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What I Always Do:

Summary:

Joe and Nile got a seven feet problem on their mission, and it's there Joe tells Nile what he always does when he is in doubt about how to handle a problem.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

They decided to divide the mission in two: Nicky would take care of the drug dealer's warehouse by blowing it up, while Joe and Nile would get the drug dealer's laptop.

 

It was easier than thought to get through the front door of the drug dealer's office, and right now, Joe and Nile knew exactly why that was the case. The moment they opened the door, they saw a snake on the floor, which made Nile jump up on the desk, followed by Joe, who slammed the door first. The snake moved over the laptop lying on the floor.

 

Nile: "Ok, Mr I can do anything. You get the laptop."

Joe: "No way am I touching that snake. I..."

Nile: "You're afraid of snakes."

Joe: "Welcome to the club, Nile, unless you want to get the laptop."

Nile: "Not a chance... And now it's moving up the side."

 

The snake was using the handles on the desk as its own climbing rod.

 

Nile: "Do something. Like now. I don't fancy being eaten by a snake."

 

Nile tried climbing up on Joe's shoulders to get more distance from the snake. Joe let out a huff before he took a ruler and tried to push the snake down on the floor. It worked.

 

Nile: "Sorry, Joe, but I really don't like snakes. What are we going to do because I got a feeling the ruler isn't enough?"

Joe: "What I always do when I encounter a snake. I call the only one I know who loves snakes."

 

Joe took his phone and made a call. Nile could only hear what Joe was saying.

 

Joe: "Hi, Babe. We got a seven feet long problem. Some help from the most fantastic man in the world? I promise to do the dishes for a month without protest."

 

Joe took a photo of the snake and sent it to Nicky before ending the call.

 

Joe: "Nicky is on his way. He told us to stay put."

Nile: "Joe, the snake is coming back again."

 

Once again, Nile climbed Joe's shoulders, and once again, Joe could push the snake down.

 

Joe: "Nile, I understand you're scared, and I don't mind you are sitting on my shoulders, but could you please remove your fingers from my face?"

Nile: "Yes, sorry. I'm just going to sit here until Nicky gets here. When is he here?"

Joe: "Nicky said he just needed to find a container and a pillowcase. Just stay calm, Nile."

 

Twenty minutes later, Nicky showed up to a snake on the floor, Joe sitting on the desk with the ruler with Nile on his shoulders.

 

Joe: "Hi, Babe. Am I glad to see you."

Nile: "So am I. Could you remove that snake?"

Nicky: "It's called a Yellow Boa Constrictor if you want to know it. And I'll deal with it in a moment. I just need to take a photo of you two. In case I need something to blackmail you one day."

Nile: "Is he always that funny?"

Joe: "Yes, one of the reasons why I love him."

 

Joe smiled when Nicky took the photo before turning his attention to the Yellow Boa Constrictor.

 

Nicky: "And now to you, my friend. What did the nasty man do to you? Leaving you on the floor. I bet you got splinters in your body."

Nile: "Is it necessary to talk to it? Put it in the pillowcase."

Nicky: "Yes it's. This poor snake has been mistreated and deserves some compassion."

Nile: "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

Nicky: "I know. You're just as scared as the snake."

 

Nicky looked at the Yellow Boa Constrictor. Then he took a deep breath before taking a grip on the Yellow Boa Constrictor's head and lifted it up.

 

Nicky: "One of you. Take the pillowcase and hold it open for me."

Joe: "Let me. Nile, do you think you could climb down?"

 

Nile did it but didn't move from the desk. Joe held the pillowcase open without looking at Nicky or the Yellow Boa Constrictor. Two minutes later, the Yellow Boa Constrictor were inside the container.

 

Nicky: "Finish the mission. I'm going to have a look at my new friend."

 

Nicky left with the Yellow Boa Constrictor, leaving Joe and Nile back to do what they had agreed on. When Joe and Nile returned to the safe house, Nicky was trying to examine the Yellow Boa Constrictor, who wasn't too happy about it and had curled up around Nicky's arm.

 

Nicky: "I don't care if you two are scared of snakes. I need some help. One of you holds the head while the other takes the tail. I need to look at its body."

 

Joe and Nile looked at each other. Neither one of them felt like doing what Nicky asked them to do.

 

Nicky: "Now, please."

Joe: "Let me take the end."

Nile: "No way in hell am I holding the biting end."

 

Nicky showed Joe how to hold the Yellow Boa Constrictor's head while Nile took the end of the Yellow Boa Constrictor. Nicky then started on the process of removing splinters from the Yellow Boa Constrictor's body. When the splinters were gone, Nicky put on some ointment on the Yellow Boa Constrictor's body before they put it back in the container.

 

Nile: "And now?"

Nicky: "I'll find someone who can properly care for her. Or else she is moving in with Joe and me."

Joe: "Oh, joy. I haven't forgotten the last snake."

 

Nicky shook his head and took the container.

 

Nicky: "Don't you have a job to do with the laptop?"

 

Both Joe and Nile looked after Nicky, who left the living room. Seconds later, Joe followed after Nicky into the bedroom.

 

Joe: "I didn't mean it like that."

Nicky: "I know; I am just so angry at that idiot for mistreating an animal who doesn't belong in cold Canada."

Joe: "So am I. And we'll find a good home for her. I promise."

 

The next morning, Nile walked into the kitchen and found a bag of dead mice in the fridge.

 

Nicky: "Let me take them."

 

It was there Nile noticed that Nicky had the Yellow Boa Constrictor with him, and she almost ran around the table to get to the other side.

 

Nicky: "Just like Joe. It would help if you also worked on your fear of snakes. So far, it has taken Joe close to a thousand years."

Nile: "Do you have to feed it here?"

Nicky: "We're in a kitchen, so yes."

 

Nile decided to leave the kitchen because she had lost her appetite and returned to her room when it knocked on the door an hour later.

 

Nicky: "Booker found out that the Yellow Boa Constrictor was stolen from a snake farm two years ago. And since you and Joe found her, you can return her."

 

Nicky left after giving the message, and ten minutes later, she found herself in the car with Joe and the Yellow Boa Constrictor.

 

Nile: "How long is the drive?"

Joe: "Five hours. And before you ask, we got a story ready if asked how we ended up with the snake."

 

Nile just nodded. Nile didn't take her eyes off the container with the Yellow Boa Constrictor during the entire ride to the snake farm. When they arrived at the snake farm, Joe carried the container inside the building. When they came inside, Nile felt like running away when she saw an even bigger snake behind a window, but a woman named Mary turned up before she could do it.

 

Mary: "Are you from the crime division? The ones who found our Yellow Boa Constrictor?"

Joe: "Yeah, that's. It's inside the container. When we confiscated the snake, the one who looked it over removed the splinters from its body before using this ointment."

 

Joe handed Mary a tube, who looked at it.

 

Mary: "Your guy knew what he was doing. Come with me."

 

Nile wrapped her arms around her as they walked through the snake farm.

 

Mary: "I promise nothing will happen to you. If you want, we got snake therapy."

Nile: "Another time. Maybe after my vacation."

 

They were leaving Canada tomorrow. Mary opened the door to a room, where an animal keeper walked over to them.

 

Mary: "This is Frank. He looks after the Yellow Boa Constrictors."

Frank: "And I thank you for finding Nile. She has been missed."

Nile: "Wait a minute. The snake's name is Nile?"

 

Joe tried not to laugh, but it was in vain.

 

Frank: "All our Yellow Boa Constrictors have names after rivers. Is that a problem?"

Joe: "It's just that my friend once knew a girl named Nile. So, snake is back, can we leave? Got a date back home."

Mary: "I don't see why. Are you sure you don't want a tour? We got plenty of friendly snakes."

Nile: "Another time. Then we bring someone who loves snakes."

 

After saying goodbye, Joe and Nile headed back to Nicky.

 

Nile: "Let me guess, you're going to tell everyone we know that the snake's name is Nile."

Joe: "Yes, but your luck is that it's only a handful. Oh, and I got you this."

 

Joe threw a toy snake in Nile's direction, who screamed before punching Joe on the shoulder.

 

Nile: "Not funny, Joe."

Joe: "Yes, it's. Very."

 

Nile threw the toy snake on the backseat.

 

Nile: "Just know my revenge for the toy shake will be swift and thorough."

Joe: "Hahaha, can't wait to see what you come up with."

Notes:

You can also find me on: nkp1981.tumblr.com

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