Chapter Text
Aziraphale never intended for his morning to turn out like it had. All he had wanted was to take a nice stroll through St. James Park and feed the ducks before he finished shelving the last of his newly acquired books. He anticipated leaving London that afternoon to return home to the cottage, but now it seemed the plan would require an amendment. Afterall, he found himself suddenly the host of a rather peculiar guest.
The teenager sipped their tea slowly and avoided eye contact as Aziraphale positioned himself in the seat across from them. He studied the child closely, making note of their demeanor as he prepared himself to speak. At first, no words would come, and the room was silent for what felt like millennia. A part of him wished the child would take some initiative and break the ice, but he knew that it should be his responsibility. Afterall, he was the one that brought them there.
“Ahem,” he cleared his throat, awkwardly, “So...why don’t you tell me a bit about yourself.”
His inner self cringed at the prospect of small talk, but at least it was something.
He watched as the child merely shook their head. They set their teacup down on the table and proceeded to cover their face with their hands. Aziraphale stared at them for a moment, hoping that they were merely thinking about their answer, but no response came.
“Um, you said before that your name was Ash, right? Is that short for something?” he blew gently on his own tea before taking a drink.
Nothing. He made another attempt.
“Ashley maybe?”
The child peered at Aziraphale through their fingers, concealing what he assumed, based on the annoyance in their eyes, to be a frown behind their palms. He bit his lip, praying that the reaction was mere teenage moodiness and not a sign that he had insulted them in some way.
“Ashlyn?” he provided an alternative. “Or perhaps Ashtoreth?” He managed a small chuckle at the blank stare given in response. “ Ok, so maybe not. Still, it’s a fascinating title. It comes from the Phoenician goddess of love and fertility, did you know that? She was also known for her strength and bravery as a warrior. I’ve always considered it to be a lovely name. Someone very dear to me once held it.”
Suddenly his cheeks felt a bit warm thinking about the years spent at the Dowling mansion as a gardener alongside a charming and beautiful nanny. Oh dear, real it in, Aziraphale. This was not the time. He snapped out of his daydream just in time for the teenager to speak.
“My name is Ashton,” the teenager grumbled.
“A wonderful name indeed.”
“Thanks,” they rolled their eyes, probably having hoped their answer would cease the blonde stranger’s interrogation; it didn’t.
“So, Ashton, how old are you?”
Silence. Ok, so yes, teenage moodiness. Well, not to worry, he thought to himself. Crowley may have been the most attuned to this sort of thing between the two of them, but that didn’t mean that Aziraphale was completely inept.
“Hmm, I can see that you don’t really want to talk about yourself, so how about we talk about something else then?” he dabbed at a smear of tea from his upper lip. “Any suggestions?”
They shook their head.
“Weather’s been changing,” the angel prompted, “I always enjoy this time of year with the colorful leaves and the crisp air. Do you like autumn?”
A shrug.
“I woke up this morning, and I thought it would be nice to take a stroll around the park,” Aziraphale continued. “Seems you had a similar idea. Pity those rain clouds blew in.”
“Why am I here?” the words cut through the air like a knife, catching the angel off guard.
“I’m sorry?”
“Why am I here?” they repeated, irritation evident in their tone.
It was a fair question. Any sane person would’ve asked it if they suddenly found themselves in an unusual environment with a stranger. Aziraphale had good intentions, certainly, but humans weren’t ones to trust easily, and in most circumstances, he would have been turned away. The only reason Ash had even agreed to come back to the shop was because it was starting to drizzle outside. And even then, they made the decision to remain several steps behind him for the duration of the walk. Probably warranted.
“Well, the weather aside, you were all alone out there. I thought you could use some company.”
“I like being alone.”
“I’ve always been a bit of an introvert, myself, but there are some situations when it’s nice to have someone to talk to. Everyone needs a friend every now and then. I’d say this morning is one of those times.”
“How’d you figure?”
“Well, to be honest, dear, you were quite upset when I found you.”
“Don’t call me “dear.” I hate that,” they snapped.
“I meant no disrespect. I say it with fondness to establish a connection.”
“Who says I want a connection with you?”
“I understand this is probably a bit unnerving for you to be here. Afterall, we do not know each other. I just wanted to make sure you would be alright because you seemed in rough shape.”
“I was fine,” the child groaned.
“Well, you are free to leave if you wish. I can lend you some money for transportation as the storm has picked up, and I will not have you walking home in the elements. Though, do finish your tea first. I also have some biscuits in a tin on my desk. You are welcome to grab a couple before you go.”
“So, now you are kicking me out?”
“Not at all. I’m just emphasizing that I brought you here out of concern, and if you are feeling better, then you may go as you please. You are not imprisoned.”
The child pondered this for a moment.
“But I can also stay?” their tone was softer, testing the waters.
“Of course. Would you like to?”
They shrugged.
“Well, you think about that. I’m going to go grab some of those biscuits,” Aziraphale stood up to go retrieve the biscuits, but a sudden inquiry escaped the child’s lips, causing him to return to his seat empty-handed.
“Do you need a friend?” they asked.
“Pardon?”
“You said sometimes everyone needs a friend. Do you need one?”
“I always enjoy the opportunity to get to know someone new.”
The teen paused for a moment, glancing around the back room of the shop. “Are you here alone?”
Aziraphale still very much wanted to know why he had found the child in the park at 7 a.m. that morning, but he supposed he shouldn’t push it. The important thing was that they had a conversation going.
“Here at the shop, yes. I came to meet some collectors here in London and then decided to stay a few days to do some inventory and straighten up.”
“But at home, you have someone else with you?”
“Yes, I live with my partner...er I guess husband now,” he couldn’t hide the blush this time at the mention of Crowley, especially with the recent development in their relationship.“Heh, if I am being honest, I am still not used to that word…” Actually, it had been two years since the couple officially ‘tied the knot’ as people say, however, the angel suspected it may take a few decades before it truly set in.
“Husband?” the word caught the child’s attention.
“Is that a problem?” Aziraphale stopped grinning and braced himself for a lecture regarding his right to love whoever he wanted, but there was no need.
Ash looked away, their face suddenly flushing, “Actually, it’s sort of a relief.”
“I’m afraid I don't follow,” the angel raised an eyebrow.
They shuffled uncomfortably in their seat.
“Never mind,” they bit their lip, “Congratulations….you know, on getting married.”
“Is everything alright?” he asked. “You seem on edge.”
“Look, it’s nothing,” the teen interrupted him. “I really don’t feel like talking about it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, just change the subject. Your husband...what does he do?”
“You really don’t need to indulge me.”
“Come on, you said you wanted to be friends, right? As a friend, I’m interested.”
“Ok,” Aziraphale wasn’t entirely convinced, but he took a breath and kept going, “He’s a florist. He opened a little shop in the South Downs which has become quite popular. I have never seen anyone else with a greener thumb. Of course, he is one of the few people I’ve met that actually talks to the plants.”
“Why is your shop here then? I mean, if his is there.”
“We only just moved to the countryside last year, but I’m quite attached to this old place, I guess. Plus, I’m afraid the demand for rare book collectors in the village is rather low. Not that I intend to sell much anyway. Between you and me, the shop is really just for show. I use it mainly to store my collection since Crowley won’t let me build any more bookshelves at home.”
“Is that him?” Ash pointed towards a framed photograph on the edge of Aziraphale’s desk.
“Yes, that picture was taken at our housewarming party,” his heart fluttered at the memory.
He walked over to retrieve the photo and handed it to them. In the frame was Crowley, clearly shaken by Aziraphale coming up from behind to steal a quick peck on the cheek. Ash stared at the image for awhile, and the angel noticed the teen’s eyes become a bit livelier, a soft smile forming on their face. That came as a surprise, but it was a welcomed one.
“Is he always like that? I mean, with his face all red,” Ash asked.
“Only when I catch him off guard.”
“That’s sweet. He must really love you then.”
“I assure you that it’s mutual.”
“So you’re happy?”
“Happier than I have ever been.”
“Mr. Fell, can I tell you something?” a serious look fell upon Ash’s face.
“You can call me Aziraphale if you would like, and of course.”
“Aziraphale…” they repeated with a touch of confusion.
“It has biblical origins. My family was a bit traditional, I suppose…but that’s kind of a long story. Not worth getting into. What was it you wanted to tell me?”
“Oh um, I want that someday. What you and Crowley have, I mean. Until now, I didn’t really think it would be possible for me.”
“How so?”
They sighed.
“Last night, I came out to my parents, and it didn’t go well. It was a bit of a dumpster fire actually. Anyway, some nasty shit was said, and I stormed into my room. This morning I snuck out before they got up.”
“You ran away?”
“Yeah…I had to get out of there.”
“But they must be worried sick about you.”
“Believe me, they aren’t. They hate me now.”
“They likely just need some time to process.”
“Process what exactly? My existence as anything other than the perfect Christian daughter they’ve always wanted? They have and will only ever see what they want to. And I’m sick of playing along.”
“I understand your frustration. They hurt you, and…”
“Don’t,” Ash’s energy shifted again, “Do you have any idea what it’s like to wake up every morning and feel like you are an imposter in your own home? Just playing some role. I don’t know your life. Maybe you have a supportive family, so you don’t have to put on a mask, but I assure you that ‘hurt’ doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel right now. So don’t you dare lecture me about patience and forgiveness or some shit.”
Aziraphale’s heart sank. Suddenly he was sent back to the days before Armageddon where he was in much the same position. Back then, he too was pretending to be something that he wasn’t. He had been for millennia, simply following orders and suppressing his own thoughts and desires. Many of those desires were related to Crowley- the one person in the universe who understood and accepted him for who he truly was. He had to fight those feelings, hide them deep within, and push away the one he loved, sometimes breaking his heart, because heaven would never approve. If it wasn’t for Crowley’s bravery, he probably would’ve been consumed by such fear. Crowley was the one that inspired him to take control of his life and reject heaven’s orders so that he could finally be happy. They now had a beautiful life that they built together, but even so, the pain from those years of repression has never truly left Aziraphale’s mind. He knew exactly how Ash was feeling, and the thought of someone so young enduring such toxicity from the world shattered him. He wanted to do something. He wanted to take that pain away, but he didn’t know how.
“I do know, he whispered, “It took me years to get to where I am now. There was a lot of pain and denial, and I don’t wish that on anyone.”
Ash sniffled.
“But you know what? You are already stronger than I was because you had the courage to speak up. It took me forever to even consider the possibility. I was too much of a coward, and in the end, it was Crowley that got me to defend myself. You didn’t need that push though. You did it all on your own.”
“So, what if I did? It didn’t change anything.”
“It led you here. And maybe together we can come up with a solution.”
“Like what?”
“Well, I suppose I could have a chat with them. There’s strength in numbers so the more voices we have…”
“There’s nothing you can say that I haven’t already. And besides, there is no fucking way I am going back there.”
“Well, is there anywhere else you could go until things calm down? I won’t have you wandering around London by yourself. It’s too dangerous.”
“I can crash with my mate Josh. He’s out of town but I can pick the lock and chill at his parents’ apartment until he gets back.”
“Breaking and entering is not exactly what I had in mind. What about an aunt? Family friend? Someone who can at least get in touch with your parents to let them know you’re ok?”
“Why don’t I just stay here then? You said I was welcome.”
“For the afternoon,” the angel emphasized. “I have already extended my stay past what I anticipated, and I really need to be returning home soon.”
“Then take me with you!”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because! That would be preposterous. We have barely met. To take you out of the city, well that would be kidnapping.”
“No, it wouldn’t. Not if I came willingly.”
“Doesn’t matter. Whether you like it or not, your parents will inevitably come looking for you, the police will be involved, then I’d be in quite the predicament. I wish I could, but it’s just not plausible.”
“Can I at least stay here for the night?” They plead. “They won’t come looking for me right away, I promise. I’m supposed to be at some youth retreat this weekend. As far as they know, I could have left early to catch the bus.”
“I don’t know.”
“Please.”
Aziraphale had never been able to say no to someone in need, and it wasn’t looking like this day was going to be any different.
“I suppose one night wouldn’t hurt,” he bit his lip.
“You mean it?”
“But in the morning, we need to come up with something more long-term.”
“You’re a lifesaver. Thank you so much.”
“I will need to call Crowley. I wouldn’t want him to worry. But for now, is there anything else you want me to know about you?”
“Uh, I’m fifteen years old, and I’m nonbinary.”
“Go on.”
“Um, I prefer animals over most people. I’ve always wanted my own dog, but my parents would never let me get one. My favorite color is purple, and I’ve been plotting to dye my hair without my mom knowing so that she can’t stop me. Oh, and I like to read.”
Aziraphale’s eyes lit up.
“What is it that you like to read?”
“All sorts of things really.”
“Well, you are welcome to peruse the bookshop and see if there’s anything that interests you.”
“Really?”
“Yes. As a matter of fact, why don’t you go ahead and do that now? If you are to spend the night here, I should go upstairs and fix up the bedroom for you. It’s a bit of a mess right now, I’m afraid.”
That’s an understatement considering his bed went missing under piles of books decades ago. It’s not like he ever used it anyway. The only time he ever slept was the rare occasion he and Crowley passed after forgetting to sober up. So yeah…it was going to take some digging to clear everything up for the room to be liveable.
“Is that alright with you?” he checked for confirmation.
“Yea, sure.”
“Ok. If you find something, go ahead and bring it back in here. Try not to stay out there too long or people might think the shop is open.”
Ash smiled, thinking he was joking. They soon realized that he wasn’t, and yet something about that made them smile even more.