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If you had told the Shinonome Ena of four years ago that she would be in a healthy relationship, sharing an apartment with her girlfriend who happened to be Akiyama Mizuki , she would have scoffed. It was a scenario so ridiculous that it was almost unfathomable. Yet here she was, in that exact situation.
She and Mizuki had started dating in late high school, and soon after graduating, they had moved into an apartment together. They thought it was a temporary arrangement- rent was expensive, after all- but now, Ena couldn’t imagine it any other way.
Still, adjusting to all of it was difficult, and Ena still hadn’t completely gotten used to everything. She wasn’t used to being so… free, for lack of a better word. With Mizuki, she didn’t have to walk on eggshells all the time. It was strange.
Right now, Mizuki was out to get some groceries, so Ena decided to busy herself with some cleaning. As she vacuumed the floor and dusted off tables, she couldn’t help but smile to herself. She would never admit it to Mizuki, but she found comfort in doing these little domestic things. She could get used to this.
She moved onto the kitchen, and began to put away the dishes. Neither of them were slobs by any means, but Mizuki had a habit of getting up at 12:00 am to get a midnight snack, leaving random dishware scattered around the place. Ena reached across the counter to grab a dish, and her arm knocked a glass. Her eyes grew wide, and everything seemed to move in slow motion as it teetered on the edge of the counter, almost appearing to right itself before it clattered onto the floor below.
Crash.
All the oxygen left Ena’s lungs, and her heart began to speed up so fast that she thought she was dying.
She broke a glass.
Her hands fumbled for the edge of the counter, searching for some form of physical support. She was vaguely aware of her own accelerated breathing; the sounds of her strangled gasps the only noise in the silent apartment.
She broke a glass.
Ena crumpled onto the floor, bringing her knees up to her chest. Tears were starting to well up in her eyes, threatening to spill over. Don’t cry. Crying will just make things worse.
A part of her knew that she was being silly. Mizuk wouldn’t be mad, right? They would forgive her, right?
But maybe they wouldn’t. Maybe Ena had screwed up one too many times, and Mizuki was finally done with her.
There was a knock on the door, and Ena heard the turning of the key. She felt her panic intensify. They were here.
He was here.
“Enanan, I’m back!”
What the hell did you do? Jesus, Ena, would you stop breaking everything you touch?
Mizuki’s words and words from her past blended together. Ena couldn’t distinguish between their voice and his voice. It was too much; too loud. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think.
“Ena?” Ena’s eyes were squeezed shut, but she could hear Mizuki close the door behind them and pause. “Where are you?”
She wanted to call out to Mizuki. She needed to hide. He would find her.
Ena let out a strangled sob.
“Oh god, Ena. Are you okay?” Mizuki was hurrying over to her, the sound of footsteps getting louder and louder and closer and closer. He found her. He was going to-
Girls like you need to learn how to behave.
“Ena, can you hear me?” Mizuki’s voice was softer now, and it felt almost distant. “Can I touch you?”
She rocked back and forth. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Ena knew she was making zero sense, but she couldn’t control her words. They were just tumbling out. “Please don’t hurt me. I’ll fix it. Don’t hurt me.”
Mizuki gently took her shaking hands and began to rub circles on them with her thumbs. “I won’t hurt you,” they reassured softly. “Just try to breathe with me, okay? I’m here for you.”
Stop throwing a tantrum. You’re making this worse for yourself.
But Mizuki was patient, continuing to hold her hands and murmur reassurances. After what felt like an eternity, Ena had calmed down enough to form coherent thoughts. “Sorry about that,” she mumbled, avoiding Mizuki’s eyes. That was not how she planned to greet her girlfriend when they walked through the door.
“Hey, don’t worry about it!” Mizuki moved to sit next to her, glancing at the shattered glass. They understood the situation- Mizuki knew about Ena’s past, and to her surprise, wasn’t scared away by it. Instead, they had promised to stay by Ena’s side as they navigated everything together. That didn’t stop Ena from feeling guilty about being such a mess. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
Ena shrugged. She didn’t really want to talk about it, but Mizuki always insisted that it was good to open up every once in a while. “Just… you know. Breaking glasses and stuff like that brings back bad memories. In the past, whenever I did something like that, my dad would…” She swallowed. “Yeah. It’s stupid, but it freaks me out.”
Mizuki frowned and scooched closer to her. “No, it’s not stupid. You’ve been through a lot, Ena. It’s okay if you cry or break down sometimes, and I’ll be here for you when you do.” They took Ena’s hand and squeezed it.
“I know, it’s just… I don’t want to be like this forever. I want to be a normal girlfriend who doesn’t break down at every loud noise.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve.
Mizuki laughed lightly. “Well, to be honest, you’re not normal.” Ena whipped her head around to look at Mizuki in shock. “Let me finish! You’re not normal, but neither am I. And you love me anyways, right?”
Ena nodded slowly. “Yeah, I do.”
“And I love you! You’re so strong, and cool, and pretty, and you having some rough days doesn’t change that. I’ll help you through all of this, and things will get better, okay?” They grinned. “You got this!”
Ena snorted, but she couldn’t hide her blush. “You’re so corny,” she teased. “But, uh. Thanks. Seriously.”
Mizuki smiled and wrapped an arm around Ena's shoulders. “Don’t worry about it. Anything for my wonderful, amazing, gorgeous-”
The blush on Ena’s cheeks had turned from a faint pink to a bright red, and she buried her head in Mizuki’s shoulder in embarrassment. “Oh my god, you’re the worst.” Then after a moment, she spoke again. “I love you.”
Mizuki giggled. “I love you too.”
~~~
“Do you ever wish we had met each other earlier?”
Ena and Mizuki were on their apartment’s balcony, gazing out at the night sky. Ena was the one who had asked the seemingly random question, glancing over at Mizuki with a curious expression.
Mizuki was uncharacteristically quiet. “I don’t know,” they said eventually. “I don’t think so.”
That was clearly not the response Ena was expecting, but she didn’t look offended. “Why not?” She moved so that their bodies were closer, their shoulders grazing.
“I…” Mizuki hadn’t mentally prepared to delve into their deepest memories. They weren’t necessarily eager to do so, but Ena had asked. “I guess I don’t really like the person I was back then.”
If this conversation had occurred years ago, the two would have left it at that, knowing that they were dancing around Mizuki’s secret. Now, though, Ena knew about all that, and she was supportive. Still, Mizuki still got antsy talking about it.
“Ah,” Ena said, understanding. “If it helps… I think we still would have been friends.”
Mizuki smiled, the expression a mix of pain and nostalgia. “Yeah?” They paused. “Maybe. I, um, didn’t have many friends back then.” Ena furrowed her brows, but remained silent, inviting Mizuki to clarify if they wanted. That was one of the things Mizuki loved about Ena- she encouraged them to step out of their comfort zone, but never forced them to.
“It’s weird, you know?” Mizuki absentmindedly traced their finger over the railing. “It’s a blur. I think I blocked out most of my life when I was a kid, because I don’t like to remember who I was. But… sometimes I get sad. Like, I wish I could talk about fun elementary school memories with friends, and I can’t.”
Finally, Ena spoke. “I didn’t have many friends either,” she admitted. “Not that my situation was similar to yours, obviously. I was just a very annoying child, I guess.”
Mizuki smirked. “Yeah, I can see that. Little feisty Enanan.”
“H-hey! I’m trying to have a moment here.” Ena gently elbowed Mizuki’s arm. “But yeah, you’re right. I was probably a pain to be around.”
Humming thoughtfully, Mizuki looked up towards the sky, taking in the scattered stars. “If we had met each other in elementary… would things have gone better?” Their words were vague, and even Mizuki didn’t quite know what they were referring to.
Ena rested her head against Mizuki’s. “Maybe. Probably.” She smiled gently, kissing Mizuki on the cheek. “I just know we would have found each other eventually. Destiny and all that crap.”
Chuckling, Mizuki placed their hand on Ena’s. “Yeah. It still sucks that such a large part of my life is just… lost. Tainted.” They didn’t mean to sound so pessimistic, but Ena didn’t seem to mind. Instead, she smiled playfully and gave Mizuki’s hand a squeeze.
“I guess we’re just gonna have to make up for lost time then, huh?” She moved in closer, and Mizuki could smell the sweet scent of her shampoo. “We have all the time in the world, Mizuki.” Her voice was full of warmth, and Mizuki returned her smile.
“Yeah,” they agreed. “We do. After all, you’re not getting rid of me anytime soon.”
Ena wrapped her arms around their waist, laughing. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”