Work Text:
It was a relatively normal Monday. Apart from the sun trying to grill each living creature alive, nothing outstanding was really happening.
And on a day just like this, a single man, named AO3, was laying on his bed, in his small studio apartment, phone in his hands and reading some stories on his favorite website. As he reached in his bag of chips, that he had previously gotten out of his kitchen, he heard his doorbell ring.
A rather annoying sound, as he had just gotten to a very good part of the story and would be left on a cliffhanger if he stood up now. But it couldn't be helped. The ringing got more persistent and thus he was forced to finally get up to open the door. Or not, depending on who stood outside, he didn't get visitors that often.
As he stretched, his back released a series of rather painful sounding cracks and he winced quietly, before being pulled out of his thoughts by the bell ringing again.
When he made it to the door he looked through the peak hole and sighed when he saw who it was. It was Homophobic Hacker Man. A man that would probably ruin AO3s entire day with his closet agenda. Because there were two things that AO3 knew. First, Homophobic Hacker Man was wallowing in a transparent closet that, while it was covered in homophobic shit, didn't hide the truth very well and second, Homophobic Hacker Man was way too hot to recloset AO3 and when AO3 means hot, he means devilish hot, like, throw me of a building and I'd thank you, hot. In AO3s eyes (opinions vary from person to person).
So, while AO3 sighed, as he was completely mentally unprepared for this conversation, he also felt a little bit giddy at the prospect of maybe wooing his person of interest, with his rather bad pick up lines.
With that in mind he put on a bright smile and opened the door, just before another ring could sound out from his doorbell.
On the other side of the door stood Homophobic Hacker Man, his hand still up in the air, ready to press the bell another time, but stopped when he saw that the apartment door was open. If AO3 was looking closely, and he was, he would have said that Homophobic Hacker Man was looking startled that someone was actually home. Like he was prepared to just stand there for hours on end just to ring that goddamn doorbell.
"You need something?" AO3 asked while leaning on the doorframe and blocking the path into his apartment. He was whipped, not stupid. For a second Homophobic Hacker Man looked overwhelmed and like he wanted to turn around and act like nothing happened, he even mumbled something under his breath that vaguely sounded like: 'This would have been easier if it wasn't in person'. He quickly collected himself, like the stray gay that he was and finally looked at AO3, as he had been looking very intensely at the groves of the floorboards before that.
Homophobic Hacker Man then started to glare and frown at AO3. Which in AO3s opinion looked more adorable than threatening.
"You are spreading the gay agenda and I can not stand by and watch as innocent people get turned away from the Lord and have to suffer for your sins." Homophobic Hacker Man said those words with so much conviction, that it took all of AO3s willpower not to laugh. In that moment something clicked. If he had to go through this, why not have fun with this? Maybe he'd even get a boyfriend out of this ordeal?
"I mean, you don't have to stand if you don't want to, kneeling is always an option. And happen to know another name that you could scream instead of the name of your Lord." AO3 was practically purring at the last part of his statement and the grin that he was previously sporting on his face only got wider as he saw the faintest hint of a blush creeping up Homophobic Hacker Man's neck.
For a few seconds the hall they were standing in was completely silent.
"Such vile words, you sin in front of God's eyes. You'll be judged as a sinner for this!" At this point AO3 was ready to coo at Homophobic Hacker Man as his attempts at convincing him were just plainly adorable.
"If God hates sinners, why create them in the first place? What good does it do to punish something you created for something you gave it? And let's be honest, are you a restaurant?"
Homophobic Hacker Man looked at him in utter confusion. "What?"
"You know, cause I only see me'n'u."
Homophobic Hacker Man looked him in the eyes and AO3 could see the gears turn in his head. The moment Homophobic Hacker Man realized what the joke meant, his stare quickly turned from confused to thoroughly unimpressed.
"Really?"
"I admit that wasn't the best," he rubbed his neck sheepishly, "but you come up with a better one."
"No thank you." Homophobic Hacker Man said as he remembered what his actual goal was when he came here. Yet, now that he actually stood there and spoke to AO3, he wasn't so sure of himself anymore. Maybe trying to convert AO3 wasn't in his best interest. He actually found himself rather enjoying the company of the other man.
And with that thought Homophobic Hacker Man turned away from the door of the apartment and was about to walk away from the door, when a hand grabbed his arm. A sense of dread and fear settled into him as he realized how actually unprepared he was for this whole situation. He hadn't told anyone what he would be doing and no one would even know that he went to AO3 as they've never interacted before. AO3 could kidnap him right then and there and nobody would know.
"Don't go yet." AO3 said and quickly turned to go back into his apartment. As AO3 did that, Homophobic Hacker Man was weighing his odds of surviving. On one hand he could stay right where he was and maybe his compliance would make his death quick and less painful. On the other hand was that he could try and run away, but he didn't know how fast AO3 could run and that would probably only result in his death being more painful. So, he stayed right where he was and wondered which life choices had led him to where he was now. Only a moment later AO3 came back with a sticky note in hand.
"If you want, we could do this another time. Maybe even as a proper date?" AO3 was practically beaming at Homophobic Hacker Man as he gave him the sticky note. On it was a phone number and a whole lot of comic hearts with some writing that read: 'Call Me~~'.
"Maybe....." Homophobic Hacker Man said quietly as he looked at the paper in his hand. And with that Homophobic Hacker Man had made his decision. He took a deep breath and leaned forwards to give AO3 a kiss on the cheek. "See you around, I guess." He hastily said and scurried down the stairs and out of the apartment complex. "See ya." AO3 said after him sure that the other one wouldn't hear it. He then touched his cheek and started to smile a softer smile. "See ya.." he said a bit more quietly.
And if his mood didn't dim for the rest of his day then that's nobody's business.
And if just maybe from that day on out Homophobic Hacker Man became only Hacker Man, then that was only his business.