Work Text:
It’s a Saturday. A normal, usual Saturday. Tim has just gotten home from work, at 6 pm. He places a dinner he picked up, into the microwave for later. Jay smiles at him when he walks into the room, looking up from his laptop.
“Hey, welcome home,” he says, flipping the top half of the computer down. “How was work?”
Tim sighs, trying to smile back at his boyfriend. “Same as usual. Got yelled at by my boss again.” He takes a seat on the edge of their bed. Jay frowns at him.
“Didn’t he yell at you yesterday? And the day before that?” He stands up to take a seat next to Tim, who nods. Placing a hand between them, he squeezes Tim’s hand lightly.
“Yeah, I hate this job, but it’s probably the highest-paying one I’ll be able to get with my lack of education and all that.” He gives Jay’s hand a small squeeze back. “And with my personality.”
Jay cocks his head. “Your personality? There’s nothing wrong with your personality.” He lightly bumps his shoulder into Tim’s, playfully. “It’s the personality I fell in love with, after all.”
“Thanks.” Tim says nothing else, opting instead to mindlessly play with Jay’s hand. He feels Jay start to play with his as well, and soon they’re entwining and untwining their fingers, back and forth. It makes Tim smile, despite his melancholy mood. They glance at each other, and he leans in to give Jay a small kiss on the cheek. “You’re wonderful. I don’t deserve you,” he mumbles against the warm skin beneath his lips. Jay hums in response.
“I’m not so great. You’re better.” He says softly, receiving another kiss from Tim. “Anyways,” he begins, turning his head to face Tim. “I was thinking.”
“Hm, that’s weird,” he gives Jay’s cheek another small peck, chuckling, his mood completely changed thanks to the man next to him. Jay rolls his eyes.
“Shut up. But yes, I was thinking about something.” He places their linked hands onto Tim’s thigh. Tim raises his eyebrows at the movement, smirking slightly.
“Does is have anything to do with what our hands are doing right now?” He has an idea of where this is going.
Jay nods, a glint in his eyes. “You mentioned something to me a week or two ago, remember? The thing you want to try out with me?”
Oh, Tim remembers all right. He remembers mentioning it to a very surprised Jay, and the whole ordeal ending awkwardly as they both flushed with embarrassment.
“Well,” Jay continues, Tim not responding. “I want to try it. For you.”
He’s surprised, to say the least. He never thought that Jay would want to try out something he seemed to be uncomfortable with before. “Do you really want to?” he asks, uncertainty lacing his voice.
“Yes, I do.” Jay smiles reassuringly at him. “It’s something that you want, and I want to try to give you that.” He moves their entwined hands an inch or two further up Tim’s thigh.
They discuss it more thoroughly,
They discuss it more thoroughly, Jay assuring that yes, he really does want to. Of course, he doesn’t want to do a lot of it, just a little beginning thing, to keep it comfortable. Tim agrees to that, trying to hide the small fluttering in his stomach.
Minutes later, it’s awkwardly silent, as Tim starts to wrap the small rope around Jay’s wrists. He doesn’t want to go to fast, in fear that Jay will panic. Jay’s breathing normally, he notes, which is good. Maybe this will work and be okay, he hopes.
Everything is going well, until Jay tries to amp it up a bit.
“You can put the blindfold on me too,” he says, nodding to the box on the floor holding it. “I’ll be fine. I know you want to use it.”
Tim bites his lip, unsure. Is Jay really okay with it? He’s not sure, but he picks up the cloth anyway. Wrapping it around Jay’s head, Jay’s breathing picks up, and suddenly Tim feels a sharp pain in his leg. He stumbles back a bit, dropping the fabric. Jay’s eyes are wide open, and he’s hyperventilating. His arms flail as much as he can make them with the restraint on them.
“Get me out of here, get me out of here, please, Tim, please-“ He cuts himself off with a small shout, having twisted his hand in a painful angle.
Immediately, Tim’s next to him, hands on the restraint, attempting to untie them.
“Jay-“ he starts to say, before he’s elbowed in the stomach. “Jay, please, just let me-“ he tries again, but Jay is wiggling around too much for him to get a good hold on the rope. He needs to take a different approach. “Jay,” he says softly, in harsh contrast with the franticness of the other. Tim waits, watching Jay’s eyes dart around the room, searching for something he can’t seem to find.
“Tim?” Jay’s voice squeaks, breathless.
“I’m here. It’s fine. You’re fine.” He hopes he sounds reassuring. He has no idea how to help someone in a panic attack like this. “No one’s in here except for me. It’s only me.”
Jay is silent, save for his labored breathing. He stares at the floor below him, eyes wide and unblinking. “It’s… it’s not here?” he mumbles. Tim shakes his head in confirmation.
“It’s not here, Jay. It’s just me, Tim.” He places a tentative hand on Jay’s shoulder. “I’m here.”
Jay doesn’t do anything for a few moments. Tim doesn’t either, keeping his hand where it is. Slowly, he reaches down to untie Jay’s hands, accomplishing the task this time. He tosses the rope off to the side.
“Tim?” Jay asks softly, voice cracking. “I… I’m sorry.”
“Sorry about what?” He watches Jay’s face in worry.
“I… I wanted to make you happy. And I couldn’t. I’m sorry, it just. It reminded me of… that thing. And I was…” he swallowed thickly. “I was there again, helpless on the floor, and then it came in and-“
Tim cuts him off with an embrace, wrapping his arms loosely around Jay to not frighten him again. “No. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let you let me do that to you. I understand. I’m here.” Jay nods in response. “Don’t ever say you don’t make me happy. You make me so happy to be alive, each day.”
Tim feels Jay’s heartbeat, and neither of them speak for a while. Jay moves his hands up to lightly touch Tim’s back.
“Tim,” he begins, pulling him closer. “I love you.”
Tim’s eyes widen slightly at the words. Jay’s never said that to him before. He pulls back from the embrace a bit, and sees Jay’s eyes are squeezed shut.
“Sorry. I should’t have-“
Tim cuts him off with a kiss.
“I love you too, Jay.”