Archive of Our Own

It's one single call, echoing between leaves and woods, that wakes up Renjun's slumbering mind.

One name is all it takes to have him jolting awake, to evoke a tremour inside of him.

He disregards the odd - knowing - looks he receives as soon as he storms out of the cabin the moment Donghyuck's return is announced, soon turning the entire camp into its own flurry of faces and bodies, all gravitating towards the centre point of it all.

In this moment, he doesn't want to care about 'keeping low', to pretend that he doesn't care when he does-

-and yet.

His steps falter.

Renjun wishes he never counted the number of days that have laid between the last time he's seen him, and this moment. Perhaps then, it would hurt less to see a face that should be familiar, but … isn't.

Donghyuck smiles and waves, welcomes the tackling hugs of the youngest ones with a chuckle - fistbumps his best friends and sparring partners as if he hasn't just returned from what must be the most important quest of his life.

Nothing seems out of the ordinary - not when he laughs as some trainers and instructors try to make their way through the flock of people that have always been drawn towards the sun, putting the children of Aphrodite and Apollo to shame. Not when there is a sheepish look on his face as he gets scolded by the healers for the gaping wounds he's must have half-heartedly treated himself.

And yet.

Renjun averts his eyes from what should be familiar, scurrying away with the aid of the shadows.

Perhaps, he should take a swim.

—

Normally, taking a dive into the ocean is the easiest way to clear his mind, but even as his fingertips finally begin to turn wrinkled, with the moon glistening on the water's surface, he still floats, head barely visible in the liquid darkness as he sighs.

"Hope you don't fall asleep on me here," a familiar voice echoes.

Renjun turns to Jisung with a wry smile. "Might not be a bad idea, I could just camp by the beach."

The other only shakes his head in return, placing a towel next to him as he sits down cross-legged on the ground.

"Are you not going to greet Hyuck?"

It's an honest inquiry - a reasonable one, considering them. Renjun and Donghyuck - Donghyuck and Renjun. They've skirted around another endlessly before the quest, and it shouldn't be different now.

Except, it is.

"I don't think he wants to see me right now."

Jisung huffs. "He? Are you sure? What makes you think that now?"

But even so, Renjun thinks he can hear a sliver of fear in his voice - the dawning of an understanding that feels dangerous to approach.

The smile on his lips should be sarcastic, but it tastes bitter. Maybe it's just the salt from the water.

"Well, he isn't all over me right now, is he?"

And with that, Renjun submerges his head again. He doesn't want to talk about it.

Perhaps, if he lets himself drift, the sea would carry him far, far away.

—

To try and describe their relationship would be like trying to square a circle - not that Renjun is all that prolific in the art of mathematics, but it feels like an appropriate analogy. To try and put whatever lingers between them into words would be like trying to describe a circle with a square, to weigh apples against strawberries, or mistake the moon for the sun.

More than thoughts, it's feelings - of the entire spectrum, between rage and affection, grief and joy, disdain and curiosity. Donghyuck's innate need to push when Renjun is so keen to pull away, opposites that are yet entangled into each other for the reason that, maybe, they've ran in circles for so long that it's hard to see where things end and where things began.

Donghyuck is bright and honest and clingy, while Renjun is jaded and secretive and reserved. They shouldn't work well together, and yet …

Unsurprisingly, it's Donghyuck who made the first move - way back when. Simple hellos that turn into how are yous that turn into Renjunnie! You can't ignore me forever!s; perhaps, things would have turned out better for Renjun's heart if he could have tried harder to ignore the well of feelings that Donghyuck evokes.

Yet, it's as foolish as it is easy to fall into the warmth that Donghyuck provides - that after diving for so long, to breach the surface and be welcomed by a warm glow.

The entire camp is probably believing that it's Donghyuck who hangs onto this strangeness of their coexistence when in truth, Renjun can't help but to think that he's the one craving his touch all the more.

—

"What are you doing here?"

Renjun's voice is met with a jump - a flinch as Donghyuck eyes widen in the face of the lantern that Renjun brought with him.

"O-oh gods, you sca-scared me so much! What are you doing here?!" Donghyuck nearly screeches, but his voice comes out muted, scurrying closer - perhaps like a moth to the flame, or a scared child to a familiar face.

"I just took a swim," Renjun replies dryly.

This is the most he's ever said to the son of Hephaestus by far and he's rather keen to cut the conversation short, but something makes him inclined to stay.

He's never seen Donghyuck - brave, bold Donghyuck - look so scared.

"A - what? In this - this darkness?" The other's words come out hushed.

An owl calls - and Renjun feels a warm touch on his arm, a fearful grip, eyes quivering over the known veiled in black.

He blinks, looks at Donghyuck. "Are you … scared of the darkness?"

To be honest, Renjun expects a dismissal - a brave yet cowardly denial of what seems fairly obvious. But what he sees is a crestfallen face, eyes cast downwards. He doesn't reply, but he doesn't have to.

Renjun should have leave it at that - maybe guide him back to his cabin if he feels generous, of course, but leave it. Yet something stirs when Donghyuck is about to let go of his arm - stirs him to wrap his free arm around the other, trying to move the arm holding the lantern around Donghyuck as well in an awkward imitation of a hug.

It's almost wondrous how much Donghyuck falls into the embrace, shivers breaking out despite his high body temperature. Renjun can hear sniffles.

"It's okay," he mutters. "It's okay."

—

When Renjun opens his eyes next, the stars have long disappeared from the sky, overshadowed by the brightest one of them. Daylight is pouring into the cabin through every nook and cranny it can find and he turns with a groan.

His body feels cold.

He curses to have known warmth, and gets up.

As expected, the camp is still coursing with adrenaline of yesterday's unexpected yet welcome arrival of their newest hero. Everywhere he goes, whispers speak of the wondrous tales that already rake around Donghyuck, word spreading like a wildfire.

Lauded as a hero, he's the centre of attention of the whole camp, especially those who arrived in his absence - even more so of his younger half-siblings, old and new, that hang by their big brother's and cabin leader's side with vigour.

Even as everyone here has a divine parent, heroes are harder to come by.

It's enough to make Chenle grumble in mockery, playfully upping his dramatics of being robbed of 'quality bro time' with Donghyuck.

And, of course, Renjun has to hear it, alongside a dozing Jisung.

"Can you believe it, Jun? Everyone swarming around him and he doesn't even find the time to talk to me, and I'm frankly half of the reason why he made it out alive," Chenle snorts, theatrically falling onto his back.

He gives Renjun a not-so-subtle look.

"Okay, maybe I'm only a third of the reason he's back," he cackles.

Renjun watches him, deadpan, before he tears out a few halms of grass, throwing them at the lying-but-not-sleeping.

"Hey! The Demeter kids are sure to curse you now!" Chenle gasps, light touches patting away the offending greenery on his red-dyed clothes.

Jisung mumbles something, but it gets lost with the wind.

"Fine by me," Renjun only retorts after a heartbeat. It's not like he's got anything to lose. No reputation to upkeep when he's the sole of Poseidon's cabin right now.

"Making an enemy out of Mother Nature? Gutsy," Chenle replies with a cheerful smile. With one huff, he balances himself back to sitting position, just in time to - Renjun's gaze follows his.

Oh no.

"Speak of the devil!" Chenle almost shrieks out in glee, and it would be kind of endearing if not for the insistent waving he does, ending in physically dragging the figure of one Lee Donghyuck into the frame. "Man, I've not seen you in ages!"

"Well, you didn't show up at any of our recent gatherings …" Donghyuck begins slowly. His gaze decisively does not dart towards Renjun.

Renjun doesn't look, either.

Chenle fingerguns. "Touché. Well, actually, I just remembered I needed to show Sungie something, so - see ya!"

Jisung all but startles awake when Chenle drags him onto his feet, demonstrating a surprising strength and speed when he runs off with the both of them.

Leaving only Renjun and Donghyuck.

Renjun shakes his head in pure disbelief. Honestly …

He looks over to Donghyuck, taking a deep breath. Then, he nods towards the other.

"Hi." Pause.

Nothing.

"Oh, hi, Renjun," Donghyuck says, as if only noticing now the son of Poseidon's presence.

Kinda ouch.

The building silence is reminiscent of their early days, where uncertainty reigned over the two, and it breaks something in Renjun's heart - metaphorical, or not.

He has to get away.

"I - have to be somewhere-" he chokes out, words an uncertain declaration as he fidgets with his fingers, then - walks the other way.

He hears no footsteps behind him, and maybe, that's going to be it.

No reason for a chase if there is simply none, right?

—

Renjun can almost hear the wave.

Like delicate motions stirring the air, only that there is no elegance to the whimsical approach of the other as he turns from a dot soon to an unstoppable force, crashing against the immovable object - subject - his body. He stumbles lightly from the collision, but is able to catch himself in time.

He turns to the face looking at him, all expectantly.

He sighs.

"Hi, Donghyuck," he says dryly.

"A most wonderful good morning to you, too, Renjun-ah!" comes back, about a dozen billion times more cheerful, if multiplying zero wouldn't make it stay zero.

(And yet, he can't quite keep the slight upturn of the corners of his lips as he turns his face away.)

"What're you up to now?" Donghyuck asks, letting go of his chokehold on Renjun as he simply walks next to the other. Their hands are still brushing against another.

Renjun pretends not to notice - shrugs.

"Just on my way to the cabin."

Donghyuck's mouth forms an 'o' - followed by the sound, unnecessarily lengthened.

"Wanna play a board game?" he follows to ask. "I still have to beat you! I won't let you off that easily!"

Can we hang out some more is what he really asks, Renjun is almost sure.

He shakes his head.

Such a silly, silly guy.

Maybe, his smile widens just a little.

"Sure. Table and chairs are still out from last time," Renjun replies.

The sun feels warm on his skin, but nothing would quite compare to the warmth he feels from Donghyuck's brilliant smile, an enthusiastic nod.

"Mh! Let's!"

—

Summer rain surprises them with all its downpour, making it nigh-impossible to properly plan the burning of the funeral shroud made for Donghyuck, delaying the event further. 

What the kids of Hephaestus bemourn, is a welcome breather from the scorching heat for Renjun, though, who is about the only one not running around with an umbrella most of the time.

Instead, there is contentness when he feels the raindrops soak his skin and clothes, when the people from the dining pavilion give him a pronounced look, when he is not bothering too much with a towel. They allow him to take some food with him to enjoy in his own cabin after the offering for the gods, so he retreats to the privacy of his own buzzing mind, thoughts only drowned out by the pitter-patter of the rain.

It's a quiet loneliness that overcomes him in those moments, with nobody else to share the silence with. The camp is empty, with faraway lights and distant chatter being the only certainty that he's not the only person left in this world, as much as he feels like it. But maybe, that's just how things always have been, are supposed to be.

Renjun sighs.

The chilliness of summer rain surely puts things into perspective, though he isn't so sure whether it's a truthful one.

Chenle's words ring through his mind.

He scoffs, a bit bitterly. Renjun might be a lot of things, but a reason for Donghyuck to return seems laughable with how little words they exchanged. A part of him is convinced that he must have forgotten all about him, or something like this.

The bigger part of him knows it's not true - or, maybe, wants to believe there is more to it than a sudden lack of … feeling.

They've been overflowing with those, good and bad, and now, there is supposed to be nothing?

A void?

It just doesn't make sense.

He stabs his soup, frowning deeply at the bowl. Or maybe it's just all in his head … it must be. Maybe everything that happened prior to the quest have just been silly daydreams and he's getting worked up over nothing.

"Stupid, stupid brain …" he hisses out, leaning his head against the wooden door, eyes closed for a moment.

Maybe he should head inside. It's starting to get really cold out here.

—

"If you're afraid, you can just go back, I'll accompany you," Renjun sighs, scowling hard at the figure clutching at his arm. Only few natural light sources exist now after he doused the lantern's lights at the mountain's foot. They're surrounded by darkness, cloaked in the night's typical black splendour.

But even with a way out, Donghyuck vehemently shakes his head, almost hitting Renjun's and that makes him almost snap completely.

Only almost.

"N-no! I really want to see it!" Donghyuck insists however. It would be more endearing if Renjun could still feel his arm, though.

He rolls his eyes. "Whatever, suit yourself, then."

Thus, they keep trodding further up, through the thicket of the forest. It's a bit of a steep adventure and Renjun has to catch the other more often than he'd like (especially after Donghyuck decided to close his eyes, like it'd make the darkness any more bearable), but eventually, they make it to the top.

Renjun takes a breath of fresh air, enjoying the altitude despite being rather far from his preferred bodies of water, but the sky opening up above is worth the trip.

He nudges Donghyuck with a small smile etched on his face, obscured by the night and only dimly shined upon by the stars' distant light.

"We're here, silly," he says, more softly than necessary, but maybe, something in the cosmic void could be disturbed if he's any louder-

"WOAH!"

-nevermind, if there was anything to disrupt, he's pretty sure Donghyuck just did that.

Once Donghyuck opens his eyes, there is no quiet to his endearment with the galaxies unfolding above, stars twinkling in their mirth as they watch - or maybe, don't watch - two lone souls trying to reach out for them. He points out to various different places in the velvet fabric of the sky, asking and inquiring, and Renjun is all too inclined to tell him more.

Of the stars (and maybe, a bit of himself).

Donghyuck hops and grabs onto air and laughs and shines so brilliantly - he dances with the stars, for once unafraid of the darkness that coats them.

Renjun wonders if he ever dared to look above, or if he's kept to the ground for fear of what might await him.

"You're not afraid?" he can't help but to ask directly as eventually, Donghyuck tired out and they lay down, side by side, eyes gazed upwards. Once again, he's clutching to Renjun's arm, the other's body radiating warmth even in this chill night.

"I am," Donghyuck answers after a heartbeat or two, gaze turning towards him. "But it's less scary with you and the stars."

Renjun expected this - a heartbeat drumming dangerously out of his chest, like he heard so many times from Jaemin or Mark, or even Sicheng.

A contraption - then, explosion. Something like this.

But when Donghyuck snuggles further into his side, trembling a little yet etching a smile against Renjun's skin - fabric - whichever, wherever, there is an odd feeling of comfort.

He wants to reach out a hand, touching the softness of Donghyuck's skin, just to feel a little of the face that's greeting him with a smile - a pout - with so many expressions, he can barely keep track.

He's glad that Donghyuck has his eyes closed, or he might have caught him staring.

Though, would it be so bad? If he were to know how much of a wonder he is to him?

Renjun turns his gaze starward.

"Hm."

—

He does not head inside.

Renjun does scurry closer to the shadows when he notices that people start to scatter, unwilling to be perceived in much any way. It's only when most of the campers have retreated to their cabins, laughter a muted background noise, that he allows himself to walk out.

The stars must be coming out one by one at this point, but it's hard to say much anything about it as the sunset-hued sky is still hung with grey clouds all over, the rain persistent. At least it keeps everyone in drier places, so when Renjun goes back to the dining pavilion to return his bowl, there is no one else.

As predicted, the place is deserted when he steps in, bowing to the kitchen staff as he hands back the bowl with a small "thank you".

He intends to return immediately, yet his eyes become stuck for a little at the sight of the roofless building however, a sigh escaping his lips.

Magic keeps the rain at bay, though he bemourns the lack of water. Maybe he should take another swim?

But just when he turns around to leave, a figure catches his eye - how could it not, when there is something achingly familiar in his silhouette?

An achingly familiar pain in his eyes, maybe, if he were to look long enough, but he doesn't.

The sun is almost gone.

A small puddle must have gathered by his feet by now, binding him to a state of inertia. "-you should go back soon, before it's dark," Renjun hears himself speaking, so softly he isn't so sure if he even said anything.

He must have, by the look of Donghyuck's flinching, surprised by the sudden voice.

"It's - fine," Donghyuck says with a weak smile, eyes averted, and so are Renjun's. "Who knew that going on a quest on your own kinda toughens you … I guess."

His voice trembles a little, though, and Renjun doesn't really believe him.

And then, Donghyuck adds quietly, almost as an afterthought, "-moreso, you should go - you'll catch a cold."

Renjun feels an ache in his heart over the concern voiced, even if it's kind of unnecessary.

He gives Donghyuck a weak smile, barely there.

"You know I don't catch a cold that easily," he says, almost equally as soft. Speaking too loudly feels like it could ruin whichever delicate moment there may be.

There it is again, this familiar pull towards Donghyuck … and the subsequent pushing away from it. He has to get away, doesn't he?

"You should still go," Donghyuck mutters, "you shouldn't risk your health so easily."

Renjun waves a hand dismissively, rubbing the back of his neck. "Ah, it's fine … really," he says slowly, fidgeting with his fingers, eyes fixated on his own hands, so he doesn't have to see the other's eyes, carefully gazing.

Donghyuck's conflicted mind mirrored through his eyes, same as his own.

"… if you say so, I'll - err, take my leave then," Donghyuck says softly.

It makes Renjun look up in a heartbeat, a hand almost reaching out - but he doesn't. Instead, he raises his voice a little.

"Wait, I - can we-"

"-sorry, I really have to go," Donghyuck says abruptly, turning around.

Renjun's face falls.

It's to be expected, with how much distance already exists between them - from how their last encounter played out, and yet … he scoffs quietly to himself. How could he ever have hoped for it to be different than this now? Renjun averts his gaze.

He can't do this - whatever this even is, really, something piercing through his heart the more they talk, the more unfamiliar all of his feels. Has he ever seen Donghyuck's back for this long?

And yet …

The sun is setting, painting blurry traces of blue and black.

"Do you really not want this - us anymore?" Renjun's voice trembles as he speaks, rising above the noise of the constant downpour.

Desperation lays thick on his tongue, deeply-layered in his face.

"What?" only falls from Donghyuck's lips, a shaky exhale, facing him again.

When Renjun looks at him, really looks at him, Donghyuck's eyes are an extinguished flame - helpless in the falling ocean that surrounds them.

Donghyuck takes a deep breath.

"It's … not - it's … complicated," Donghyuck speaks slowly, face contorting to a pained smile as he backs away a few steps.

"I have time," Renjun immediately says, hating how desperation is making his voice even higher-pitched than it might be otherwise, "if you want to explain, that is."

Please, he wants to plead with his eyes, anything I can hold onto. But Donghyuck isn't sparing him a glance as he looks sideways.

"You wouldn't understand."

Donghyuck's voice is eerily soft when he says it, as if it hasn't just shattered something inside of Renjun's metaphorical heart.

He retreats the hand he hasn't noticed he's been holding out.

Donghyuck literally fights for words, his big gestures filling the awful distance between them with not much.

"Because - because-" he tries, but he shakes his head. "Please, just forget about it. Forget about me, I'm sorry I ever bothered you."

Renjun never thought of Donghyuck to be someone to run away, but he does, in this very moment - tail between his legs, he turns towards the rain as if it wouldn't quench a flame.

Maybe Renjun should give up.

His hand reaches out for the other.

"Hyuck-" he tries, another time, another measly attempt at … he doesn't even know anymore. Does he really have hope to fix this? Isn't that a bit high-and-mighty of himself, when it takes two to mend?

They both freeze as his fingers wrap around the bare skin of Donghyuck's arm - the other's gaze shocked, frightened, even, as if Renjun could ever do anything to harm him.

Maybe that is where things are starting to shatter completely, from the cracks formed over days gone by.

"… you're cold," Renjun states, matter-of-factly.

Donghyuck shakes his hand off as if he burnt himself. He still doesn't look into Renjun's eyes.

Skittish. Donghyuck never used to be skittish like this.

"-it's nothing," he mutters. His fingers rub over the spot where they touched and it makes Renjun wonder if he really burnt him. His skin was so … chill - felt colder than his own already-low body temperature.

"It can't be nothing, you're - are you sure that's-" Renjun wants to say - concern etched into every syllable, but he's cut short.

"Don't bother," Donghyuck's voice comes out cold. He steps back - one, two, three steps, putting more and more distance between them.

Renjun hears the rain falling, or maybe his heart shattering.

"But-"

"Stop," he hears Donghyuck say weakly, finally turning his gaze towards him with the most pitiful look he's ever seen on him, "stop caring. Please."

The sun is setting the world ablaze - extinguishing the flames in mere minutes, until there is nothing left than the settling darkness, lighted only by a few candles here and there.

"Have you talked with one of the seniors about this?" Renjun pushes still, newfound vigour instilled in him as he tries to take a step forward - but Donghyuck evades him all the more.

"I told you, it's nothing to get worked up over," Donghyuck says, almost icily.

But if Renjun has learnt anything about reading him in the last couple of years, he wonders if there is hurt somewhere.

"Hyuck, please … I just want to know if you're okay-" he tries another time, but Donghyuck isn't even meeting his eyes anymore.

He steps further and further away, into the velvet darkness that used to frighten him so much.

Or, not anymore?

He trembles, but Renjun doesn't know why.

"Don't," Donghyuck warns, a tremour in his voice as he speaks, "please, just, go your own way. You were so good at it a couple days ago, so why bother now?"

It stings, the way he's right, in ways.

They both have been avoidant ever since Donghyuck returned, but Renjun took the first step away from whatever they are, fearful of what could happen - what is happening right now.

"I mean, what are we even?" Donghyuck continues, a strange clarity in his tone. "Do you even like me? Like, me, or just what I stand - stood for? The warm sun of Cabin Nine?"

Renjun's eyes widen. "What-?"

"Please - be honest with me," Donghyuck's voice is soaked in desperation as he tries to speak as calmly as possible. "Who … who am I to you, without - this?" He gestures wildly, though even so, Renjun thinks he understands.

He stares at him with disbelief.

"You can't be seriously asking-"

"I am!"

There is bitterness in the syllables, a frustrated groan in the seconds following, stretched to infinity, as Donghyuck shakes his head and turns away, his whole stature - once so proud and daring - is all but slouched.

"Yeah … yeah," he only mutters as he walks away.

Renjun does nothing to stop him.

For once in his life, his gaze is cast downwards. He can't possibly face the stars right now, who bore witness to a speechlessness that meant more than a thousand words.

—

Holding Donghyuck is like holding sunshine.

A light that warms him, makes him feel (oddly) secure - a beacon for the start of a new day, a reverie to get lost in.

It should be embarrassing to have fainted during a training session because of the heat, and it should be contradictory to find comfort in the warmth, but Renjun is nonetheless grateful when it's Donghyuck - his sparring partner at that time - who helps him to his cabin. Who stays with him because he asked him to.

"Being alone really sucks," Donghyuck says with a mere shrug.

He indulges him even further when Renjun asks him to lay down with him.

It's unsurprisingly chill in the cabin - something he hasn't been aware of until he tentatively wraps an arm around Donghyuck's waist.

It's so warm.

"Is … is that okay?" Renjun whispers.

Donghyuck hums as he closes his eyes. "Mh … it's nice."

Renjun watches how the rare glimpses of daylight through the curtains catch onto the other's eyelashes, sometimes illuminating the starry sky on Donghyuck's skin, until he, too, closes his eyes.

He dreams of sunlight dancing across the sea.

—

One by one, people are picking it up - that the sunshine boy, the burning fire isn't the same anymore.

That he grows hesitant of direct skinship, to a point of avoidance - how he seems to cool down to the point of isolation.

His half-siblings are simultaneously the first and the last to pick up on his lack of warmth, the sudden fall of his body temperature - either because they lack the observation to notice a difference when they're so warm on their own, or because they are acutely aware that Donghyuck isn't like them anymore. He never quite has been, with the way he used to be able to control fire, but even without the differentiating factor, being cold doesn't quite so fit with the god of forges and volcanoes.

Yet, they don't quite stray aside from him - if nothing else, they scurry around their oldest brother even more.

He reassures everyone that his body is fine otherwise, that he only feels a bit sluggish here and now - gone is the energetic, overly active hero that everyone expected, and returned is a boy with a story he keeps close to his heart.

Renjun doesn't want to, but he finds himself observing from afar, anyway. He doesn't want to, but he still listens, to how the beloved hero and his words turn into thinly veiled frustration and coldness.

With himself or with everyone else, Renjun can't tell, but it's also not in his stead to pry, so he doesn't. He just looks, occasionally, and turns away when their gazes are about to meet.

They're no longer in synchrony.

His and Donghyuck's distance also doesn't quite go unnoticed by many of the campers. Renjun thinks he can catch whispers in the shadows, but he tries not to pay them too much mind. … Even as it's impossible not to catch a glimpse here and there, to become witness to his own story crumbling apart.

Words fall away, and he's yet to pick up the syllables to rearrange them into something new.

Amidst it all, he's rather glad that Chenle had to take a week-long trip out of camp, delaying the burning of the funeral shroud even further as they couldn't proceed with the festivities when 'Donghyuck's favourite half-sibling (self-proclaimed)' is missing.

That way, he doesn't have to bear witness to him reacting in any one way to how Donghyuck and he basically broke each other's hearts, according to popular opinion of the camp.

Many dance around the topic like they're on eggshells if ever they talk to him, even as the questions linger.

It makes the other's absence both less noticeable, and all the more persistent.

And yet, Donghyuck still finds his way into the conversations he holds, particularly when Jaemin recaps his day animatedly.

Renjun is a little bit stunned that the son of Aphrodite is still talking to him, actually, but maybe Jaemin doesn't care about the rumour mill (it wouldn't be surprising), or he just hasn't heard of it yet (which … also wouldn't be surprising, with how he seems to live in his own world sometimes).

"Ugh, and he really should've went easier on me during training, but, no," Jaemin whines.

Renjun raises his eyebrow. "You know, the real world won't give you the option for easy, so maybe Donghyuck Isn't all that wrong with this."

To be honest, he's surprised he can talk about him so easily yet, but maybe there is some trained ease when talking with Jaemin about him. They've done this for so long, it's repeating its course.

"You said that last time, too!" Jaemin scoffs, "but I swear! He's even more strict right now! Do you think he's not had any challenge lately, so he's giving us a challenge?"

He looks so genuinely horrified that Renjun has to stifle a laugh.

Renjun doesn't seem to be doing that good of a job at hiding his sentiments, though, because soon enough, Jaemin is hitting him weakly with a dramatic sigh.

"Hey! I'm serious!" he laments - before an idea springs to his mind, eyes glimmering with mirth. "Oh, oh, you should spar with him again, that'd be sure to challenge him enough that he leaves us alone!"

-and that's where the 'trained ease' stops.

He swallows hard at the thought of putting him and Donghyuck into one sentence, and immediately wants to part them again.

"I don't think that's going to happen," Renjun remarks quietly. He hopes Jaemin doesn't catch it, but he does.

Jaemin looks at him, confused. "What do you mean? You guys should be free soon, not? I haven't heard of-"

"It just won't," Renjun tries to interrupt him softly, but it comes out more harsh than he wanted. He inhales sharply. "-sorry, I just - no, I don't think we'll spar again, Donghyuck and … I."

I don't really think we'll do much anything together, anymore.

Jaemin furrows his eyebrows.

"What … do you mean …" he repeats.

Renjun can only shrug. He doesn't know how to explain it, and by the looks of it, Donghyuck hasn't bothered to bring it up to him, either.

"Did you guys split up? But, wait, when - what - hah?" Jaemin's eyes grow wide.

"It turns out we weren't - as in sync as we thought we were, and that's that," Renjun wants to offer something at last, a weak smile as he sighs, "it's nothing dramatic. Sometimes, it's just not meant to be."

"What, no, you can't be serious-" Jaemin frowns, "you guys - he's so- you are-"

"Jaemin, please," Renjun interrupts him sharply. "Can we … can we not do this right now? It's over."

Which is ironic in his eyes because he still doesn't know if something ever started from the way they danced around each other so aimlessly, with no direction proper until it was already too late to steer a course.

They're drowning, and the sea swallows him whole.

Disbelief is still evident in the younger's face.

"What, and you're just … you're just gonna let go? Just like that?" Jaemin's voice is taunting with disbelief, as if something in his cosmic order got disrupted.

Renjun only gives him a tired smile.

I mean, he has a point, doesn't he? Who is he even … to me, what are we, actually?, he wants to say, talk to someone - anyone about it, but he only shrugs.

Defeat rings obvious in him as he waves off the other. "Don't mind me."

"Uh, so you're telling me all those hours of listening to your lovesick rambles has been for nothing?" Jaemin groans, face in his hands. "Come on-!"

Renjun only gives him a tired smile.

Maybe this whole thing has been nothing but a fever dream, an illness he's nurturing to cure, though he's uncertain if it's going to be of any use.

He sighs, gloomy eyes turned towards the distant sea. Perhaps, he should take a swim again.

"Hey, are you even listening to me-" is the last he hears of Jaemin before he leaves with an apologetic smile.

I'm sorry.

—

This is a bad idea.

Renjun feels nauseous just by the noise alone, overwhelmed by the many impressions there are. He should have just stayed in the camp … or not have been so stubborn and just said 'yes' when Donghyuck asked him earlier if he wanted to come to the festival with him.

He sighs.

Now here he is, lost in the unpleasant sea of people because he can't quite shake Donghyuck's sad face away when he said 'no'. A memory that led to this moment, an impulsive leave from the camp to follow, in hopes to see a smile.

Five more minutes, Renjun tells himself, I'll try to find him for five more minutes.

The sun feels scorching, even as it's already fading away, meaning yet another summer is drawing to a close - meaning yet another departure, one heavier than the other.

"Why do I have to be so stubborn …" he hisses under his breath.

He's on the verge of giving up, of maybe buying something and returning to the camp, without much anything done or to show himself for except a cheap convenience store popsicle - but as fate might have it, he hears the familiar laugh that booms even through the music being played nearby. He thinks it's pathetic how he can recognise that laugh anywhere, probably, but in this moment, relief wins over as he follows how the sound ebbs down into snickers, chuckles and a few humoured words.

Renjun is almost running on autopilot until he forgoes his urge to hug the other. Instead, he catches the hem of his shirt with a small smile on his face.

It manages to quiet down Donghyuck's flow of words for a moment as he turns around - eyes widened.

"Eh? Renjun? What are you doing here?" Donghyuck sounds surprised - expression mirroring the same before it all but morphs into a goofy smile. "Aww, did you miss me?"

Renjun scoffs, gaze averting as he mutters, "as if-"

But he remembers, too, and sighs.

There is only so much time now.

"… maybe, yeah. I … did miss you," he mutters. He rubs the back of his neck - this is so embarrassing …!

Donghyuck looks at him with shock.

"Wait - huh? But - but you - things like this isn't your thing, is it?"

"But it is yours, right? So … uhm, here I am," Renjun only offers with a weak smile. He doesn't even get to finish what he's meaning to say before Donghyuck - literally - punches the air out of his lungs with a tight hug.

"I - I mean, you're always doing so much for me, so I just wanted-" Renjun tries again, but the words get lost when Donghyuck tightens his grip, feels a face buried close to his neck. And finally, Renjun opts to return the hug, a small sigh escaping him as he smiles.

He almost thinks he heard I love you, but that would be absurd, right?

—

The rainy season is eventually letting loose, allowing more sunshine to conquer the skies than before. And with the last scorching heat wave of the summer, Chenle returns to the camp, too.

Which means, the last act to a hero's return can take place.

Normally, Renjun would look forward to the burning of the funeral shroud. It's always a festive manner and as private as he likes to be, it's fun to see everyone gather and rejoice that no, this time, they won't have to say goodbye to a fallen soul.

This time, though, he watches everything from afar, only contributing what he must as necessary leader of his lonely cabin, but otherwise retreating to his own four walls. He still finds himself etched to the window's edge, watching everything with a faint smile as people are gathering to make this memorable.

For the hero.

It's particularly intriguing to watch the kids of Hephaestus, of course, Chenle leading the whole troop with his outrageous ideas, being reprimanded for 'going too big' on decorations and similar. Renjun is glad that all the preparations have kept them apart for the time being; he wouldn't know how to face the younger, now that it seems to be certain that Chenle must know about their … dissonance, too.

He fidgets with the branches of laurel, the small petals of flowers he picked without thinking; following what his mind has been thinking about for months, even as the illusion is no more.

Renjun sighs.

Hah … maybe he'll just press them into a bookmark, a fragile memento to what never was.

—

He waits until everyone is sure to be gathered by the fireside of the burning, music and laughter filling the distance, before he decides to step out again. Renjun is grateful that they chose a forest clearing for the whole happening, rather than the beach, so he decides to go for a swim - clear his mind, maybe drown out the thoughts that want to make him turn around - return.

But by which rights, really?

Renjun inhales the sharp afternoon air, already filled with the embers of a faraway fire.

He hurries down the beach, relaxing only when he feels the ground of sand under his feet - collapsing a little under the weight of his existence, sitting down as he stares aimlessly at the even surface, only rippling here and there with life.

They must be holding speeches by now, or tell one of the many funny anecdotes that Donghyuck gathered over the years, being everywhere and nowhere. The hero of the hour would of course wear a laurel wreath, and the green would compliment his chocolate brown hair. He must be joyous, at least Renjun really hopes he is - he deserves to be after whichever turmoil he's been through.

He sighs, merged into a chuckle as he shakes his head, thinking about how things have changed. When was the last time he really laughed?

But this state of being is … familiar, too, like how it used to be before Donghyuck - before Chenle, Jaemin, Jisung, Jeno, Mark, everyone, really - poured into his life, dragging out the sole resident of Cabin Three into their everyday.

Maybe, it's for the better, though. He never really fit in now, did he-

-a force nearly topples him over with running speed. It's something painstakingly familiar, in the way arms wrap around him, even with the evident lack of warmth.

… Huh?

Renjun doesn't really dare to look around, motionless - not even daring to breathe in fear it could make Donghyuck disappear from his side.

Which seems a little bit of a ridiculous thought to have, considering how tightly the other is wrapping his arms around Renjun, burying his face somewhere in the space between his neck and shoulder.

It feels familiar, heartbreakingly so, and his lungs are breathing for what feels like the first time in forever.

He can't help but to fall right back into it when-

-he exhales.

"… Sorry …" eventually comes from Donghyuck, and it makes Renjun sigh another time, but this time, it's with a little bit of a forming smile.

"What for? Surprising me out of nowhere?" his voice is barely a whisper, to be honest, still unsure if this - casual banter, talking in general - is even within this new-old … whatever they are.

"I …" Donghyuck's voice fades out, unsure.

Nothing like the boy that rivals the sun, but everything like the boy he met in the faint silver light of the moon.

Yet, it'd be delusional to think that just a hug would solve everything that lingers between them, unspoken and spoken alike.

Renjun softly taps Donghyuck's arms, though with some reluctance. "Look me in the face?"

It's with reluctance, too, that Donghyuck slowly unwinds himself from Renjun, perceivable in the small groans that come with the motion, making Renjun snort a little. But eventually, there is breathable air between them, yet Donghyuck still stands close - surprisingly close, after all this time - fidgeting with his own fingers.

It's instinct, at this point, for Renjun to brush his fingers against his, Donghyuck easily following to intertwine their fingers.

"Mh? Will you tell me now why … all of this? You know, after everything," Renjun speaks softly, hurt yet becoming evident in the slight downcast of his eyes as he avoids to meet Donghyuck's gaze, unsure. Now that they aren't that closely in each other's physical space, he's met with the reality of being faced with a stranger whose hand feels familiar, yet isn't.

"The …" Donghyuck starts anew, his voice trembling, "-shroud. Chenle said - I mean-"

He groans. Renjun catches in peripheral how he runs his free hand over his face, stumbling apart from him - to which Renjun lifts a hand, a silent plea for him to stay (for them both to stay).

Fingertips are gently brushing over Donghyuck's honeyed skin, seeming a little paler than usual, etched with worries and the exhaustion of change. And Donghyuck leans into the touch, closing his eyes as he does so, so Renjun lets his hand rest there, a thumb running over the other's cheek.

"Chenle said you … you helped with the funeral shroud? The - the oyster, I mean-" finally comes out as a whisper. Renjun barely registers the words themselves, caught glancing over Donghyuck's face - lips, nose, eyes, everything -, finally seeing him up close after long.

When the words filter through, though - Renjun opens his mouth, closes it, stumbles over his own thoughts as he fidgets with his mind.

"Oh, that - err, it's - sorry, I know it's like, your siblings should be the ones preparing, and I mean, they did, it's just- I-" he tries to explain, at the same time that he's trying to will away the red on his cheeks. "It's - I asked Chenle and he asked everyone and they said they're - they're okay with it, but of course, that doesn't mean you have to be, I - sorry if it bothered you, I didn't think you'd notice - it's, it's so small …"

It has been done on a whim, truth be told, as he watched the kids of Hephaestus create Donghyuck's funeral shroud - in all honesty, the most atrocious piece of creative liberty he ever saw, with warm colours splashed all across to form something that might resemble a hearth if one closed one's eyes and let imagination do the rest.

Something that might be even too … bold to fit into 'abstract', to be honest.

Renjun can only imagine the overjoyed expressions Donghyuck must have made when he saw it for the first time, considering how on-brand it is for them all - the implied belief of Donghyuck's safe and sound return, for they wouldn't seriously want to bury their beloved sibling in such a hideous piece of art. They all can do better than that, perhaps for when it's due time.

Just, not now.

And amidst it all, a small splash of blue in the bottom right corner of the shroud, probably the only aesthetically pleasing part of it. There was an oyster stitched on, slightly opened to reveal only the idea of a pearl that was harboured inside.

In even smaller, there was engraved: Hoping for your safe return back home.

Merely thinking about it makes Renjun's mind malfunction, an unusual heat rising to his face, neck and ears, yet he feels himself grounded in this very moment, unable to move away from it.

He almost forgot about this over the commotion of everything that happened and didn't, but now he's faced with the very reality of it.

"I - err, I mean, you - I thought you would have done my funeral shroud, if - you know, it ever came down to it, that's - what Chenle also said, I-"

"You were waiting for me?" Donghyuck pries softly, interrupting as he gently tightens the grip on Renjun's hand.

"Everyone was," the son of Poseidon only evades with a small huff. Though once more being faced with questions from the other, it feels like a fundamentally different situation.

Donghyuck - must know now, right?

Renjun feels a hand move to cup his cheek, the cold touch of the other as he gently guides his gaze back onto him, forcing - no, asking Renjun to look at him. And Renjun does, too easily compelled by the soft, chill touch.

Like a splash of water, like being thrown right into it - never a warning, never something to foresee.

"Have you … have you been in love with me?" Donghyuck whispers.

Renjun is sheepish as he scratches the back of his head. His face must be glowing red now, but he can't look away, not this time.

"Have been? More like … uhm … I am. In love with you."

He looks at Donghyuck, the other's eyes widening comically, clearly taken aback. Renjun pauses, "wait … you didn't notice?"

"I-" Donghyuck stutters out, gaze averting for but a second before he looks back at Renjun, "-I didn't want to assume. It … it could have been anything."

With his eyes still looking at him, Donghyuck can't possibly miss the gentle smile that washes over Renjun's features. He scoffs. "Mh, yeah - I guess it could have been anything, but it's this for me," he hesitantly removes a hand from Donghyuck's cheek, wrapping it around the other's hand that is cupping his face. And with its first iteration, it almost seems too easy to roll the words off his tongue as he smiles softly, "love. I love you, I guess."

Donghyuck's thumb is running idly over Renjun's cheek as he snorts, "you guess?"

"You make me second-guess!" Renjun exclaims exasperatedly, but there is the start of a laughter forming. Something akin to relief is glistening like the afternoon sun in his eyes.

When Donghyuck moves to hug him another time, Renjun's own body feels warm against the other's skin, a novel sensation for someone who's been told how low his body temperature has been all his life.

Nearly immediately, Renjun moves to wrap his arms around the Donghyuck, inhaling the faintly familiar scent of burnt wood and cheerful laughter, and something uniquely Donghyuck.

He doesn't let go.

—

"What do you know about oysters?"

Donghyuck looks at Renjun with bewilderment in his eyes, though it shouldn't come as a surprise for the son of Poseidon to spew the most random things, and expect people to tag along with it.

"Uh … they can be eaten, I guess?" Donghyuck replies with a shrug - as much as he can, how intertwined his arms and legs are with Renjun's. It's just another idle afternoon where they decided to flee from the world into the secluded realm of Cabin Three.

Light filters through the blue-coloured suncatchers, muting every warmth, but Renjun never really minded.

He nuzzles his face against Donghyuck's shoulder, humming.

"That's - really shallow," Renjun scoffs, though he can't help the smile that emerges on his face anyway and he's sure Donghyuck must feel it, too.

"Hm? Yeah? Well, then what's your take on those?" Donghyuck says with a snort, fingers combing through Renjun's hair.

It's nice, really nice …

"For starters, they're scientifically rather interesting if you ask me. I'm pretty sure you're aware that oysters can also produce pearls? And say, the natural ones don't even have to look round and perfect like you might think right now. They come in all sorts of bulky shapes, too, it's pretty intriguing," Renjun explains.

Donghyuck hums. "And?"

"And … well …" Renjun starts, voice fading as he closes his eyes.

Perhaps, he could fall asleep just like this, entangled with the other …

"Hey, don't leave with a cliffhanger! Now you have to commit to the bit," Donghyuck's voice rouses him from any hope of slumber, making Renjun roll his eyes.

But, he's not wrong, he did raise the point first, so he should get to the end. Even as it seems a little … atrocious, almost. Like he's revealing too much about himself, but he clears his throat anyway.

"You see, in simple terms, if something happens to the inner tissues of the oyster, it will form protective layers around what is generally called an 'irritant', to prevent it from … spreading out, I think? Kind of like a defensive mechanism."

He can almost hear Donghyuck's eyebrows furrowing, the image deeply ingrained in his mind.

"So … what you're telling me is that something so highly sought-after, something commonly-considered-as-pretty is the result of something that went wrong? Because something annoyed the oyster so badly, it had to do something about it, and it ended up becoming really pretty?"

There is disbelief in Donghyuck's voice, though Renjun thinks he can detect a more wonder and amusement.

"I guess that's one way to phrase it," Renjun chuckles.

It's a relief that Donghyuck doesn't seem to draw the analogy just yet, or maybe never will - that he doesn't come to think of himself as the irritating presence in Renjun's life, having made himself a home amidst Renjun's guarded walls. So noisily, so persistently, up until the point it became something pretty, something he actually doesn't want to let go of.

He moves, wrapping his arms even tighter around the other's neck, shifting his position to tumble half over him, laying more on top of Donghyuck than next to him.

"Is this your new way of being the big spoon?" Donghyuck laughs and Renjun can feel how his body trembles with the motions. He always laughs so wholeheartedly, with everything he has and more.

Renjun smiles against the skin of his neck.

"Maybe."

And, he thinks to himself, wouldn't it be wondrous to be the home for such a wondrous being?

—

"-oh gods, will you stop laughing?!" Renjun hisses quietly - whines, rather, as he tries to glare at Donghyuck, their faces being mere inches away. He groans, fumbling over his words, "It's difficult to - when you-"

Weakly, Renjun hits Donghyuck's chest who still refuses to stop laughing, overcome with small fits of giggles. Even as Renjun tries to keep a frown on his face, he can't pretend forever and the edges of his lips curl to a soft smile as he watches his … well, boyfriend? Lover? Soulmate, of sorts.

"What's even so funny about me kissing you? Do you have a problem with it?" Renjun continues to complain when Donghyuck's laughter doesn't die down.

He can't help the small pout.

"Your insistence is so cute," Donghyuck only hums in response, a languid smile adorning his face as he cups Renjun's.

His fingers are cold to the touch, but Renjun doesn't quite find himself minding, moreso leaning into it all the more, closing his eyes lightly as he puts his head's weight into the palm of Donghyuck's hands.

It smells of fire - burnt wood, grilled food and ashes of his funeral shroud - and sea salt, of seashells and all the little memorabilia that decorate Cabin Three's insides.

They kissed - extensively so - and their breaths are mingling even in this moment, Renjun can nearly feel the rising and falling of Donghyuck's chest against his and yet …

"You haven't given me a real reply yet," Renjun remarks quietly.

After his own confession, their time in solitude came to a crashing halt when all of a sudden, Donghyuck's siblings showed up left and right to - rightfully, regrettably - drag him back to the festivities where he apparently had ran away from.

The thought that Donghyuck came looking for him right when he was told about Renjun's contribution to the funeral shroud was enough to make Renjun temporarily forget the flaring embarrassment of Hephaestus' kids eyeing him, part with fulfilled expectations, part owlishly.

In the end, he joined the festivities at last, much to the joy of Chenle, though he somehow kept his lips sealed over whatever happened - or, didn't happen.

It's not like they really talked about it, right …?

But even so, as Donghyuck managed to separate from his siblings and made his way over to Cabin Three, they ended up only doing so much talking, falling into familiar hugs - limbs and lips entangling.

… which might have been Renjun's fault, too.

He clears his throat no less.

"And, yes, I need your word for it," he adds quickly, opening his eyes to give Donghyuck a determined glance - trying not to stare too much at the vaguest hint of red of his lips that he can make out in the faint moonlight. "I - I mean, what are we?"

The question makes his stomach churn uncomfortably, but Donghyuck's chill hand reaching out to comb through his hair makes it a little better.

"Well, first of all, I'm also in love with you - I, err, actually planned to confess to you when I got back, but …" Something dark flashes over his eyes - Donghyuck quietly shakes his head. "-things happened. And I thought you wouldn't like me anymore because-"

It's when Renjun moves, rising himself to lay a little bit above Donghyuck, so he can gently guide the other's head towards him, engulfing him whole.

"It's okay … you don't have to recall it, not until you're ready - if you're ever ready," he mutters.

Truth be told, an explanation for what happened would be nice - to know if there is anything he can help with, anything to avoid. But if it keeps drawing a dark cloud over Donghyuck's head, then it's nothing he wants to push for, at least not in this moment.

Donghyuck quietly exhales.

"You're really okay with it? With … me being like I am right now," he asks, a bare whisper. Maybe, he doesn't even want to let Renjun hear, but proximity makes it so much easier to catch the words and the son of Poseidon smiles softly.

"I can't say it's not a change I'd have to get used to first, but …" Renjun hums, running his fingertips up and down the side of Donghyuck's cheek. It feels chilly. Like … "But you know the way the lake feels when dawn rolls around, finally allowing the first rays of sunlight to peek out again?"

He can feel how erratically, nervously the heart in Donghyuck's chest is beating right now, yet he's grinning amused and a hand lightly grips the fabric of Renjun's shirt, just above his heart.

It makes it hard to conceal his own heartbeat, or the way the air is punched out of his lungs by a simple sound from the other.

"No?" Donghyuck laughs out loud.

Renjun scoffs, faking to be annoyed as he rolls his eyes. "Anyway, that's how you are to me right now. It's new, but I - don't hate it. At the end of it …"

I love you far more than that.

"I want you, just the way you are," he confirms with a soft smile, peppering the crown of Donghyuck's head with light kisses. "You are, and continue to be, everything I could have ever hoped to find."

It makes Donghyuck giggle and it floods something inside Renjun with all the adoration he holds for him, the feelings he held back without knowing where to put them.

But right now, he lets the feelings pour out in gentle kisses, soft touches and tender holds.

"Okay," Donghyuck hums, "okay. Same. Like, really. But, err - as to what we are," his voice sounds more stable as he lifts his head a bit, so they're more face to face - so close, Renjun can feel the tickles of his breath. "What do you want us to be?"

Renjun smiles softly.

"I think I want us to be what you want us to be, too," he hums.

It makes Donghyuck laugh quietly. "So … two peas in a pod? The circle to my Pi? Boyfriends?"

"I can live with that, I guess," Renjun snorts, rolling his eyes - affection so noticeable from the way he cradles Donghyuck no less, nuzzling their noses together.

"You guess? Are you ever certain of something?" Donghyuck whines dramatically.

It earns him a light flick against his forehead, one that Renjun kisses better just moments after.

"Mh, yeah, there is," he muses, "I should have said this earlier."

Donghyuck looks at him, puzzled, as Renjun pauses to pull the blanket properly over the both of them. He feels drowsiness overtake him, so he opts to settle against Donghyuck's body.

It feels different, nothing like his memories or how he could have imagined, mere weeks prior, but it feels right no less.

Life never turned out the way he expected it to, anyway, from the day he was revealed to be a demigod, to the moment he finds himself in right now.

Though he really can't find himself to mind, not when Donghyuck's whiny voice is amusing to listen to.

"Hey - woah, what did I say about cliffhangers just now?" Donghyuck tries to shuffle more, but Renjun keeps him at bay, small laughs shaking his body. "What now, that you love me? You should have said it earlier, true-"

"No," Renjun says softly as he finishes tucking both of them in, "I mean …"

He can't resist kissing Donghyuck another time, lips brushing against another longingly, sleepily. Both of them are smiling against another, giggling, almost forgetting their talks before - but Renjun manages to force himself to draw back to finish his sentence; say what he's been waiting to say for so long.

He snuggles against Donghyuck.

Silver engulfs them with the moon's glistening light.

"Welcome home, Hyuck."