Chapter Text
The date was April 15th, 2023. Ni-ki had reached what he considered his lowest point. No matter how the company had tried to limit his access to social media he still saw all the hate. He saw every mean word, every ill wish, and every comment telling him to end it all. Though what really sent him over the edge was when staff members started suggesting he don’t interact with certain members on camera as often. Specifically Sunoo, the hyung he cherished most of all. The one who let him sleep in his bed. The one who was always looking out for him. The one who he told everything to. The one who he needed most at the time. Though they said nothing about when the cameras were off, they hardly ever weren’t being filmed, he knew what it meant. Now he was alone.
The air is cool here, he thought. He looked below him at the Han river. He had always enjoyed visiting the river, it made him feel free. So he thought it poetic that it would also be his escape. He carefully climbed over the railing, standing on the small ledge. He took a breath in, one of his final breaths. He would soon let go of the railing, the only thing keeping him from his death. In 3…2…1
An arm suddenly wrapped around him. “Wait.” Ni-ki froze, he wasn’t sure why, he didn’t know this boy. “Please, let me go.” His voice sounded weak, all his determination to jump suddenly leaving him. The other boy spoke again, “No.” The boy started to pull him up and back over the railing. “I’ll do it myself, please let go.” the boy changed his grip allowing Ni-ki to step over the rail and onto the bridge. “Why?” was all the boy said after he finally dropped the other’s arm. And Ni-ki sighed, “It’s a long story, I’m fine now. You can leave.”
The boy didn’t seem pleased by this answer. “I have time. Besides, how am I supposed you won’t try that again?” Ni-ki sighed again, “Can we do this somewhere less public?” He asked, looking at the cars passing by them. The boy smiled, he had a beautiful smile, and a beautiful everything…wait, what? “Sure, I know a good cafè. Want to go there, it's about five minutes away?” Ni-ki nodded.
He didn’t know why he was listening to this boy, normally he would never trust a stranger. For some reason though he felt safe with him, maybe because he had stopped him from jumping. But he was rather upset about that, he still wanted to die. Why couldn’t he die? Why had this random boy saved him? Why was this happening to him?
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“So, tell me everything.” Ni-ki scoffed as the pair sat in a booth. “I don’t even know your name,” The boy nodded, “Haneul, Lim Haneul, but my friends call me Hann. And yours?” the dancer paused for a moment, then decided, screw it. “Riki, Nishimura Riki…Where should I start?” The boy, Lim Haneul, smiled gently. “How about whenever you first felt like this?” Ni-ki thought for a moment, when had this all started? Was it i-Land? No, it was sooner.
“I came here from Japan to be an idol. During my trainee days, everyone was against me. Until I met my best friends. Then I was okay again,” Lim Haneul nodded. “How old were you?” He asked. “Thirteen.” “I could never do that. You must be very brave. I’ve never even left Korea and I’m almost eighteen,” Ni-ki liked the way he said it. It made him seem like he had overcome some huge feat, even though he had not.
“Then, I was picked for a survival show…People were not kind to me. Sure I had a few of my friends, but I hardly spoke the language and everyone thought I was a selfish brat…Maybe I was. But it still hurt, all the harsh criticism. I made it though. I debuted, I achieved my dream…but I left my friends behind and had to live with some new ones.” Lim Haneul was watching him with so much care in his eyes it hurt. “Riki, that honestly sounds like hell. You were just a kid, and had to go through all of that. I’m so sorry,” Ni-ki felt tears flow down his cheeks. He wiped them before the other could see and continued his story.
“My hyungs were…are great. They really took care of me. My Sunoo hyung was so kind to me. I told him everything, he was my best friend. We did everything together. And my Jay hyung is so fun to annoy, it's so easy to get on his nerves.. And Jake hyung always makes time to play games with me, even when he’s tired. And Heeseung hyung will play video games with me. And Jungwon hyung helps me lie to the hyungs when I’m pranking them. And Sunghoon hyung always practices with me. And…I’m rambling, sorry.” Ni-ki looked at Lim Haneul, who was smiling. It made him lightly smile too.
“They sound lovely. Can I ask why you referred to your Sunoo hyung in the past tense? Did something happen?” Ni-ki’s smile faded, remembering why they were here. “Kind of, you could say that. Sunoo hyung and I were really close. He let me sleep in his bed when I couldn’t sleep. He and I were always together, so naturally we were always together. Hyung is the type of person to light up the room he walks in. He is so bright, our fans think so too. They…they thought our ‘fighting’ was me bullying him. They attacked me online…but it got better. Until recently…recently things got a lot worse. They started telling me to kill myself. And that everything would be perfect without me. And…I guess I started to believe them”
Haneul looked at him confused. “No matter what happened there is no reason any person should be told that. You deserve to be in this world” Ni-ki looked down “I…I don’t know. It was my fault though…I apologized but that wasn’t good enough. The comments were bad, obviously, so my manager suggested I don’t interact with hyung on camera anymore. The comments all talk about how everyone would be happier if I wasn’t here. So I wanted them to be happy. Is that so wrong?” The other boy looked so sad. “They would all miss you so much. And what about your family back in Japan?” Ni-ki let his tears fall this time. “I-I didn’t think about that. I just want them to be happy…I don’t want to be a burden.”
“Riki, I promise they don’t think you’re a burden. You are their friend, they care about you. You aren’t burdening them by simply existing. If your fans can’t see that then they are idiots. Besides, you can let people who you have never met own your life, though I’m sure that’s easier said than done.” The boy looked at the other directly once more and realized he was crying.
“Can I hug you? You seem like you could use one.” Ni-ki nodded and the boy next to him pulled him into a tight hug. He cried into his shoulder. “Th-Thank you.” Haneul nodded, and the pair sat in the hug a bit longer. Ni-ki was unsure as to why this boy, this random boy, had saved him. He must be an angel, he definitely looked the part with his natural dark hair and dark eyes that looked like they held a whole other universe. And he acted like one too, the kindness that radiated from him was almost overbearing. The way he had just sat and listened to a complete strange ramble about their life. And the way he had just saved a complete stranger’s life. He was angelic. Maybe that’s why Ni-ki felt safe with him.
The pair made their way out of the café and down the street toward Enhypen’s dorms. A few blocks away they stopped. “It's probably good if you leave me here. Otherwise my hyungs might freak out.” Hann laughed but nodded. “Here is my phone number, I want daily updates. I want to help you get through this, yeah?” Ni-ki nodded at the angelic boy. “Thank you for listening to me.” Hann smiled again, “Of course, text me if you ever need to talk to someone, Riki.” Ni-ki nodded and went to leave before turning to say one last thing, “My friends call me Ni-ki.”