly on the TV.
Instead, Soobin got to focus solely on Yeonjun’s bare face again, the mole by his eye that’s usually covered with makeup, a pimple just below his mouth (and speaking of), his lips, his lips, his lips.
A shameful amount of thoughts quickly flipped through Soobin’s mind, none of which he would be willing to acknowledge.
“I need to go wash up. You look tired,” Yeonjun observed, ruffling Soobin’s hair. “No staying up late for us this time.”
Soobin was tired; all the going back and forth between rooms, on top of the intense practice they had in the afternoon, was exhausting, even more than usual. Soobin supposed he could blame his (decidedly indecent) thoughts about Yeonjun on his exhaustion as well.
Soobin yawned as Yeonjun thumbed over his cheek gently. He used to shy away when Yeonjun did things like touching his face or blowing a kiss his way or throwing a wink at him, but now, he melted into the touch. Sleepy feelings, he told himself.
“I’m laying down, then,” Soobin murmured. “Don’t take too long.”
In the back of his mind, Soobin reassured, that the last part was the sleepy feelings. Sleepy clingy feelings.
“Sure, sure, you big baby. Go lay down, I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Yeonjun said, carefully pulling Soobin towards his bed.
Exhaustion came in a sudden wave as Soobin laid down, still snuggled up in Yeonjun’s hoodie. He hadn’t noticed it until now, but it smelled so much of Yeonjun, it enveloped Soobin’s body entirely. (Yeonjun always did like baggy hoodies.)
“Goodnight. Love you, hyung,” Soobin’s words slurred as he sank into his bed and Yeonjun’s hoodie.
“Love you, jagiya,” came the gentle reply followed by the quiet closing of the door and the click of the ceiling light..
Soobin felt all his aches and fatigue sink down with him as he relaxed his body, breathing in Yeonjun’s scent and letting his mind slow down. He had thought he might have trouble with a new sleeping arrangement, but the sleepy fog over his mind and his sore body helped him forget that he was in a different room than usual.
And then his eyes flew open and he shot up so quickly that he made himself dizzy.
He watched the closed door, blinking rapidly and repeating the conversation in his head at a thousand miles a second.
He’d let his guard down and said something incredibly embarrassing. The members always told each other that they loved each other, but not… not like that.
And that’s when Soobin’s mind slammed to a halt for the second time.
“Love you, jagiya.” Yeonjun had definitely said that. Yeonjun had definitely said that. Yeonjun had definitely said that.
As casually and easily and affectionately as Soobin himself had slipped it out. No hesitation, no sarcasm, only all the same fondness and tenderness of a sleepy, clingy Soobin.
But Yeonjun was always flirting with him, always blowing him kisses, ruffling his hair, stroking his cheek, pulling him into his lap, calling him cute.
So why was Soobin’s face on fire? Why was his heart beating so fast that his head spun?
“Love you, jagiya.” Yeonjun’s previous “baby” was nothing compared to this. No hint of teasing or cheek, just genuinity and intimacy.
It was one thing that Soobin had slipped up and said it first, but it was another thing entirely that Yeonjun had reciprocated it so mundanely, as if he were telling Soobin what the group was having for dinner.
Maybe that was all it was, Soobin told himself. Maybe the softness was all in his mind and that was all that it was to Yeonjun - just reciprocating Soobin’s sleepy babbling.
Part of him wondered why he struggled so much to justify everything. Maybe the years of playing up an exaggerated dynamic had effects on him. Maybe he just wasn’t as confident as he tried to appear. Maybe he was just afraid of being wrong and overthinking everything.
But Yeonjun was the straightforward type.
Soobin flinched when the door of the bedroom opened as lightly as possible and Yeonjun appeared in the doorway, his freshly-washed face’s slight blotches visible in the low light of the hall behind him.
They met eyes briefly, Yeonjun's eyes wide with surprise at seeing Soobin unmistakably awake after putting him to bed only a few minutes prior.
“Can’t sleep?”
Soobin averted his eyes and struggled to get any words out, wondering what to say. The last time Yeonjun had asked him that, they had ended up falling asleep on the couch together.
This time, Yeonjun crossed the room, past his own bed and knelt down next to Soobin’s, leaning forward to catch Soobin’s eyes.
When their eyes finally did meet, Soobin suddenly felt shy and insecure, and it must have shown on his face because Yeonjun moved to sit on Soobin’s bed with him.
“I’ve been waiting for you this whole time, you know,” Yeonjun said with a short chuckle, reaching for Soobin’s hand, “wondering when you’d realize it.” He traced the lines on Soobin’s palm in feather-like strokes, sending all kinds of tingles up Soobin’s arm.
Soobin swallowed, lump in his throat tight and heart pounding in his chest, louder than the silence of the room.
“I didn’t mean to say it,” Soobin mumbled, face still warm with embarrassment.
“Are you taking it back, then?” Yeonjun asked, clearly knowing the answer but waiting for Soobin’s reply.
Soobin looked over Yeonjun’s face, soft and hard at the same time as always. He was always the opposite to Soobin, all intimidating presence and sharp edges that hid a childlike and easygoing personality, easily mistaken by those who didn’t know him well.
Straightforward and sometimes a little blunt; someone whose jokes could occasionally be a tad bit more biting than he meant, but would do everything in his power to make someone happy if he accidentally offended them, a big puppy who didn’t know its own strength.
Someone who was capable of getting on each and every tip of Soobin’s nerves, but someone who showed him so much adoration and love all the same. Someone who saw right through him, but still waited for him to catch up.
Soobin realized maybe he’d loved Yeonjun for a long time.
He’d spent years supporting his group and playing that supporting role in his leader position, happy to push his members forward from behind rather than lead the way himself, and maybe that was why he struggled to accept what he wanted.
He had to think of the group, think of how it would change things, how to explain it to the others, if it was even allowed.
But if there was one thing Yeonjun had taught him over the years, even just over the past several weeks, was how to indulge.
How to indulge in dramas with paper-thin plots by just laughing and enjoying how bad they are, forgetting the anxiety of an upcoming performance that he hadn’t quite mastered yet. How to indulge in a night of cuddling, ignoring the early morning practice and the impending incessant teasing from the dorm. How to indulge in the sound of someone falling asleep without thinking about the implications of the feelings that raged inside him. How to indulge in the scent of a loved one, pushing aside how embarrassing the mistake was in the first place.
For someone as selfless and thoughtful as Soobin, Yeonjun made him want to indulge.
So he did.
Yeonjun’s lips were soft (of course they were), and Soobin could feel how cracked they were against his own.
It was a bad habit of Yeonjun’s - picking at his lips until they bled. Taehyun was always chiding him to use lip balm.
Yeonjun stiffened, but quickly melted into the kiss, hands roaming up to Soobin’s neck, gently pulling Soobin closer. He pulled back, but gave no room to breathe before he dove back in.
Soobin wondered how long it had been since he’d kissed someone. He’d accidentally kissed a girl in grade school, but it was nowhere near a romantic kiss.
Yeonjun had mentioned in the past a couple kisses here and there during his school life, but nothing dramatic or grand.
A part of Soobin wondered if Yeonjun’s heart was beating as fast as his, if he was just as panicked and anxious.
Soobin felt a wet swipe over his bottom lip and gasped, pulling back in surprise, but still holding onto Yeonjun’s wrist, not willing to let Yeonjun go too far. (Not that Yeonjun was going anywhere.)
Yeonjun spent a small second chasing after his lips, but sat back once he saw Soobin’s wide eyes.
He ducked his head with a shy smile, “Sorry. Too much?”
Soobin breathed out for the first time since their lips connected and shook his head quickly.
“I was just surprised,” he explained, caught between wanting to kiss Yeonjun’s head and running his fingers through Yeonjun’s hair. He settled on (somewhat awkwardly) bumping foreheads with him.
Yeonjun let out a breathy laugh. “I was just eager. We can take it slow,” he assured. “It’s late anyway and we’re both exhausted. I’d rather not turn this into a make-out session.”
Soobin laughed lightly and slid over when Yeonjun swung his legs up into the bed, making room for the two of them in his bed.
In the back of his mind, he remembered feeling indignant at Huening’s comment about them sharing a bed earlier that evening. The maknaes were always the first to wake up and wake everyone else up, and they’d definitely get teased about sharing a bed already on the first night.
Soobin noted as such while Yeonjun pulled him down onto the bed with him, “Beomgyu’s never gonna let us live this down,” Soobin groaned as Yeonjun adjusted their limbs so they could comfortably cling to each other.
Yeonjun snorted, finally comfortable as he ran his hand along Soobin’s shoulder.
“He’ll find any reason to not let us live, not just this. Might as well embrace it.”
Soobin buried his face in Yeonjun’s hair, inhaling the sweet aroma of the shampoo that they had begun sharing over the past couple of weeks.
Indulgence. Letting go of the overexaggerated teasing that would inevitably ensue the following morning. Deciding to shelf the problem of how things might change, how the company might react, what would happen if they slipped up in front of cameras.
The members undoubtedly already knew, anyhow.
“Is this official then?” Yeonjun asked, snuggling his face into the crook of Soobin’s neck. “When can I start calling you my boyfriend? I already call you jagiya.”
Soobin didn’t hold back the laugh of pure glee that bubbled up from the pit of his stomach. He kissed Yeonjun’s head once, twice, three times.
“You can call me whatever and whenever you want, aein.”
Yeonjun went silent for a moment, before dissolving into giggles, pressing light kisses against Soobin’s neck. “Stop trying to be smooth, Soobin. You think I don’t get flustered?”
“So you mean it’s working?” Soobin squirmed under the ticklish pecks Yeonjun left on his collarbone.
“It’s been working, jagiya. We have practice tomorrow, stop making my heart flutter and go to sleep already.”
Yeonjun’s arm wrapped around Soobin’s waist and rubbed the small of his back as he closed his eyes.
“You’re already so cheesy,” Soobin hummed.
He laid still for a while, feeling the rise of Yeonjun’s chest against his own, listening to Yeonjun’s slowing breaths, feeling the warmth of Yeonjun wrapped around his body.
Soobin found it easy to indulge. He found it easy to love.
(And if Huening, Taehyun, and Beomgyu woke them the next morning in a storm of giddy laughter and razzing, followed by disgusted and disappointed booing when Soobin and Yeonjun kissed each other good morning, Soobin supposed he was fine with indulging in that, too.)