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When Bill arrived for their date (a walk through the woods to one of the sumptuous dinners he liked to lay out for them to enjoy), Dipper was steeled for an argument. Although he loved to spend time alone with Bill in the woods, especially now that such dates usually ended with the two of them making love under the stars (not that Bill would call it making love, of course), the newest movie in his favorite horror series had just been released, and he didn’t want to see it alone. Both Mabel and Soos hated horror movies, Grunkle Ford couldn't help but point out inaccuracies constantly, and Grunkle Stan simply didn’t care - “If I want to see an insane monster for two hours, I’ll call up your boyfriend and insult him, kid” had been his response when Dipper asked him to go.
That left only Bill, since Wendy had stayed at school for the summer semester, and anyway, going with her to a movie would have made Bill even more irrationally jealous of her than he already was. Bill’s body was the only flaw in this plan.
Mabel had brought up the idea a few weeks ago, and Bill had neatly shot her down, not particularly gently but thankfully not cruelly. Dipper had no doubt that Bill would be more gentle with telling him no. However, Dipper had no intention of taking no for an answer.
Sitting cross-legged on his bed with a facsimile of a medieval bestiary spread over his lap, Dipper didn’t flinch when Bill popped into existence beside him. He didn’t even look up. “Hey, babe,” he said, thumbing to another page.
“Pine Tree,” Bill murmured, sliding his arms around Dipper’s waist and pulling the human into his lap. “What’s that you’re reading?”
“Bestiary,” Dipper replied. “This one’s supposed to be mostly mythological animals.”
“Yeah? Want me to tell you which ones are real and which ones aren’t?” His breath was cool on Dipper’s neck, fingers of one hand rubbing circles into Dipper’s hip.
“Maybe later.” Dipper shut the book and, laying it carefully aside, twisted around to kiss the demon.
When they pulled apart, Bill sighed happily, the love-struck expression looking out of place on his nightmarish face. “Kissing is the best thing humans have ever thought up,” he said.
“I don’t know about that,” said Dipper with a laugh. “Uh, but there is something else humans have thought up that looks pretty cool.”
“Oh?” Bill seemed more interested in toying with the hem of Dipper’s t-shirt than actually listening to what the boy said.
“Yeah,” Dipper continued, unfazed. “You remember those two movies we watched last week?”
Bill paused and looked up at Dipper, confused. “Teenage Satan?”
“And Teenage Satan II: Prom Night.”
“I remember,” said Bill, frowning. “Why?”
“Well, there’s another one that just came out today,” said Dipper, unable to contain his excitement. “And I thought maybe we could go see it instead of our usual walk and dinner, since I know you conjure up dinner just before we get to the clearing-”
“What! How did you know that?” Bill demanded.
Dipper raised his eyebrows. “You nearly burned the Shack down when I let you help me make pasta,” said Dipper flatly.
Bill’s face flushed gold. “That was a great fire!”
“Bill, that - that’s definitely not the point.” Dipper huffed. “I want us to go see the new one, and I want you to look like a normal human when we do it.”
“That’s all? Geez, Pine Tree, you had me worried for a minute.” He removed one of his hands from where it had rested on the curve of Dipper’s ass and snapped his fingers. There was a loud pop! that made Dipper jerk backwards, and he would have toppled off the side of the bed were it not for Bill’s new pair of arms catching him tight by the waist and pulling him closer.
“Holy fucking shit,” Dipper said, taking in Bill’s new form. Now undeniably human in appearance, he had long, shining black hair and smooth ochre skin; dark, languid eyes peered back at Dipper from beneath heavy eyelids, from above his long, large nose. He was much shorter, too, closer now to Dipper’s height but thickly built and muscular. And God, he was warm, radiating a delicious heat against Dipper’s body.
Bill scratched his nose as Dipper continued to stare. “It’s been centuries since I used this form,” he said. “I don’t know if I’ve updated it enough. I know humans don’t like sloped foreheads anymore, but...” He opened his mouth wide, revealing teeth filed sharp. He pressed at the points with his fingers. “I thould prob’ly fix theeth, thouldn’t I?”
“Don’t you dare,” said Dipper, hooking his thumbs inside Bill’s cheeks and holding the demon’s mouth open as he peered inside. “That’s hot. Oh my god, that’s hot. You’re hot.” He paused. He had said it before, but it always bore repeating. “Don’t you dare bite me.”
Bill raised one perfect eyebrow and lapped at Dipper’s fingers with a tongue of a perfectly normal length and color, making him jerk back in surprise and release his grip on Bill’s mouth. “Please, Pine Tree,” he said, running a hand through his thick black hair, “You know I wouldn’t bite you. Unless you wanted me to, of course,” he added with a wink.
The noise that came out of Dipper’s mouth was definitely not a word, but how could he be expected to speak coherently with Bill sitting there smirking at him? Luckily, Bill didn’t mind the sudden dip in conversation quality. He cupped Dipper’s face with his broad hands and pulled the boy into a chaste kiss that quickly turned hard and desperate. Before he knew it Bill had pushed him back onto the bed and pushed a knee against his groin, giving him something to rut against while Bill tried his best to kiss the breath out of Dipper.
Not only did they fail to make the movie (the 8:15 and the 10:30), they failed to think of dinner until midnight had passed, and Dipper ended up sitting stripped of his shirt and his binder in Bill’s lap, eating a bowl of conjured mac and cheese and feeling, overall, quite pleased with how their date had turned out - even if he hadn’t gotten to see Teenage Satan III: Spring Break Slaying.