Chapter Text
Tears pricked in Yeji’s eyes as she gazed upon the rows and rows of fans holding up their white banners, love pouring out of their faces. It was ironic really, when she then felt the tears stream down her cheeks, given she’d only moments before told everyone she wasn’t crying.
All of it because she had recounted the dream she’d had the previous night. Or at least tried to. The words had caught in her throat as she’d haphazardly stumbled out an explanation for her rather out of character, raw, display of emotions.
It was strange, when she’d described the dream to her members earlier it had been as a joke, yet another funny story they had shared among themselves in the midst of a whirlwind of schedules. But now, staring out at her fans, feeling the gentle caresses of her members on stage with her, Yeji’s dream felt heavier, as if the weight of reality suddenly bore down upon her. Imagining herself without Itzy, her members, her fans, her life, she couldn’t bear it.
Those emotions she’d felt during the concert lingered. All through their encore performance and the live later when it was brought back up again. For a moment Yeji was terrified she might cry again but fortunately her members were there to lighten the mood, poke fun at her earlier break in character and help remind her how ridiculous the whole thing was. Whilst it may have just been them teasing her as they often did to each other, Yeji was grateful that it managed to ground her rather colourful imagination before her thoughts could drift in the wrong direction.
Soon after they’d returned to the hotel, Yeji felt a buzzing in her pocket as she lay face first, collapsed, onto the bed. She was supposed to packing for their flight later that evening but had been too tired to even think about gathering up all her things. Nevertheless she fished her phone out of her tracksuit pocket and narrowed her eyes at the name of her manager lighting up the screen. Dutifully, she answered the call but immediately sat up upon hearing the unusual serious tone of her manager.
“A meeting? Now?” She asked, glancing at the time on her bedside clock. “Ok, I’m coming.” She replied, quickly hanging up the phone and pulling a hoodie over her shirt.
She made her way to her mangers room in the hotel and straight away she could tell something was wrong. It was that noticeable look in her manger’s eye, the stern expression and slightly stiff posture.
“What’s happened?” Yeji asked quietly, a flurry of anxious thoughts swirling inside her head.
“Read this.” The manger shoved their phone in front of Yeji who hesitantly took it and read the blaring headline of an article filling the screen.
—
[BREAKING] ITZY’s Yeji accused of drug abuse
A photo taken of 23 year old ITZY member, Hwang Yeji, has gone viral on social media due to the sudden suggestion of substance abuse. The photo, taken late at night by the Han River a couple of weeks ago, shows Yeji (right) with a group of friends involved in smoking what netizens are claiming to be illicit substances. Authorities have yet to officially identify the people in said picture however comments have remarked the likeness of the individual to the young Kpop star is undeniable. Yeji’s company, JYP Entertainment, has yet to put out a statement regarding the issue.
ITZY, who have just kicked off the second leg of their world tour…
—
Yeji’s jaw dropped. Her heart plummeting. “What?” She gasped, the phone slipping in her hand slightly. “I haven’t… I didn’t…” She was speechless.
“I just need a clear answer.” Her manger asked sternly. “Is the picture of you?”
“No.” Yeji shook her head, shock and disbelief still coursing through her system. “I’ve never touched any drugs.”
“So this accusation is entirely false?”
“Yes, completely. I don’t know where that picture came from and who’s in it, but it’s not me.” Yeji’s hands were trembling as she handed the phone back to her manger who took it and gently patted her on the shoulder.
“It’s ok, don’t panic just yet. I’ll tell the company to put out a statement denying the allegations. You just need to get your things ready for flying in a few hours and take some time to rest. I’ll make sure this is all cleared up in no time, ok?”
Yeji’s breathing relaxing slightly as a result of her manger’s reassurances. However the niggling thought in the back of her mind that told she should be concerned stayed with her all throughout the journey to the airport. A couple of glances from her members told her everything. They all knew. Yeji was grateful they didn’t ask her anything about it yet, however a feeling spread through her that she couldn’t quite pinpoint, guilt perhaps.
It twisted in her stomach as they arrived at the airport and as she waved enthusiastically at Midzys, or at least, she was trying to look enthusiastic. Her flight back was restless and sleep evaded her as her mind was racing. Soon enough, four hours had passed and she was back in Korea.
Getting back to the company was a blur. Her body was exhausted and had worked completely on autopilot through the flashing of reporters and cheering of gathered fans. Once they were finally back at their apartment, Yeji released a breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding.
- - -
In the five days they had back in Korea before they flew out again for their next concert, Yeji made sure to stay behind company doors. She found herself expending far too much energy in the practice rooms long after everyone else had packed in for the night, stress permeating through her thoughts and stifling her routine.
She grunted, frustratedly, as she yet again made a mistake on a dance move she had been practicing for the last hour, and slumped against the mirror covering the far wall of the room. It felt cool on the back of her slightly damp shirt as she rested her head against it, the thought of getting up again gone in an instant, her legs aching and her feet tingling after hours of use.
When they had first arrived back, Lia had asked her if she was ok and for a split second Yeji had considered whether she should just let it all out. However when she saw the expression on Lia’s face, she’d immediately started steering the conversation away from herself.
She knew the members were all already tired and probably irritated by the tense predicament they were in. So she tried her best to make up for it by working twice as hard as usual. But so far this evening, or should she say morning, none of her practice seemed to be going anywhere. They were flying out to Jakarta tomorrow and Yeji knew she couldn’t afford to make any mistakes, so groaning, she staggered to her feet again, limbs heavy and thoughts racing. Dragging herself over to the computer to press play on the track and start on her routine once more.
- - -
Fortunately, the flight out and concert in Jakarta all went smoothly. Yeji had felt she’d been able to relax slightly over there. Especially when they’d all been playing games in the hotel in the morning, the atmosphere had brought back that familiar comfort that it always had before.
Unfortunately, during their final day there, Yeji was once again called to her manager’s room. Knowing what it was about Yeji could feel a deep, swirling pit forming in the bottom of her stomach. She tried to convince herself it would be good news. However when she opened the door to find her manger, hand on head, standing hunched over by the window, her heart leaped into her mouth, the back of her neck now feeling slightly sweaty.
“Hello? You wanted to see me-“
“You said it wasn’t you.” They ground out, in a tired but angry voice.
“I… It wasn’t?”
“They have proof.”
“What!?” Yeji’s eyes widened.
“Apparently someone’s come out as an eye witness, Yeji.” Her manger thrust a phone in her face, not that she could make out what was on the screen in time before they pulled it away again. “What the hell were you doing that night anyway?”
“I wasn’t doing anything, I swear, I- I was in the dorms.” Yeji stuttered, suddenly questioning everything, her heart hammering in her chest.
“This is bad news, Yeji. The story’s everywhere. It’s trending on multiple sights.”
Suddenly all the words Yeji wanted to say, to defend herself with, stuck in the back of her throat. She was left standing silently like a little girl who was being scolded by her parents for breaking her sister’s toy.
Her manger sighed and their hand that was holding the phone dropped to their side. “I will tell JYP your statement is the same and we’ll see where we can go from there, but for now don’t post anything online, stay off Bubble and just lay low for a bit. We don’t need any more attention on this, ok?”
Yeji nodded but was still speechless. Even when she was told she could leave she couldn’t look her manager in the eye, head hanging as she went back to her room to pack. She could barely wrap her head around what was going on, someone was lying on social media just to spite her? Was that really what had happened? Or was it a misunderstanding? But now there was a witness, were they also lying? Surely the news had no solid proof of anything? Was there a whole group of people scheming against her?
She was desperately tempted to see what everyone online was saying about it, but knew it would only hurt her more. So she turned off her phone and tried, in vain, to push all the pointless questions to the back of her mind and get her bags ready for their flight home. Maybe once they were back everything would make more sense.
Except as she packed, the confusion and guilt started to eat her up inside. So much so that she hardly noticed when there was a knocking at her door before it was pushed open to reveal a panicked Ryujin quickly making her way inside.
“Unnie, what is all this?” She said gripping her phone. “Are you-“
“I don’t know. I… I didn’t do it. I promise.” Yeji turned away, embarrassed, “I would never do something like that because it hurts the group and I wouldn’t do that to you guys.” She mumbled, trailing off.
Ryujin’s eyes softened with concern. “I know, I was just asking if you were ok?”
Yeji stilled, contemplating the question. “I’m fine. I mean, it’s not true is it? So I shouldn’t get all worked up about it really.”
Ryujin huffed and walked over, placing a hand on Yeji’s shoulder. “You’re allowed to be annoyed at people making up stories about you, though.”
“I’m not annoyed.” Yeji replied, finally turning to face her friend. “I’m just confused as to why someone would do that. All this time I’ve tried so hard not to do anything wrong and then this just comes out of nowhere. Maybe I’m not...”
“Unnie, you’re perfect.” Ryujin said, carefully brushing one of Yeji’s hairs that was out of place to the correct side of her parting. “Someone’s probably just jealous that you’ll always be better and more successful than them and they can’t do anything to stop it.”
“Ryujin-ah! You can’t say that.” Yeji chided, playfully hitting her arm, though Ryujin merely shrugged.
“In life, most people can be mean; but jealous people can be cruel, especially if their stories are anonymous. But it’s ok, because your side has the benefit of being the truth. In a few days this whole thing will have died down, trust me.”
Yeji’s eyebrows creased and she could feel a lump in her throat growing. She quickly pulled Ryujin into her arms and hugged her before she had a chance to notice Yeji’s glossy eyes.
“Thank you.” Yeji whispered in her ear and she could feel Ryujin smile into her shoulder.
“Remember, I’m always on your side, unnie.”
- - -
Going back through the airport and waving at the crowds of fans that had gathered to send them off was something Yeji had never thought she’d hate doing. But now, knowing Midzys had probably seen every headline and small comment about her, shame weighed down on her shoulders and features, her mask barely able to cover her sullen expression. She waved here and there and pulled the cap she was wearing firmly down on her head, wanting nothing more than to run away and hide. Fortunately, taking some deep breaths seemed to calm her thoughts down enough to go through boarding and finally takeoff.
Unfortunately the worst was still yet to come.
Once they’d landed back in Korea, as soon as they’d stepped through the barriers the other side of passport control, Yeji’s world seemed to to turn to chaos.
Flashing lights of cameras blinded her and the insistent shouting of reporters meant she could barely hear any of the people around her who were trying to get her to the cars as quickly as possible. Questions bombarded her left, right and centre and soon the group’s walking turning to shuffling as a huge mob crowded them further, all vying for the prime position to snap a picture of Korea’s latest scandal.
A camera and microphone were shoved in Yeji’s face and she quickly stepped backwards to avoid it only for someone else to bump into her shoulder holding up a phone. Journalists and fans jostled around her and Yeji felt like her breath was being squashed back into her lungs, when suddenly she felt a gentle arm wrap around her waist. She glanced down, already knowing who it belonged to, and relaxed slightly upon the sight of Ryujin’s knitted jumper sleeve gripping her own jacket.
She focused on the fact Ryujin was right beside her all the way up until they were safely in their company car before finally releasing a breath she hadn’t been aware she was holding. She heard the relived sighs of Chaeryeong and Yuna behind her but was feeling too overwhelmed and guilty to check up on them. After fifteen minutes or so Yeji heard the light, tinny sound of music coming through someone’s headphones, probably Yuna’s, above the noise of the rumbling engine beneath her. Too tired to ask her to turn it down, she instead leaned her head against the trembling window and shut her eyes, her thoughts flitting around her as the familiar sights of Seoul greeted her somberly. The darkening skies reflecting the feeling of emptiness seeping slowly inside her.
- - -
A phone call from her manager usually wasn’t anything to be concerned over. However given it was only a couple of days after returning, Yeji’s nerves were still shot from their previous conversation and she had to take a few deep breaths seeing the contact name pop up on her lock screen. It was probably just to let her know JYP had posted her statement. Or maybe it was to tell her she’d been acquitted from all the false accusations. She had been disciplined enough not to fall into the temptation of looking herself up online yet and had stayed off Bubble for a whole day just in case, but the problem with that was she had no idea what the current situation was. So with nervous anticipation, she answered the call.
“Hello.”
“Hello, Yeji?” Came the crackly voice of her manger through the phone.
“Hi, what is it?”
“I’m afraid I have bad news.”
Yeji’s breathing stopped.
“The situation’s not easing up, in fact there’s a lot of complaints about you performing at the last concert, so unfortunately the company’s decided to put you on a temporary hiatus.”
There was a pause.
“Oh.” Was all that Yeji could manage, her heart shattering in silence.
“Only for a couple of weeks, while the company fights to resolve the issue and deal with the source of the misinformation, it it means you won’t be participating in any group activities for now.”
“O-ok.” Yeji gulped down her anxieties. “So I should just stay here?”
“Yes. Stay at the company, don’t go out in public and please try to keep your private life to yourself. The other managers will also be letting the rest of the members know in the next few days before the announcement is made, so they know what’s going on.”
“Ok.”
“Do you have any other questions?”
Yeji had a hundred. But at that moment, none of them could get past the lump forming in her throat.
“No.”
“Ok, well just message me if you do. I’ll be in contact. Fighting!”
Before Yeji could respond the phone hung up and she was left standing in her room, suddenly aware of how quiet it was and how alone she felt. Like sharp pins stabbing at her, the words of the conversation echoed in her head as she processed it all. Hiatus. No group activities. Each one pricking a little harder the more she thought about it.
She felt the urge to chuck her phone across the room and let it smash into the wall but immediately reprimanded herself for thinking so childishly. Tears welled in her eyes at the unfairness of it all and before she knew it she was crying and clutching at her teddies that she had carefully tucked under her duvet that morning.
Just then, she heard a couple of small knocks on the door.