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Julia grew up in a copy-and-paste lifestyle. Her dad worked in the military and she had a friend who was her ride or die- Kamille. In school they were taught about the dangers of others and why the wars that were currently happening were happening- the three-eyed people. She was taught for as long as she could remember that they were dangerous, one look at their their eye and they had full control over their body. She hated them, vowing to report any she ever saw to the government.
Yet here she was, late at night, at a three-eye’s door. Not just any three-eye, but Sahed. One she let herself get dangerously close to, one that brought out the human desire of longing in her. Though he never seemed as dangerous or scary as the government brought them out to be.
It was late at night (or was it early morning? Julia couldn't tell.)- late enough that the nightly bonfire party was already over. Julia could smell the burnt wood and the bitter smoke. Cicadas were buzzing, white noise of the forest. The circus was taking a short break from performing and spending the next few weeks camping out in a forest that wasn’t even on any maps.
She looked up at the wooden door of the carriage, the dark wood with lines engraved on the sides. Recently, Sahed started to sleep in a separate carriage from Rainah, claiming he needed his privacy and personal space.
Julia lifted her hand up slowly, nervous and uncommitted about what she was planning to do.
She’d just had an argument with Kamille. She tried not to think about it, to rid her mind of it. Their friendship was strained in the past few months of the circus. At times, they were very close. Other times, Julia felt like she was unable to talk to her, a barrier between the two. Those times hurt Julia the most, cutting her deep. She died for Kamille, thinking she needed saving. Turns out, Kamille was more than fine. She’d ditched her old life to chase a crush on some woman in the circus. Julia didn’t care that it was a woman- you can’t help who you like. She’d just wish Kamille had come to her first.
The last part of what she just thought rang in her head. You can’t help who you like.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if she went through with this.
Julia tapped softly on the door of Sahed’s carriage, a special knock. She often visited him during the day, to talk through the pact and possible loopholes. She remembered the day that she told the full truth to him- that her future life in the circus was on the line. That was when things got serious. While some stress was removed from Julia after admitting to that, it seemed Sahed had absorbed it. When he wasn’t working on seals, he seemed to be trying to think of ways Julia could survive (and for Tonny to survive, too. Sahed seemed a bit annoyed by how much she was stressed about his life.) After a few meetings, Sahed decided to tell her to use a certain knock when it was her so he’d always be sure to answer the door, no matter what.
Julia rarely visited at night- when she did, it was because Sahed asked her to. Which always ended up having to do with a seal. Julia was a bit skeptical at first, but soon came around to enjoy the late night conversations. They seemed more meaningful, more open, more honest. It helped a lot knowing that Kamille wasn’t crushing on Sahed- it made Julia feel less guilty about spending this much time and enjoying every moment of it.
There was a shuffling sound inside. The door creaked softly as it was opened.
“Julia?” Sahed murmured, voice deepened from sleep. “Why are you here right now? It’s like, one in the morning or something.”
“I…” Julia stammered. She started to get choked up.
He looked down at her more clearly, concern blooming in his face with how the girl was getting emotional.
“Argument.” She whispered.
Sahed exhaled softly. He knew that Julia and Kamille had arguments, but never bad enough that Julia sought him out this late at night- or early in the morning.
“I don’t want to go back there.” She sniffled. “Not yet.”
Sahed moved to the side, holding open the door. “Why don’t you stay in here for now, then?”
Julia entered the carriage slowly, the wooden stairs creaking under her feet. Sahed closed the door behind her.
“Is it something you want to talk about?” He asked.
“No. It’s just another stupid argument.” She chuckled tiredly at the second part.
“Are you going to sleep here tonight? Do I need to grab extra pillows?”
“I dunno.” Julia sat down on a chair. She rarely looked around the new carriage.
There was a bedroom almost opposite of the entrance- the bed was more so a large mattress with a large amount of pillows and blankets sprawled across it. He had a table with a few chairs- where he and Julia always talked. It was a smaller carriage than the previously shared one with Rainah, but Sahed said he didn’t care. There was a corner of the room that had thick walls and a sturdy door to protect the contents. When Julia asked what it was, he told her it was stuff for research. The one or two times she could sneak a glimpse past an almost closed door, she saw a bunch of paper scattered around the room with what seemed to be seals scribbled on it.
Sahed sat down in a chair beside her. “Well, I’m not going to go to bed and leave you in here by yourself. I’d like to, personally. I’m exhausted. But I won’t.” He crossed his arms and rested his head on the table.
Julia smiled at him, putting her chin on the table to keep a similar level of eye contact with him. “Thanks.”
“Mhm.” He hummed sleepily. “At least keep me awake, talk to me or something.”
“What do you want me to talk about?”
“Anything. Your life before the circus, during the circus, thoughts on the pact.”
Julia shivered at the mention of the pact. Her mind was focused on the argument from earlier, relieving her of the pact for once. Though she wasn’t sure which she preferred to plague her mind.
“Are you cold or something?” Sahed asked, leaning back towards a blanket he kept on the shelf near the table.
“No. It’s just… god, how do I explain it…”
Sahed leaned forward, intrigued. He put the blanket on the table between the two.
Julia accepted the blanket, hugging it. “Sometimes, I feel like… I dunno, it’s probably stupid or childish, but I feel like I’m constantly being watched… it’s normally at night or when I’m in the dark- probably because I can’t see if anyone actually is.”
Sahed looked at Julia with an addled look on his face. “I don’t think that’s stupid. I think that’s more concerning, especially with how your pact is different.”
“Can we not talk about the pact tonight, please? The night’s been crap enough already.” She muttered.
“Alright. You said you feel watched when you’re alone or when in the dark, correct?”
“Yeah. Why are you bringing it up? I don’t want to talk about the pact right now.”
“I’m not. I got an idea of what we can do.”
“What?”
“Come on.” Sahed got up and stood next to her chair. “Don’t worry, we’re staying inside. You can bring the blanket if you want.”
Julia put the blanket on the table as she got up from the wooden chair, stretching. Sahed unraveled the blanket, putting it around her shoulders. “Why are you stretching like we’ve been sitting for hours? It’s only been a hot minute.”
“The chairs are wooden. Don’t they make your bones ache?”
“You get used to it after a decade or so.” He winked at her. “Go to my bedroom. I have an idea.”
“Your bedroom?”
“The room I sleep in. Unless you know of a bedroom I don’t know about.” He walked towards a cabinet, opened the door, and shuffled around in it.
“What are you going to do?” She asked.
He poked his head out from the cabinet, his eye bags prominent in the dim lighting. “Not whatever you’re thinking of. And you say I’m the dirty-minded one.” He returned his focus to the cabinets, closing it and looking in another.
“You’re the one who said meet me in your bedroom.”
“I’ve said it before.”
Julia huffed, walking towards his bedroom. She rarely went in it since he moved carriages.
“Where do you even get a mattress this large?” Julia asked. She’d never seen one this big. “How’d you get it to fit through the door?”
“Magic stuff.”
“Yeah, right.”
“I can tell you a boring story of moving a mattress into my room. That’ll put you to sleep quickly.”
“Sounds like the story of a lifetime,” Julia said dryly.
“Mmm. Depends on if you like mattresses.”
“There’s more interesting topics to me.”
There was a soft thunk as something fell out of the cabinet Sahed was looking in.
“What are you even doing?”
“One second. Almost found it.”
“Found what?”
Sahed closed the cabinet door, turning towards Julia with a grin on his face. He held up a square-shaped box. “This.”
“I can’t see from here.”
He huffed, walking over. “Look.”
Julia looked at what he was holding. It was a small, slim, package that sounded like a puzzle when he moved it.
“What are those?”
“You seriously don’t know?”
Julia gave him an unamused look.
“They’re little stars you can stick on a ceiling. They’ll glow at night, but not bright enough to keep you awake.”
“Woah…” Julia took the box from his hands. “Where’d you even get these?”
“The circus sold them a few years ago. They were a star seller, don’t know why we stopped.”
“That was an awful joke.”
“It was a good one that I didn’t plan for. Good enough joke for me. But anyways, this’ll take a good chunk of time out of the night. We can light some of the lanterns in the room so they’ll glow really bright.”
“Oh yea- how do they glow?”
“To put it simply, they just absorb any light source. The lanterns will let us see where we put it while also helping charge the stars.”
“Interesting.”
“Go open the box on a table. I’ll grab some matches from my nightstand.”
“Why do you have matches in your nightstand?” Julia walked into the bedroom, seeing the silhouette of a desk.
Sahed walked over to his nightstand, muscle memory for him in the dark. He opened the drawer and grabbed a packet of matches, lighting the first lamp on his desk. A warm apricot glow shone from the lamp.
“Because if I need to light a lamp, it’s the most efficient way.”
Julia sighed, opening the box over the desk. Stars poured out in a bunch of different sizes. The room got a dark red from the other side when another lamp was lit.
“I’ll light one or two more lamps and then I’ll help start sticking the stars up.”
“Can I even reach your ceiling?”
“Just stand on a crate in the corner. Or I can give you a piggyback ride.”
Julia snorted at the second part. “Let’s hope the crate can support me.”
“You look easy to pick up. I’m sure it’ll support your weight.” Sahed lit the last lamp and walked over to the desk. “See the putty strips, almost like gum? Rip parts of it off and roll it into balls. Stick them on the stars and they’ll stick to the ceiling.”
“Thanks.” Julia took a strip and ripped a bit off, rolling it into a ball. She grabbed a medium-sized star and attached the putty. “Where’s the crate?”
“Somewhere around here. Let’s speed the process up.”
“What do you mea-” Julia was cut off from her question when Sahed grabbed her, lifting her up from under her shoulders.
“Can you move your arm? Stick the star to the roof.”
“A warning would be nice.” Julia tried to grumble but ended up giggling, the tiredness taking control of her emotions. She stuck the star on the roof, pressing firmly, making sure it wouldn’t fall.
Sahed gently put her back on the ground. “I’ll do a dramatic countdown next time.”
“I thought you said it’d be a piggyback ride?” Julia asked, smiling softly as she attached more putty to the plastic stars.
“Would you rather it be that?”
“It’d probably be more efficient. You could move around easier and I can do more than two stars if I’m holding a plate or something.”
Sahed quickly left the room and reappeared just as fast, holding a tray.
“Put the stars on here. You’ll be able to put multiple on at once.”
“Are you going to help me? This was your idea after all.”
“So needy.” Sahed smiled at her, walking towards the table.
“It’d be daytime by the time I finished if I did it alone.”
“We don’t have to do every star. You can take some to your room and put it there.”
Julia smiled. “Honestly, that’d be nice.”
“There’s a moon in here somewhere. Well, there are different phases. Which do you want to put here and which do you want to take with you?”
“Uhm… I didn’t learn about the moon phases much. I’ll just choose whichever looks nice.”
“How about you pick one and I’ll tell you the meaning?”
“You know the meanings?”
“I’ve been here for a while. You find yourself reading any book to learn anything new.”
“Interesting.” Julia hummed. “I’ll do… this one for your room.” Julia grabbed a moon with a huge curve. “What does this mean?”
“If I remember correctly, that’s a waning crescent moon. It’s the best moon for taking time to rest. Fits my room well, especially if you keep coming here at night.”
Julia sighed. “I don’t wanna go back yet.”
“That’s fine. You’re going to have to share a bed though, I’m not sleeping on the couch.”
“Alright. Pick a moon for my room.”
Sahed looked at the moons, clearly searching his mind for the meaning of each one.
“It’s not that deep, right?” She asked.
“No. But the government taught you not to believe in superstitions, and I plan for you to acknowledge them.” He grabbed a big moon, almost what seemed to be the missing part of the one Julia chose.
“The waning gibbous moon. The way it changed from the original full moon is saying to look inward and just soften. I think that describes you well, with how you’ve changed since you first joined the circus.”
“Well, I didn’t know magic existed.”
“Did the fact that you were brought to a whole different universe not set off any questions?” Sahed sat down on a pillow.
“I don’t know.” Julia sighed. “It’s all very fuzzy to look back on. Do you think this is enough stars?”
“I’m good with whatever you want.” Sahed yawned, looking at the large array of stars on the tray. “Just let me know when you need me to lift you up.”
Julia looked at the tray filled with little stars and then at Sahed. “I think I’m ready.”
“Hop on my back. It’s easier when I’m sitting.”
“Are you sure I won’t hurt you?”
He looked her up and down. “You’re too small.”
“You’re just weirdly tall. Kamille and Dotty are smaller.” Julia ignored the blush rising to her cheeks.
“And I bet I can lift them up no problem.”
Julia huffed.
“Do you want to get a crate and move it every inch or have me help?” Sahed stood up some.
She walked over.
“Just hop on my back.” He told her. “I’ll catch you. If something happens, the floor is scattered with pillows and blankets. You’ll be safe.”
“This is so stupid.” She said, smiling. She jumped up, grabbing his shoulders firmly, avoiding grabbing his neck so she wouldn’t choke him.
He wrapped his arms around her legs, securing her. “You okay?”
“Yes.” Julia giggled. “I haven’t had a piggyback ride in years.”
“Glad I broke that chain.” Sahed walked towards the table, lowering himself so Julia could grab the tray.
Julia grabbed the tray carefully.
“If you hit me on the head with that, I’m dropping you.”
“I’m not.”
“If you stick a star in my hair, I’ll hide the crate and refuse to let you leave until you stick every star on the roof one by one.”
Julia rolled her eyes, staring to stick the stars on the roof. “No promises on that.”
Sahed walked around the room slowly, occasionally readjusting Julia on his back. Julia stuck up each star one by one, leaving the moon for the end. Eventually, she put up the moon, and smiled at her work.
“I think that’s all of the stars,” Julia said. “You can place me down now.”
“Toss the tray on the ground.”
“Why?”
“So I can drop you off my back easier.”
“Alrighty.” Julia tossed the tray towards a corner, onto a pillow. “All good.”
Sahed walked towards the center of the room, towards the mattress on the floor.
“You could just put me down on the floor.” She said.
“That’s no fun, though,” Sahed said, his voice suddenly sounding more mischievous.
“What do you mean?” Julia asked. “Why are you grinning? I can hear the grin in your voice! What are you going to do?”
Sahed was standing on the center of the mattress. He leaned back some and let go of Julia’s legs at once, causing the girl to fall flat onto her back without a warning.
“You jerk!” She laughed, grabbing at his arm with her hands as she fell.
The weight balance caused Sahed to stumble, but he managed to stay upright.
“I should call you the jerk, you tried to take me down.” Sahed grinned.
“You started this!” Julia kicked at the inside of his knee, causing him to fall down beside her.
“You didn’t have to attack me! I just carried you around my room for the past 10 minutes so you could stick up the stars I gave to you!”
She laughed. Sahed shifted himself so that he was more comfortable. While it was hard staying awake this late, he was glad he could cheer her up at times like this. He would never admit it to her, but the pact she told him that she signed seemed to be impossible to find a loophole. Moments like these were precious, cherished and held close to the heart.
“So what now?” Julia asked.
“We’ll turn out the lamps and the stars should be glowing.”
“So are the lamps in here useless now? Because the stars will glow?”
“Not exactly. The stars only glow for a few hours, and the light is very dim- you can’t see in the light. Plus, there’s something you can do with lamps that you can’t do with the stars.”
“What’s that?” She looked at him with confusion.
The way she looked at him- her hair falling out of its braid mixed with how relaxed she was made Sahed’s smile soften.
“Shadow puppets.”
Julia snorted. “That’s so childish.”
“Want me to turn out the lamps and call it a night then?”
“Not yet.” She confessed. “Do you know any shadow puppets?”
“We work in a circus. Of course I do.”
“Can you show me? Like, teach me how to do them?”
Sahed looked at her, smiling. “Of course. We’ll start off easy.”
He raised his arms up, fingers slightly apart and his hands crossed, moving his arms to find where the shadow would be angled to be large. “Do this.”
Julia copied him.
“Can you guess what it is?” He asked her.
“A spider?”
“Was going for crab, but that works.” He moved his fingers, the legs of the crab dancing. Julia did the same, acting out the crab's movements. She chuckled softly to herself.
“What else do you know?”
He moved his hands in some complex way that Julia didn’t have the brainpower to try and understand this late at night.
“Any guesses?”
“Looks like a rabbit.” She smiled, impressed.
“It is. It took a few attempts for me to learn this one.”
“Did you stay up all night just to learn shadow puppets?”
Sahed sighed. “I didn’t stay up all night. It was just nights when I couldn’t sleep. You’re crazy if you think I’d destroy my sleep schedule for something that dumb.”
“Oh yea.” Julia said. “I forgot you had a sleep schedule thing- is this going to ruin it?”
“Nah.” Sahed yawned. “I’ll be tired during the day, but I’ll sleep well tomorrow night. It’s fine if we’re not performing.” Sahed moved his hands, changing the shape of the shadow on the wall.
“A wolf.”
“Yep.”
Sahed shuffled through a few more different animals, occasionally teaching Julia them. She would laugh softly whenever she’d move her slightly out-of-shape animal.
After what felt like every animal in the world had been made in shadows, Julia rolled on her back, silent.
“Are you asleep yet?” Sahed whispered. He didn’t want to leave her awake and alone but also didn’t want to wake her up by speaking too loudly.
“No. Just thinking.”
“About what?”
“If it’s worth it?”
“What’s worth it? Why are you being so vagu-”
Sahed was cut off by Julia slamming a pillow directly onto his face.
“You little jerk!” Sahed sat up, grabbing a pillow next to him. He raised it, aiming to land square on Julia’s head.
“Don’t!” Julia yelped, smiling. “You’re gonna kill me! You’re, like, 10 times stronger!”
“Too late for that!” Sahed hissed, grinning madly. He brought down the pillow with full force, causing Julia to recoil when she got hit. “You can’t feel pain in this circus!”
“You’re still stronger!” Julia swung the pillow towards Sahed’s wrists, hoping for him to drop his pillow when hit.
Sahed blocked the attack and aimed for Julia’s head again. Julia rolled back, dodging.
“You’re taking this too far!” She was laughing hard, standing up. “You’re gonna kill me!”
“You aren’t going to die by a stupid pillow!” Sahed leaned towards her, swiping at her ankles, causing her to fall down. “Now we’re even. Though I should get another hit for you starting that.”
“No way!” Julia rolled on her side to face him. “I should get an extra hit for you taking this too seriously!”
Sahed rolled over on his back, putting the pillow under his head. “A fight is a fight, Julia. You need to learn how to show no mercy when fighting.”
Julia laughed, exhaustion once again hitting her in a strong wave. “It’s a pillow fight.”
“And the word fight is in it.”
She rolled her eyes. “So should we turn off the lamps to see the stars?”
“Up to you. I’ll probably fall asleep in minutes, but sure.”
Julia got up, extinguishing each lamp one by one. The room slowly became dim until it was pitch black.
“I can’t see the floor.” She grumbled.
“Walk towards my voice,” Sahed said. “I’ll let you know when you’re near me.”
Julia took small steps towards where she heard his voice and slowed down when she felt the mattress slightly cave in from Sahed’s body.
“You can sit down now.” Sahed yawned, tapping her leg.
Julia sat down slowly, resting the back of her head on his abdomen. He didn’t say anything about it, didn’t say anything about wanting more contact than that.
“Can you see them?” That was the only thing he said.
Julia looked up at the roof and noticed a slight green coming from it. She noticed the stars, each individual one, and even the moon she put up there.
“Real nice, isn’t it?” He asked her.
“It’s mesmerizing.”
“Glad you like it.” Julia could hear the grin in his voice.
She rolled over onto her stomach, arms flopped over Sahed’s stomach. “Thank you for letting me crash here for the night. It probably wasn’t the most fun thing.”
“I had more fun than I would’ve without you. All I was going to do was sleep. Plus, it was about time those stars got used.”
Julia smiled. Sahed looked at the roof, at all the stars, playing the night’s events slowly over his mind. He forced himself to stay awake, to make sure Julia would fall asleep first. When her breathing steadied, he looked at her again to make sure that she was really asleep. It was an image Sahed tried to burn in his mind, to never let himself forget. He gave into temptation, softly rubbing her head. He smiled, knowing Julia would probably kill him if she were awake. The way she looked so peaceful, calm, so still. Sleep overcame him too when he let himself relax and closed his eyes.