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Things I'm Not Allowed to Do in Teyvat
Summary:
The name speaks for itself.
Notes:
Feel free to add your own in the comments
Work Text:
- An Abyss Mage is not an appropriate date to the Lantern Rite prom.
- Telling Teucer what Childe really does for a living would hurt Teucer more than it would hurt Childe, so I shouldn’t say anything.
- No matter how pissed I am at Childe.
- I will stop giving Diona advice on how to make terrible drinks.
- Selling Albert fake tickets to a Barbara concert was only funny the first time.
- I should stop telling Fischl to look for the Immernachtreich in the back of my wardrobe.
- Even though she keeps falling for it.
- I am not allowed to arrange fish blasting contests.
- Paimon is not emergency food.
- Neither is Guoba, even though he has a food name.
- Baron Bunny is DEFINITELY not suitable for consumption.
- I will not refer to the other adventurers as cannon fodder.
- The Alcor does not do parties, so I should stop asking Beidou to let me rent it out.
- Teaching Raiden Shogun to cook was a mistake.
- I will not feed Timmie his own birds.
- I should not tell Xiangling that I think Brook’s cooking is better.
- Especially while at Wanmin Restaurant.
- I will not ask Draff if he’s gotten over his drinking problem yet.
- Especially if we’re in public.
- This goes double if Diona is in earshot.
- Wanmin Restaurant does not have a “secret menu”, so I should stop trying to order off it.
- I will not lick Cryo-based enemies.
- Opening any treasure chests when Bennett is around is bound to end poorly for both of us.
- Starting a betting pool on which Harbinger is going to die next is neither clever nor advisable.
- Likewise, I will not rig the system in favor of Dottore’s death by informing Tighnari of what happened to Collei.
- I will not insinuate that Geo is the weakest element.
- I should not try to reopen the Delusion factory.
- I will not comment on how no one’s seen Diluc and the Darknight Hero in the same room together.
- The proper way to report to Jean is “You wished to speak with me, Acting Grand Master?” and not “I have it on good authority that you have no proof.”
- Aaru Village is not “a wretched hive of scum and villainy.”
- I will not help Klee get out of solitary confinement.
- I should not tell the Fontainians that they lost all their wars.
- I will not make fun of people without Visions.
- Especially if they’re from Inazuma.
- I will not start a discussion on whether eating a hilichurl counts as cannibalism.
- Regardless of whether it counts as cannibalism, I will not eat a hilichurl.
- It is generally understood that one should lure Timmie away from the bridge BEFORE killing any of his birds.
- I should not tell Al Haitham that the movie was better.
- When asked what a Delusion does, loudly proclaiming “It does DEATH!” is technically a correct answer but generally inadvisable.
- Forcing Azar to attend any shows at Zubayr Theater will end poorly for all parties involved.
- Sending the Knights of Favonius on a wild goose chase (slime chase?) was only funny the first time.
- Nahida does not enjoy being reminded of the time she spent in the Sanctuary of Surasthana.
- Paimon does not like being called Iris.
- Likewise, there is no connection between Windrise and the supposed Tree of Life.
- On a somewhat related note, I should not tell Amber that she looks better in blue, as this just confuses her.
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