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Fifty Feet High

Summary:

"what if the bungo stray dogs characters smoked weed?" and then they did.

Notes:

so basically i just thought "what would various bsd characters be like high" and now its a fic or whatever? I don't write a lot of fanfiction so don't expect this to be spectacular but I thought it was a silly idea I hope you enjoy! also don't mind my name i was feeling goofy i think it's hilarious

shoutout to Dee @sleebyy_ on twitter who made some art for this and also beta-read this for me! they also listened to me rant about this idea for about an hour straight they deserve the world.

playlist:
- dizzy by chloe moriondo
- sedona by sir chloe
- center by sir chloe
- kiss city by blondshell
- neon signs by suki waterhouse
- being in love by wet leg
- addicted by superfan
- end of beginning by djo
- 02:00 am by sarah crean

Work Text:

The rich smell of coffee fills Atsushi’s nose as he rushes into the cafe, Junichiro following closely enough to step on the back of his heels. The cafe is relatively empty compared to the usual 8am rush that fills the room with sounds of typing on plastic keyboards and sleep-deprived conversations. The two boys stumble over to a booth already occupied with Dazai and Kunikida; two senior Armed Detective Agency members. Dazai is sipping a black coffee, gazing out the window seemingly bored out of his mind at something Kunikida is saying. As Atsushi and Junichiro slide into the booth, the energy at the table immediately shifts.

“Finally! I cannot believe you two would leave me alone with Kunkida so early in the morning,” Dazai says, aggressively putting his half-empty mug of coffee down on the table.

Kunikida rolls his eyes, “There’s been a robbery at the Yokohama Bank and the local police suspect it’s a powerful skill user. We have to plan for an approach,” He insists, urging his employees to listen.

Atsushi, Dazai, and Junichiro collectively groan.

“It’s not even 9 am yet and you’re making us work?” Junichiro murmurs as he lays his head down on the table. The group is interrupted by the sudden appearance of a familiar waitress, Lucy, her two bright red braids moving wildly as she rushes to the table.

Atsushi immediately pipes up, smiling at his friend, “Lucy! You’re back from Canada, how was your trip?”

“Good, you know, the usual,” Lucy stammers, avoiding the question. “What can I get for you two?” Lucy smiles kindly at the table. She listens aptly and scratches down their orders – a hot chocolate for Atsushi and a caramel latte for Junichiro. Lucy lingers at the table a little longer than necessary, rocking on her heels impatiently.

“Is everything okay?” Atsushi asks, mentally going over the past few weeks trying to remember if he’s done something to upset Lucy for the hundredth time. Maybe he forgot her birthday – that couldn’t possibly be today, could it? Lucy leans into the table, as if confessing a deep secret.

“Have you guys ever smoked weed?”

Dazai chokes on his coffee, erupting in a huge coughing fit. Junichiro turns to calm him down, Atsushi turns to shush Lucy as she looks confused, sliding into the booth next to Atsushi.

“What is this about, Lucy?” Kunikida asks, breathless and anxiously looking around the cafe and leaning over the table to avoid anyone hearing their illicit discussion.

“Well I smuggled some weed back from Canada for Louisa and I to smoke but I accidentally told the wrong person about it. Long story short, I have to get rid of it, and, well, I have a lot of it. The two of us won’t be able to smoke it all by ourselves. I don’t want some perfectly good weed to go to waste either. Would you guys, you know, help me get rid of it?”

The group stares at the girl in awe, barely able to process what she had just told them. She had brought back a completely illegal substance back to Japan and someone is apparently after her? Dazai looks almost impressed, however, Kunikida, Atsushi, and Junichiro look absolutely horrified. Kunikida begins to shake his head aggressively.

“No, no, no, no. We are a dignified detective agency, we are not going to help you ‘get rid’ of your weed,” said Kunikida.

“Oh please, Kunikida, it’d help you relax. You could really use a good puff,” Dazai urges, nudging Kunikida. He turns back to Lucy, “We’ll help. We can meet up tonight at the agency,”.

“It might be good for the agency to relax a little bit, especially after the year we’ve had,” agrees Junichiro, his tension easing.
Kunikida looks shocked, looking around the table for anyone to agree with him. Atsushi anxiously looks between his superiors, considering both options carefully.

“I don’t think it’d be that bad if we're doing it for a good cause?” Atsushi says, unsure.

“Fine, we can do it. But we’re having Dr. Yosano there in case something goes wrong,” Kunikida compromises, giving up on arguing with his coworkers so early in the morning.

“Smoke sesh with the agency!” Dazai throws his hands into the air, “Oh I just have to call Chuuya he has to come join us,” Dazai grabs his phone from the inside pocket of his jacket and dials Chuuya’s number.

“Thank you so much for helping! I’ll meet you at the agency after my shift.” Lucy excitedly slides out of the booth and scurries off, leaving the Armed Detective Agency to the rest of their morning.

 

Later that evening, Atsushi stands at the door of his and Kyouka’s apartment, bending down to put on his shoes. Kyouka appears in the hallway holding a steaming bowl of rice, her shiny red kimono turning the space around her into a beautiful reddish hue. The young girl looks at Atsushi, confused.

“Where are you going? Is there a mission tonight?” Kyouka asks in her usual monotone voice. Atsushi panics at the question, stumbling over his feet as he stands up. He begins sweating almost immediately. He has absolutely no clue how to answer Kyouka’s question without revealing his illegal plans for the evening. So, he answers honestly.

“Lucy has weed and she needs the agency to help her smoke it to get rid of it,” Atsushi speaks quickly, barely making eye contact with Kyouka.

Much to his panic, his roommate merely responds, “Okay, have fun!” the girl smiles. Atsushi wonders if she even knows what weed is, but returns the smile anyway, leaving the apartment.

Atsushi opens the door to the agency, his ears flooded by the sounds of small talk coming from the break room. He walks inside and sees the agency and the Port Mafia sitting in an oblong circle, scattered between couches, desk chairs and the floor. Lucy is sitting at a table in the corner, supplied with rolling paper and a bag of marijuana. Atsushi finds a spot on the floor next to Akutagawa, his rival and partner in crime from the Port Mafia.

“How’d you hear about this?” Atsushi asks Akutagawa while crossing his legs, his knee gently brushing Akutagawa’s.

“Chuuya’s loud. I overheard him talking to Dazai about it on the phone. I felt I deserved to join,” answers Akutagawa.

“You’re not smoking anything!” Atsushi exclaims, “You have a severe lung disease!”

“Yes, I’m aware. I want to watch. I want to see what type of bullshit Dazai and Chuuya will get up to when they barely have a conscience.”

“I’m staying sober too, I don’t trust it.”

As the two boys talk, they are interrupted by Lucy handing out the first joint to Atsushi. She demonstrates how to drag a blunt silently for Atsushi, but he refuses, passing it across Akutagawa to Junichiro, Yosano, Gin and Higuchi. The four of them each take a long drag, separating from the circle into a small group in the corner. Lucy gives another to Ranpo and Poe, who instantly burst into giggles at the sight of it, evidently having their first experience with an illegal substance. Lucy rolls another blunt and passes it to Chuuya, Dazai and Kunikida. Each of them takes a deep breath of the blunt, passing it wordlessly between them. Lucy rolls a final blunt and lights it for herself, and leans back to watch the night begin.

 

-

 

The sun has fully set, the room illuminated by only a lamp in the far corner. For a group so often involved in nothing but chaos, the room is warm with relaxation and a haze of marijuana smoke. Conversations begin between groups, with an occasional loud laugh. For the first time in years, the agency is happy with no air of danger. Yosano takes a drag of the blunt and passes it to Gin, who takes off her mask and takes the final drag and extinguishes it on the arm of the chair Yosano is sitting on. Her head begins to feel as if it is filled with cotton, as if there is some sort of fog clouding her brain. Despite this, Yosano feels oddly connected to the room around her, taking in her surroundings. Junichiro is sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of her, brushing his orange hair out of his face while taking a deep breath. Higuchi and Gin stand beside her, exchanging quiet anecdotes between the two of them. Yosano looks across the room, eyes lingering on Dazai. He is so effortlessly cool, his jacket draped over his shoulders, talking loudly while half the room listens attentively to whatever he has to say. Yosano can’t help but notice how well he can command a group of people without even trying. A pang of jealousy hits Yosano.

“I wish Kunikida would listen to me the same way he listens to Dazai,” Yosano mutters.

“Hm?” Junichiro squeaks, distracted by something across the room.

“Dazai can do anything he wants and get away with it. He barely works and is still considered a top employee. I could never do that. If I stopped healing people for a day I’d be in so much trouble. He disappears and no one even cares,” Yosano speaks slowly and softly. She catches the attention of Higuchi and Gin, who lower themselves to sit on the floor next to Yosano’s chair.

“Men get away with everything,” Higuchi responds, glaring at Akutagawa from across the room.

“I liked it better when people thought I was a boy,” says Gin, her soft voice hard to hear through the chatter. “They listened to me more even when I didn’t talk.”

The group goes silent, a quiet understanding between the three women. All three of them were overpowered by men in their field, and frequently overlooked when it came to their skills. It’s a feeling they're all too familiar with. Lost in thought, Higuchi begins to absent-mindedly brush Gin’s hair with her hand, curling it between her fingers, transfixed by the way it shines. Yosano watches the two girls, admiring the kindness of the gesture. The way in which they’re so gentle with each other but still so comfortable at the same time – there’s a visible respect and admiration Gin and Higuchi have for the other that Yosano can’t help but envy. There’s never been anyone she’s trusted enough to be that physical with.

Through the silence, Junichiro murmurs to himself, his eyes closed, “I’m so glad I’m not a girl anymore.”

All three women look at each other, a sudden realization at the weight of the confession Junichiro just made. His eyes stay closed, almost meditating as he sits cross-legged, unaffected by the conversation. Gin leans over and pats Junichiro on the top of his head.

 

-

 

“I have never been this calm in my whole life. I feel like I’m only having one thought at once,” Kunikida says, sitting with his knees up on the ground, Dazai beside him leaning up against a couch, taking a breath from the blunt. Chuuya lays down on the maroon couch above them, both of his jackets laid over the back of the sofa. A breeze blows through an open window, moving Chuuya’s hair softly. Dazai holds the blunt between his fingers, staring aimlessly ahead of him.

“I told you weed is the solution to all your problems,” responds Dazai, passing the blunt to Kunikida who takes multiple drags before passing it to Chuuya.

“I don’t even feel like checking my notebook right now. My schedule isn’t important is it? Everything I’ve ever cared about doesn’t really matter that much. We’re all just inside a floating rock in space,” says Kunikida, his voice emotionless.

“Now is not the time to get existential,” Dazai says, tapping Kunikida’s knee lightly. “So can I finally throw your notebook out?” He mocks, a snarky smile appearing on his lips.

“I will kill you,” Kunikida has become accustomed to Dazai’s threats towards his beloved book of ideals.

“I was hoping that I could get you to agree to it while you’re high but I guess that’s not gonna happen,” Dazai sighs, taking the joint from Chuuya.

“Can you guys please stop bickering? I am trying to relax,” says Chuuya, his eyes closed.

Dazai twists himself to face his partner, ruffling Chuuya’s hair. The boys smile back at each other, Dazai laughing softly at just how exhausted Chuuya is, his eyes fluttering.

“So have you both done this before?” Kunikida breaks the comfortable silence.

“Yeah, although I’ve had much stronger shit than this Canadian stuff,” answers Chuuya, “Join the mafia and we can get you weed, ‘shrooms, anything you want. Just because we don’t deal doesn’t mean we can’t have a little bit of fun.”

“I will not be doing this again.”

“I’ve smoked weed before too. Among other things,” Dazai chimes in, throwing a mischievous glance at Chuuya before extinguishing the blunt on the agency’s tile.

Chuuya rolls his eyes, “Bullshit. I bet since you’ve joined the agency you haven’t done half the shit I have.”

“I have tried to commit suicide numerous times in my life; I have tried shit you can’t even pronounce,”

The two argue back and forth as Kunikida zones out, gazing at the wall ahead of him. His mind feels completely empty, thoughts come and they go without even affecting his mood. Kunikida is in a state of total mindfulness.

“Hey, buddy, are you doing okay?” Dazai asks Kunikida, breaking him out of his trance.

“I’m appreciating how it feels not to move,” responds Kunikida.

“Okay,” Dazai twists himself onto his knees, now fully facing Chuuya on the couch, their faces inches apart. The red-headed boy is falling asleep, his mouth slightly open and his eyes closed. He’s curled up on the sofa, his hair falling in his face. Dazai laughs at him.

“Always so sleepy,” Dazai mutters while taking off his own jacket to drape it across Chuuya’s body, making him look even smaller underneath Dazai’s long trench coat. He tucks Chuuya’s hair behind his ear, but those locks are stubborn, falling wherever they please. Chuuya briefly opens his eyes, smiles at Dazai and falls back asleep.

Dazai sits still for a moment, gazing at his boyfriend and his coworker. In a moment of high delirium, he realizes just how lucky he is to be so close to two people as talented as they are. Despite the horrific things he’s been subjected to since he was a child, Chuuya and Kunikida have never scrutinized him for it. They’re the only people in the world that understand what he’s been through. The only people who take his desire to die seriously.

Dazai’s thoughts are interrupted by the tearing of paper and the appearance of snacks summoned by Kunikida and his notebook – Hi-Chew candies, potato chips, pocky, every snack imaginable. Dazai laughs, careful not to touch any of the snacks himself in fear of ruining Kunikida’s fun.

“Kunikida, I’ve never seen you so careless! You should smoke more often,” Dazai smiles.

 

-


Atsushi and Akutagawa sit side by side, close to the door, simply observing the smokey room ahead of them. As the only sober people in the room, they seem to be the only two able to see the world clearly. Atsushi looks around, watching as Lucy dances to no music, Chuuya and Dazai tangled together, asleep on the sofa, and Kunikida snacking in the corner.

After a long moment of awkward silence, as the two try not to make any contact at all, Akutagawa finally speaks, “If I’m honest I was expecting far more chaos.”

“This isn’t enough chaos for you?” asks Atsushi, gesturing to Lucy’s erratic dance moves.

“I was expecting someone to get hurt. That would make for some excellent entertainment.”

“Well, the night hasn’t ended yet.”

Silence follows, Atsushi watches as Lucy sits down on the floor, exhausted from her routine.

“I don’t usually get invited to events like this,” says Akutagawa, looking straight forward, careful not to look at Atsushi.

“Hm?” Atsushi turns his head, focusing on only Akutagawa.

“They don’t always invite me. I’m too serious. If I do get invited I normally sit out on whatever's happening,” Akutagawa pauses to cough. Taking a deep breath, he continues: “The only person who really knows me is Gin, and she’s my sister.”

Atsushi nods slowly, holding his breath, trying not to scare Akutagawa away.

“I can get to know you now,” Atsushi hesitantly offers a smile, a small bite of a huge task. Akutagawa turns his head to look at Atsushi, a rare flicker of trust passing between them.

“I’m scared of the dark,” Akutagawa confesses, a small smile appearing on his lips. At that moment, Atsushi notices for the first time just how utterly and beautifully human Akutagawa is. To be as powerful as him but scared of something so innocent as the dark, a child’s fear. To be so fearless and yet goosebumps form over the switch of a light; what lies unknown in the darkness. Atsushi’s eyes fall to Akutagawa’s lips, then quickly dart away as butterflies form in his stomach and heat rises to his cheeks. His gaze solidifies on his hands, unmoving in his lap. The boys remain silent, holding their breath, both of them not daring to make a sound and break the delicate moment. Atsushi looks up, catching Junichiro’s eyes from across the room. Junichiro quickly averts his gaze, turning his head to talk to Yosano.

 

-

 

Across the room, Poe and Ranpo stand leaned up against the wall, passing their blunt like kids exchanging secrets, keeping it closely held between them. Karl, Poe’s pet raccoon, is draped over Poe’s shoulders, hiding his face under his owner’s long hair. The marijuana has turned Poe quiet; he lingers over Ranpo silently admiring every small movement and gesture he makes. Ranpo’s ultra-deduction mindset has been heightened in the marijuana haze – he's begun analyzing the people in the room around him. Blunt in hand, he looks around the room, eyes landing on Junichiro.

“He definitely is in love with Atsushi. He has been staring at him all night. It’s strange that Atsushi doesn’t know it’s the most obvious thing! I barely even needed to use my ultra deduction skill to figure it out,” Ranpo theorizes, slightly lowering his voice.

“Ranpo, you are definitely right!” Poe responds, taking the blunt from Ranpo and taking a long drag.

After a short pause, Ranpo speaks again: “I think they should take me in for those unsolved mystery cases. I could solve them all in seconds. I was thinking about the Jon Benet Ramsey case earlier and I solved it within five minutes of hearing the case. It was definitely the father – there is no other reason he’d be attempting to leave the state the morning he finds out his only daughter is dead,” As Ranpo talks, he stands on the tip of his toes and gently takes off Poe’s jacket, careful not to disturb Karl. He slides the jacket onto his body over the cloak he's already wearing, not putting his arms into the jacket. The long jacket is far too big on him, its tail dragging onto the floor. Poe tries his best to remain composed, stuttering over his agreements. For the rest of the evening, the two stay chatting, theorizing about their fellow coworkers from both Poe’s Guild and the Armed Detective Agency.

 

-

 

As the blunts fade out and people begin to sober up, the night comes to a close. Yosano and Junichiro are the first to leave, Junichiro mumbling something about feeling sick. Dazai and Chuuya wake up, untangling themselves from each other to get off the couch. They whisper back and forth, exchanging quiet, giggly words as they put on their jackets. Dazai and Chuuya go home, and Kunikida follows shortly after. Higuchi and Gin are in the corner kissing, Higuchi's hands lost in Gin’s hair as their lips move, rarely coming up for air. Eventually they leave too, hand in hand and leaning on the other for support. Ranpo and Poe leave to buy more snacks. Slowly, only Akutagawa and Atsushi are left to clean up the small messes they left behind. They chat while they tidy the room, exchanging anecdotes white lighting candles and opening windows as a desperate attempt to cover up the pungent smell of weed.

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