Archive of Our Own

“Aren’t you glad you decided to hang out with me?” Mizuki tilted their head playfully at Ena, a soft giggle escaping their lips. The two friends were sprawled out on a picnic blanket, a small platter of sandwiches, snacks, and desserts between them. It was a wonderful day out- a pair of birds chirped nearby, and the cool breeze complemented the beaming sun. It was perfect, like something out of a movie.

Ena stuck out her tongue. “Eh, I guess so.” She turned her head towards the sky, but Mizuki saw her grin. Her brunette hair was splayed out against the blanket, and the sunlight illuminated her face, making her look more radiant than usual.

Mizuki laughed and rolled over to face Ena, resting their chin on their arms. “Aww, I think Ena enjoys my company!” Ena snorted but didn’t reply, shifting onto her side. At some point, one of them had moved the food platter, and Mizuki’s breath hitched in their throat when they realized how close they were.

“I do enjoy your company,” Ena said suddenly, the delayed response catching Mizuki off guard. They searched her voice for some degree of sarcasm, but they couldn’t find any. “I enjoy it a lot.” She relaxed on the blanket and hummed thoughtfully. As Mizuki was struggling to dissect Ena’s words, the girl took a cookie and delicately broke it in half, giving Mizuki a piece. 

Mizuki finally managed to regain their bearings, and they nibbled at the cookie. “I enjoy your company as well!” They found themselves moving closer to Ena. For a moment, they worried that they were being too weird, but Ena didn’t move away. Instead, she moved closer. “Ena is my favorite person, hehe~ “

Their tone was light, but the gravity of what they just said only hit them when Ena blinked. “Do you… do you mean that?” 

“Eh?”

“Did you mean it when you said I was your favorite person?” Ena winced, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. “Sorry. That was weird. Forget that I said that.”

Mizuki paused. “I did mean it, I think. Yeah, you’re my favorite person.” They took Ena’s hand, the gesture almost automatic. “You’re my person, Ena.”

They heard Ena let out a small surprised noise, something that was adorable but also made Mizuki panic that they had said too much. “I… you’re my favorite person too.” She smiled, and she just looked so peaceful that Mizuki wanted to preserve the moment forever. “You’re annoying as hell, but you’re still my person.”

Mizuki’s whole body felt warm, from their cheeks to the tips of their fingers. Ena sat up for a moment, and they heard the sound of rustling grass before she lay back down, shifting closer to Mizuki. “Hold still,” she said, and she leaned forward, her hands brushing through Mizuki’s hair. Their heart started beating faster, but they obliged, curious as to what the artist was doing.

Ena leaned back, a satisfied smile on her face. “Look.” She took out her compact mirror and handed it to Mizuki. They let out a soft gasp as they saw a small, white flower woven into their hair. “It suits you.” 

Emotion overtook Mizuki, and they gently grazed their fingers over the petals. “Thank you- I love it.” They lay back down, feeling happier than they had in a long time. Ena hummed and nestled her head against their shoulder, and Mizuki could smell her sweet vanilla shampoo. They closed their eyes.

They wished this moment could last forever.

~~~

Mizuki checked the time on their phone. 3:49 pm. That was good- classes would be ending soon. They took in the familiar surroundings- the scattered benches, the barren floor, and the railing that Mizuki had gazed over countless times. The Kamiyama rooftop. They had spent most of their school days sequestered up here, far away from the whispers and suffocating air of their classmates.

This would be the last time.

It wasn’t like Mizuki didn’t understand the gravity of what they were about to do. They knew people cared about them, they knew they would miss out on countless experiences. Mizuki knew they were being selfish, but they couldn’t bring themselves to care.

They were just so tired.

For years, they had plastered on that painful smile. For years, they had played off the taunts, skipping past like they didn’t have a care in the world. But inside, they were deteriorating. Wilting. Those people who cared about them- An, Ena, Kanade- they would all turn away in disgust if they saw what Mizuki truly was inside.

Their core was rotting away, leaving nothing but a cold husk. As far as Mizuki knew, they weren’t ending their life. Their life had already ended.

Mizuki swallowed. They couldn’t just leave without a trace- they owed their few friends that much. They didn’t feel like leaving a note, though. That would be too exposed- you never knew who might come across it. Hands shaking, they took out their phone. There were only really three messages they had to send. First, Niigo. They pulled up the group chat on Nightcord.

amia: thanks for being the best groupmates i could ask for. i love you all <3

Maybe it would be slightly concerning, but nowhere near enough to warrant immediate investigation. Next message.

to an- thanks for putting up with me all these years, hehe. keep being your cool, disciplinary committee self!

Water droplets began to land on their screen. Was it raining? Mizuki looked up at the sky, then back at the screen. Oh. They were crying.

Finally, the last message. The hardest one to send.

to ena-

amia: thanks for being my friend my girlfriend my person. i love you so much

They sobbed as they pressed send, and deleted the Nightcord app.

There, everything was finished. There was nothing stopping them. So why were they hesitating?

Mizuki fumbled around in their hair before pulling out a small, wrinkled flower. They had worn it practically every day since Ena had given it to them, like a good luck charm. But it wasn’t anywhere near the pristine beauty it was on that perfect day- its stem was twisted; its petals were spotty and uneven. When Mizuki held it, it drooped over, as if it were giving up.

At one point, that flower had represented Mizuki at the happiest point of their life. Now, it just reminded them of how utterly lost they were. It was a corpse of a flower. Trembling, Mizuki closed their hand tightly around it, crumpling the plant beyond recognition.

They let out a slow breath. In, out. No more stalling. They took off their shoes and leaned forward against the railing. Moving as if on autopilot, Mizuki climbed over until they reached the other side, perching precariously on the thin ledge as their hands still gripped the railing. The only thing stopping them from falling was their own indecision.

The wind whipped their hair, sending their ribbon flying.

Goodbye An.

They looked down. The fall was so, so high.

Goodbye Niigo.

Mizuki let out a soft sigh. They had spent so long feeling lost, and now they could take control for the final and only time.

Goodbye Ena.

Their fingers loosened on the railing.

“Mizuki! Stop!”

They were so caught off guard that they almost fell altogether, but for some reason, they scrambled to regain their grip. Mizuki couldn’t quite turn their head enough to look back, but they knew who it was. 

“Ena… please, don’t make this more difficult than it already is.” Their voice shook, and they felt tears trickle down their cheeks. 

“S-Stop talking like that!” They could hear Ena’s voice breaking with fear and despair. It was their fault that Ena was feeling like that- why couldn’t they have just disappeared without a trace? “Please, just come back. We can talk about this.”

Mizuki laughed bitterly, their own voice seeming foreign to them. “What is there to talk about? I’m done, Ena. Just leave- I don’t want you to see this.” 

Ena wasn’t fazed, and Mizuki could hear her getting closer. “Like hell I am!” Her voice softened, but Mizuki could tell she was still terrified. “I know it seems like this is the only way out, but I can help you.” She sobbed. “Let me help you!”

Their arms trembled from emotion and the effort of holding themselves upright. “I don’t deserve your help.”

They felt Ena’s presence close to them now. She was offering them a hand. “No, Mizuki. You deserve so, so much more. Please, just take my hand.”

Mizuki eyes darted frantically from the deadly drop to Ena’s outstretched arm. They longer for the sweet freedom they would inevitably be granted; the release from everything that pained them.

Slowly, they took Ena’s hand.

On shaky legs, Mizuki climbed over the railing and collapsed onto the floor. They buried their head in their knees. God, what had they done? They were so close, and now, they were farther from freedom than ever. 

Then, they felt Ena’s arms wrap around them, so tightly that it was almost painful. “Oh my god. That was so scary. Me, Kanade, and Mafuyu were so fucking scared. I- I thought I would lose you. I…” She sobbed. “I can’t lose you, Mizuki. I can’t.” 

Mizuki had already been crying, but the tears increased tenfold. “I’m sorry.” Ena was crying because of them. 

“H-hey, don’t say that. Don’t you dare say sorry.” Ena lifted up Mizuki’s chin, and reluctantly, Mizuki opened their eyes and looked directly at Ena for the first time. Her eyes were puffy from crying, but right now, there was an intensity in her gaze. “This isn’t your fault. I’m not mad at you, I’m just… I’m feeling a lot of things right now.”

Mizuki let out a watery laugh. “Yeah. Me too.”

Ena took both of Mizuki’s hands in hers. “God, how did I not notice you struggling? Was- was it something I did?” She winced. “Actually, you don’t have to answer that. That’s a shitty thing to ask right now.”

Sighing, Mizuki squeezed Ena’s hands. “No, it’s okay.” They paused, struggling to find the words to articulate all that they were feeling. “It’s like… it feels like everything is too much, you know? Like I’m always carrying around these weights, and every day, those weights get heavier and heavier until I’m crushed.” Ena was silent, listening to Mizuki’s words with an attentive gaze. “I’m so tired, Ena. The stares, the whispers, the taunts- I can’t deal with it anymore. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror, I-” 

They broke down sobbing, their body slumping forward as Ena caught them in another embrace. Her presence was soothing, providing a gentle warmth. She traced soothing circles on Mizuki’s back, giving them the space to continue. “I can’t do it! I hate who I am, I’ve hated who I am since day one. And every day, more and more disgust creeps in, and I can feel myself rotting on the inside, and every time I smile at someone I feel like I’m lying to them. I want to disappear!” 

Mizuki felt ashamed, like they were a child throwing a tantrum, but Ena didn’t seem to mind. She simply continued to hold them, brushing her fingers gently through their hair. Eventually, the brunette spoke. “You’re not disgusting,” she said softly. “You’re the most amazing, beautiful, smart person I know. It’s okay if you don’t realize that right now, because I’ll stay by your side until you do.”

They were caught off guard by her words. “Ena…”

But she wasn’t finished. “And everytime I see your stupid little pink head of hair, I smile, because you have this energy around you that makes everyone happier. If there’s anyone who doesn’t believe that, it’s because they don’t know you like I do.”

Growing silent for a moment, Ena looked down and saw that there was something clenched in Mizuki’s fist. She gently pried her fingers opened, and her breath caught in her throat. “Is that…?”

“Yeah.” Mizuki looked down at the almost unrecognizable flower. 

Ena carefully picked it up and took in its small and wilted form. “That day… it was really nice. I was really happy.”

Mizuki sighed, a wistful look in their eyes. “I was happy too.” 

Placing down the flower, Ena brushed a strand of hair from Mizuki’s face. “And I’ll try my hardest to make sure you feel that happiness every day for the rest of your life.”

They raised an eyebrow. “The rest of my life, huh?” Ena wouldn’t stick around until then. She would get tired of them and leave, moving on to greater things that Mizuki would never be able to reach.

But Ena’s face was set in determination. “Mhm. Every day.” She smiled. “You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’ve committed to bothering you for the rest of my days.”

Mizuki laughed weakly and leaned against Ena’s side, exhausted. Ena wrapped her arm around their shoulders and pulled them close. For a moment, her hand lifted, and Mizuki felt Ena fumbling around for something. “What are you doing?

Ena showed Mizuki a small, pink object. They squinted, and their tears threatened to come back when they saw what she was holding. It was a flower, similar to Mizuki’s old one, but it was a striking shade of pink.

“Pretty, right? Like you.” Ena smiled and wove it into their hair. Mizuki hummed contentedly. 

“What about when it wilts?” Mizuki blurted out. It was a strange question, but Ena seemed to understand what they meant.

“Then I’ll pick you a new one. Because even when one wilts, there’s always more in bloom. This flower might be wilted, but the garden is always flourishing, and that’s what matters.” She ran her fingers lazily up and down Mizuk’s arm. “And even when it seems like everything is hopeless… there’s always a trace of hope somewhere.” It was a clumsy metaphor, but it was somehow graceful at the same time.

Mizuki smiled a little. “Ena should give up art and become a poet,” they teased.

Ena rested her chin on Mizuki’s head. “You think so?” She paused before planting a soft kiss on Mizuki’s forehead. “I love you, Mizuki. Don’t forget that, okay?”

Grazing their fingers over the flower in their hair, Mizuki nodded into Ena’s shoulder. “I love you too.” They could feel themselves succumbing to their exhaustion. “Thanks for coming to get me.”

“I’ll always be here, Mizuki.”

And Mizuki, for once in their life, believed her.