Chapter Text
As I leave my beloved L.A. to start a new life in the middle of nowhere, I try to distract myself, counting the number of backyard pools I can see through that little rounded rectangle. It’s impossible not to miss 1 or 100. I wonder if there’s pools at all in Indiana. I wouldn’t be entirely surprised to find out that there aren’t.
About 30 minutes into the flight, I stopped thinking that this dinky little airplane might probably fall out of the sky with me inside it. I had, after all, much more to think about during this five-hour flight.
“Though we have faith and reasonable hope for forgiveness, we must each face the fact that our actions create a banquet of consequences” Father Brennan had told me, and his voice still echoes in my head now. “In your case, you might think that this is a mean supper, but you chose it”
And that I did.
That aforementioned supper had beautiful blue eyes, golden skin, a sharp jawline and sweet words. I was a goner. How could I say no?
At some point, we hit some mild turbulence. Just like my life. This is what this is. Turbulence.
“No plane has ever crashed from turbulence” The man on the aisle seat, white knuckled on the arm rest, tells me, or perhaps reminds himself “They are made to endure it.”
If he is right, then what is turbulent is ultimately harmless. Like a dog that barks, but never bites. It’s scarry but passes. I tell myself I too, was made to endure it. But the turbulence intensifies, and all six-plus feet of him stiffen. And suddenly I'm not so sure if I believe him or not.
Perhaps, if this plane really fell - and me to my death with it - it wouldn’t be that bad. If it was the kind of crash that left no survivors, it wouldn’t matter that I didn’t pay that much attention when the staff gave us the safety instructions. If I had to fight for my life, I’m not sure I would.
“This is for the best.” My dad had told me, avoiding my eyes altogether. He meant the best for him, for our family name. Not necessarily what’s best for me or for the baby. After that, he only said “Don’t be late for your flight.” As in, I’m not gonna pay for another if you miss this one. He did not hug me goodbye like mom and my sister Elaine did. He was never much of a hugger.
I was dragging my two heavily stuffed suitcases along the Indianapolis International Airport’s shinny floors when I spotted Reverend Case. He was holding a sign that read “Elizabeth Dunne”, to make sure I wouldn’t miss him. I wouldn’t anyway, it was hard to miss a reverend at an airport.
“My dear, you look just like your mother” Reverend had said. I take it as a compliment, even if I think that my mom's features all funneled down to my sister. “You’ve grown so much.” I can’t comment on the change of his appearance, he moved out of L.A. when I was very little. Though I could guess his hair wasn’t as grey and thin back then. “Is this it?” He asks, nodding at my suitcases, as if those two, even filled to the brim as they were, weren’t enough to start a new life on. They probably weren’t.
“For now, yes.” I say, offering a polite smile as the Reverend takes them from me, though I’m not sure if I'll ever be able to go back home for the rest of my things. Don’t know if they’ll be there if I ever do.
“Well, we have quite a little drive ahead of us. If you need to use the restroom, I advise you to go now.”
“Yes, please excuse me.” I take the kind offering. I’ve been needing the bathroom more frequently each day. My bladder grows smaller the bigger my uterus gets, I'm told.
I take the opportunity to fix my hair but when I look at my own reflection, I have to fight back the tears with deep breaths. This is really happening. It’s the beginning of a new life I'm not at all excited for. I’m still mourning the loss of my old one.
A little drive turns into an hour and twenty-eight minutes. That is the distance between Indianapolis and Hawkins, my new home. It’s at least refreshing to know that civilization is only an hour drive away.
Maybe it’s because I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings, but when I least expect it, we’re in Hawkins already. It’s grey and shabby. There are a few people out, walking their dogs. An old man sits on a green metal bench reading a newspaper. A woman waters the flower boxes outside a hardware store, through whose window I see exactly zero costumers. At least there’s signs of life elsewhere.
We pass a few empty storefronts when I ask, “Is there any pools here?” I’m not even that into swimming anymore, and there’s probably a million other things I should worry about, but I had this question stuck in my mind.
“There’s a community pool, yes” Community pool. That’s something, I guess.
Reverend Case drives us straight to his little Church. A woman in her 50s walks out the back door as soon as she hears the car approaching. She dresses and looks like one of those ladies that are always at the church, always happy to help.
“You must be Elizabeth” She greets me with a smile and a firm handshake “Mr. Munson is waiting for you inside.”
Mr. Munson stands up when I walk into the little vestibule, flanked by reverend Case and the woman that never told me her name. He’s taller than me, with the kind of face you might describe as boyish, if not for how tired he looks. He had the care of tying his hair back and wearing what I'm going to assume is his only blazer, just like I had the care of wearing my best white dress. A dress that once fitted me perfectly and now, if I'm being completely honest, is a bit tight. But It’s my wedding after all. Our wedding. So best white dress it is.
He takes one look at me, before averting his gaze to his own shoes. Sneakers.
“Mr. Eddie Munson, this is Ms. Elizabeth Dunne.” Reverend Case introduces us.
Mr. Eddie Munson hesitates but ends up offering a hand for me to shake.
“Lizzie.” I tell him, because I might as well. “Everyone calls me Lizzie.” He nods.
“Eddie’s uncle is waiting by the altar.” The woman offers, to fill the silence. Reverend Case lets out a breath.
“Well, we’ll just leave you two to get acquainted a moment” The Reverend says, starting to retreat. The woman hesitates, noticing how neither me nor Mr. Munson have moved a single muscle.
“Edward, why don’t you pour some water for Lizzie?” She suggests.
“Yes, ma'am.” He replies, his head down his voice small.
“We’ll be inside when you’re ready” The Reverend announces, finally taking his leave.
Edward has to go through me to get the jar of water and the cups, and he hesitates at first. I hear the glasses clinking against the jar when he pours. He must be shaking. At least I’m not the only one.
“Thank you.” I say when he hands me the glass. He’s holding one himself. I might not be able to suppress an ironic laugh if he proposes a toast. To us, I imagine. But all that follows is silence, that I feel the need to fill, in order to get this over with as quickly as we can. Like ripping a band-aid off. “Mr. Munson-”
“Eddie” He corrects me, his voice gentle. “please”
“Eddie.” I parrot. “Now that you’ve had the chance to meet me, to see me in person, do you have any doubts?” As in are you sure you want to do this, because it could be your last chance to back out>/em>
“No, ma’am.” He was quick to reply. “Are you-” He cleared his throat, loosened his collar. “Are you having second thoughts?”
“No.” I replied, as quickly as Eddie had done. I can’t afford second thoughts, I’m already here. All the decisions had already been made for me.
“You know why I'm doing this?” I had to ask.
“Yes.” He said. “And you know why I'm doing this?”
“Yes.” I let out a breath, readying myself for the most important question right now “Do you think you’ll be able to love the baby?”
“Oh, I do.” Eddie says, matter-of-factly. He’s sure of it and I envy him for that. I'm not sure I love this baby, at least not yet.
“Is there anything else you’d like to ask me?”
“No- It’s just... They didn’t tell me.” he said. “They didn’t tell me you’d be this pretty.” He sounded sincere, so much so that, despite everything, I smiled, and had to look down to hide the blush.
“They didn’t tell me anything about you either.” A good man, around my age, with a steady job and set to inherit a property. It was all they said. It was more than enough to convince my father to send me away.
“You’re so pretty, I can’t believe no man- I can’t believe any man would do this to you.” To that I had no answer, because I could hardly believe it myself.