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"I want to go to the zoo. For my birthday."
You put down the comic you're reading and sit up to look at the young boy who’s come into y—the Homelander’s room without knocking. Ryan. The Homelander’s son. You’re not sure what he is to you, exactly, but he’s family and that’s all that matters, isn’t it? That’s what Buster tells you anyway, and Buster has never lied to you yet, you think to yourself. Ryan had been in the living room watching TV a minute ago; you can still hear it going in the background. You smile and put a hand to your chest, feeling flattered. You nod, and pick up your phone.
Is that ALL you want though? Ryan's phone pings as soon as you hit SEND.
He starts fidgeting, eyes darting around the room, looking at everything but you. It occurs to you that the Homelander isn't actually here right now.
— Oh this is gonna be great, Eddie says, popping up on the boy's shoulder.
— U-u-u-uh-oh…, says Buster, popping up on yours.
You make a face at Eddie, then send another text.
And...?
"Well, I. I want it to be like a family." Little hearts dance in the corner of your vision. "But like... a normal family. Like regular people." The hearts make a comedic popping sound and disappear. "No, I know you don't like to… You can still hide your face if you, but I just don't want to get mobbed, and I don't want him to have to mess with fans, and..."
"Shhhh," you tell him. He looks up at you, your vocalization surprising him out of whatever anxious spiral he was diving into.
I’ll be okay. :) You, me, and your dad. Regular people. Anything else?
Another nervous look on his face, but this time, it's almost comic. You twirl your hand in a "well, go on" gesture.
"I want to invite someone else."
You raise your hand to your mouth and crook your finger at him. "Who?", you ask.
When he tells you, the soft wheezing vocalizations you produce almost sound like laughter.
Here's how to make it happen, you had told him, and he followed your instructions to a T. (Well, Hayden and Hayley and Eddie had helped with most of it, but nobody else needed to know that.)
Five days before his birthday, Ryan asked if they could go to the zoo. The Homelander had, of course, agreed. When Ryan asked if you could come too, his father's face lit up.
"Of course he can come," the Homelander said, without even looking at you or pretending to ask if you were interested. He was almost as excited as Ryan was.
Three days before his birthday, Ryan asks, without looking at his dad, if they could maybe all just go as regular people. In their secret identities. The Homelander begins to protest, but Ryan turns those big blue eyes on him and the Homelander is powerless.
He looked up at you, eyebrows raised.
"What do you think?" he had asked you. "Will you be able to handle it?"
"Sure," you tell him. You shrug. "I've got a secret identity." That gets another raise of the eyebrows. He gives up and calls Ashley about some civilian clothing.
The morning of his birthday, Ryan asked his dad if Kevin could come too.
"Kevin." His voice was flat with disbelief. Or maybe shock? When he spoke again, you decided it was shock. And maybe a little disgust? "No you can't invite Kevin!"
Right on cue came the knock on the door. Kevin stood there in a pair of khaki shorts, sandals, and a Hawaiian shirt with sharks on it. He's carrying a small messenger bag that can only be described as a "man-purse."
"Why is he here?!" the Homelander had whispered. His voice was low and frazzled-sounding.
"Well I thought you'd say yes, so I kind of... already invited him? Plus he's the only one that can drive!"
— Oh that's good, says Eddie. You're impressed too; it's some quick thinking.
"Fine, fine, he can come!" The Homelander threw up his hands, (probably, you think) acting more exasperated than he actually is. He turns, his cape whirling dramatically behind him, to get dressed.
I'm going to change too, you texted Ryan. Your phone pinged as you headed back to your apartments. and when you checked your messages, he's sent you a gift of two guys high-fiving. You smiled to yourself.
And now, the four of you are standing in line, looking like a the ensemble of a summertime comedy: Kevin, with the man-purse and the world's loudest shirt. The Homelander in his WORLD'S GREATEST DAD shirt, khakis, sunglasses, and hat. Ryan in—well, actually he looked normal. And you, looking like some kind of criminal. You'd considered wearing the eye patch, but had opted for the sunglasses instead. Best not to advertise your (literal) blind spot in a place with this many people.
You approach the woman at admissions, and see the familiar shift in demeanor. When the family in front of you (a young ginger woman, a hipster-looking man you assume is her partner, and two boys who look younger than Ryan) were paying, she was all smiles and chatter. When you step up, her eyes go wide for a moment, and her demeanor becomes much more reserved. You show her your phone, which reads Three adults, one child, and turn and point at Kevin, the Homelander, and Ryan.
"Of course sir," she says. You pull out your wallet and pay in cash. As she counts back your change, her eyes never leave you.
Kevin walks with you past the ticket gate, but he’s the only one. You turn around just in time to catch Ryan tugging at the Homelander’s hand and pulling him forward.
"Dad, look!" Ryan says, pausing in front of a map of the zoo. YOU ARE HERE, it says, marking the location with an X.
— How does it know… asks Petie, frowning up at it. You glance down and shrug.
"We’re close to where the capybaras are!" Still holding his father’s hand, he runs off. You smile underneath your mask, watching an eager little kid dragging his dad down the footpath, both of them nearly tripping over their feet at the speed they’re going.
"Hey!" Kevin hollers. "Wait up!" He takes off after them, his man-purse flapping at his side. You speedwalk after them, not wanting to get separated. ( They wouldn’t leave you , you think. Then, an embarrassing afterthought: ...would they? )
"They look like big guinea pigs!" you hear him say as you approach.
You and Kevin walk up at the same time. Ryan is enthralled, leaning over the edge to get closer. You hold your hand up, planning to call to him to be careful, and then stop.
"Haven’t you ever seen one before?" you hear Kevin ask.
— He’s a s-s-s-ssssupe, Buster tells you reassuringly, standing on the railing next to Ryan. — H-hhe’ll b-b-b-be fine.
"No, but I’ve seen guinea pigs on the computer!" Ryan answers. You shift your attention back to him. "These look like those, but ten times bigger OTTERS!"
And he’s off again, with all three of you following him. It’s not a long walk from the capybaras to the otters, and you all watch the creatures swim around in the water. Ryan points at one of them.
"Look at that one holding a rock!" A small cloud of hearts surrounds him like a benign swarm of bees. "It’s so cute!"
"Actually," says Kevin, sounding equally excited, "Otters are really nasty creatures. They ki —"
Quickly and silently, you slide up behind him and cover his mouth. You crane your head forward and shake it gently, glaring at him from behind your shades.
Don’t even think about finishing that sentence.
You remove your hand and take a step back, continuing to s tare menacingly at the back of his head.
"What do they do?" Ryan asks, not even turning to look at Kevin.
"They kick you when you try to hug them."
"Oh. Maybe it’s because you’re so big."
— H-h-hey! Buster says, sitting on your shoulder now. — L-l-look! He points and hops down, running off. You can hear his little feet thap-thap-thap on the sidewalk. It takes you a moment to register what he was pointing at. Your eyes go wide and you follow him, ignoring what the rest of your group is saying.
"Hey, wait up Noir!" you hear the Homelander call after you.
— Well so much for secret identities, says Godfrey, rolling his eyes. You ignore him and take small, impatient steps waiting for the others to catch up, before walking the rest of the way.
"What is it what is it what is it!" Ryan asks. You turn from where you’re standing so he can see you talk. He doesn’t know many signs, but he knows this one.
"Beavers," you tell him before turning back around. Look, Buster , you say and you feel yourself shaking with excitement. Buster just looks at you, eyes wide, before looking back at the real ones. His tail flaps up and down happily.
"Oh boy beavers! " he shouts, taking giant steps as he runs toward you. He stands next to you, Buster in between. One of the beavers grabs a stick and carries to the little dam they’ve built.
"Look at them," you tell Ryan. It’s hard to keep your signs slow and deliberate so he can understand them. "Aren’t they cute?" He nods eagerly. You hear the Homelander and Kevin approach you; neither one says anything, the just seem to watch you watching the beavers.
You could stay there all day, but Ryan can’t, and asks to see the tapirs next.
Bye little guys, you tell them, waving. I’ll take care of your friend here . You nod at Buster. One of the beavers looks up at you then, almost as if they understand you.
You take off after the the others, still smiling.
You make it through several of the mammals next. Tapirs, fossas, lemurs, and a couple of dog-looking things you won’t remember the names of the next day.
You finally reach the aquarium. Well, aquarium-slash-reptile house.
"We can skip this if you want," the Homelander says helpfully.
Fat chance, you think, as Godfrey and Eddie snicker. You can’t help it either—a smile teases at the corners of your mouth and you’re grateful for your mask.
"No dad!" Ryan says. "This is like the whole reason I brought Kevin here!" Kevin lights up.
"I figured," the Homelander says, and only you seem to recognize the despair. You can’t tell if he’s being melodramatic or sincere. And with him, bless his heart, there’s not much of a difference. You put a hand on his back and give him a nod. He’s being a good dad.
"They better be treating them well or I’m going to have words with the staff," Kevin says. You don’t know if he’s being serious or if he’s just trying to look like a big man for Ryan. The Homelander rolls his eyes, but you both smile as he stares in wonder at the clownfish.
"Nemos!" he says, his voice full of joy.
"They’re called clownfish," Kevin says as you wander off again.
You look at a little display with brightly colored frogs inside, and concentrate on the placard telling about the frogs.
Poison dart frogs , it reads. You skim the rest of it, and learn that these aren’t actually poisonous— they only become poisonous because of the insects they consume in the wild.
You moved on from the frogs to the snakes, and the turtles, leaving Kevin and Ryan to have some time to themselves. You watch in fascination as one turtle going to town on the food a keeper had just given him. That strawberry is nearly as big as he is, you think. Is he even going to be able to ea—he did! Good for you little guy! Once again, the Homelander seems content to watch you watch the animals.
Whether or not Kevin was serious about his threats to confront zoo staff ends up being a moot point.
"Everyone loves it there," he tells you. He smiles and you can hear the relief in his voice.
"Good," you tell him, but he just blinks at you, unsure of what you said.
"Huh?"
You flap a hand at him and gently roll your eyes: never mind.
The four of you go back to the mammals—this time looking at the deer and the antelope. You see a giraffe’s head peering over its fence as you look around. You raise your hand in a little wave. As you begin to wonder how to convince everyone to go back to the beavers, Ryan announces that he wants ice cream.
Ice cream it is then.
After paying for your overpriced zoo ice cream—the Homelander orders for you—the four of you go and sit down to eat. You eye Kevin’s ice cream, a bright blue that can only be cotton candy with a big candy dolphin on top, and wonder briefly if you should have gotten that instead. You pull your hood up, hiding most of your face, pull down your mask, and begin to eat your own. I take it back , you think as you take the first bite of your rainbow sherbet. This is delicious .
"Are you enjoying your day so far?" the Homelander asks. Ryan nods happily, grinning a chocolate ice cream-smile. Kevin stands up and gently bangs his head with the side of his hand.
— Ouch, Buster says. — B-b-b-brain ff-ffffreeze. But you both exchange a grin.
"What was the best part?"
"The aquarium!" Ryan says. "All the stuff Kevin told me was really interesting!"
You look over at the Homelander, who shoots you another despairing look. You shove the last bite of sherbet into your mouth and hold the spoon there with your mouth, leaving both hands free for a shrug.
"It sure was," he says, the smile on his face seeming more and more like a cry for help.
Something hits you on the head. You pull your mask up and your hood down, and feel a drop of water hit your head. And another, and another. You pull your hood back up just as the heavens open and the downpour starts. You stand up to throw away your ice cream up, and you can see the lens of your sunglasses covering your good eye is spattered with water; you can barely see through it. You sit back down and take your glasses off, hanging them on your T-shirt.
"It’s okay dad," Ryan says, wiping his wet hair out of his face. "I don’t mind if it rains, I still want to keep looking at the animals!"
"We can always go back to the aquarium," Kevin pipes up helpfully. "It’ll be dry in there."
Without waiting for Ryan’s reaction, the Homelander stands up and grabs his son’s hand. He extends the other one to you. You set your ice cream cup on the bench, and take it. He hoists you up, and you reflexively assume the "damsel position": his arm goes around your waist and your arms go around his neck. You’re the damsel in distress, and he’s your Prince Charming. As you take off, eyes wrenched shut against the rain, you hear Ryan shout, "What about Kevin?"
"It’s alright," the Homelander says. "He’s got the car keys."