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12:23, 12:49, 1:10, 1:36. The minutes crept by like hours as Jon was willing himself to fall asleep. He had been in bed for easily 3 hours already, and hadn’t slept a wink. Not that he didn’t want to, he had tried, but he couldn’t shake the persistent flow of thoughts to his brain enough to fall asleep. Not the stream of knowledge that he was used to, as he was cut off from the Eye here. These were more general thoughts, thoughts that would keep any average adult up at night. Eventually, he gave up trying to fall asleep, no point in ignoring the thoughts anymore.
He sat up in bed as carefully as he could without waking the sleeping Martin beside him. He didn’t seem to notice, and just continued snoring. Jon chuckled silently as he tugged on his boots. He wanted to let Martin know where he was going so he didn’t worry, but he didn’t want to disturb the peaceful slumber he was in. There wasn’t much opportunity for sleep in the hell outside, and Jon knew that he deserved this. He deserved the whole world, but a good night's sleep would have to do for now.
He stood up and carefully started towards the door. He, very slowly, turned the handle on the sturdy oak door to avoid any squeaky hinges. He glanced back at Martin, who was undisturbed.
He slowly closed the door and started down the hallway. He had no idea where Salesa was, if he even slept for that matter, and less so Annabelle. Salesa had even said even he didn’t know where she was half the time, which did nothing to ease Jon’s anxiety. Luckily, he made it to the back door of the house without seeing Salesa or Annabelle, and made minimal noise while doing it.
He stepped outside, letting the cool night air into his lungs. He found a mostly secluded area on the side of the property, a nice amount of trees, but not enough to cover the brilliant night sky. Jon couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen the stars, there certainly weren’t any in the apocalypse and the light pollution in London didn’t do them much justice either.
He laid down, letting the soft grass surround him. It was just him, the grass, and the stars. It was… indescribable. He had never taken the time to properly appreciate the small things in the natural world that he took for granted, until, of course, they weren’t there anymore.
He was startled from his trance by a figure looming over him. He jumped up, startled. “Just me.” The figure said
Jon sighed with relief, it was just Martin. “Hey,” he said softly, “I didn’t wake you, did I?”
“No, I just woke up, realized you weren’t there, and assumed this is where you went.”
Jon’s eyes adjusted to the dim light and he saw that Martin was standing before him, wrapped in a blanket with some major bedhead. He couldn’t help it, he started to laugh.
Martin was not amused. “And what, may I ask, is so funny?”
“Nothing, you’re just cute.” Jon chuckled.
Martin rolled his eyes. “Ha ha.” He stepped forward and took a seat on the grass next to Jon. He unraveled himself from his blanket burrito, and wrapped it around his and Jon’s shoulders. Jon inched closer, and laid his head on Martin’s shoulder. Martin planted a soft kiss on his head. “Everything alright?”
Jon shrugged. “Don’t really know. There’s just… a lot”
“Hey, I get that. Nice to see the stars, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Jon replied, his voice trailing off.
“...and?”
“It’s my fault we don’t see them anymore.”
“Don’t say that. You know that’s not true”
“It is, though.” he said, a bit sharper than he had intended.
Martin showed no sign of being affected. “There is no way you could’ve known. How anyone would’ve known for that matter.”
“How do you know?”
Martin scoffed. “Oh, please. How many people's first thoughts when they read something like that are ‘Hm, maybe this will start an apocalypse’? Hm?”
“I guess. Still hurts though.”
“Of course it will. Grief doesn’t just go away, especially something like this.”
Jon sighed, thinking about how he wanted to phrase his next words. “It’s also the fact that everyone around us is suffering in their worst nightmare, and me, the harbinger of this new world gets to be here, in paradise, with anything I’d ever need.”
“Think of it this way. After we recuperate, we are making our way to the Panopticon to solve this. They won't have to suffer much longer.”
“What if we can’t?” He said, his voice starting to break. “What if we fail? These people will suffer for the rest of eternity, in some of the least humane ways possible, and it will all be my fau-”
He was cut off by Martin pulling him into a tight hug. Jon sniffed away tears and buried his head into Martin’s chest, his embrace slowly getting tighter. This is exactly what he needed right now. Nothing but the calming embrace of the man he loved, his head resting on top of Jon’s, planting soft kisses on the top of his head.
“There’s no way I can change how you feel," Martin said, "Even though I wish more than anything that I could. All I can tell you is that we will get through this, one way or another. And I will be by your side every step of the way.”
Words could not express how much Jon loved this man. He buried his head farther into Martin, not wanting this moment to end.
Martin chuckled softly at this. “Come on. Let’s get you back to bed.” He started to get up, but Jon’s grip held firm. “Jon.” Martin said, amusement in his voice. “It’s cold outside, and I’m tired.”
Jon shook his head defiantly.
Martin sighed. “Look, you can stay out here if you want, but I’m going inside.”
Jon groaned and reluctantly got up. Martin chuckled, and wrapped the blanket around Jon’s shoulders. They made their way back to the house, Jon taking one last look at the dazzling night sky, and went inside, Martin's hand firmly clenched in his.