Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was weird to stop wearing gloves.

It was weird to come back from an exploratory trip – meant to bring back a breakthrough – completely changed both physically and mentally.

(Not to mention that time she was hanging out with a few coworkers after a long work day and nearly killed herself chasing- forget it, it was embarrassing for everyone.)

But Diane had been through a lot, and just knew that challenges led one in the right direction.

Plus, she’d gotten a little friend out of the whole ordeal. Little Buddy was the only Bugsnak that didn't attempt to do anything devastating to her, and had ended up becoming her ‘therapy snak’, as her coworkers had called them.

But even with Little Buddy, life back on the mainland was…

Awkward.

“Morning Diane!”

“Morning, Paula.”

Paula raised an eyebrow at the normally cheerful lady’s dull response. 

“Something up, girly?”

Diane paused at her office doorway, turning to face the front desk again.

“Oh. Just… the whole getting re-acclimated to working in the office thing is… really chippie- chipping away at my patience and… I miss working insta-in the lab.”

“Diane, you’re stuttering again.”

“How many times do I have to tell you guys that inch-it’s not stuttering!?” Diane huffed, pinching the bridge of her nose (which ended up chipping something slightly) before continuing, “Ever since I went on that expedition to Snaktooth Island, ins-it’s bano- been much harder to sprin- speak properly.”

Paula crossed her arms, “So? What does it sound like if you don’t correct yourself?”

Diane sighed.

“Fine, you waff me to sodie like a flapped-up peelbug that cin’t even tacroach cocomitely?”

“What?”

Diane laughed, which just earned an even weirder look from Paula. Granted, that one was mostly because her laugh had also been altered since the incident, but it was still entertaining to her.

“Right… You should get to work then.”

“Will do, Peela.”

“... what the fuck?”

Chapter Text

“Little Buddy!? Why are you running off like this!?”

For the past hour and a half, Diane had been chasing her little strabby, who’d been seemingly chasing nothing from her perspective.

Presently, they’d stopped in front of a coffee shop, and Diane immediately knew exactly what would happen.

“No, we are not getting a chocolate shake, Bud.”

“Strab!”

“No.”

“Strab!”

“No!”

“Strabby straaaaaaab?”

“No.”

Diane made an attempt to pull Little Buddy away, but they slipped out of their harness and beelined directly into the coffee shop.

That left an incredibly annoying – and possibly embarrassing – option: Retrieve Little Buddy from the coffee shop by entering and masquerading as a completely normal customer who definitely isn't a chocolate addict to a fault.

“C’mon Diane, breathe… preferably through your mouth. You can do this.”

Rolling her sleeves down over her messed up Snak limbs, Diane stepped into the cafe to order one… no, two chocolate shakes.

And you're not drinking both of them this time.

“Diane! It's so good to see you again. How was your trip?” The barista – Christopher, she recalled – perked up upon seeing her.

“Ah, fine. Could’ve ban-been better, but it is waff it is.”

FUCK.

“Ain’t that the truth! Now, what would you like to order?”

Diane was relieved that Chris hadn't noticed her slip-up. Being in cafes – or any sweets-based shop, really – tended to… put her head in, as she’d nicknamed it, ‘bugspace’.

“Two chocolate shakes. And, er… I came here because I…” Diane sighed, “I lost my pet and they beelined straight into here and I fear they’re…”

“They’re what?”

Chocolate chocolate choco- shut up!

“They're digging in your chocolate supply. They’re a bit of a chocolate addict, see…”

“Oh, don't you worry, Dia’, I’ll get your pet out in no time! Sasha! Two chocolate shakes for Diane!”

A faint ‘Got it!’ was heard from some unseen part of the shop and Diane sat on a stool nearby the counter. All the while, she could hear the stupid chocolate desires of the Bugsnax.

Dooooo it! Do it! Get the chocolate! You know you want i - WOULD YOU SHUT UP ALREADY!?

She huffed to herself before being startled by Chris screaming at the top of his lungs.

“WHAT THE FAAAACK!?”

“CHRIS!?” Looking over the counter, Diane saw…

Christopher standing over Little Buddy – covered in chocolate – wielding a broom but evidently too frightened to use it against the strawberry gremlin.

“D-DIANE!?”

“That's my pet.”

“How the FUCK do you have a pet STRAWBERRY-”

“1: Strabby; 2: Mind your bungness, Chris. I do as I please.” Little Buddy hopped into Diane’s arms as Sasha passed the two chocolate shakes onto the counter.

“Two chocolate shakes for a Diane?”

“That'd be me! Thank you! Have a great day you two!” Diane waved goodbye before hurrying outside. 

“Damnit, Buddy. I almost did something really stupid because of you… but you're still my Little Buddy and you always will be!”

“Strab!”

…

“I need to pay-”

Chapter Text

“Diane, we can’t move you back into the lab.”

“Well why not!?”

She knew why, but it was better hearing it from her boss than admitting it to herself.

“You refuse to wear proper safety equipment, for one thing, and you're very uncooperative with your fellow coworkers at times. What's up with you? What happened on your trip to Sna-”

“You wanna know?”

“Inform me. I only wish to understand.”

Slowly, knowingly, Diane rolled up her left sleeve to reveal just some of the damages done by the island. Tapping her hand(?) onto the table, she looked up at her boss again and sighed.

“Bugsnax are very dangerous and can in fact cause pale-manent damage to one’s structural integrity, way of tacr-talking, and behavioral patterns. I am a victim of this, but at least I lollived to tell the tale.”

Her boss sighed.

“Tell me this is just you messing around.”

“Excuse my unprofessionalism, but I fucking shish I was.”

She meant to slam her fist into the table, and in any other circumstance she’d’ve been fine. In this one, however…

CRICK!

The two went dead silent.

The cheeto-like limb that had replaced her forearm had cracked straight in two right in front of her boss.

Talk about bad timing.

“This… this can be fixed.”

“I certainly hope so, Ms. Karolvich. You're left-handed, are you not?”

…

She was.

“Aaah, shishkabug.”

After the first few weeks back, Diane was finally starting to settle in and get back into a proper work routine despite everything that had happened at Snaktooth, and she was damn proud of herself for doing so.

Why did Michael have to show up?

Michael Turner, Diane’s worst nightmare of a coworker had returned to his office right next to hers and she really did not need him to see her current state. At all.

“Hey, Dee.”

“Afternoon, Mike.”

He leaned an arm against her doorway and smirked.

“What’s the cast for? Did you fall off a mountain at Snaktooth?”

“No, I snapped a bone against a table. Keep talking and I’ll snap your neck against a wall.”

“Feisty girl alert! I’ve always liked that in a lady, y’kn-”

“I swear to god if you don't fucking shut up I will make you.” Diane was getting stressed out, and most people around the office as of late had learned she had a habit of… causing temperature extremes when stressed out.

Michael, however, did not.

“Heh, Dee, I’d loooove to see you-”

Diane stood up from her seat and turned to face Michael.

And kicked him right in the balls.

With her right leg.

Which was caught on fire by her charmallow piece out of stress.

“SHISH, FUCK, I AM SO SORRY I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE-”

“WHY IS YOUR LEG ON FIRE IN THE FIRST PLACE!?”

“WAFF, YOU SEE, THAT EXPEDITION TO SNAKTOOTH MEG-A-MAK-NOT HAVE FLAPPED ME OVER JUST A PICAN-”

“SPEAK ENGLISH!”

“I’M FLAPPING TROPICING! THE SPUCH STUFF GETS WAFFST WHEN I’M PINACKING!”

“CAN YOU JUST PUT THE FIRE OUT!?”

“HOLD STEWL!”

After that excruciating series of events, Michael became well informed of his coworker’s… abilities.

Chapter Text

“Hey Diane?”

“What’s up?”

Paula sat at the break table with Diane, who was struggling to hold a cup of what appeared to be coffee in her right hand.

“Oh, nothing really. Michael filed a complaint about you but he should know better. Really.”

Diane took a sip of her coffee(?) and shrugged.

“Eh, not completely his fault. I hide it… the limbs. It makes me feel almost sick to see them and be reminded of that horrid night. God, I don't even know how I got out of there. Blind instinct?”

“It may very well be. What was it like up there, though? Besides all that, I mean.”

Diane smiled.

“Honestly, Snaktooth was quite lollive-lovely! Aside from the snax themselves being… inherently malevolent, most of them were actually quite friendly! The variety of creatures on that island was fascinatingly moth-sive! Your team would've had a documentation field day out there!”

“Did you have a favorite, by any chance?”

“Me? Oh, well, I wouldn't say I had a favorite! More like… well…”

As if on cue, Little Buddy poked their head out from under the table and scuttled over to the pair.

“More like a favorite had me, heh. I didn't mean to get attached to them but… well, Little Buddy was always there when I needed someone. And I needed a lot of someones out there, banoopy.” Diane didn't really care about her speech impediment at this moment. She wouldn't even call it that, to be honest. It was just another interesting observation to her.

(Annoying how it got worse with more intense feelings, but still interesting regardless.)

Paula reached to pet the Strabby, but hesitated.

“Didn’t you say Bugsnax were-”

“- inherently malevolent I know, I know. Little Buddy is a very innocent snak and I know for a fact they would apologize for hurting a Flutterjam if they did so. They're the exception, however, not the rule.”

“Right.”

Paula gave Little Buddy a couple quick pets before getting startled by the arrival of Lily.

“Sup.”

“Lily! How’s it been?”

“Shit. Anyway, I need to ask about your Bugsnak research from Snaktooth. Do you still have it on hand?”

“Haven't been let back in the lab since I got crumbs on the experimentation table, sooooooo no.”

“Wanna sneak in?”

Diane and Paula squinted.

“Lily, do you want to get frydered?” Diane hoped she’d gotten her point across.

“Doesn’t matter to me. I get what I want, fired or not.”

“Count me out, then. Not risking it.” Paula crossed her arms, leaning back in her chair.

“Same here. I didn’t go to Snaktooth to risk my life just so I could get frydered.” Diane did the same, albeit glaring at Lily as she did so.

“And if I up the ante?”

“What? Do you suddenly know everything about Bugsnax and think you can use that to win-”

Lily placed a single sauce plant seed onto the table.

“Me… over-no. No you can’t- NO. I am not… no!”

GETITGETITGETITGETITGETITGETITGETIT NONONONONONONONO NONONONONONONONONONONONONONO GETITGETITGETITGETITGETITGETITGETITGETIT-

“Well?”

“... fine…”

As the sudden flash of light startles her awake, Diane realized she may have gotten ahead of herself last night.

“There’s ice cream and melted marshmallow everywhere. Dan, did you snack-hoard again and eat in the lab!?”

“No!? I eat in my- I mean, Jack, why would I snack-hoard?”

Jack scoffed, “Whatever, we need to figure out the source of th- THERE’S FUCKING CHEETO DUST TOO, WHAT THE HELL!?”

Diane was safely hidden under a desk for the moment, but considering she woke up under the desk, the trail of snak stuff would most likely lead to her current place. So she had to-

Wait, cheeto dust? Wasn't her hand snapped off?

Her cast was off, and looking at her left arm revealed that… it had healed?

Regenerative properties, interesting.

Diane shook the thought off and crawled out from under the desk, noting the trail of melted ice cream and s'more bits leading to her hiding place as she viewed her surroundings.

“Dan, did you hear something just now?”

“Kinda? Like a floorboard creak or something?”

Diane froze.

Flap.

Where did she go from here? The lab wasn't like the office cubicles where she could easily hide if she needed to. The lab was much more open and she could be caught if she wasn-

“Diane!? Aren't you working in the offices now?”

Panicked and definitely not thinking straight, Diane attempted to explain herself before being cut-off not even a couple seconds in.

“What?”

As she slowly repeated herself (maybe she was talking too fast), the source of the problem revealed itself.

“Instabug strabby, bung I flutt-got my Bugsnak razz-search agg… Oh…”

Flap’s snak, morning snak-tac… someone pic mewon out of my flapping millimochi.

“Raaaazzz… I… I cin’t tac insta morning… tac poptickly, anyway… I’m so sherbie, tikk moth bop so aggward flut you two agg I’ll sweet masal-out…”

“Actually… Stay a moment.” Dan retrieved a clipboard from his desk.

Diane cocked her head, “Chee?” … And slapped a hand over her mouth because that didn't even sound anything like what she meant to say!

(Not that the crumbling sounds were any better.)

“You were doing research on Bugsnax, correct?”

Diane regretted uncovering her mouth because of course she chittered a reply that vaguely sounded like a ‘yes’.

“And you’ve been affected by Bugsnax, correct?”

Diane nodded cautiously.

“And despite having broken your cheeto arm barely a week ago, it's fully healed up to the point of full functionality?”

“Y-yes?”

Jack nodded, seeming satisfied.

“So could we perhaps… run some tests?”

Diane backed towards the elevator.

“I’m noodl- not doing that.”

“Why not? You’ve already dedicated your life to science in more ways than one, I’m sure you can add another.”

She doesn't know what to do, the elevator’s on the bottom floor and the lab's on the fifth, and she can’t think straight- everything's scrambled- every snak is screaming SCATTE-

Diane wakes up in her bed. Just a nightmare.

Surely no one would try to hurt her like that in reality, right?

Her arm was still in a cast, albeit the regenerative properties from her dream weren't completely a lie, so that was still something to look into.

Right, morning routine.

Little Buddy? Check.

Mocha? Begrudgingly, check.

Lucky pen? Check.

Clipping the strabby into their harness, Diane left the apartment complex and started walking to her workplace.

…

Sure, she had a car, but it’d be easier walking than risking limb breakage again.

“Morning, Paula!”

“Good to see you happy, Diane. What's up?”

“Oh, nothing really. Weird nightmare and-”

“Actually… I need to talk to you in the back really quick.” Before Diane could ask why, Paula had already grabbed her elbow and pulled her into the un-lit break room.

“Waff- what are you doing!?”

“Diane, please for the love of god tell me you remember last night?”

…

“No?”

“Okay, so uh… how do I say this, jesus… I had to work the night shift because Mike was still out and… I swear to fucking god I saw…” 

Diane tilted her head, “Saw what?”

Paula inhaled before continuing in one breath, “I swear to god a pack of blood-covered panicking Bugsnax scrambled out the door.”

Diane glanced away, laughing awkwardly.

“Well that's kinda concerning huh? Considering my nightmare ended off with, uh…”

“Diane?”

“Can I… Can I tell you something?”

Diane offered her good hand to Paula, who nodded and carefully took it.

“These Bugsnax… I know I said they were malevolent but I never really told you what I meant. They're parasitic, addictive, and their whole reason for existence is to be eaten so they can take over the host. 

“That’s why I think a cure wouldn’t work. It’s in my bloodstream, so to cure it would be tedious blood work and, depending on how these parasites function, potentially useless.

“Besides, I'm still alive, am I not? I have Little Buddy, I still have a job, and I’m adjusting faster than I anticipated. I'm happy to be back, anything to get away from Snaktooth.

“But…” Diane trailed off, sliding into a sitting position on the floor.

“But what?” Paula crouched down to be eye-level with Diane.

“If what I think happened did happen… that swarm may have been me.”

Chapter Text

Name: KAROLVICH, DIANE
Age: 27
Gender Identity: Female
Height: 5'7"
Weight: [CLASSIFIED]
Sexuality: [CLASSIFIED]

Subject: Process of Snakification on Humans

-----------

After a "failed expedition" which took place on Snaktooth Island (which has been quarantined until further notice; see page 25 of document "Snaktooth Island Report" for details), Diane Karolvich returned to the town of ■■■■■■■, ■■, almost immediately showcasing symptoms of Snakification.

Though these changes were thought to have been in appearance only when initially tested by Grumpus subjects, further testing on Diane brings to light evidence which supports the claim that Snakification affects one's mind as well.

Emotionally, Diane seems to be sporadic; one moment appearing fine, and the next moment craving chocolate for whatever reason.

We cannot verify whether or not these changes are permanent, but efforts are being made to mitigate Diane's emotional outbursts nonetheless.

Chapter Text

An itch that feels like a bug bite is a rarer occurrence in such a big city, but does still happen sometimes. Just a mosquito or something similar.

But as Diane shook scratched-off cheeto dust out of her shirt sleeve, she couldn't help but feel as if something was wrong about it.

For later, though. For now she was taking a short vacay from work to sort out her research which… miraculously appeared in her apartment.

(‘... blood-covered panicking Bugsnax…’)

After recovering her tape recorder and the six recorded tapes from her backpack, she decided to start simple and listen to them again. Maybe it’d spark her memory.

It was jarring to hear herself so lively about her arrival onto the island – and, if she was being honest, so uneducated about the names of bugsnax – compared to her now.

“I just have to make a breakthrough…”

Diane paused at that.

She went there to make a breakthrough, but came back with nothing but the scars of… No, not failure. She didn't fail. She did not fail.

Failure is but a first attempt at success. She survived, so that was a success.

As she placed the second tape in, a scuttling sound startled her before Little Buddy came into view.

“Where’ve you banoopy, I wonder.”

“Strab!”

As the tape started playing, Little Buddy jumped at hearing Diane's voice playing through the recorder, before lying down and listening.

“As adorable as this little creature is, one cannot be distracted from their research!”

As much as she still agreed, one should also take care to not be consumed by their research, whether literally or metaphorically.

Little Buddy, on the other hand, was quizzically tilting their head at hearing their own voice.

Have I tried the mirror test on them yet?

Something else to test another time, she decided.

“DNA sample retrieved! Now to test it…”

She didn't feel guilty over having used a DNA sample from a creature who later became her pet/therapy animal… Alright, maybe a little bit, but Little Buddy had never held any form of judgment towards her, so they probably didn't mind too much.

“Waff, that’s two done, onto the next.”

As she placed the third tape in, she absently scratched at the presumed bug bite on her arm. The cheeto dust that nearly dusted the tape recorder, however, was less than welcome.

…

“I’ve tested this singular strabby for 3 hours now. One: Bugsnax don't have blood; they have internal liquids, but it's not blood. Two: how does this one, singular strabby have new DNA I’ve never seen… every time I sample it?”

Diane paused the recording, winding it back a bit before playing it again.

“-ne: Bugsnax don’t have blood; they hav-”

Pause.

“Bugsnax… Bugsnax don't have blood… Bugsnax don't have blood… so a mosquito wouldn't bite it… so why is my arm itchy?”

Looking at the limb in question revealed nothing off about it, save the divet that scratching at it had caused. It was just itchy.

But… Why would it be?

Diane decided to worry about that after she finished listening to all of the tapes, and pressed play again.

“-e internal liquids, but it's not blood. Two: how does this one, singular strabby have new DNA I’ve never seen… every time I sample it?”

She still wasn't sure of the answer to that one, unfortunately. She’d tried testing Little Buddy after coming back home, but it seemed that they weren't the best at staying still when asked to.

“Just… take the chocolate.”

Diane hated the fact that she perked up on hearing that. Sure, before her expedition she liked chocolate, but now it was a massive problem. 

She literally had to ask Paula to warn her if the break room candy bowl had any form of chocolate in it. That's how bad it had gotten for her.

“Well… I guess this goes to show that Bugsnax are a mystery. Doesn't mean I can't solve it… I just don't know how yet.”

And while she had yet to solve it at this time, she was still determined to do so, even if it meant having the side effects potentially forever…

(For some reason she still doesn't regret it.)

As the tape ended, she reached over to pet her Little Buddy before taking out the tape and reaching for the next on-

Something that definitely wasn't there before brushes up against the inside of her sleeve.

“HUNN!?”

She quickly feels the area around her arm (her good arm but as in the one that's not fully contaminated by what one former Snaktooth resident had seemingly called “the toxin”.) and-

There was a leaf.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Arranged like a four leaf clover right on her elbow were four leaves and a stubby stem that all put together almost looked like…

“Razzby…”

…

No.

No, the spread should've stopped long ago, why is she-

Hush hush hush hush it’ll be fine it's temporary we promise just need to stretch a little we’re sorry sorry sorry does it hurt we tried to not make it hurt we promise you!

She grabs Little Buddy and holds them close to her.

“Temporary… okay… I think I cin lollive with tha-”

REALLY REALLY REALLY PLEASE THANK YOU THANK YOU SO HYPER AND NEED SPACE PLEASE THANK THANK THANK YOU FOR THIS HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!

What did I do.

Nothing seems to happen.

She thinks she’s off the hook, so she releases Little Buddy from her arms and reaches for the fourth tape.

That was her first mistake, evident by the sudden snap out of the side of her head that would forever haunt her.

And another on the other side

“I-”

The cries of bugsnax are like buzzing in her ears. She finally realizes what was making her arm itch so much: they were practically scratching on the metaphorical cat door to get outside.

She feels like she's about to hack up a lung (she sincerely hopes it hasn't gotten that far) so she gets up on unsteady- shaking- shifting legs and tries to run.

It goes as well as she expects, to be fair.

(Mistake number 2, she wasn't fast enough.)

She coughs and hacks for a bit before something slimy but semi-solid half-comes-out half- crawls -out of her throat.

She’s exhausted from whatever these snax are doing to her so she pauses before getting up onto slowly recuperating snakified arms.

And looks down.

Too many googly eyes stare up at her as the Snakmatter she unceremoniously vomited up writhes and twitches before dissolving.

She’s strong, she's strong, she can take this.

But even as she thinks this, she can feel the panic taking hold and her limbs struggling to hold her weight.

She pushes herself away from the puddle that would haunt her nightmares as she falls in a dead faint.

That was her third mistake. She wasn't as strong as she thought, despite everything.

She wakes up into a dream.

In front of her is a singular bunger, looking despondent and tapping their fry-like forelegs together anxiously.

“Hello?”

The bunger looks up, stretching its legs to look up at Diane before she hears a voice.

Sorry.

It's presumably the bunger, she thinks. 

“What are you sorry for?” She asks the snak.

Not just me. All of us. We hurt you. You fell asleep. Stretched too hard and-

It hits her what the little creature in front of her means.

They – the bugsnax that were parasitically latched onto her DNA – weren't actively trying to kill her or harm her. They were, as the bunger had said, ‘stretching’. 

“Oh… W-well… that's alright. Just…” She laughs a little before continuing in a slight more anxious tone, “Maybe warn me a little better next time? And take your time, perhaps?”

Take our time?

Diane nodded.

“Having all of you go at it at once is… very exhausting.”

Oh. We can do that yes yes yes sorry for how fast we wer-

“Don't worry about it too much… You didn't know, and I understand that.”

Understand what?

“That you're still only animals and are just doing what comes naturally. Even if I’m kind of afraid of you snax, that doesn't mean I hate you or want you to leave.”

The bunger seemed very pleased to hear this and affectionately tackled Diane over.

“Bunger!”

Thank you. We… We appreciate it.

“If I’m gonna potentially be stuck with you, I better end up friends with you, or at least, understand you better.”

We’ve probably kept you out for a while… do you want to wake up?

…

“Just a minute longer…”

…

…

…

Ring-ring.

Diane blinked herself awake at the sound of the… doorbell?

Who was at her door?

Despite feeling the exhaustion seemingly infused into her being at this point, she stood up and slowly made her way to the door.

Opening it revealed-

“P… Peel… no… Paula? Waff agg you doing here? Don't you… inch-n’t this kweeb a workweeb flut you?”

“Diane. You asked me to visit you at some… point… this wee- are you alright!?”

To be completely honest, Diane wasn't actually sure. So she shook her head but allowed her friend inside.

“Jesus, your pad’s a bit of a mess, ain't it? What's this?” Paula held up the tape recorder before placing it onto the kitchen counter.

“Lol-logs frym Snaktooth… was waffing them egglier bung I mothza flutten aggsleep…”

The confused as hell expression Paula proceeded to give to her appeared to be because of her speech, but what was said after proved Diane's thoughts wrong.

“Why were you watching them again?”

Diane shrugged sleepily, “Megaries? Insta popt of my razzearch scor I sherb kweeb inst on hun, ribble?”

Paula paused, as if trying her damnedest to translate what her friend had just said, before she responded.

“... Right. How far through them have you gotten?”

“Flapnished chee of the shish I ribmember razzcording. There's aggnother one inch there bung I don’t think I aggtually did anything waff inst… hun…”

Paula shot Diane an odd look.

“Did you just call me hun?”

Diane cocked her head before realizing what she’d said.

“Oh no no no! Hun inst Hunnabee! Not live hun agg inch… chil… agg inch some aggffectionate name flut someone! Hun-eggler…” Diane trailed off, thinking for a minute about a hypothetical.

Hun.

That was a precious little pet name for her- no no no no time to get stuck in your head now!

“Your snak-speech patterns are consistent with replacing each word with a specific name or portion of a specific name. But what was that last bit you sa- wait- damnit Paula you’re practically working on your day off.”

“You’re fryne! I’ll gladly help waff anything ribblated to Bugsnax razzearch! Aggter all, insta popt of mewon now, ribble?”

Paula nodded, snickering slightly. She pulled a computer from her travel purse and booted it up, speaking as she did so, “I’ve been doing a lot of my own ‘razzearch’ too, particularly on the behavioral changes on consumers. And what I’ve found out is…”

“Inst waff?”

Paula turned the computer around to face Diane. Listed on one side were the side effects found in Grumpuses, and on the other were the ones found in the 7 reported human cases (as well as Diane).

Grumpus effects:

• Snakification

• Negative feelings seemingly amplified.

• Reminiscent of Cordyceps, indirectly forcing hosts to consume more bugsnax to solve their problem until they succumb

• Little to no other effects

• Eventually shed snakification, although this can cause them to lose affected limbs in certain otherwise fatal circumstances destroying an affected limb.

Human effects: (BASED ON LIMITED SOURCES)

• Snakification

• Occasionally experience semi-feral behavior nearly identical to many bugsnax

• Often reported as having memory lapses when asked about what they remember during the timeframe of the semi-feral behavior.

• Gradually develop affinity for composite snaks’ favorite sauces (unless another snak in them does not like that sauce).

• This extends to the outside-Snaktooth equivalent to that sauce as well.

• When stressed, tired, or generally feeling intense emotion, speech temporarily loses some cohesion and becomes intermixed with bugsnak calls.

• The bugsnak calls usually vaguely or exactly match the intended word in sound (Waff(stakarak) = What) or rhyme (Chee(poof/ry/zer) = three).

• _

The document appeared to be unfinished, but Diane didn't know if there would be anything else to add.

Paula startled her out of her thoughts, however.

“How many of these side effects actually match?”

…

“Just one- Oh. Oh. I chee waff you mewn.”

“Grumpuses, despite clearly being the more animal-like of the two host species, have less behavioral changes than humans do. They even shed them after some time! Never, in the 7- *ahem* -8 reported cases, has a human shed their affected limbs or even flaked them off slightly!”

“Oh mega.”

“Besides that though, which is still freaking me out by the way, there’s little to documentation on the semi-feral behavior found in snakified humans… soooooo-”

Diane crossed her arms, “No chocolant.”

Paula snickered.

“Oh, I brought something better.”

“Oh, waff did you bung, a cap toy or something-”

A red dot appeared on the kitchen counter.

“No flapping waff you got a laser pale-ter. Agg flap chance I’m cheezing that chilly thing aggrou- waff’d inst go?”

As fast as the red dot had appeared, it’d dashed away, out of Diane's line of sight.

“Here's an idea, you should hunt it down.”

As much as she disagreed with the very idea of stooping down to this level, Paula had been technically right prior. There was very little research into the behavioral aspects of Snakification on humans. If this was how they had to test it, so b-

Sighting the red dot again yanked Diane out of her thoughts.

“Stay. Staaaaaay… HAA-”

In her attempt to pounce upon the glowing dot, she’d created an opening for it to escape. 

“Oooooh I sweetie god inch this thing escappuceetles mewon one moth mite I waff flapping tropic to sherbies agg then I’ll paletoss instabug fryder aggroll kwook!” Diane was too focused on her goal to notice anything off. She was determined to catch that damned dot if it was the last thing she would d-

“...-ne? Diane?”

Diane awoke to a worried Paula looking over her, before quickly sitting up straight, heart pounding for what felt like no good reason.

“Waff just happened!?”

Paula crossed her arms with a smirk, “You tuckered yourself out. Is it really that moch work chasing a red dot? Heh…”

Diane tilted her head.

“I… I think I’d ribmember something like that…”

Yet as she looked over the floor – and the apartment in general – the unmistakable signs of Cheeto dust; pretzel crumbs and salt crystals; s'more and ice cream drippings; and even what looked like puddles of orange juice all pointed to Paula telling the truth.

So that meant…

…

No, wait…

“Huh.”

“What now?”

“I think I cin remember. It’s a little bop vague, though…”

Paula shrugged, “Well, if you ever want to analyze that behavior, I do have videos~!”

Diane, as ever-so-slightly peeved at that as she was, was still thankful that she had more footage to analyze over her mini-vacation.

“... Thanks. Send those to me whenever you have the time to, alright? And feel free to visit after work. I'm taking a bit of a break from working to do some re-analysis of my razzearch.”

“Will do, Diane, will do!”