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A sleepy dreary haze settled over the Windy City as its residents slept soundly in their beds. The streets were mostly empty save for a few yellow taxis, rideshare drivers and police cars cruising up and down the boulevard.
The autumn air was crisp and quiet, the wind whispered through the trees and gray wisps of fog curled around Will’s legs as he trudged through the streets. His footsteps were becoming heavier by the second.
Will knew in his heart that he would be finding no solace in sleep after the hellish shift he endured. He had hoped to find comfort in the arms of his boyfriend, but Connor was staying at the hospital late to assist with a heart and lung transplant.
He could still hear the piercing screams of the young mother. When he informed her that not only had she sustained life altering injuries from the accident, caused by a careless drunk that had hit her family and fled the scene. Will also had to inform her that her husband and young son were pronounced dead on arrival, their injuries far too severe for medical intervention.
In addition to the excruciating loss of her family, the young woman lost her unborn baby girl as a result of the brutal crush injuries she sustained, the same ones that stole her ability to feel anything below her waist.
Her unbridled cries of fury and anguish filled the ED, bouncing off its walls, saturating the air around them with thick heavy grief. Will's heart splintered apart inside his chest as he administered a sedative to try and calm her down while she screamed and thrashed violently. Will, Maggie, and several security guards had to help hold the young woman down in order to prevent her from injuring herself any further.
After a few hellish moments, Will watched as the fire slowly started to recede from her eyes. Her movements grew sluggish and uncoordinated, then she became eerily quiet and turned to face Will. Her eyes were glassy and her expression sobered.
In her last moments of lucidity she grabbed his wrist in a bruising grip, digging her sharp nails into his pale skin. “You should’ve done more to save my family,” she muttered, her voice was lost and sounded far away.
Will’s head was pounding and his heartbeat was hammered away in his ears. The line of his shoulders were tense and his body was thrumming with nervous energy he was desperate to expel. He did the best he could to put the devastating situation out of his mind, but he kept spiraling further and further into despair.
He turned up the collar of his winter coat to block the biting wind from stinging his cheeks. Will quickly walked through the apartment complex, weaving through the various buildings, before coming upon his own.
Will took the stairs two at a time, up to the third floor unit he shared with Jay and Mouse. As he came upon the front door, Will fumbled for his keys, his vision blurring with tears and his breaths escaping in harsh ragged puffs. Will’s trembling fingers dropped the keys, causing him to curse softly under his breath. He leaned his head against the door jamb, trying to regulate his erratic breathing, finding little success.
After a few long agonizing moments of breathing in, holding it for a count of four, then exhaling and repeating the whole cycle over again, Will could finally see straight. His heart rate had gradually calmed, allowing him to stoop down and pick up his keys. He inserted them into the lock and pushed the door open, letting himself into the darkened apartment.
Will slipped off his coat and shoes, dropping his duffel bag onto the floor as he shuffled into the kitchen for a glass of water. Desperately wishing that they had something stronger, but out of respect for Mouse’s sobriety, the Halstead’s kept no high proof alcohol or controlled substances in the apartment.
Will startled when he felt a hand on his arm and a warm wet snout pressing into his palm. He glanced down, finding Kol looking up at him with his big soulful eyes. Kol nuzzled affectionately into his hand, woofing softly. Will sniffled and raised his tear filled eyes up, holding the concerned gaze of his lifelong best friend.
Mouse’s brows were drawn together in a pinched frown, “Hey Micah, you alright?” he asked, resting a gentle hand on his shoulder. “You've been standing alone in the dark for a while. We’ve been trying to get your attention since you got home.”
A torrent of suppressed emotions swelled up in Will’s heart, burning a hole right through his chest. It was too much for him to bear and all at once the fight left him. Will let out a high-keening wail as a full body shiver passed through his slim frame. He clutched onto Mouse’s arm in a death grip, holding onto it like a lifeline in a stormy, unforgiving sea.
While initially startled, Mouse tugged Will into his arms without hesitation, cradling him close. Kol whined softly and urgently pawed at Will’s leg. Jay got up off the bar stool he had been seated on, joining Will, Mouse and Kol in the kitchen.
The detective shot his husband a concerned look as he scratched behind Kol’s ears, quietly reassuring him. Mouse rubbed soothing circles into Will’s back. Mouse offered Jay a soft smile as his hand came up to rest on the nape of Will’s neck, squeezing gently.
“Hi sweetheart, it sounds like you’ve had a rough shift,” Mouse murmured, scraping his blunt nails over the back and side of Will’s head.
Will let out a ragged breath and whined, burying his nose in Mouse’s shoulder. Mouse cooed softly, swaying them from side to side.
“Jay and I are both here with you and so is Kol,” Mouse soothed, “We’re gonna protect you and keep you safe, I promise.”
Will sniffed hard, lifting his head from Mouse’s shoulder. His eyes were red-rimmed and frightened as he looked around frantically for his brother. Mouse offered him a sympathetic smile and gestured for Jay to step closer.
Jay immediately sprung into action, closing the distance between them as he pulled Will into his arms. He wrapped Will in a secure embrace, tucking his face into the crook of his neck. Jay let out a shaky breath of his own and continued his gentle ministrations.
Mouse smiled warmly at the pair, crouching down to lightly stroke Kol’s silky fur. He gently patted his head and moved further into the kitchen, filling up the kettle. Then Mouse placed it on the base and switched it on so the water could boil.
He leaned his hip against the counter and withdrew a box of chamomile tea from the upper cabinet. Mouse dropped the tea bags into each of the three mugs, pouring the boiling water over them, allowing the tea to steep for a few minutes.
“We should try to touch base with Connor or Maggie to see if they have any idea what triggered Will so badly,” he mused aloud, gently stroking Kol’s fluffy ears.
Jay gave a thoughtful hum, “That’s not a bad idea,” he muttered, “I haven’t seen him this shaken up since he got back from WITSEC.”
Will whimpered softly and shook his head as he desperately clutched the back of Jay’s shirt, scrambling for purchase. Kol whined softly and pawed at Mouse’s pant leg, begging him to help Will. Jay looked up at Mouse with wide frightened eyes as he cradled the back of Will’s head, lightly stroking his soft ginger hair.
Mouse’s breath hitched in his chest as he took in the achingly vulnerable look in his husband’s eyes. He stepped into Jay’s space, gently caressing the rasp of stubble lining his jaw. Mouse squeezed both of the brother’s shoulders simultaneously, grounding them to the present moment.
He reached into Jay’s pocket, removing his phone. Mouse opened the timer and set it for 10 minutes, then he placed it down on the counter, turning to address Jay and Will.
Mouse cleared his throat, “I’m going to step away for a few minutes so I can grab a few of our comfort items and some other essentials to get us through the night,” he explained, keeping his voice low and soft. “I’ve set a timer for 10 minutes. I’ll be back to check on you guys before it goes off.”
Jay nodded numbly, but he still looked a little lost. He took a deep breath to steady himself, looking at Mouse imploringly as did Kol.
Mouse smiled softly, resting his hand on Jay’s forearm. “Baby, I’d like you to take Will over to the couch and help him get cleaned up,” he instructed calmly, passing him a bottle of water from the fridge. “Then you guys can find us something to watch. I’m sure Kol would love some cuddles.”
Jay blinked as crystalline tears pooled beneath his lower lash line. Mouse gently swept the moisture away with the pad of his thumb. He rose up to his full height, Mouse could see that his husband would need a little bit of a push.
“That was an order soldier,” Mouse commanded, his voice was kind yet measured, “Do you understand me?”
Jay nodded resolutely, “Yes sir, I can follow [your] orders,” he whispered. “I’ll be good.”
Mouse’s face broke out into a wide grin as he pulled the brother’s close. He ran his hand through Jay’s thick brown hair, pressing a tender kiss to his temple.
“You are such a good boy Jay,” Mouse murmured sincerely, his warm breath fanning over the shell of his husband’s ear. “I’m the luckiest man alive, getting to call you mine.”
Jay released a pleased hum, leaning into Mouse’s warm embrace, soaking up his love and comfort before reluctantly pulling away. He wrapped his arm around Will’s shoulders, guiding him into the cozy living room with Kol hot on their heels. Jay sat him on the couch and reached for the box of tissues Mouse kept on the coffee table. He gently dabbed at the tears staining Will’s blotchy cheeks as Kol rested his head on Will’s knee. The redhead smiled softly, burying his trembling fingers in Kol’s soft fur.
“I’ll be back real soon,” Mouse assured.
Jay nodded resolutely and unscrewed the lid off the water bottle, encouraging Will to take slow easy sips. Will let out a shuddering breath and turned his head to the side, signaling that he was done. He rested his aching head on Jay’s shoulder, allowing his burning eyes to drift shut.
Jay hummed a soft lullaby under his breath as he watched Mouse silently slip out of the room and make his way down the hall, disappearing into the dimly lit apartment.
✨❤️✨
Mouse padded silently down the corridor, slipping into his and Jay's bedroom. He pulled out a small tote bag from the dresser and set it on top of the dark wood. Mouse pulled open a drawer and withdrew one of Jay’s old army t-shirts. It was soft and careworn, completely saturated with his scent. He carefully placed it into the bag, grabbing the weighted blanket from the bottom shelf of his night table.
He set it on the bed and pulled open his night stand drawer, making the executive decision to grab Jay’s favorite dinosaur toy he’d kept since childhood. Mouse smiled softly, trailing his fingers over the green and purple patches from where Jude had lovingly repaired it over the years. He gave it a quick spritz of his cologne and set it in the tote bag with the other collected items.
Mouse moved down the hallway and made a quick stop at Will’s room. He grabbed him a change of comfy clothes and his well loved Police Bear, Jay had gifted him when he graduated from the academy. Then Mouse pulled open Will’s night stand drawer, withdrawing a sealed bag of Connor’s clothing. He knew his scent would help ground Will.
✨🌻✨
*To: Connor Rhodes*
2:27 am: Hey man, something happened to Will on shift that has him pretty shaken up. Will started sobbing when he got home, but he let us comfort him. We haven’t had any luck, getting any kind of explanation out of him.
-
The next few moments seemed to drag on for years before his phone chirped with a response. Mouse released a breath he didn’t know he was holding as he read Connor’s response.
-
Connor @ 2:29 am: Hey Mouse, thanks for letting me know. I’m really trying not to panic right now. I’ve been scrubbed in for a heart-lung transplant for the last couple hours.
I just stepped out to grab a bite to eat and overheard some nurses chatting about a pretty nasty accident that came into the ED around midnight, 2 DOA’s, one tender age.
-
*To: Connor Rhodes*
2:30 am: I wouldn’t be surprised if the accident and Will’s dissociative episode are connected. He and Jay always take cases involving kids really hard. Could you have Maggie give us a call when she gets a chance?
Jay’s with him now, he’s got his Police bear and your sweatshirt. We’ll sleep in shifts so someone’s always watching over him. I have a feeling the night terrors are gonna rear their ugly head.
Swing by our place after your shift. The spare key is in the lockbox.
-
Connor @ 2:33 am: I’ll touch base with Maggie before I head back upstairs to see what she knows. I have to scrub back into surgery in 10 [minutes] so I won’t be available for a couple hours. My shift ends at 6:00 am. Please take care of Will and let him know I love him.
He’s everything to me.
-
*To: Connor Rhodes*
2:35 am: You don’t have to tell me twice, Will is family and we will always take care of him. I’ll pass along your message and let him know you’ll stop by after your shift.
Now it’s time to pull yourself together Rhodes, you’ve got someone’s life in your hands and they need you at your best. You know Will would tell you the same thing.
✨🌻✨
Mouse sighed and locked his phone, slipping it into his back pocket. He pressed the heels of his hands over his eyes and rubbed in slow easy circles, trying to dispel the headache pulsing behind his eyelids.
He took a deep breath to steady himself, collecting the items he gathered from the bedroom(s). Mouse padded silently on stockinged feet, finally rejoining the Halstead brothers in the living room. The timer sat on the coffee table with 2 minutes and 27 seconds remaining.
The sight before him, made his heart squeeze painfully in his chest. Will sat on the couch with his knees drawn up to his chest, making him appear much smaller. His arms were wrapped around his trembling form and his face was buried in them. Will was rocking back and forth, whining softly. Kol sat by his side, pressing his wet snout into the fabric of Will’s scrubs, trying to offer his owner some small measure of comfort.
Jay sat beside Will, one strong arm wrapped around his quivering form. His nose was buried in Will’s soft ginger waves. The only sound in the room was the soft childhood lullaby Jay was humming under his breath and Will’s ragged breathing.
Mouse smiled softly at the pair and set the items down on the coffee table. Then he ducked into the kitchen to collect their cooling mugs of chamomile tea as well as a bag of soft treats for Kol.
He made his way back into the living room, kneeling down in front of them. Mouse buried his fingers in Kol’s silky fur, smiling softly. Jay raised his red-rimmed gaze up to hold his. Mouse offered him an adoring smile as he rested his hand on Jay’s shoulder, squeezing gently.
“How’s he doing?” Mouse asked, his warm breath fanning over the shell of Jay’s ear.
Jay released a shuddering exhale and paused his singing. He pulled Will impossibly closer until his head was pillowed on his chest.
“It’s been touch and go,” Jay admitted, shrugging one shoulder. “Will had a pretty bad panic attack and he kept trying to bang his head against the wall and I had to stop him, but I—”
Jay’s voice petered out and he had to pause to collect himself. He ran a trembling hand through his short brown hair. Mouse gently brushed his fingers along Jay’s stubbled jaw, helping to relieve some of the tension he found there.
He bowed his head, “I didn’t know what to do, so I just gathered Will up and started singing—just like mom would.”
Mouse cradled Jay’s face in his cool dry palm, brushing the tears from his reddened cheeks with the pad of his thumb. “Look at me, sweet boy,” he encouraged as Jay raised his tearful gaze up to hold his. “You’ve done an amazing job caring for Will. When he needed to fall apart, he knew he could count on you to hold him together and keep him safe,” he praised, “That’s what matters.”
He pressed his lips against Jay’s temple, breathing in the bright citrus scent of his shampoo. Then he reached into the bag on the coffee table, withdrawing Jay’s childhood plushie. Jay let out a soft whine as he buried his nose in the soft worn fabric.
Mouse shot his husband an adoring smile before turning his attention towards Will. He rested a gentle hand on his forearm, rubbing soothing circles into his freckled skin.
“Hi sweetheart, how are you doing?” Mouse spoke softly, as if speaking to a frightened child. “Can I hold you?”
Will sniffed hard and nodded, but didn’t stop his rocking as it helped soothe him. Kol whined softly and licked Will’s forearm. Mouse took a seat on the couch beside him, carefully wrapping his arms around Will. He drew the taller man into his warm embrace, allowing Jay a few moments to compose himself.
Mouse gently combed his fingers through Will’s messy scarlet waves, “I’m not sure what’s going through your head right now, but Jay and I are right here with you and so is Kol,” he assured. “We’re gonna keep you safe. I can promise you that.”
Will released a shuddering exhale as he pillowed his head on Mouse’s shoulder, breathing in the sweet amber and vanilla musk of his cologne. Mouse pressed a tender kiss to the crown of his head, humming softly.
“I just heard from Connor and he’s going into surgery for the next few hours, but he’s gonna come by after his shift,” Mouse whispered, “He loves you Will, so damn much .”
Will lifted his aching head up at the mention of his boyfriend, crystalline tears rolling steadily down his flushed cheeks. Mouse offered him a kind smile, dabbing at the moisture staining Will’s blotchy cheeks.
“Come on, let’s get you into some more comfortable clothes,” Mouse encouraged.
Will nodded, but his glassy eyes remained unfocused. He didn’t protest as Mouse pulled him up to his feet, never breaking their points of contact, which Will was extremely grateful for. He glanced back at Kol, offering him a watery smile.
The Halstead’s had always been tactile, relying on the comfort of touch and human connection to see them through the darkest periods of their lives. It was something their mother, Jude, had instilled in them, always reaching out to stroke their hair or pat their back. Even when the cancer had sapped away the brightness in her eyes and the rosy flush in her cheeks.
Will was pulled from his quiet musings when Mouse handed him a pair of soft worn sweatpants and one of Jay’s old army t-shirts. Mouse gently guided his legs into the pants and pulled them up, tying the drawstrings and rolling down the waist one time, so the elastic wouldn’t rub against his sensitive skin. Then Mouse pulled the threadbare t-shirt over his head, soothing out any wrinkles.
Mouse led Will over to the couch, pushing him down onto the soft cushions. He passed Will his soft worn Police Bear and he immediately cradled it close, brushing his fingers over the worn stitching. Mouse grabbed the last two items from the tote, opening the sealed bag that contained Connor’s sweatshirt.
Will drew in a ragged breath as he yanked the hoodie out of the bag, pressing it against his face. He buried his nose into the careworn fabric, inhaling the warm comforting scent of Connor’s expensive after shave. Kol woofed softly, pawing at the sweatshirt, it looked like Will wasn’t the only one comforted by Connor’s scent.
When Will raised his head, he found Jay and Mouse seated on the coffee table across from him, smiling warmly. Will gave them a weary half smile in return.
Jay plopped down on the couch beside him, “Come on, there’s a marathon of that nerdy science show you and Connor like to watch,” he teased.
Will let out a quiet huff of indignation, resting his head on Jay’s shoulder in retaliation. Jay chuckled softly and draped an arm around his shoulder. Mouse shot him a fond grin and settled on Will’s other side, being careful not to squish Kol. He loosely intertwined their fingers and Will felt something warm settle in his chest as Mouse lightly tapped his finger on the back of his hand.
He focused his tired eyes on the screen, doing his best to follow the plot. Will did his best to stifle a yawn behind his hand as he nuzzled into Jay’s shoulder. Moments later, his breathing evened out, and for a short time everything remained still and quiet.